snowflake02 Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Things are usually really great between my bf and I...we have been together for a year now and spend everyday together, we also work together as well. However, every few weeks or so I would get completely pyscho on him, I would become this insecure, annoying girl and I would make him go crazy. We would almost break up our loving relationship over something small and stupid. For example, yesterday I was washing my face at his house and I accidently spilt water all over his floor. He got irritated at me saying that Im clumsy and how I got water everywhere etc etc....I know it sounds like nothing but I got really angry and sad about it...His tone of voice really made me feel so stupid and awful about myself. I tried to forget about this incident but I just couldnt.. Once I get into these "down" moods its just downhill from there...We get into bed and I started telling him how he made me feel sad about the whole thing and he said sorry (but it didnt seem like he really meant it) and he said he was tired and to let him sleep. I know I should have just let him but stupid me started waking him up saying that I cant sleep and that I wanted to talk....I just felt so shi**y and i really needed him to comfort me..When I get into these moods I just hate myself because I know I can be really annoying. Its like I know that im making things worse but I do it anyway. Do other people do this?? I feel so awful and guilty that Im creating a fight over nothing that I make the situation even worse. Im not sure if im making any sense to everyone. I feel so crappy that I feel why not just make it worse? Its horrible I know...and I realize what im doing but I do it. Its like I want to self destruct myself and punish myself...I absolutly HATE myself when I get like this, Its like my negative mind completly takes over. I get totally out of control with my crying and feeling sorry for myself. Anyways this morning when we woke up I was still thinking about what happened last night. I just cant snap out of it! We were supposed to go to this hotel together to have a really nice lunch but I just could not go until I sorted everything between us. He started getting really annoyed, saying to "just drop it" and "dont ruin the whole day because of this"....I know what hes saying is completely true and i really wish that I could just drop it but i cant.....I just get so overwhelmed with these horrible depressing negative feelings and it doesnt go away! I feel sooo guilty and bad that Im doing this to him. I started crying and crying...and telling him sorry that I always have to ruin everything because I get into this state..He starts crying too..saying that Im never happy and that im such a difficult person and that he doesnt know how to deal with me when I get like this....He said he doesnt know if he can continue being with me if I keep on doing this. It was horrible....its like I was waiting for him to tell me again that he doesnt wanna be with me anymore. ( he already broke up with me once 6 months ago over somthin similar)He says that im destroying the relationship. Most of the time we are really good together though and we have such good times... I have started seeing a therapist and he says that I have chronic depression and that I need to go on meds. Im not sure if I want to go on meds though. I just want to know if any of you have ever behavored like this. I really want to be happy with him all the time but sometimes the smallest things would get me really down. I have also done this with 2 of my past relationships and they ended up dumping me because they couldnt take it anymore. I feel like im gonna end up losing my current bf again if I do it again. I really want to fix it....i wanna stop being so sensitive and to stop taking everything so personally. I want to be able to drop an issue and not over analyze everything and make it worse. Any advice or similar experiences is appreciated.
Guest Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 It sounds like you have a chemical imbalance causing your depression. (I used to be like this only with anger instead of sadness) If you want to get better at least the meds your doctor recommended and see how things go. They worked wonders for me. I feel like I have control over myself and my life again.
lawyer83 Posted September 29, 2006 Posted September 29, 2006 I agree with the other poster, you should try out the meds and if it doesn't work find one that does. Another thing you might want to think about is spending time taking care of yourself, it did wonders for me. I used to get upset all the time, and sometimes it was over the littlest things. I'd have cycles of depression; one week I'd be fine, and then I'd become a basket case for the next 2 weeks. I wasn't getting my feelings out, I wasn't allowing myself to feel whatever emotion I was having at that moment because I thought I shouldn't feel that way. Journaling has done wonders for me. I spend at least 30 minutes everyday writing about how I feel, what I need, what I want out of life. The process brings clarity, and gives the chaos a sense of order. Try doing things you like on a daily basis. If you like listening to certain kind of music, do that. If you like working out, then work out. If you've been thinking about trying something new, try it. I was also diagnosed with chronic depression, and meds didn't work for me. Well, they didn't work because I couldn't deal with the side effects, and I wasn't willing to take something that my cause weight gain, but that's entirely besides the point. Sorry about that: the point is you've got to make things work for you. If you want to be happy with your man, then you've got to learn to be happy with yourself first. And, honestly do you think you'd be nitpicking over little things if you were happy? I seriously doubt it. Depressives often fall into self-destructive patterns in relationships because we don't believe that we deserve to be happy. That's why I'm advising you to find your inner happiness. Believe me, once you start going to therapy and start thinking about who you are, what you've been doing, and what it's going to take to be happy you will become much more content with your life. And, someone whose content won't sweat the small stuff. I'm at a place in my life where the good days outnumber the bad. I hope that you can work your way out of the dark abyss. And, if your guy can't be as supportive as you need him to be while you're going through all of this then you might want to think of letting him go, and fous on yourself for a while. Believe me, a strong, mentally healthy woman attracts a whole different type of guy.
Recommended Posts