intherocks Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 I've been involved with a mm for over 3 1/2 years, we're both very in love with each other and we get along great. Well, we got along great, until about one year ago when I started to ask 'where is this going?' and he kept putting it off and giving me the hope I so desperately needed. In other words, he told me what I wanted to hear, that eventually when the time was right we'd end up together. However, last month I decided to leave my husband and the mm's immediate reaction was "why did you do that?" He said that the only thing he could offer me was the relationship we currently have, (me being the OW). My decision to leave my husband was totally unrelated to our affair and I didn't expect him to do the same thing at that time, however I never expected that reaction. I was devastated and I still am, although I'm trying to deal with it day by day, I still don't know what to do. There are times when I'm angry and I want to hate him, but I just can't. I love him and I want to be with him, I don't want to break up with him, however, I don't want to be the OW for the rest of my life. He knew from the beginning that I wanted a committed relationship, that I wasn't looking for just a lover. So where do I go from here? Do I leave him and lose the love of my life? Or do I keep seeing him and compromise what I want and continue to settle for the life of the OW? I don't feel that I can trust him anymore, not after he lead me on for over 3 years. Thanks for reading this...I appreciate any insight you can offer.
whichwayisup Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 He may be the love of your life, but sadly, you aren't his. He isn't going to leave his wife for you...I'm sure he cares about you, alot - But he preferred having you on the side, so he can have his cake and eat it too. Have a home, have his wife, children (if he has any), family, friends, neighbours etc, then he has you to fulfill all the other needs that make HIS life complete. Fact is things changed when you ruined (in his mind) the fantasy of staying the OW by telling him you left your husband..It became 'real' to him, instead of being fantasy, fun filled and not serious. I hope you find the strength to break up with him, heal yourself and go on to find a man who will love and respect you, a single man who will be just yours.
Author intherocks Posted September 17, 2006 Author Posted September 17, 2006 thanks! I think you're right....I just need to find the strength to move on and not look back.
Guest Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 I have tried to break up with him repeatedly, but I can't seem to stay away...this is the man I've always dreamed of and part of me just won't let go....
bunset Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 thanks! I think you're right....I just need to find the strength to move on and not look back. It sounds to me as if you already know where to look for that strength. You are amazing to have already found the strength to move away from your M, properly. I think your MM sees your strength, and is intimidated and shamed by it, because he does not have the same. If I were in your shoes, I'd confront MM in a way that let him know that you still respect and care for him, but find his lack of strength to be unattractive and that you know you need that from your companion. Basically, there is a way to gently let him know that he needs to come up to your level in order to be worthy of your relationship.
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