bernbrooks Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 I have had a normal hetrosexual relationship with my partner over the last 18 mths. However, she continues to see and socialise with several of her male gay friends (without me). They discuss intimate things and she is very close to them. How should I react to this? My basic instinct is to dislike it but I don't tell her that.
stoopid_guy Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 I have had a normal hetrosexual relationship with my partner over the last 18 mths. However, she continues to see and socialise with several of her male gay friends (without me). They discuss intimate things and she is very close to them. How should I react to this? My basic instinct is to dislike it but I don't tell her that. Why don't you go with her? It might be fun. You probably wouldn't want her telling you who you could be friends with, so would it be right for you to tell her?
britchick Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 I don't see the problem. They are friends, they are not interested in her sexually. She probably does confide in them, but women do this with female friends as well. Is it having close friends you have a problem with or do you not like gay men?
Adunaphel Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Why is it a problem for you? If they are gay, they shouldn't be a threat. Is it the fact that they are gay men that makes you uncomfortable, or you just don't like those friends in particular? Would you be okay if they were just female friends?
kulyok Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Ask her not to share any details of your relationship to them, particularly intimate - it is YOUR relationship, and these guys are not a part of it. Explain her why this is not acceptable to you, so she understands you are not doing this out of spite. If she loves you, she will understand. It is perfect for her to do things, but it is also perfect for you to tell you you do not like them and why, if you don't like them. You have a right to it, as does she. Your reaction is perfectly normal - don't bottle it inside yourself, tell her the precise reasons.
blind_otter Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Well the thing is - everyone confides in someone. I happen to do most of my confiding online, but whatever -- different strokes for different folks, right? Why are you specifically uncomfortable with her associating with gay men? They are so non threatening. Unless you get a bitchy queen, oh my god they can be pretty vindictive.
Moose Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Excuse me.....gay or not, they are still men, they still have the ability, and the mood can strike at any time.....especially when emotions are shared.
blind_otter Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Excuse me.....gay or not, they are still men, they still have the ability, and the mood can strike at any time.....especially when emotions are shared. I dunno bout all that, moose. I've had a lot of gay male friends. Their universal response to women is "Ew, fish". They don't like tang. I remember one girl I knew who was so in love with her gay male best friend. He loved her too, they tried to get it on on more than one occassion. And he. just. couldn't.
whichwayisup Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 they still have the ability, and the mood can strike at any time.....especially when emotions are shared. I agree with the emotions, getting emotionally attached (hense Will & Grace) but physically?? If a man is truely "gay", he won't be doing any carpet munching. Now, if these guys are 'bi' or just not sure if they're gay, then yes, anything could happen on their behalf...But, let's hope that his girlfriend has the sense to say NO if one guy makes a move on her.
norajane Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 Excuse me.....gay or not, they are still men, they still have the ability, and the mood can strike at any time.....especially when emotions are shared. Nah, it doesn't work that way. "The mood" doesn't strike gay men to want to be with women. That's what makes them gay. I've known some of my friends for almost 20 years and I wouldn't stop being friends with them, or stop being being close with them, for anyone - they're like family. If a guy I was dating told me he didn't like it that we were friends, he'd be the one I'd stop being close with.
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