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Is it possible to have a good marriage with infidelity?


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Posted

Long story short.. I might expand later, but this is my second marriage and my husband is religious and was only with one woman before me. He told me we should wait to have sex until marriage, even though he wasn't a virgin because he was a born-again christian. Anyways, I think it was bs. Needless to say our honeymoon was the biggest farse in history. No offense to the men, but after birthing four children, I need something with a little bit of girth. His pecker isn't doing it for me. I used to be a tailor for about 5 years and have a good eye. 3 inches hard doesn't do anything for me. In fact, I don't feel anything.

We've been married for 1 year and 3 months. My affair started 5 months ago and is going strong. My husband, I care for him and he is a great provider. I am well taken care of and can have whatever my heart desires, except in the sexual department. I do not desire him at all. In fact, I kind of find him looking as less of a man and just not attractive. Is there anything we can do like get him a penile implant?? I was thinking of getting maybe vaginal rejuvenation to tighten myself up and therefore feel more friction during sex. But honesty, before having any children I was with one man around his size and it still didn't do much for me.

All my affair has been about is just sex. NO feelings or emotions involved.

 

So is it possible to have a good marriage, even though an affair is going on. It is only satisfying me sexually since my husband cannot. But there is nothing deeper than that. Just sex.. am I delusional or do I just see this a little differently than most people?

Posted
My husband, I care for him and he is a great provider. I am well taken care of and can have whatever my heart desires, except in the sexual department.

 

Can your marriage survive infidelity? Yes. Alot of people do. Can it survive while you cheat? Yes. Will it truly be a marriage? Never.

 

But more than just infidelty, I sense a lack of love for your husband. Your description of what you like/love about your marriage is...plainly put selfish. I read nothing of what you do for your husband.

 

For his and your sakes, end the marriage.

Posted

before i had an affair i thought i was possible to have a good marriage but now that its done... im not so sure!! unless your a super human woman with a stonecold heart there is no such thing as "just sex" sooner or later there will be feelings involved. Im so shocked that there isnt already unless your somehow covering them up. have you tried sex toys and doin pulsing exercise?? I know you can get penile implants if uve got the cash? is ur husband suspicious at all?

Posted

"Good Provider" = My husband is an inch worm, I'm just in it for the money.

 

Why not let him find a woman that will love him, inch worm and all? Maybe he'll give you a small wad of money for your getaway.

 

You are a sad human being. Be gone.

Posted

Your husband deserves MUCH better than you, tell him about your affair and that you want out, and let him have someone who can love him, not use him. To answer your question, NO! By the way it is written in Hebrews: Adultrers and whoremongers will God judge. I hope you can explain this to Almighty God.

Posted

If your relationship is being affected this badly by your sex life then you either have to be honest with your partner and try to sort it out in some way or leave.

 

Having an affair solves your problem for now but it is unfair on your husband. You sound quite angry with your husband, do you think he deceived you so that you would marry him? Is he willing to make up for his lack of size in other ways in the bedroom?

 

I do have some sympathy with you, I wouldn't be happy with one this size but then again I would never marry someone I hadn't had sex with.

Posted

Sex is a very important part of a marriage, but so are honesty and fidelity. There are MANY ways that a man can satisfy a woman, but it doesn't really sound like you want him to satisfy you. It only sounds like you want him to have different "equipment" with which to satisfy you.

 

An affair never SOLVES anything.

 

If you feel that he tricked you into marrying him, then that may be where your anger is coming from. But what you need to do is either work with your husband on the problem or let him go.

 

HE may not be feeling very satisfied, either.

Posted

I kind of have to wonder why you got married in the first place to this man. Was it a security thing for you? Were you ever satisified with him, or did you go into it not sure about your sexual compatibility?

Posted

If you wanted "more girth" you could have gotten a big dildo for that matter and you and your husband used that in your sex life. I think wanting "more girth" is just an excuse to justify you wanting to cheat, there are other ways around getting what you want/need from your husband without seeking something outside your marraige.

 

 

 

Jade

Posted

So you're using your husband for money and this other guy for sex. You're quite a piece of work.

Posted

Man, do I understand you...

 

I've no expertise in the area, having no kids, myself, but vaginal rejuvenation sounds about right to me. Like in "Godfather", you know - it _is_ only a novel, but it worked there.

 

I think it would improve the matters if you delicately introduce the situation to your husband first, though - without mentioning the affair, if you feel like it. It _might_ be that he didn't have sex with you before marriage, because he was aware his member was small - or, at least, my gut instinct says so. A tactful and (relatively :-) )honest talk might help you understand his true motives - and help him understand your real needs, if he is capable of it. But I do not know your situation as well as you do. From your post, it sounds you are smart and tactful enough to do this. If it works out, you'll be free of any concerns tied with having an affair, too.

 

Good luck.

Posted

From your post, it sounds you are smart and tactful enough to do this. If it works out, you'll be free of any concerns tied with having an affair, too.

 

 

smart and tactful how? I don't think so.

Posted

I have prayed on behalf of your husband, he WILL know what you have been doing..............

Posted

You could consider anal for a tight fit and it is more likely to make you orgasm.

 

There are many options OTHER THAN cheating. You did not stop to consider your options in order not to hurt your husband's feelings. I really think you don't care about his feelings enough to be married to him.

 

Put the shoe on the other foot and see what it feels like.

 

What if HE said to YOU "honey, you are WAY too loose and saggy down there for me." Wow, I KNOW you would be thinking WTF? - as well as crying for a month.

 

Give the poor guy a break, either you love him enough to endure OR you simply don't... what is your answer?

Posted

i think it takes a certain kind of person to have an affair & keep the marriage going. And also to not fall for the person you are having the affair with. Do you really think you have no emotional feelings or ties to him? That it is honestly just for sex? For some reason i have a harder time believing this from women because i think we tend to fall emotionally first but that's not to say every woman is the same.

 

I think you can keep doing this as long as you can handle it & as long as your husband doesn't find out. But i do think guilt may catch up with you sooner or later. Plus if you are unhappy you should think about getting out of the marriage. If he did indeed purposely want to wait until marriage for sex because of his size well that would make you angry i'm sure. If you love him try to work it out in other ways i think. I can also understand being a bit afraid to give up your life since you said you have children. You have them to think about too. But in the end it's not fair to just use him for the financial part of it & it's not fair to you. Both of you deserve to be in a marriage where you are both happy.

 

Best of luck

Posted

I cannot believe you would come on here and talk about your husband's penis in that manner. You obviously have no respect for him.

 

You guys could do alot to change the problem. Instead of saying your saggy and that you cannot feel his penis- you blame it on him!

 

You could use a vibrator or dildo and he could also please you orally.

Posted

If you really love the guy and his "inch worm" is the only problem, get some sex toys and practice other ways to stimulate yourself and ultimately get off. Intimacy isn't all about intercourse, it's about being together in a very private way and making each other feel good. Heck! Get a cucumber! :-)

Posted

I wonder what you would have done had your husband said to you, "Gosh hun maybe you need to see about getting that cooch of yours stitched up some. You know make it a little tighter."

 

Troll? :rolleyes:

Posted

I'm thinking you ought to let him know just how it is for you and let him make the decision on how to live his live with or without you.

 

This deception makes him out to be a chump for you.

 

If you have any shred of politive feelings for him you'll set him free.

Posted

I have to disagree. Whatever you do - do NOT tell him you're having an A because his dick is too small. I can hardly think of anything worse for the male ego. Lie if you must - but don't tell him the real reason if you have any concern for him at all.

 

I'm thinking you ought to let him know just how it is for you and let him make the decision on how to live his live with or without you.

 

This deception makes him out to be a chump for you.

 

If you have any shred of politive feelings for him you'll set him free.

Posted

really are not about his willie, she's using the story as an excuse.

 

He deserves to live his lie without distortions regarding his wife.

Posted
.

 

So is it possible to have a good marriage, even though an affair is going on. QUOTE]

 

Answer = NO

Posted
I need something with a little bit of girth. His pecker isn't doing it for me. I used to be a tailor for about 5 years and have a good eye. 3 inches hard doesn't do anything for me. In fact, I don't feel anything.

 

Didn't you two fool around, like do everything BUT the big deed? Or did you not see him hard before marrying him?

 

If you love him and still want to be married to him then go get your vagina tightened. He is the way he is!

 

I agree with H2T, don't ever tell him that his penis isn't doing it for you. That is just plain cruel and will do damage to him. All you have to tell him is you want to do this for YOU and your own pleasure to enjoy sex more with him.

 

As for the affair, I don't believe (for long anyway) that you can have emotionless and meaningless sex before feelings get in the way. If you CHOOSE to cheat on your husband, I think he deserves to know. That way he can decide if he wants to stay married to you. Let him have a chance of being with someone who adores him and won't cheat on him.

Posted

 

You could use a vibrator or dildo and he could also please you orally.

 

 

 

How about YOU try that for a month (or should I say for the duration of your marriage!!!) and see how it goes. Some of us females prefer loving the old fashion way.

And I think she already mentioned her vaginal problem, but in a more tactful way.

Either way, I think the man tricked her into marriage and he gets what he deserves.

Posted

Gee wish the OP would come back and answer some of these questions. Or could be like someone else said maybe a troll. :p

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