how are the ow doing

[pricillia]

Hi all How are you OW doing with your MM relationships? Many of you said that you were instututing NC well how is it going?

 

I am having a tough time at it, it is getting harder and harder. I just don't know anymore how to make the feeling of love and caring stop. He calls me his love, there is more to this story yes, I know that he feels for me

and I feel for him

 

So how are you all coping with this...

[Adunaphel]

I'm all for distractions.

Is there anyone around that is interesting enough to be worth of your interest? Anyone that is worth crushing a little on?

 

Recently I developed a crush on someone - I ended up quite irked, and with hurt feelings, but at least I almost completely forgot about MM for a couple of weeks.

 

It's not like I did this on purpose (I did get interested in this guy period) , but I afterward realized that getting your emotions stirred (and messed up) by someone else it is an excellent strategy to take your mind away from anyone you should not be contacting.

 

Today I was very, very close to contacting MM (not a good day for me ) but resisted - yay! Being no-contact buddies with a lady on LS really helped.

 

Remembering that MM is a first class jerk also helped, in my case.

[pricillia]

I'm all for distractions.

Is there anyone around that is interesting enough to be worth of your interest? Anyone that is worth crushing a little on?

 

Recently I developed a crush on someone - I ended up quite irked, and with hurt feelings, but at least I almost completely forgot about MM for a couple of weeks.

 

It's not like I did this on purpose (I did get interested in this guy period) , but I afterward realized that getting your emotions stirred (and messed up) by someone else it is an excellent strategy to take your mind away from anyone you should not be contacting.

 

Today I was very, very close to contacting MM (not a good day for me ) but resisted - yay! Being no-contact buddies with a lady on LS really helped.

 

Remembering that MM is a first class jerk also helped, in my case.

 

Wow How long has it been since you have spoken to him, seen him ect ect

[BenThereDunThat]

I'm not as eloquent with my words as most of the gals here. So I'll try and explain it the best that I can.

 

I should first say that I'm not completely NC - I work with him. I still love him. BUT - he's married and has no intention of leaving his wife. Once I drilled that fact into my head and also stayed away from the physical intimacy, more and more, bit by bit, I was able to put him into that "off-limits" category. When I first broke things off, we were pretty much completely NC - except for the few, freaky moments when we'd run into each other at the office.

 

Just because I love him doesn't mean I get to give into it. I have my weak moments, sure. How's this for a weak moment - this Wednesday I go to court and my divorce is final. Wednesday night, coincidentally, I start my new class - a drawing class.

 

The exMM met me after work tonight and gave me a sketch pad and pencils. It was wrapped in the funny papers - just one of the things we had in common.

 

He left (I never forget - he's always the one who has to leave), I gave him a kiss and hug and thanked him. Did it break my heart? YES, absolutely!

 

But at the end of the day, I know I'll find someone to love, who can completely love me back. Someone who doesn't have to watch the clock. Someone who doesn't have to "plan" for the evenings we can spend together.

 

I want that. I need that. Most importantly, I DESERVE that. He simply cannot give me that. Accepting those facts, and really believing them, was a big part of the battle.

[pricillia]

BTDT,

 

It is a battle, you can say that again. It sounds like you are keeping yourself busy, I commend you. It must be hard when he knows what to do to get to you as far as the present goes...

 

Hang in there I know it is not easy, I am going through the same thing.

[BenThereDunThat]

Yes, it is. But not nearly as hard as it used to be. Once I accepted those "facts" I mentioned above, there's not much he can do to totally get to me again.

 

How are YOU doing with it?

[pricillia]

Yes, it is. But not nearly as hard as it used to be. Once I accepted those "facts" I mentioned above, there's not much he can do to totally get to me again.

 

How are YOU doing with it?

 

Weak moments and many of them...I can't seem to let go, neither can he

[BenThereDunThat]

I'm sorry. I wish I knew what to say to help you. It's like they tell alcoholics, you have to find that moment of clarity. And only you can do that. Up until then, there's not much anyone can say to you unfortunately.

 

And, just like with alcoholics - you're never really cured, you just learn to live with on a daily basis.

 

I do hope that one day it won't be a daily struggle. I shouldn't say 'hope', I KNOW it won't be.

 

Post as much as you need to! PM me anytime you want.

[kymberann]

Hi Been there,

Just wanted to send you lots of positive energy for Wednesday. I've been there myself, you are not alone. Also wanted to say thanks for your posts. You sound like such a string person, I appreciate what you habe to offer.

 

As for me and NC. Not happening. We tried once. I ended it, then changed my mind and begged him. At that point he told me off. I got the message and backed way off. No nothing and when I saw him I acted very non challant. Well only after a week, gues who came calling. We caved, said I couldn't manage without having him in some part of my life, ditto for him. So my days are up and down. I love my MM. Like we all do. It's bittersweet and painful at the same time. We had a conversation this past weekend about ending the R. He said no, I said no. I can't picture having him in my life at all, so I'd rather have something. I know it sounds like a self esteem issue. But it isn't. I know this is just as painful for him too. But it's no excuse. All I know is that NC would be more painful right now than having him in my life here and there.

The plot thickens, doesen't it!

Let's keep up with th e support. I just appreciate reading from your posts!

Best!

[kymberann]

I didn't mean "string person" I meant "strong"!!! LOL!

[BenThereDunThat]

haha, thanks Kymberann - I know what you mean! And I know what you mean with the rest of it. There's a part of me that wishes I could just be happy with the way it has to be. And from your posts, it sounds like your MM gives you more time - more of a relationship - than mine did.

 

He tried to make up for the lack of time by being as emotional as possible through email and chat, but it just wasn't enough. If I could find a drug that could turn off that part of my brain that wanted more, I would definitely be tempted, and would have to think long and hard about it!

 

Because I do miss the nightly 'I love you's', etc., even if they were mostly through chat.

 

BUT - back to that daily struggle - as soon as my brain goes there, the other, stronger part says 'knock it off!' lol

[pricillia]

I'm sorry. I wish I knew what to say to help you. It's like they tell alcoholics, you have to find that moment of clarity. And only you can do that. Up until then, there's not much anyone can say to you unfortunately.

 

And, just like with alcoholics - you're never really cured, you just learn to live with on a daily basis.

 

I do hope that one day it won't be a daily struggle. I shouldn't say 'hope', I KNOW it won't be.

 

Post as much as you need to! PM me anytime you want.

 

Thank-You BTDT,

 

I want and need what you want a man that I don't have to share. I as we all do deserve that. I think about it everyday, oh boy is this hard...

As I feel a strong connection to him that I have never felt before...

 

Have fun in your art class...

[BenThereDunThat]

oh yeah, and thanks for the positive energy on Wednesday. I'm more nerved out about it than I thought I would be. I'm 37 years old and I'm so glad my dad is going with me! How dumb is that??

 

I'm the one that wants it and I can't wait for it to be over. I just hope he doesn't show up and make a scene. As long as my dad's there, I think that will keep him from doing his bawling act. If he does show up, that is!

[stillhere]

I'm eating brownies right out of the pan i baked them in. That should sum it all up for me right there!

[BenThereDunThat]

I'm eating brownies right out of the pan i baked them in. That should sum it all up for me right there!

 

That cracked me up! Got a pan of those in my fridge myself....and let's not even discuss all the Ben & Jerry's ice cream I've been through....

[BUTAFLY]

=BenThereDunThat;921592]

And, just like with alcoholics - you're never really cured, you just learn to live with on a daily basis

.

 

Aint that the truth. I work with xmm also. I prayed for a miracle where he would just go away, so I can get him out of my system completely. Well my prayers where answered and he's beem sent to a satellite office to work out of since july.

 

I have been able to concentrate and enjoy myself again at work....up until today that is. Out of the blue I look up and there he is . I must of looked like I saw a ghost. I hate that I reacted that way ....I was so confident that he had no affect on me and I was cured of mm blues, but I guess when you genuinely love someone they become a part of you. But like you said BTDT I guess I will never be really cured and will have to learn to live with it on a daily basis. ( I really hate him for doing this to me)

[scaredinlove]

Hi everybody,

 

BTDT good lucky with yor drawing classes,I took one last year and loved it ,hope you enjoy too.

 

For all the rest good luck and keep strong.I for myself I feel pretty miserable,I cry one minute and laugh the next.Can't believe it is over, not sure if it over.Sunday I contacted my MM he is going on vacation this week,vacation to hell because his wife is very p*** with him. I told him I wasn't going to call him anymore but he could contact me if he wanted(loser me).Now I feel very anxious afraid he won't ,although I don't want him to call I still want,,if you now what I mean. Eventhough our affair seemed to have ended( not sure of anything).I decided to not kill the feeling, loving him is great so I will go on loving and pretend he went in a long trip around the world and one day when the time is wright we will meet again. I wish I could just erase his phone number from my head.This week that he is out of work is good because we are forced to NC, it will be better next week I will be stronger,the first week is always harder.There is a part of me that says that one day we will be together,maybe because he kept repeting it.I don't know maybe I am just in denial.Anyway, I will survive hoppefully without too many scars. Love and good luck to all of you.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------May happiness find your soul and love find your heart.":)

[PoshPrincess]

I told him I wasn't going to call him anymore but he could contact me if he wanted(loser me).Now I feel very anxious afraid he won't ,although I don't want him to call I still want,,if you now what I mean. May happiness find your soul and love find your heart.":)

 

Ain't that the truth!!! Know exactly how you feel. I have been supposedly NC for three weeks this Thursday. Well, I say NC; we have both given in a couple of times. That was the last time I spoke to him (longest ever). The following Monday 4 days later he tried phoning but I ignored him (v strong for once but was going on hols that day and couldn't handle him upsetting me). On hols the following day I'd had to much to drink and texted him. He replied. Then I phoned but he ignored my call which did my head in all over again. By the Friday (NC for 3 days) I decided to text and tell him to leave me alone and stop phoning. He was the one who called it so he should stop f**king with my head! After that I held out for 6 days. Texted him last Thursday wishing him a good time at a gig he was going to (just an excuse, I know!) but told him not to reply. I know that if he does I will want to reply back, then he'll ignore me and I will feel s**t all over again. The following day he tried phoning and again I ignored him. That made me feel good for a couple of days but now I feel SO miserable again. I want to speak to him/text him but know that if I do, after I put the phone down I will feel even worse and will hate myself for having zero willpower. There's nothing to achieve by staying in touch as his situation isn't going to change. We tried 'friends' but that was even worse.

 

I'm trying my best but miss him SO badly. Feels like my heart has been ripped out. Thing is, I am sure it would be easier if he told me he'd made a mistake and still loves his wife as then I would HAVE to move on, but I know I am the one he wants to be with which makes it so much harder. It's that old chestnut of 'can't leave because of the kids' again. Things is, they're in their mid/late teens - it's not as if they're babies. It does my head in to know he is so unhappy at home but can't be with me.

 

I've tried getting over it by becoming involved with someone else. This is unfair on the 'someone else' as he is a good friend. When we're having a laugh together I can temporarily forget but then I resent him for not being MM and that makes me feel even worse. The SE spent the night with me the other night and when I got into bed last night I hated the fact that it smelled of him and not MM - AND he slept on MMs side of the bed and I hated that! WTF??!!!!!!

 

It feels like it's never ending.......another counselling session tonight but just seem to be going over the same old ground again and again, like bashing my head against a brick wall! Aaarrghhhhh!

 

I'm sure we will all get there in the end. We're all told it gets easier. Here's hoping!

[scaredinlove]

I told him I wasn't going to call him anymore but he could contact me if he wanted(loser me).Now I feel very anxious afraid he won't ,although I don't want him to call I still want,,if you now what I mean. May happiness find your soul and love find your heart.":)

 

Ain't that the truth!!! Know exactly how you feel. I have been supposedly NC for three weeks this Thursday. Well, I say NC; we have both given in a couple of times. That was the last time I spoke to him (longest ever). The following Monday 4 days later he tried phoning but I ignored him (v strong for once but was going on hols that day and couldn't handle him upsetting me). On hols the following day I'd had to much to drink and texted him. He replied. Then I phoned but he ignored my call which did my head in all over again. By the Friday (NC for 3 days) I decided to text and tell him to leave me alone and stop phoning. He was the one who called it so he should stop f**king with my head! After that I held out for 6 days. Texted him last Thursday wishing him a good time at a gig he was going to (just an excuse, I know!) but told him not to reply. I know that if he does I will want to reply back, then he'll ignore me and I will feel s**t all over again. The following day he tried phoning and again I ignored him. That made me feel good for a couple of days but now I feel SO miserable again. I want to speak to him/text him but know that if I do, after I put the phone down I will feel even worse and will hate myself for having zero willpower. There's nothing to achieve by staying in touch as his situation isn't going to change. We tried 'friends' but that was even worse.

 

I'm trying my best but miss him SO badly. Feels like my heart has been ripped out. Thing is, I am sure it would be easier if he told me he'd made a mistake and still loves his wife as then I would HAVE to move on, but I know I am the one he wants to be with which makes it so much harder. It's that old chestnut of 'can't leave because of the kids' again. Things is, they're in their mid/late teens - it's not as if they're babies. It does my head in to know he is so unhappy at home but can't be with me.

 

I've tried getting over it by becoming involved with someone else. This is unfair on the 'someone else' as he is a good friend. When we're having a laugh together I can temporarily forget but then I resent him for not being MM and that makes me feel even worse. The SE spent the night with me the other night and when I got into bed last night I hated the fact that it smelled of him and not MM - AND he slept on MMs side of the bed and I hated that! WTF??!!!!!!

 

It feels like it's never ending.......another counselling session tonight but just seem to be going over the same old ground again and again, like bashing my head against a brick wall! Aaarrghhhhh!

 

I'm sure we will all get there in the end. We're all told it gets easier. Here's hoping!

 

Posh I feel miserable when I call him too,and miserable when I don't. Just like you. Things will be better.

[PoshPrincess]

That cracked me up! Got a pan of those in my fridge myself....and let's not even discuss all the Ben & Jerry's ice cream I've been through....

 

I'm desperately trying not to get into the comfort eating thing!!! Mind you, had smoked 3 ciggies and eaten a cheese and ham croissant before I got to work at 9.30 this morning. Not good.

 

Have been drinking less alcohol so that's something. Saying that, when I do drink I still drink loads but not sitting indoors every night downing glass after glass of wine!

[yousaveme]

For me some days are easier then others. Every day i go through so many emotions. In the end i still love him. And hate the situtation....

[Adunaphel]

Wow How long has it been since you have spoken to him, seen him ect ect

 

Spoken to him (on the internet) last monday (8 days ago) - he wrote to me an online private message saying "Hi, I haven't heard much from you lately" to which I replied with about a dozen words - thanked him, asked how he is doing.

About 15 days ago we had a similar exchange and also chatted online a few minutes.

 

Last time I saw him in person was in june (but we live in different cities, which helps).

Last time something physical happened was in march (a kiss on lips the day I tried to tell him that whatever was going on between us was over).

Last time jealousy was driving me up to a wall was a few weeks ago.

last time I felt like contacting him and ask how he is doing was 5 minutes ago... no effin way I'm going to!

[PoshPrincess]

last time I felt like contacting him and ask how he is doing was 5 minutes ago... no effin way I'm going to!

 

Good for you Adunaphel. I have felt like caving in several times toay but know it will do me no good in the long run.

 

Stay strong!!!!

[pricillia]

Thank-you all for replying... I know how all of you feel, right now I have a knot in the pit of my stomach, I have one friend who knows but at this point it is not worth talking about it as I know it is wrong.

 

I do have strong feelings of Love and caring for him so it is hard, I thought that I could end it but I have not as of yet, It is such bizzare situation.

 

I hope all of you stay strong.....

[scaredinlove]

Today I feel horrible, I was better yesterday but after drinking a little I called him from a friend's phone and played our song.I could hear his voice on the other side of the phone saying helo,hello than his wife got the phone too I played the song a little more and hang up.Isn't it patetic? I just want him to remember that he told me he would love me forever,he was the one who picked the song.I drove around his neiborhood too not close to the house though.Today I feel like going to his house and cursing him out and than making passionate love in front of his W. Am I going crazy or what?I miss him so much I wonder if he misses me too...I guess I will feel better later,I am going to work today,yesterday I was off, maybe working will distract me.good luck to all of you...