Ariadne Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Hi guys, Well, I need help here. I want to date again. And if you read my dating stories, they were a disaster. Hopefully this will help other people too with ideas on how to meet guys and girls. In my case, the problems are: 1) I'm serious like hell 2) I don't flirt With 1, I send the message to people to stay 20 feet away. I even asked around and I get the confirmation that I'm just too serious. Whenever interaction is required, I'm really very friendly and open, but to strangers I'm pretty much on my way and ignore everyone else. Except for the courteous, Good Morning , etc. With 2, I find flirting stupid. So if I flirt with some guy, is someone that I got to know already and I have made up my mind that I want him. And even so I'm very shy to do that even. ------ Given those problems, I thought of a list: Go clubbing (there I get tons of guys because that's what they are there for, so they are not intimidated to approach or ask you to dance) I guess this is the easiest one. Hmmm..... I go to the gym, but in the step class or weight classes I got to, there are only girls. So I thought if I was really daring, I might go to the weights area where the men are and lift some weights. (But then they'd know that I'm there to pick up men and I'd get really embarrassed and send the stay away signal like I usually do) A dating site, but then I have the problem of being lame and that I'm not working. I guess I could come up with something not so lame... Online dating is a lot of work too, but I guess I could manage if I'm determined. I went to some meditation groups before that were relaxing, but then they want to sell you the chakras stories that, who knows. So I stopped going. And there were like 4 people anyway, mostly women, but I guess I could look into some of those groups around LA. Any more ideas? Maybe wear a t shirt that says looking for number one? This is hard... Ariadne
Sand&Water Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Ariadne, All these bogus dating rules, are intensely misleading. May be that is why you haven't had much luck with meeting fine gentlemen in your vicinity. I think, at least in my opinion, you should just improve on: (1) I'm serious like hell: Try to radiate a positive, yet sophisticated vibe. Think of it as a mission, -a mission to survey men about certain trait(s) they may or may not possess. (2)I don't flirt: Compliment the men [potential daters]. Also, smile and tease a lot. I do believe it works as long as it's not overwhelming. Don't focus so much on meeting guys in clubs, gyms, online, etc. The most surprising, pleasing and effective places are cafes, stores, groceries, stations, and pedestrian intersections. Sand&Water
Author Ariadne Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 Hey thanks, (1) I'm serious like hell: Try to radiate a positive, yet sophisticated vibe. Ahhhhhh! (2)I don't flirt: Compliment the men [potential daters]. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Sigh.... :( The most surprising, pleasing and effective places are cafes, stores, groceries, stations, and pedestrian intersections. See, that's my problem. I "never" meet guys in those places... I don't go to cafes, I don't go to stores, I "do" go to the groceries (but I'm just focusing on the stuff I need to buy and prices), I don't go to stations (drive a car in LA), and no pedestrians in LA either. Sigh... it is hard... I have no idea how to meet people. Maybe if I go to places where there is people like, dunno, the park or some (?) But then what. I've tried to pet dogs of cute guys lol but they seem to get mad for some reason. And I'm not even looking for "love" that would be to ask for a miracle, just a date. Ariadne
SUMMER 1969 Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 I think that you will meet someone when you are not looking... You can meet the perfect man in any place.. People say you can never meet a man that will be serious about you at a bar, I disagree, you never know if maybe that One guy just happened to go out for a beer.. You just have to be patient and he will come to you when you are not looking.. Do you ever notice when you are in a realtionship with a man it seems that everyone and there mother wants you? Becasue you are not looking.. When you are single and you keep looking around the room to hopefully find that One great man, you never seem to find him? Becasue you are looking... Go out with your friends, go shopping or do whatever, but let him find you.. If you do see a cute guy and you want to take a chance then go up and talk to him, after all, the worse he can say is no, and for that matter you will probable never see him again.. And about flirting, I think everyone flirts one way or another.. Hell, now days you look at someone and people assume you are flirting.. The whole on line dating, well, my step brother went onto E-Harmony and married the girl with in 6 months.. So you never know what could happen.. I guess you just need to take a chance.. You will find him, I think everyone has a soul mate.. It just takes more time for others.. Thats all. Trust me, I am going on 30 years old and I am still waiting for number One.. Today I went to Barn and Noble and there was a lot of cute guys in there, but I myself am not ready to date right now.. Just an idea.. Summer
Liebenberg Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 and we guy's think it's hard to walk over to a girl
Green Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Just smile and give a glance at the guys you like no matter where you are when you see them and some of those will end up aproaching you, then just be really friendly when they come up and talk to you they will probably ask for your number then you hesitate and give it to them voila you will probably end up getting a date.
fireflywy Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Now how about we give some advice to some of us guys on the board! lol. :D
alphamale Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 find a large singles group in your area. they usually organize all sorts of activities such as bar nites, sports leagues, dances, volunteer things, etc....
Author Ariadne Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 Hey Summer! So nice to see you again You know, I thought about you a lot, and I worried when you stopped coming. (Because you mentioned about some medical issues). So, very glad to hear from you again, and hope all is well with you. You just have to be patient and he will come to you when you are not looking.. Well, I was looking more for a companion than love, and the "he will find you" I think applies more to the love situation. Do you ever notice when you are in a relationship with a man it seems that everyone and there mother wants you? Because you are not looking.. Hmm... Not in my case. Go out with your friends, go shopping or do whatever, but let him find you.. Ok, when I go out, I tell you where I go to: I go walking in the park at night when there's nobody there, because I like the smell of the grass then and I enjoy the silence and the stars and the moon. When I go to the park during the day, I sit on top of a hill in the wild areas where there's no people, under the shade of a tree and read a book and sip on Thai iced tea. When I go to Barn's and Noble I go at 10pm because they close at 11 so I avoid the noise and the crowds. And when I go to a restaurant I bring a book along. It's very hard for a man to find me... So I was thinking of doing "things" that would improve my chances of meeting someone. The whole on line dating, well, my step brother went onto E-Harmony and married the girl with in 6 months.. I think that is the most successful one. I heard that they were getting some 48 marriages a day. Which is pretty amazing. And happy marriages as well. So far, I think that is the best alternative... As long as I manage not to sound too lame. Trust me, I am going on 30 years old and I am still waiting for number One.. Oh, I believe you, I've beaten you by nine years Thanks for your response, Ariadne
Sand&Water Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Ariadne, The most surprising, pleasing and effective places are cafes, stores, groceries, stations, and pedestrian intersections. Re: See, that's my problem. I "never" meet guys in those places... Exactly. Never, is just not possible. You can meet a great guy [even, your one to be] anywhere. There are no limitations [unless you severely dislike certain venues]. And I'm not even looking for "love" that would be to ask for a miracle, just a date. Lucky you. At least you can somehow attain a date, if you work at it. I'm not looking for a date, because that's not within my limits. If I can get a guy to even glance, and talk to me -I'd be happy. Care about me -would only exist in my dreams. Sand&Water
SUMMER 1969 Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Ariadne, Things will work out for you, I promise.. Go to get your nails done, do your hair and get a cute outfit, walk around like you are so happy and confident with in yourself.. You will meet him One day.. I wish we lived by one another, I think you and I are so similar its not even funny.. If you ever want to talk about anything please feel free to e-mail me.. Summer
Author Ariadne Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 Hey, and we guy's think it's hard to walk over to a girl Well, and for a girl is also hard to "be there" but not look desperate... (Maybe if I just say, I'm looking for a bf or something like that it would break the ice (?)) Ariadne
Author Ariadne Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 Hey, Just smile and give a glance at the guys you like no matter where you are when you see them and some of those will end up aproaching you Hey, now that is a great idea. I think I can do that . Usually I tend to focus on whatever I'm doing, but that approach might work in the gym weights' room. then just be really friendly when they come up and talk to you they will probably ask for your number... Oh, that is the easy part for me. I'm very friendly. See if it works... (hehe... and then you'll have another thread with the results of these experiments) Thanks! Ariadne
Author Ariadne Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 Hi, find a large singles group in your area. they usually organize all sorts of activities such as bar nites, sports leagues, dances, volunteer things, etc.... Ahhh!.... Ok, that's a little more risqué. But I guess... see how desperate I get. But not a bad idea either. Thanks, Ariadne
Author Ariadne Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 Hey, Lucky you. At least you can somehow attain a date, if you work at it. I'm not looking for a date, because that's not within my limits. What do you mean? Ariadne
Author Ariadne Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 Aww.... Things will work out for you, I promise.. Thank you, I hope so. And for you too. Go to get your nails done, do your hair and get a cute outfit, walk around like you are so happy and confident with in yourself.. Well, my nails are like a boy's nails, but I guess I can dress up a bit and not wear basketball shorts and stuff like that. And thanks for the email, Ariadne
alphamale Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Ahhh!.... Ok, that's a little more risqué. wtf do you mean it's risque?? no wonder you don't meet anyone.
Author Ariadne Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 Hi, wtf do you mean it's risque?? no wonder you don't meet anyone. Well... I'm embarrassed to go to the singles group thing... Ariadne
alphamale Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Well... I'm embarrassed to go to the singles group thing... what? you mean your embarassed to go someplace where everyone there is in the same predicament as you?
Author Ariadne Posted September 19, 2006 Author Posted September 19, 2006 Well, what? you mean your embarassed to go someplace where everyone there is in the same predicament as you? I guess, seeing it that way. It's better than to smile to some married guy not knowing. Ariadne
TheSilentType Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 People say you can never meet a man that will be serious about you at a bar, I disagree, you never know if maybe that One guy just happened to go out for a beer.. I kind of agree. Not everyone that goes to a bar is some reckless person. Sometimes there are people like me that just like to drop in during happy hour and get something to eat and drink some beer. Doesn't make me some hooligan or anything just because I'm at a bar. In fact, I'd say a lot of people really think well of me...so don't necessarily discount someone just because they're sitting there at a bar. Till you learn more about them, you won't know if they're a quality person or not.
Pyro Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 I kind of agree. Not everyone that goes to a bar is some reckless person. Sometimes there are people like me that just like to drop in during happy hour and get something to eat and drink some beer. Doesn't make me some hooligan or anything just because I'm at a bar. In fact, I'd say a lot of people really think well of me...so don't necessarily discount someone just because they're sitting there at a bar. Till you learn more about them, you won't know if they're a quality person or not. Exactly. Everywhere you go, there will always be a mix of good and bad people. Theres no telling who they are until you talk to them and get to know them.
SUMMER 1969 Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 I don't know why, but my e-mail address was removed from this website.. Let me know if you have it or not.. Summer (Moderator's Note: Personal Email addresses are not permitted to be posted on this site and are deleted.)
alphamale Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 Exactly. Everywhere you go, there will always be a mix of good and bad people. Theres no telling who they are until you talk to them and get to know them. the problem is RIDDLER....at the bar the ratio of good to bad people is skewed more towards the bad ones than usual. the best chicks I've known rarely, if ever, went to the bar. once again your youth and inexperience rears its ugly head
BlueEyedGirl Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Most people I have known, well ok all people I have known went to clubs or bars at one point or another. I'm yet to meet someone who has never been to a bar. It's silly to think that you ONLY meet "bad" people there. Good friend of mine met her husband at the club.
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