kleeka Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 ok here goes... there's a much younger guy at work (he's mid -late 20s and I'm late 30s) who sits about 8 ft directly across from me and as a result, I'm right in his line of vision so we often ended up making quick (daring) eye contact. I 'll nickname him CRUSH. we don't work together in any way at all but overlap in other areas. one day I got bold enough and just simply started small conversation to be friendly with CRUSH which is indirectly part of my job. it defintiely opened things up and due to the fact that he's a recent arrival from europe, I offered to play tour guide to him on a suitable weekend. he loved the idea and took me up on it one Friday by getting my number and typing it into his phone saying he'd call that night. he never did. when I saw him the following week I playfully swatted him on the head and asked what happened - he said he messed up typing in my number. I mockingly rolled my eyes and said "too bad - I thought you were interested..." and then I coolly went right to work. this time he left me a handwritten note while I was in a meeting. the note said to leave him my number and also had his number spelled out on it for me to keep. I wrote it out on my card plus my email address as I left for the day and said let's try again for this weekend ok? again, he never called. instead of holding my breath for CRUSH to call that second weekend, I stayed out late with some friends and almost let another young guy take me home with him but at least it was somewhat of a short-lived flattery and got my mind off CRUSH. so guess what CRUSH does the following monday night: he calls and I'm totally unaware of it because I stupidly leave my phone set to silent mode at work (!!$$@!?). so I actually didn't know about his voicemail until Tues. morning some 15 hours later when I'm checking for messages! at least CRUSH leaves me a lengthy voicemail apologizing profusely for f*ing up twice and (jokingly) pleads with me to forgive him. he is so irresistibly charming on the voicemail and also says he wants to know where I was now so we could have dinner (evidently not a skilled planner). I decide it's best to text message him Tuesday afternoon instead of talking at work in front of people. I write: "sorry I missed your call - are you free for a drink after work Wed?" he writes: "Wed. is no good but how about Thurs? let's have dinner - it's on me." I write: "ok Thurs works." meanwhile I'm like dying of suspense of the unknown and its excitement. Thurs evening went well. we talked and laughed and talked and laughed and talked and laughed some more and found we had an awful lot in common. we hopped from one place to another around the city and in the end when time was up, he said he wanted to do another evening out like this again and I said definitely... BUT! he didn't kiss me (how crushing!!). I was disappointed about that but I still believed there was chemistry. we txted many more times after that night out. in fact at one point I even wrote that one of the things we had in common seems to explain our attraction for each other. he replied that there wasn't any one particular thing that was causing 'it.'" inside my head i want to believe he was truly sincere about making up to me with dinner after failing twice to call. he really did come through in the end. I also think there was sincerity in the many txt msgs we sent each other. ok, now my questions: 1. did all that initial eye contact and body language suggest strong sexual interest in the beginning but then changed when we actually got to know each other outside of work? why did he ask me out to dinner but act platonically by the end of the night? I can't figure out if it was technically a date or not. 2. the mysteriousness of his last text msg has had me in a tailspin of confusion. is he trying to reveal something but keeping it cool at the same time ie: trying to play it safe due to work plus the age difference? 3. if I'm the older woman here toying with an office crush while trying to avoid creating any juicy work gossip, is he waiting for me to make all the first moves?
Mirnsy Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 He's already disappointed you twice. That's all I have to say. He made it up to you because you guys work together and it would've been kinda awkward if he didn't find a way to smooth things over. My honest opinion is to not date him. What if you sleep with him and he doesn't call you? What will you do then?
mental_traveller Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 First of all, a dozen years is not a *big* age difference, just a noticeable one. A big age difference is a 20 year old dating a 50 year old, ok? Second, he's backed out twice. In man-speak, that means he feels conflicted about you. THinking with this dick, he wants to screw you. Thinking with his head, he feels you aren't gf material, he might be embarrassed if his friends knew he was seeing you, and he is worried about the embarrassment and potential career complications once people at work find out. Trust me, guys never stick with women they feel conflicted about. When they're horny, they will **** them, but otherwise they don't want to deal with it. So if you are happy being a booty call for your budding toyboy, then let him know, don't pressure for anything more, and just enjoy some casual sex. If you want him to respect you in the morning, then you are in for a disappointment. To be honest, if you value your job then it would be a foolish move to bed him. Just go out to a bar or club, you'll find countless 20-something guys who'd love to have some no strings sex.
Author kleeka Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 mirnsy: I agree with you that he felt the need to smooth things out. he could've made me just as happy by simply taking me out to lunch or for a drink after work instead of BOOM! asking me straight out to dinner. I'm glad he did, though...he deserves credit for coming up with enough courage. mental_traveller: many thanks for raising my self-esteem by reassuring me there was no big age difference here. it truly flattered me head-to-toe that a younger guy would be hitting on me like that. I think the intrigue was a combo of older woman mixed with physical attraction plus a dose of workplace sizzle. fabulous how you explain things so clearly: straight and simple in easy-to-understand guyspeak. I also think you are right on about him being conflicted. too bad though - guess I just have to settle for platonic joy with him, if anything...
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