LakesideDream Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 FlyingHigh, you will appreciate this. In Nevada, with "No Fault" (72 hour divorce) the court sets the date the divorce is "final" as the day that the seperation of property is "final". It clearly states that the partner "leaving" the marital premisis loses all right to property left behind. All went well (or so I thought). I helped her pack. Grabbed a buddy and moved her into her new "Security Apt." (She said she was afraid I'd stalk her hahahah). She left a few things behind, her family Bible, a couple of boxes of personal stuff which I mailed across town, parcel post... and three boxes of financial records, which I locked in my car. A few days later my son came from Calif. to visit and make sure his old man was OK. We went out a couple of days later to dinner, gamble, and have a little fun. We came back about midnite and found that the house had been ransacked! Sheets and linen were missing. Kitchen Utensils (!), microwave oven, even food from the pantry. Easily a big pick up truck full. Even stuff like towel sets, various linen, a new hair dryer, and a patio set I bought after she left! Included was about half of an expensive firearms collection that was locked on a gunsafe... safe gone! She was afraid of spiders so stuff (including cash) in a footlocker in the crawlspace was left alone. I also thought my Cat was gone... turns out he was hiding. Found out a few months later during the holidays, after my son had dinner with her before the holiday that she and her exOM, then BF, came back cause she "forgot" a few things. She could have had every single piece before the divorce was final.. she just wanted more than her "agreed upon share". Pretty classy eh? I noticed things "missing" until I sold the dump and moved she had dug so deep.
LakesideDream Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Oh.. as for getting "therapy" for my previous "anger issues" with the ex (I was never abusive, I loved her).... I'll tell you what. Peace and quiet beats therapy, and is a lot cheaper.
Author RecoverMe Posted September 30, 2006 Author Posted September 30, 2006 wow lakeside dream.....hope you do have peace and quiet now. and I agree about the therapy,,,,it's a nebulous area for some, not good for all, especially if you don't have a good match of a therapist. Like I said, when this affair came about I realized I had to change therapists, and have made more progress in the past 3 months than the 3 years I knew her! also, I believe cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy) is way more quicker and effective than psychotherapy. Psychotherapy w/ the wrong therapist can be a waste of time and money, but w/ a good one can be helpful. Do I want to forgive him? yes and no. unprompted confession? no. behavior change? yes, but the inappropriate behavior was so bizarre it was like he was on drugs. he hasn't seen that yet, and I need to know he has looked hard at trying to understand his behavior and why he did it in order to get past my "maybe" I can forgive. I don't want or need this. I need to be in a secure .loving relationship w/ open communication and mutual trust. thank you all for writing your tidbits. I just want to know the gamut out there. It's perfectly ok to forgive or not to, I'm learning. I think acceptance is important regardless, so the BS can heal. Acceptance is all I can give my WS for now.
LakesideDream Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Oh sure, I've had the peace and quiet for years now. I very seldom think about it. When I do it's usually when I'm here at LS. I understand that I can never reclaim the 25 years wasted. I'm 55 now and I know that it's very unlikely that I will have the oppertunity to share my love and passion again. Goes to show you LS'ers, nothing is for sure, not even after a quarter century.
FlyingHigh Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Kimmilah - thanks! I'm just sorry that I even gave the a$$h*le the benefit of the doubt that we were going to discuss D amicably on the night of 9/11. We agreed that morning neither one of us would file until we discussed the MSA (marital seperation agreement). But that sneaky, lying SOB called his lawyer that afternoon to file and didn't have the balls to call to tell me he changed his mind. Now, he's even more of an a$$h*ole feeling he earned the bragging right to be the "first" to file and had me served. But "it ain't over until the fat lady sings." Lakeside - sorry you had one of them spouses too. When H packed up, the SOB took all of his financial and house documents. When I asked him about the house documents, the SOB said he didn't know if he packed it or not. Yeah, right! Like the documents waltz out of the house on their own!! The SOB's greatest fear is that I will email his friends, family, colleagues and boss about his affair as I have threatened him I would awhile back. Haven't done it although I have exposed his A the next day after D-day (MB Principles) to a few people. So for now, he can basked in his own sunshine of delusion while he milk his braggin rights about having me served first while his friends are rallying hurrah! To me, divorce is divorce, no matter who files first. The only up he has was which courthouse it will be trialed at. But unbeknownst to him, my lawyer indicated that where he filed may prove to be beneficial for me than had he filed in the city we live in. I'm finally realizing how stupid, really stupid he is and can be. I guess I've known it all along. Yep...love can be flippin' blinding! One thing for sure, no matter how nice you can be to a person, when you've got an a$$h*le of a H like mine, it won't make one iota of a difference. A leopard never changes it spots. And he is exactly that! And the only time he ever takes notice is when he knows I'm about to skin them spots out!...
FlyingHigh Posted September 30, 2006 Posted September 30, 2006 Flying High, I'm sorry your xhtb was such a jerk. I'm hopeful that my husband is not still lying and cheating. Our mc says that I am taking a chance, but it will come out if he is in fact still up to the same things. I pray that he isn't, but if he is, I hope I have the peace you have. That's it, there's no guarantee. But if your H is anything like mine....be prepared. If he is like H2T who is trying so hard to win his W back and work on his M, there's a chance. I'd be watching for his behavior. This is how I caught XHTB. Here are some of the things I noticed: ~ H started to leave his cell in his car at night or turns it off. ~ If he brings his cell inside the house, it's clipped to his belt on his pants and leaves it next to his side of the bed. My XHTB's excuse was he wanted it be near just in case there's fire! Yeah, right! ~ When you go out, he leaves his cell in the car turned off and doesn't turn it on when you two return to the car. ~ He tells you he's going out to do an errand that you know takes less than an hour but he's gone for a few hours. AND he comes home empty handed! ~ He starts taking "solitude" ride in the evening and has his cell phone off or he doesn't answer it. ~ He spends more time on the computer at night supposedly "working". ~ He doesn't go to bed with you. You get the idea....You know your H more than anyone. But I'd pay a closer attention to what he does and whether what he says matches what he does. Good luck. I hope he is owns up to his comittment to your M.
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