Thirst_N_Howl Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 [FONT=Times New Roman]Can a girl who was raped/molested in her youth & became a slut as a result ever be reformed? I love my girlfriend and I’ve just recently found out about all of this (after 6 months of dating). To say she’s been promiscuous in the past is understating, seriously. The things she’s done with complete strangers is amazing. Amazing. We talked at length about some of her past experiences & suffice to say, there are dozens of men out there who she’s made their wildest fantasies come true. NSA. It’s as if she likes sex as much, if not more, than men do. It’s kind of scary. My question is, can a girl like this be contained, or is it simply wishful thinking? She says she’s over that period of her life, but the slut in her never really went away. She had a kid & he became the most important thing in her life, not men. In fact, had I not dragged this info out of her, I never would’ve had any idea. I thought she had been honest when we discussed our histories about a month into dating, but it turns out that she was extraordinary selective with the truth. If I didn’t specifically ask, she sure as hell didn’t tell. Now that I know, everything in me is screaming, “This is a girl who will cheat on you without a second thought! Maybe not today, not tomorrow, not next month, & maybe not next year, but eventually, she absolutely will. She loves sex so much she used to go to clubs alone in her 20’s just to pick up strange men. Dozens of them!!! Can’t even recall all of their names!!! Run, fool!” Is this girl broken beyond repair or is she salvageable? It’s been my life experience that girls who’ve had something horrible like this happen in their past end up all weird & promiscuous sexually. Hell, I’m sure it happens to men, too. Anyway, I can forgive her past experiences since I wasn’t with her then (although running into 3 of them already around town is starting to creep me out), but I just think she’s just heart ache waiting to happen if I invest in her emotionally. Thoughts?[/FONT]
superconductor Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Is it possible? Certainly. Are you willing to invest years, tens of thousands of dollars and uncountable emotional angst to an uncertain outcome? THAT's the question that you need to answer.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 some girls, even those without some kind of traumatic history, go through stages of sluthood. it usually does not last forever, but it certainly can. i know my slutting days are over. i had them, though, and i don't regret them. no shady past here, i guess i just liked doing it. a lot.
Author Thirst_N_Howl Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 Yeah, she liked her slutting days alot, too. Really, really liked them. Especially her 5 multiple partner experiences. She couldn't help but let that little gem slip out when we were talking about it. Then she laughs, "Oops. Sorry. I guess I shouldn't have admitted I like it SO much. That was bad." Twist the knife, why don't ya? I kinda gathered that if you did it once & it sucked, you wouldn't step up to bat 4 more times with different dudes.
Mz. Pixie Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 5 partners at the same time?? Ummmmm okay. Many girls who have been sexually molested learn that using sex is a way to get what they want. They also think that men only want them for this- and it's a self fufilling prophesy. I was abused in every way possible as a kid and teen. So, in a way, I can relate. I never took my life to the level that she has. So, in a way- there will always be a part of me that is a survivor of CSA. There's nothing I can do about that. It's what she does with it that matters. Unless she's had therapy, she's not over it. I actually question your respect and care for her- if you are on here referring to her as a slut. Perhaps you're not cut out for a relationship with someone with that kind of history??
JaneInVegas Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Sometimes women think they are unloveable and/or undesirable if they are not sexually promiscuous. It's a self-esteem issue. It's entirely possible she is exaggerating all this so you will want to be with her because she appears to love sex so much. On the other hand, of course it could be true. (I'm thinking at least some of it is not, though) Will she cheat on you? Possibly. This is something you need to sit down and ask yourself if you care enough about her to invest time in a relationship with her. With ANY relationship there is the risk of infidelity, every relationship is potential risk to your heart. In my opinion, if you care about her enough, take a chance. Perhaps you could try making it a point to let her know that sex isn't all that important to you, that it's her that you're interested in. Good luck, hope it works out okay.
Art_Critic Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 The question shouldn't be " can she be fixed ? " the question should be " can I believe in another person enough to let their past shortcomings not become my downfall ? " To answer that question I think the answer is no.. you cannot believe in her enough to not treat her badly. You have called her a slut numerous times in your post.. you seem to not be able to handle her past. In short.. She deserves someone that will not look down on her for her past.. Her past is her past..Not the present
norajane Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 The question shouldn't be " can she be fixed ? " the question should be " can I believe in another person enough to let their past shortcomings not become my downfall ? " To answer that question I think the answer is no.. you cannot believe in her enough to not treat her badly. You have called her a slut numerous times in your post.. you seem to not be able to handle her past. In short.. She deserves someone that will not look down on her for her past.. Her past is her past..Not the present Agreed. It's not her past that's the problem, it's your views and attitude about it that will cause the problems in your relationship. As for cheating, the virgin bride who's never slept with anyone else ever can cheat just as easily as a woman who's had many partners in her life. Anyone can cheat.
britchick Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 It isn't uncommon for women who have been abused to be promiscuous, at least for a time. Your girlfriends best bet would be a good therapist to help her deal with her past and a boyfriend who doesn't think of her as a 'slut' and wants to 'contain' her. Try doing some reading up on how abuse affects people and how hard they have to struggle just to lead a 'normal' life. Try a bit of empathy before judging someone.
lindya Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 The You have called her a slut numerous times in your post.. you seem to not be able to handle her past. Welcome back, Art. Agreed. The OP's girlfriend sounds like she's spent a lot of years shrugging off social mores and expectations. That, combined with her experiences of being abused, don't suggest to me that she's likely to form a successful long term relationship with someone who describes her as a slut. Sooner or later, most people kick back against other people's judgements of them.
Kinger25 Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I tend to be in agreeance with Jane - I think she maybe exaggerating her sexual experiences to a certain point. Its generally an attention seeking disorder and probably linked to the abuse that she endured as a youngster. She may be telling the truth, but even if she has taken part in all of these sexual journeys so to speak, its what she is now that counts. I mean... when she was sleeping with every tom dick & harry, was she in a committed relationship at the time?? If she wasn't then why does it matter who she slept with and how she did it? How do you know that she has actually cheated before. She most probably feels very distrustful and undermined by men in general due to what she has been through. She will feel degraded and disgusted by men and probably tars all of you with the same brush. By telling you about her sexual history and expanding the truth to her weird and wonderful shagging past she feels as though SHE has re-gained the control / power over you and therefore she does not feel threatened or undermined by you becasue she has experienced sexual pleasure in its entirity. (this could be the case whether she is telling the truth or not). This is especially true if your sexual history is rather dull in comparison. Basically, I think it depends how you treat her as to whether it is worth you considering carrying on with her. You did call her a slut and she is supposed to be your girlfriend. If my BF called me a slut I would hit the roof. "Behind Every Good Woman is a Good Man" If you love her and support her through this and accept her past as her past, you may have a better chance of bringing out the "real" her, and the girl thats locked inside might be the girl of your dreams. You need to decide whether she is worth you sticking around for or whether you are better off finding someone with a less promiscuous past life. You cant blame her for her history, you were not around then so who are you to judge? At the end of the day if she cheats she cheats, you cant tell with ANYONE whether they are going to do that. Its a matter of building up a relationship from its foundations and building the trust up between you. "An embarrassing moment is spitting out a car window that is not open"
blind_otter Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 The question shouldn't be " can she be fixed ? " the question should be " can I believe in another person enough to let their past shortcomings not become my downfall ? " To answer that question I think the answer is no.. you cannot believe in her enough to not treat her badly. You have called her a slut numerous times in your post.. you seem to not be able to handle her past. In short.. She deserves someone that will not look down on her for her past.. Her past is her past..Not the present I must agree with this. Also, you can't fix someone who is broken. Only they can take the steps to fix themselves.
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