Crying after abuse..again

[Guest]

keep thinking maybe they don't know how much i talked back to him. So therefore maybe it is my fault.

 

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

 

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

 

 

It is NOT your fault.

 

It is NOT YOUR FAULT.

 

There is NO ACCEPTABLE REASON TO HIT SOMEONE. None. ZERO.

 

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

 

Nobody is allowed to hit someone just because they didn't like what the person said. NOBODY.

 

NOBODY.

 

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

 

He has got BIG problems. He does NOT understand that HITTING PEOPLE IS EVIL.

 

He will HURT YOUR CHILDREN which is why you MUST stay away.

 

It is NOT YOUR FAULT and it most certainly is NOT your kids' faults.

[cryinginside]

Well he is back to calling again only now he calls blocked. But i still don't answer, i know its him. I get sad but i keep telling myself he will never have any type of life for us. There is no point going back to him if i always tell myself i could never live with him. That would be pointless. Its just so hard. I am going to keep trying.

[swirly27]

Crying, thats exactly what you need to do, is keep NC'ing him. He is bad bad news for you and your kids. But you need to get really close with friends and family now because the simple fact that you feel like he is worthy of your love and life is a problem, and how you let him treat you all this time. You need to re-learn that you are wonderful and deserve respect and love, just like any of us do.....you need to work on you and making yourself feel good. Friends and family can be great for that. Thank god for my mom cause she makes me feel the best about myself....my aunt too. I have friends too, but everyone has those certain people that always makes them feel the best about themselves. Talk to those people!!

[cryinginside]

I have a very supportive family, especially my mom and dad. ANd they keep telling me he doesn't deserve me and I can do so much better. I don't really have friends anymore because he chased them all away along time ago. My best friend came back around after me and him broke up last time but then she just disappeared again. I don't even have a number for her anymore, he erased that out of my phone. People at work want to hang out but they are all about 5 years younger then me and only thinking about getting drunk and hooking up with people. I don't know.

[cryinginside]

UGH!!! So what do ya know i went out and drank with a bunch of girls from work and where did i end up?! Yep over at his house!!! I left after 45 min because i just knew it wasn't right, but we had sex first. So i just don't know what is wrong with me. He wouldn't let me have my purse back so i had to call the cops to get that and he still stole my money and cigarettes!! I don't know why i did it.

[Craig]

UGH!!! So what do ya know i went out and drank with a bunch of girls from work and where did i end up?! Yep over at his house!!! I left after 45 min because i just knew it wasn't right, but we had sex first. So i just don't know what is wrong with me. He wouldn't let me have my purse back so i had to call the cops to get that and he still stole my money and cigarettes!! I don't know why i did it.

 

It doesn't matter why you did it and in fact what you did is not uncommon for someone exiting an abusive relationship. Women in abusive relationships return an average of 7 times to their abuser before leaving permanently. You slipped, you regret what you did and now it's time to get back on the NC wagon.

 

You can look at this as a positive experience as well.

 

Now you have undeniable proof that he's a jerk not worthy of breathing the same air that you do.

[HoldOn]

Sounds a lot like quitting smoking. I know it's killing me, but I still love it. I quit two weeks ago. After one week, I had way to much to drink and smoked on a Saturday night. I can't beat yourself up for it. Just use it as a reminder of why I hate smoking and it's killing me. So, use your one slip up as a reminder of why you have to quit him.

[cryinginside]

I know i just hate the fact that i am weak. I didn't want to go over there sober but yet drunk i will. I also found out today that his electricity is still in my name and i know he won't pay it. I am having it disconnected tomorrow so i am sure he will be quite angry at me when he figures it out. He had me swear on everything and my kids i would never disconnect it but it is already darn near 500 dollars. THey said since i didnt' live there i could press charges on him for using my social. I don't know i just feel guilty about all of this.

[HoldOn]

He's a grown man. It's not your job to take care of him. You take care of yourself, right? Would you expect anyone to pay YOUR electric bill for you? No, it's ridiculous.

 

When I was dating my ex-bf, I had to take on two jobs, because he was incapable of getting just one. At the time, I wasn't angry about it, but now I realize that he was just taking advantage of me. It wasn't my responsibility to take care of him!

[cryinginside]

I agree completly that he was taking advantage of me. He would only have a job for maybe a day and a half, at the most one month. THe last 6 mos he hasn't worked at all, he gets an SSI check once a month, cigarettes and food i had to supply for him. His big thing was the year before when i was making only around 400 he had to "help" pay the bills. Now i am paying everything and i know i should walk away and count my blessings i can walk away and hold on to some money. I am so broke because of all this i averaged that i spent around 600 a month on him for food and cigarettes. THat didn't factor in when he needed 75.00 pair of jeans and a 40 shirt along with new shoes every few mos that were of course name brand!! I guess it was my fault i let him get away with it.

[Madaline]

Gezz..what a creep and 1/2. Well there is nothing that you can do now because thats all in the past BUT you can start now and just leave so your children and yourself can have a better life. Feeling sorry for yourself and guilty isn't going to make one difference on whether or not he hits you. He's going to do it anyway and one day your children are going to feel what is like when you get hit. I'm glad that your seeking help on this because its the right thing to do. Just make sure you follow thru with it and stop seeing him.

[HoldOn]

Yes, just keep on the path. Everyday, you're making a step toward freedom.

 

My family had to have an intervention to get me away from my ex. And I know how you fall into the trap of buying him things. Once, he convinced me to buy him a used van! I was flat broke, but he knew I had credit cards and he got me into 30,000 worth of debt (not just the van, but everything). that was five years ago and I am not quite out of debt yet, although I am working hard. I even tried to sue him for the money he owed me and he declared bankruptcy to get out of paying me.

 

I'll never get back the money he stole from me, but the sooner you get out of the relationship, the sooner you can build your life back.

[cryinginside]

Yes lots of debt he caused. I can see the difference it is without having him in my life money wise. I am now able to save my money from waitressing and pay my own bills. I finally paid my cell phone bill that was off for over a month because i couldn't afford to pay it. Yet he had everything he needed!!! I am trying, my family is worried he will come after us. I don't know if he will I am just trying to take it day by day and not worry about him.

[Island Girl]

I keep thinking of different stuff. LIke how after all that happened and i went to him in the middle of the night

 

When you came back after all that had happened he knew he had to bring your self-esteem down some more. The sick goal is to break you down so much that you cower, take abuse from him, and NEVER leave when he does it again.

 

first he smacked me then called me names, then after "checking me" had me to take a shower cuz he swore i was nasty

 

More pushing to rob you of more self-esteem.

 

then had me come out and rub his feet then have sex with him

 

He robbed you of dignity and self-respect. The weirdo gets his kicks out of that. It is terrible. Horrible.

 

Afterwards he told me i had a lot to prove if i wanted to be with me. It was almost like he got some type of power out of doing that stuff to me.

 

He knows you must realize he is pathetic worthless scum.

He doesn't work - he knows a MAN wouldn't do what he does - and he knows that if you realize this being the girl you were when you MET him, you wouldn't be with him. I'm sure you've changed quite a bit in the time you have been with him.

He is insuring that, when in the recesses of your mind there is a spark that says "this isn't right, you are a loser for doing this to me, and I want out!", you second guess yourself.

He makes sure your self-esteem is so low that you feel like - if this guy is such a loser and HE isn't devoted to me - I am crap to him - I must not be able to get any better. He is wrong of course.

 

But that is why the abuse doesn't start out this bad. It starts small. If he had beaten you and treated you like this when you met him, you wouldn't be with him. Abusers break you down over time.

 

If you hadn't come back - the cycle of crying and begging would have started. This serves the purpose of making you feel sorry for him and even sharing the blame for what he did. He does this ongoing until you are back and he can begin breaking you down again.

 

This didn't happen because you went to your kid's fathers house. It could have been anything.

He would have found something he could use as an excuse.

He just wanted to take more from you. More self-esteem, more self-respect, etc. He wants ALL of it.

 

He even has you convinced your kids are a hindrance to another relationship. They aren't. There are men out there who would love your children and you.

 

You can find hapiness. But not with him around. You need to get yourself and your kids away from him. The counseling should help but your family is there too - and a lot of resources too.

 

And for a while, you need time to let the girl you used to be out -- remember her? the one you were before you met him? -- you need to find her and let her be out again. She is attractive, warm, and fun.

 

How do I know?

Because he wouldn't be trying so hard to get rid of her for good. Don't let him. Your kids are going to need you and the caring person you are at heart.

 

The sad truth is a lot of women get beaten down so much for so long that mentally they can't leave. So they cower and take it until there is severe physical damage because of it. Some don't get to leave until they come out in a body bag. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't let that happen.

 

Your family loves you because you are a worthwhile person. They know you and they truly love you. Your children love you. Let them and the resources out there help you. You are not alone.

[cryinginside]

Island Girl your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for taking the time to write. You are absolutley right about how he just tries to break me down. I am doing good at staying away and keeping busy at work and with the girls. I try to forget everything he said to me the bad and the good but it is so hard. I guess it will just take sometime for me to return completly back to my old self. He has left me alone, for now. My family is still worried he will come to the house and literally kill me. I don't think he will go to that extreme but I do get nervous driving out anywhere he could see me. I just need to be strong. Everytime i get doubt i come back and read all the posts that have been left for me because I know people, people who don't know me, care.

[Island Girl]

Stay strong. I know it is hard but GOOD FOR YOU for doing it day by day. Your posts are even sounding better!

 

If you are nervous about going places alone, and I believe you do have reason to be, use the old fashioned 'buddy-system'. Arrange your schedule so that your parents, other family members, or friends can go with you.

 

In your weak moments, remember there are 24hr help lines available to you. We care -- THEY DO TOO and you can talk to someone who understands what you are going through anytime day or night.

 

Be prepared for whatever he is going to do. More than likely he is going to try the sad approach and say, "how can you do this to me", or whatever, to try to suck you in again. Please remember, saving yourself and your children is not doing anything TO him. And on that note, there is nothing you could ever do to him at this point that would even come close to what he did to you over the last two years.

 

He tried to make you feel worthless. But at the very bottom of your soul YOU KNOW YOU AREN'T. That is why you have fought like a lion to keep that little piece of you alive inside. You have more strength than you know. You just need to call on it and let it help you reach out to others who want to help you.

 

I think it is the greatest irony -- that after trying for two years to break your spirit and steal your power --- You get to reclaim YOUR power (it is in your name) and get it back from him!

[cryinginside]

well so much for doing good. I mean i didn't call him or anything but its almost one in the morning and i can't sleep. I keep thinking of him. I think it is because he called four or five times today private. I never answered but i knew who it was. I don't know why i waste my time even thinking of him but here i am doing it. UGH!!! I keep thinking of things he did or said good then i try to remind myself of the bad but it is not easy at all. I will keep trying though, somehow i will get through all of this.

[Gunny376]

How to Get Help and Leave an Abuser

 

If you are in an abusive relationship, you may be very frightened of leaving your abuser. You may wonder where you could go, how you are going to support yourself and your children and how you are going to keep your abuser from tracking you down.

 

It is important that you understand that there are available resources in your community which can come to your immediate aid when you do leave. These groups will educate and help you do everything within your power to legally protect yourself and your children from the abuser.

 

If possible, make an

emergency checklist and pack the items you will need when you do make the decision to leave. Start collecting the items on your checklist as soon as possible. If you have transportation, leave during a time when you know your partner will not miss you for a few hours. This will give you time to put distance between you and the abuser. If you do not have transportation, arrange to be picked up by a church member, police officer, friend or family member

 

Many victims of domestic violence may feel as if they are somehow to blame for the abuse they received. Victims will generally have a poor sense of self worth. There are many conflicting emotions wrapped up in a relationship and it is hard to understand how someone you love, and who professes to love you, could harm you. There are numerous women’s groups who will help, support and counsel you through the many emotions you will be feeling once you leave. It is important that you learn how to trust and confide your feelings to a friend, family member or counselor.

 

These individuals can do much to help you cope with your past and present, as well as teach you skills to move on with your life.

 

If your life is in danger and you do not have time to make arrangements, you should leave everything behind and flee. You can call 1-800-799-SAFE from any telephone and they will help to direct you to safe places in your area.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Warning Signs Someone May Be an Abuser

 

 

 

 

If you are in a new relationship, you may be wondering how you can tell if you are with someone who has the potential to be an abuser. Here is a list of warning signs which may help you identify if your new partner may be an abuser.

• He or she professes his or her undying love to you very soon in the relationship and comes across as genuinely warm and charming.
  
• He or she is overly suspicious and jealous of you and your activities.
  
• He or she may try to control your life. This may include trying to control where you go, who you see, what money you spend, what you wear, where you work and more.
  
• He or she may show a general lack of respect and a strong disliking to authority figures. This may be law officials, on the job managers, parents, clergy and more.
  
• He or she may exhibit a dual personality. One part of him or her is sweet, charming and youthful. The other part of him or her is angry, authoritative, and/or aggressively violent.
  
• He or she has hit, shoved, pinched, kicked or hurt you in the past.
  
• He or she has battered a former spouse or romantic interest.
  
• He or she is threatened by any successes you may have in your life, separate from him or her.
  
• Alcohol or drugs seem to aggravate his or her violent tendencies.
  
• He or she may somehow find a way to blame you for any disappointments that he or she may have.
  
• He or she may want to use sex as a way of making up after an explosive or violent outburst.
  
• He or she will put you down and try to embarrass you in public and/or private.
  
• He or she may experience road rage very frequently.
  
• He or she is very competitive and is a very sore loser.
  
• His or her word comes to mean nothing.
  
• He or she will try to isolate you from your family and friends.
  
• He or she may roughhouse on occasion, but you notice that he or she is getting more rough.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, help is available. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. They will direct you to safe places in your area where you can seek help.

 

 

 

Order of Protection

 

An Order of Protection is a legal document that is issued by a judge to help protect you from someone that is abusing you.

 

• The abuser can be ordered to leave a residence.

  
  

• The abuser can be ordered to stay away from your place of employment, your children’s school, your family and friend’s homes and other places you may frequent. The abuser can be ordered to not contact you. This can include letters, telephone calls, emails and leaving messages with friends and family.If the abuser violates any order put forth by the judge, he or she will be picked up by police and arrested. The only way to get the Order of Protection changed is for you to personally request it in court. Having an Order of Protection will give you high priority with the police if you call them in an emergency

  
  

• How Do I Get an Order of Protection? You can get an Order of Protection against an abuser in Criminal Court or in Family Court. Most court houses will have an office that provides free legal aid to victims of domestic violence. The free legal aid is provided by attorneys and law students.

  
  

• Criminal Court requires that an arrest must have been made regarding the abuse. Many times it is easier to get an Order of Protection through Family Court. If you do go through Family Court, this does not mean that your abuser will not be brought up for charges. Family Court is also the place where issues such as custody, visitation and child support is decided. The first thing you will do is go the courthouse in your area and obtain the petition for an Order of Protection. It is important that you remember to bring identification for yourself, as well as your abuser. This can include your abuser’s photo, place of employment, tag and driver’s licence number and addresses and phone numbers of your abuser’s family and friends.

  
  

What Will an Order of

Protection Actually Do?

 

An Order of Protection that is issued by a judge can do much to limit an abuser’s behavior.

 

 

Next, you will have to fill out the petition. Ask questions if you do not understand what you are reading. You should include details about the abuse you are receiving. If you would like, you can contact a woman’s advocacy group or organization and an employee will come and help you fill out the information. You will need to sign the petition in front of the clerk. A judge will then look over your petition and ask you questions if he or she feels inclined. Once the judge signs the petition, a copy will be delivered to the abuser via the local law enforcement. You should also keep at least two copies of the Order of Protection for your own records.

 

 

Your abuser has 30 days to request a hearing. If no request is made, your Order of Protection is generally valid for up to one year.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Battered Women’s Syndrome

Battered Women’s Syndrome is considered to be a form of Post-Traumatic Stress. Battered Women’s Syndrome is a recognized psychological condition that is used to describe someone who has been the victim of consistent and/or severe domestic violence. To be classified as a battered woman, a woman has to have been through two cycles of abuse.

 

What is a Cycle of Abuse?

 

A Cycle of abuse is abuse that occurs in a repeating pattern. Abuse is identifiable as being cyclical in two ways: it is both generational and episodic. Generational cycles of abuse are passed down, by example and exposure, from parents to children. Episodic abuse occurs in a repeating pattern within the context of at least two individuals within a family system. It may involve spousal abuse, child abuse, or even elder abuse. A son, who is repeatedly either verbally or physically abused by his father, will predictably treat his own children in the same way. When a daughter hears her mother frequently tear down, belittle, and criticize her father, she will adapt a learned behavior which involves control through verbal abuse. Similarly, a child who witnesses his parents engaging in abusive behaviors toward one another, will very likely subject his or her spouse to the same abusive patterns. These are examples of generational abuse.

 

 

The episodic cycle of abuse is characterized by distinct periods of behavior that eventually result in an extreme episode of verbal and/or physical abuse. Typically, victims of episodic abuse live in denial of this reoccurring pattern.

 

 

Stages of Battered Women's Syndrome

There are generally four stages in the battered women’s syndrome

 

Stage One–Denial Stage one of battered women's syndrome occurs when the battered woman denies to others, and to herself, that there is a problem. Most battered women will make up excuses for why their partners have an abusive incident. Battered women will generally believe that the abuse will never happen again.

 

Stage Two–Guilt Stage two of battered women's syndrome occurs when a battered woman truly recognizes or acknowledges that there is a problem in her relationship. She recognizes she has been the victim of abuse and that she may be beaten again. During this stage, most battered women will take on the blame or responsibility of any beatings they may receive. Battered women will begin to question their own characters and try harder to live up their partners “expectations.

 

 

Stage Three-Enlightenment Stage three of battered women's syndrome occurs when a battered woman starts to understand that no one deserves to be beaten. A battered woman comes to see that the beatings she receives from her partner are not justified. She also recognizes that her partner has a serious problem. However, she stays with her abuser in an attempt to keep the relationship in tact with hopes of future change

 

Stage Four–Responsibility Stage four of battered women's syndrome occurs when a battered woman recognizes that her abuser has a problem that only he can fix. Battered women in this stage come to understand that nothing they can do or say can help their abusers. Battered women in this stage choose to take the necessary steps to leave their abusers and begin to start new lives

 

If you are a victim of domestic violence, help is available. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. They will direct you to safe places in your area where you can seek help.

 

 

 

 

Emergency Checklist When Leaving Violence If you are planning to leave your abuser there are preparations you can take which will help to ensure that you and your children are not on the street with just the clothes on your back

• As soon as safely possible, go to the bank and open an account that is just in your name. Any extra money you get should be placed in this account. If you cannot get to a bank, find a hiding place where you can store your money until you leave.
  
• Make copies of all-important documents and give them to someone for safe keeping. This documents should show proof of who you and your children are, as well as other papers of importance. These documents can include birth certificates, marriage certificates, insurance policies and cards, legal documents such as divorce papers, restraining orders or custody papers, social security cards, medical records, school records, drivers license, car titles, registrations and tag numbers, all loan papers, credit card numbers, green cards, and welfare cards/papers.
  
• Leave an extra set of house and automobile keys with someone you trust.
  
• Pack at least four weeks worth of medications for you and your children.
  
• Pack changes of clothing for you and your children.
  
• Pack an address book which lists all important names, addresses and telephone numbers.
  
• Pack money, credit cards, check books, debit cards, as well as small valuable items you can sell if your accounts get closed by the abuser.
  
• Pack comfort items for both you and your children.
  
• Take any letters or correspondence from your abuser, especially if his abuse is admitted in them.
  
• Try to have a cell phone. If you do not have a cell phone, have change (coins) or a calling card for emergency telephone calls.
  
• Think about a safe place where you and your children can go.
  
• Take pets with you or make other arrangements for them when you leave.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, help is available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. They will direct you to safe places in your area where you can seek help.

 

 

For more information: http://www.mamashealth.com/abuse/bwomensyndrome.asp

[Gunny376]

If your having trouble sleeping, go to WalMart to the Herbal and Vitamin section and get some 5mg Melatonin. Its over the counter, non-prescription, non-addictive, and will allow you to still get up and take care of your children.

 

You've got to quit drinking, alcohol is to depression what jet fuel (think gasoline x 10) is to a fire.

 

Don't be going ~ be gone! Be gone from this jerk. Better yet turn his sorry azz into the police. Azzhats like this shouldn't be walking the streets.

 

If you were my daughter, he would need to turn himself to the police, not just because he broke the law ~ but because he'd be in need of police protection from me! Me and Mr. Hickory Ax handle would wear that azz out!

[Gunny376]

Melatonin is a natural substance that the body creates to regulate our sleep cycles. Once you get past the age of 40 the body creates less of it. Its what "sets" your biological clock.

 

It won't knock you out, but it will make your eyes water (as in being sleepy) and yawn. It will quite your thoughts, so you don't toss and turn.

 

Airline pilots flying the "red-eye" coast to coast use it to re-set their biological clocks.

[cryinginside]

Gunny, I appreciate all the posts you left me. They were nice to get and read. I am trying or actually i have left him, now is the part where I start to fix myself and realize i don't need that and somewhere out there is someone who will truly love me without demanding things and putting me down or smacking me. I need to keep telling myself i didn't deserve it. I am having a hard time right now because I keep thinking of him and at times missing him, which i know i DON"T need to do.

 

I got my papers today from CILCO to file a fraud report for him having the electricity in my name. I just don't know if i can go through with it. For one I would hate for him to go to jail because it would be my fault. I know that he would then for sure come after me and my family. But i don't want stuck with this 600 dollar bill. UGH i don't know what to do about this. I am sure he won't pay it. And to be honest .... this is hard... i keep thinking what would he think if we ever got back together and I had sent the papers in! I know that is a terrible thought!

[Guest]

I don't think that verbal or physical abuse will contract an easy answer to the problems that arise in verrrrry emotional affairs. Like last nite for instance, I have been having a hard time with an abrupt 'moving' situation. My only friend, [ I sacrificed and feared]b/f constantly reverted to a 'quick'

review, hurtful results to my life. I unfortunately really wanted to NOT undergo the influence of others but dismissed b/f overall quirks and abuse.

 

He constantly relied on his steady stream of screaming hi's and low's. This is sick, I felt the blows, the greatness once felt and longed for I started to fear. I inadvertantly based my perspective on him being much stronger or rather believing that I strived to 'show' my 'love' or otherwise. He still reverted by belittling a situation that I know he lacked control. Now, is the time to quit the games he prides himself, and once again I'm afraid 'b/f' uses attention devices and gains OR!? toss me to the dogs. I' so wanted to see the inner strength rather than following the crowd so to speak. I try to undrstand that my relative interaction may knot have added much to this point, but dam I had found such instinct, force of love, I was and am loyal, yet too myself felg constantly disappointed, then afraid.

 

Now, I find the need to reach out to others, i.e. family, ect. And recently I have overlooked the mistakes as in the recent past and find direct loss introverted countless worthless 2 upheaval daily. NO MO. Why does this trashing effort belittling afford reall matterd? I felt so desparate, vulnerable. He regaled in. [b/f] He passionately affected my life maybe honestly helped me in many ways. Now, all I see and feel is the constnt ridicule and helplessness when I could of and would of done so much to enhance a life. He pushed me away< I began to fear his threats and abuse that to even kiss or acknowledge was greatly overcome with distrust... I lost my only friend?

 

I realize my ongoing r/s with my ex troubled my best friend per se greatly but w/o my ex I surely could not have 3existed as I have and b/f may have already done the dirty deed. I was very fortunate to share a life, and learn within, only now I feel very troubled of this outcome. I will reach new heights if anything were to betray the few who have made and will make a difference in my life. Also w/o my ex, there are brighter changes, [i.e. his support and much patience to those involved, I also add that regardless of indifference and the hatred, presume; chance that w/o him and I to keep our appt. Monday ALL will be lost!] Pay heed I say, but do others listen? I see my b/f tossed me aside after all I tried to convey by action and sincere concern. I did indeed love him. Some say, I learn from your mistakes. I do. This time I really hoped the near future changes would make a difference. Now, with witness of his treatment and living together how that choke hold life was made of, it appears the couple of days to regain what could of been will be gone. So close, but yet so far. I await to scathe what I sacrificed.

 

 

 

I tire of the ongoing changes it takes or meant to progress within oneself when a man resorts to physical control and stupidity, yes temp- selfless gain. It saddens me and truthfully, I am not giving up, but having to give in to what I adored at my heart only hate fathoms to appear; nothing more than a cheap shot.

I cried a thousand tears, I lost weight, as b/f slept - He who laughs and he did daily, it hurt me and he rolled in it,

 

It takes two, to make it work. I, alone am nothing but dust in the wind, easy come easy go. Legally, if it is going to go smoothly or rough, Make your stand or F88k it up as I heard do.

 

Be strong, calm, or forget about it. Watch your hearts, dear ones, harm not yourself in the process. I know, I speak from experience.

 

I guess, I was wrong....b/f ~ again. But then, this time, so was he., again and again and hopelessly, not for me to gain here, perhaps forever. Whose loss?

 

For the first time, I really tried, maybe not with the ease as others point out, but I know; I hurt inside, my heart cries out. No body but me to feel the shame and pain,

 

But by gawd did NOT hurt BOY Friend by believing in myself. Fact is that boyfriend didn't believe me or in love. MIP OR himself either. Why? Wasted days and wasted nites? Said who? Oh.

 

Enough.

 

I choose not to be an ex anymore.

 

Let me feel the wind against my back, and the sun on my face, as I head home...

 

Bless you ALL. Or forever hold your piece.

[cryinginside]

Ugh...i am crying my eyes out right now. I just got a text message from a girl i work with she is at the baseball diamonds where my ex plays ball and he is there with some girl. Why am i crying?! I told her i didn't know who it was and i didn't care but it hurts like hell. I feel sick, literally sick. How could he do this? ! Treat me like crap but say he loves me then two weeks later he is with someone else.

[Guest]

Oh cryinginside....

You wanna here my story?

 

My heart goes out to you.

BUT you MUST see this is a tactic of his!

It rings true with my experience which was very similar, I have had it all mobile calls with the phone on speaker so I can hear him with other woman, sms messages sent to me about other woman. The list is endless. I had an incident at xmas where he broke a few crucial bones, I returned to the uk and then i lasted 3 months without him. But he made contact via email and was persistent, making up stories to try and whooo me back.

 

Yeap I fell for it was still in love with him I guess. Now after 4 more bad bustups I decided to come back to uk for my passport (which went missing by the way also along with all my cards and driving license!!!!!). All my things are in the other country, and do you know what.......I DONT CARE and whats even better is that ............I ....AM .......NOT ..........RETURNING!

 

Oh boy it feels so good to be free!

He thinks im coming back shortly and im not! HA HA HA HA HA LOSER ! Thats the last time you touch me.

 

These men/women that batter are nothing but Losers in life. They are not happy unless you are UNHAPPY. They enjoy provoking you to justify their actions.

 

CryingInside I have just split with my ******* b*st*rd boyfriend if you need to talk to someone i will be online everyday. I think if I had stayed he would have killed me eventually.

 

Any form of violence is Completely Unacceptable, dont settle for 100th best because by putting up with this you are!

 

Get over him put it in the past where it belongs and MOVE ON!

 

See through the mind games - hes trying to manipulate you!

 

BE STRONG SHOW HIM YOU ARE NOT A WALKOVER! At the moment websites like this are really helping me. Its not easy and yes im very cutup over it all BUT you must be safe! You get one shot at life, its precious and its yours no-one elses.

 

My first steps to freedom have just started for me this time I hope to get to the end!...in one piece!

[cryinginside]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It helps to know someone is in the same place as me. I am sorry for what yours has done to you but I am happy for you for getting away and as hard as it may be i hope you stay away. Your right if your stuff is in the other country leave it you can always replace it!! Your life you can not. I agree websites like this are so very helpful to me. Without them i truly would be lost. I know that i need to put him in the past and i truly want to its just so hard. He still manages to call my house at LEAST once a day private. I don't answer but i just want to pick up the phone and tell him if he has another girl GO BE WITH her and leave me f**k alone!! But i know that wouldn't happen i would play into his trap and he would belittle me and i would beg for his love OR he would say how much he misses me. I am moving along so good i would hate to take steps back. It is just so very hard. I keep telling myself if i can get away from my childrens abusive father who i was with for 6 years and have two children with, then i can get away from this lowlife loser. WHo has no children with me. He is a child to me. I have to support him and cloth him, feed him, everything i do with my children. Well i am done venting for now. Thanks for being there everyone during this hard time for me.