Guest Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 I'm not sure this is posted in the right place. Background- my fiance and I have been together for five years, have lived together for four years in a house we bought together. We are supposed to get married next year. In fact he just proposed this summer. We've had some brushes with infidelity of sorts. He was dating a MW before me (I didn't know this till about a year after we began dating) He also developed a crush on an ex of his and told her of his feelings but nothing happened. So I"ve been keeping an eye on him and we've been going to counseling. Anyway nothing unusual for the longest time then yesterday (Sunday) at 5:30am someone is pounding at our front door and I'm thinking someone was in an accident or my fiance's dad was hurt or something bad had happened. I wake him up and he answers the door and when he first looks out he says "who the hell is that?" and then he opens the door and says this woman's name. She says his name and asks him to borrow $46 because her husband was just picked up and taken to jail and she needs the money to bail him out. My fiance says he doesn't have the money (a lie) and she goes on to tell him how horribly the police are treating her husband. He says thats not right and they talk for about five minutes. I get up and go to the door to see who she is and she says oh sorry for waking you up and then decides to leave. I asked my fiance who she was and he said she lives on our road about 2 miles away and that he went to school with her and she graduated with his younger sister (12 years ago!!) he said he hasnt seen or talked to her in about ten years and only knew where she lived becuase he'd seen her at this house down teh road. I asked how she knew where he lived and he said maybe she saw him outside mowing grass one time or soemthing. (We live next to the road and have a huge yard). I was so suspicious and mad mostly at being awakened that early (we usually sleep in till 10 or so on sundays) I couldn't even sleep. My fiance tried to reassure me but I just kept thinking that this was some woman he was having an affair with (even though I haven't suspected anything or had any reason to believe he was cheating). He went right back to sleep so it wasn't like he was stressing over this. I couldnt' sleep and ended up staying awake for a few hours. I just find it so weird that someone you havent seen or talked to in 10 years would stop at your house and wake you up to ask to borrow less than $50 just because her husband is supposedly in jail. Doesn't she have any friends or family or neighbors that she has talked to in less than 10 years??? It makes no sense to me. I thought that maybe my fiance had talked to her somewhere or seen her around or maybe she'd called and discussed how things were going since high school but he says he hasn't had ANY contact with her adn is as confused as I am as to why she would ask him to borrow money. He said he woudn't have given her any. He didn't even know who her husband was. I found out online who she was married to and told my fiance and he said oh my god I can't believe she married that ass. He siad he went to school with that guy as well and the guy was always causing trouble and picking on people. He said he deserves to be in jail and laughed and siad he's glad he didn't give her any money. He has NO explanation for why she stopped and asked HIM for money though.If the tables were turned nad some guy showed up at our house asking me for money at 6am and I said I hadn't seen the guy in 10 years I think my fiance might be a little suspicious. Am I being overly paranoid or what?
RecoverMe Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I think I'd be a little paranoid. but if he was having an A with her I doubt she would show up like that knowing that you live there. But I also don't think she knew he lived there just from seeing him mow the lawn either......there is something odd about it for sure, maybe if you talk to him about the rationality of someone he barely knows showing up like that. definitely go with your gut feelings.
LakesideDream Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Being cautious and curious seems prudent, however I doubt this woman is a threat to you. People do absolutely stupid things when trying to raise bail. As a small business owner I was approached by both employee's (trying to bail reletives) and customers (!) trying to bail people out. I have bailed employee's out because it was necessary (for work purposes) for DUI's a couple of times. I even got a call at 3am from an ex live in gf, married longer than I, four years into my marriage, my wife 8 months pregnant with our first child. I lived in deep do-do about that because I couldn't explain why she would call me. All I could do was refuse. (my last name is fairly uncommon, and was listed). I heard about that for 20 years Then there's my 25 year old adult son......
jmargel Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Hun.. here's some advice. If someone is in jail it's going to take more than $46 to bail them out. Even if she needed help there is plenty of friends & family she could have went to. Good chance she was either drunk or on drugs and came up with some lame excuse. Go with your gut instinct here, it'll never lie to you. Trust me I was there myself once and all the times that my wife told me I was 'paranoid' or 'crazy' was actually confirming to me that my instincts were right.
Guest Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I've told a few of my friends and family members and my fiance's sister (not the one the girl was friends with in high school) and they all agree that it is very weird! My gut instinct tells me that this girl is probably a drunk or crack whore looking for a fix and for some reason she thought my fiance might believe her story about her husband being in jail. He says he didnt' even know she was married (even though she's been married since 1998.) I've checked the police records that are in the paper and there are no records listing her husband's name anytime this weekend. She told him that she needed $46 dollars to bail her husband out (she was short $46 not that it cost $46 to bail him out. She also said that the jail refused to give her husband insulin which I think is a bunch of bs and never happened. This happened on sunday morning and Monday I was upset about it, yesterday I was perfectly fine, didnt give it another thought but to laugh. But today I'm questioning my fiance about it again. He says he has NOT seen or talked to this woman in over 10 years. He said he did see her when he was driving by the other day (she was walking in town, and also he said he saw her a few months ago walking at a used car lot near where we live) He says he didn't ever date her or even really talk to her that much in high school except that they were in ROTC together. I do find it suspicious that she knew exactly where he lived even though he HAS lived here for four years (but all four I've lived here also) I dont' know what to do. he was understanding at first and now he is just sick of hearing me talk about it./question him and he told me I have two days to let it go and never bring it up again. That made me mad and I told him I'm going to call this woman's husband and tell him that his wife was pounding on my fiance's door at 5am adn see what he has to say (if he was really in jail). My fiance got mad and said that would just cause trouble because her husband used to get arrested all the time for theft and breaking and entering and if I started trouble he might break into our house or damage something. I"ve seen this guy's police record so my fiance could have a point. Like I said before, my fiance hasn't given me any reason to think he is having an affair or that he even knew this girl but the whole situation is just too weird for me. I just can NOT imagine some guy or gal that I went to high school with (10 years ago) pounding on my door before daylight to ask me to borrow money or for any other reason for that matter! My friends wouldn't even do something that ignorant at that time of morning! So I just have this feeling there is some connection that my fiance has to this woman that I am not being told about.
LilOlMe Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Your "lie detector" is going off... His story doesn't make sense and changed when you asked about it farther. Listen to your gut feelings - I had no reason to suspect my husband of cheating either. Your fiancee is getting upset at you asking for explanations again probably because he doesn't want to explain what is really going on. Good luck - and don't ignore your gut feelings!
LakesideDream Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Your "lie detector" is going off... His story doesn't make sense and changed when you asked about it farther. Listen to your gut feelings - I had no reason to suspect my husband of cheating either. Your fiancee is getting upset at you asking for explanations again probably because he doesn't want to explain what is really going on. Good luck - and don't ignore your gut feelings! Wait a second. If her BF is telling the truth, the story makes perfect sense. I had a similar thing happen to me long ago.. and paid the price for 20 years. I NEVER found out why the woman called me a 3am because I never hunted her down to ask. This other couple sound like bad news, people living on the edge. Who the heck knows what they might do, be doing? Advising this woman to listen to her "lie detector" because you don't think the story makes sense could cause major trouble where there was none. Her husband already sounds fed up with the situation, I can understand why.
Guest Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 I brought up the situation last night again with my fiance and he got mad and ended up sleeping on the couch. We were getting along so well before that woman showed up at our door last sunday! It is probably nothing. Recently I had some guy I went out for about two months in high school (and never slept with) call our house "to see how I'm doing" and I haven't talked to this guy in six years. I have NO idea how he got my phone number and I didn't call him back. He left only one message but actually called my house 24 times in a two week period (I have caller id) I was going to file harrasement charges against him! I still haven't talked to this guy but he got the hint and stopped calling. I guess my fiance could be suspicious about that but he's not. I'm suspicious about this woman's actions maybe because I don't have friends or family members who would do such an off the wall thing (show up begging for bail money before dawn at someone's house you haven't talked to in over a decade!) and I have some pretty messed up family members and even THEY wouldn't do such a thing. I just can't imagine why this woman felt so comfortable asking my fiance for money if they hadn't talked in so long! that is why I thought that they had spoken or been in contact and he hadnt' told me. He keeps saying that he HAS NOT talked to her in over ten years and he sticks to that story. If my fiance is telling the truth then I am probably driving the poor guy crazy!
LakesideDream Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 Yup, your doing a great job guest. BF's sleeping on the couch. He cant prove to you that nothing happened. You have put him in that position. You seem determined to get what you don't want to hear out of him. Keep it up, and we'll see you here in a month or two talking about coping with seperation.
Recommended Posts