Foffie Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Help! I am a 35 year old single mother who has recently gotten into the dating scene. I have been "seeing" a guy for about 6 weeks now who has become a great friend as well as a friend "with benefits"... he is in the process of divorcing. Our situation is very nice and comfortable. We are able to go out and just hang out as friends, or spice it up, as the mood hits. We see each other a couple times a week and talk via phone or internet multiple times a day. I do not know where/if this is headed anywhere "serious". We discussed it at the beginning and agreed to just let it take a natural course. I am pleased with this situation and curiously find myself NOT falling for this guy, as i have had a tendency to do with past relationships. I recently met another gentlemen who expressed an interest in me. We have gone out once. He asked about my dating "status" and I told him the truth. He said he was looking for a LTR and didnt "share". He is very nice, handsome, easy to be around and there is a lot of "chemistry" there, as well. The date ended without any real discussion of when/if we would see each other again (he was getting ready to start an almost week long stretch of overniters at work) and we did manage a few brief, simple and quick talks via phone or internet, but nothing was mentioned again about where/if this was "going anywhere". He recently asked me if I had gone out over the weekend and I said yes. He was upset over this and said he was hurt becoz he told me he wanted to pursue a relationship with me and didnt "share". I explained that I did not realize he meant he wanted to be exclusive after one date. He said it bothered him that the first time he wasnt "free" I took off with another guy... anyways... he doesnt know if he is going to give me an ultimatum regarding seeing other men or just blow me off. Here is my question, after all that rambling... what to do if he wants to give it a try? I really feel like there is potential there, but do not think i am ready to be exclusive so soon. I also do not want to compromise or give up the friendship that has developed with my other "guy friend"... Advice welcome.
Lisa32 Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 I'm not liking this second guy. He's got possessive tendancies...and you've only been on one date with him? I dated a guy like that. He was the same way right from the beginning. I didn't even realize we were dating, because he wasn't really pursuing at first....yet he got upset when I wasn't home when he called...and was always asking me if I was dating other men. Stupid me, was flattered by his possessiveness...at first, thinking it was nice to have someone really like me that much. The possessiveness started subtly...and then 6 mos later is when I really started seeing the signs. He broke into my answering machine and was listening to my messages. He tried to make me a prisoner, would meet me directly after work to make sure I went straight home with him. I fought him one time and went out with my girlfriends. He went from bar to bar until he found me and dragged my out of the bar. He accused me of cheating on him constantly. How could I? I was his prisoner. It was hard getting rid of him, no matter how many times I tried to end it. He was nuts. I was only with him for about a year...which was a year too long. Thank God I was never in love with him, which made it easier for me to leave...though he didn't make it easy, which is why I stayed so long. He kept threatening me if I left him. I finally did leave him...and it took 4 mos. to get him to leave me alone completely. Anyway, after that dramatic story...I'm just saying, be careful of the 2nd guy. If you get a vibe that something might be a bit off or strange about him...listen to your gutt, because 99% of the time, you'll find that you're right. If it feels strange, that's because it most likely is.
Lisa32 Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Oh...and one more thing. I like the first guy. Friendship's caught on fire make the best relationships. The first guys sounds really nice. If it moves slowly, that's good...it's a sign that it will last.
Forever Searching Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 I agree. I don't like the sounds of guy number two. He can't expect you to be exclusive after one date. Especially if you are not sure you even like each other enough and another point is he seems very busy and it looks like he would expect you to be sitting at home doing nothing just because he can't go out with you. I'd just ignore him. Sounds like a possible stalker issue.
Author Foffie Posted September 19, 2006 Author Posted September 19, 2006 Thanks for the posts! I talked a little further to guy #1 about all this.. It is nice that we are good enuf friends that I can do that!!! He told me to do what makes me happy... and if it means ending things with him.. that he understands... i told him that wouldnt be the case... i AM concerned by the immediate possessiveness of #2... who is now giving me a bit of the "cold shoulder" and playing what seems to be "hard to get"..tho I am not pursuing him... very strange... The more I think on all of it...the more I realize i dont want to rush into ANYTHING right now... i want things to take their own course with whomever... Guy #1 told me last night... "the thing you are looking for will fall into your lap when you stop looking"...
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