feelings while in affair

[Guest917]

a friend of mine and I are both in affairs, I'm a MM, she's an OW (to someone else, not me)

 

anyway, we've noticed a lot of the same feelings occurring and were wondering if others in affairs felt them too, specifically :

 

-Day After Sadness - seems the hardest days are the ones after we see our affair partners, whether we have a good time with them or not. Can't figure out why this happens.

 

-Unshakeable Infatuation - very different from traditional dating, it hasn't subsided for me after 16 months, and for her after 12

 

-Deepest Depression I've Ever Known - I went to a shrink for the first time in my life, she went on antidepressants for the first time in hers

 

-Transferring Energy to other friends of the opposite sex - one of the reasons this friend and I talk so much is the relief it provides, there is no spark between us, but just having another woman to talk to helps me tremendously. I also got back in touch with an ex-girlfriend because talking with her briefly takes my OW out of my mind.

 

Not looking for advice about what to do about our affairs, plenty of that elsewhere on this board, just wondering if others experience the same emotions

[GreenEyedLady]

Well, no one else has responded, so here goes:

 

I don't really get Day After Sadness: usually he goes straight to work from my place so I don't feel like he left me to go to her. Plus, I'm D and I really enjoy my freedom and don't have to have someone around all the time.

 

Unshakeable Infatuation: I'm past that stage. I see his faults and I still love him. Neither of us are perfect.

 

The deepest depression I have ever known was when I was married. I'm relatively happy now. Believe me, I never thought I'd be in this situation. It won't go on forever. Either he'll have to leave his home situation or I'll move on. I know that I can. But I love him right now and I'm pretty happy with how we are. He's done alot of things with/for me that I've been surprised about, so we'll see how it goes. But I'm not a person to stay depressed for long. I was depressed in my marriage so I made my plan and I got the HE** out! Now that was hard. so now I just compare everything to that situation and all I can say is the worst day single is still better than the best day married, in my case.

 

As for the transferring of energy, I'm in a primarily female occupation, so there's not many males around for me to develop friendships with. And being a single mom, I don't have time to have a lot of hobbies and meet lots of people. Even grad school was predominately female.

 

So I guess my feelings are a little different than yours. If anything, I get mad when I feel like I'm being taken for granted. Then I kind of start complaining without really complaining and he does better. I guess I found that the squeaky wheel gets the grease...

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

a friend of mine and I are both in affairs, I'm a MM, she's an OW (to someone else, not me)

 

anyway, we've noticed a lot of the same feelings occurring and were wondering if others in affairs felt them too, specifically :

 

-Day After Sadness - seems the hardest days are the ones after we see our affair partners, whether we have a good time with them or not. Can't figure out why this happens.

 

 

Well, when my MM left, I was extremely sad. (He lives very far and we'd see each other every 3 MONTHS!!)

 

 

-Unshakeable Infatuation - very different from traditional dating, it hasn't subsided for me after 16 months, and for her after 12

 

Ditto. The bond is amazing. Just the thought of him makes my skin tingle - every single time!!

 

-Deepest Depression I've Ever Known - I went to a shrink for the first time in my life, she went on antidepressants for the first time in hers

 

Well, I've been on an antidepressant before I met him, so that doesn't really count, does it?

 

-Transferring Energy to other friends of the opposite sex - one of the reasons this friend and I talk so much is the relief it provides, there is no spark between us, but just having another woman to talk to helps me tremendously. I also got back in touch with an ex-girlfriend because talking with her briefly takes my OW out of my mind.

 

 

Yup! You can't believe the kind of sex I've been having with my H!!! I am so passionate and so easily turned on now - it's just so unlike me.

 

And of course, there's LS that we, OWs, are addicted to simply for the reason of talking about it.

 

BTW, do you have crazy sex with you W now that you are infatuated with the OW?

[IngenueMisnomer]

-Day After Sadness - I go through the same thing every time. But lately I've been trying to will myself out of it because my bitterness has created great difficulty for us.

 

-Unshakeable Infatuation - That's also very true except that our relationship is not perfect, we do have disagreements about issues not relevant to him being a MM. But we always work things out and the passion remains intense as ever.

 

-Deepest Depression I've Ever Known - Incredibly accurate! I have never been so happy yet so miserable concurrently.

 

-Transferring Energy to other friends of the opposite sex - Most of my friends are male but that's regardless of this A so I can't really relate to that.

[stillhere]

 

-Day After Sadness - seems the hardest days are the ones after we see our affair partners, whether we have a good time with them or not. Can't figure out why this happens.

Varies for me, i usually see him every day, and talk to him at least 5 times a day. My rough days are when i feel like i'm not getting enough attention from him.

 

-Unshakeable Infatuation - very different from traditional dating, it hasn't subsided for me after 16 months, and for her after 12

Over a year and i still get butterflies just seeing him or thinking of him.

 

-Deepest Depression I've Ever Known - I went to a shrink for the first time in my life, she went on antidepressants for the first time in hers

Ditto on that. I've never been so depressed in all my life, and i actually thought of going on meds. I snapped myself out of it finally with his help and from other girls on this site.

 

-Transferring Energy to other friends of the opposite sex - one of the reasons this friend and I talk so much is the relief it provides, there is no spark between us, but just having another woman to talk to helps me tremendously. I also got back in touch with an ex-girlfriend because talking with her briefly takes my OW out of my mind.

One of my best male friends knew of him, but now i talk to my sister all the time because we are both in a similar situation.

 

 

And for KHLF.........when i was with my H and my MM, i did not want to have sex with my H at all. He disgusted me. I'd actually gag when he kissed me.

 

When i finally gave in to his constant begging for sex, i'd lay on my side away from him (so i wouldn't have to kiss him), prop my head on my hand, and ask him if he was done yet.

[Meaplus3]

a friend of mine and I are both in affairs, I'm a MM, she's an OW (to someone else, not me)

 

anyway, we've noticed a lot of the same feelings occurring and were wondering if others in affairs felt them too, specifically :

 

-Day After Sadness - seems the hardest days are the ones after we see our affair partners, whether we have a good time with them or not. Can't figure out why this happens.

 

-Unshakeable Infatuation - very different from traditional dating, it hasn't subsided for me after 16 months, and for her after 12

 

-Deepest Depression I've Ever Known - I went to a shrink for the first time in my life, she went on antidepressants for the first time in hers

 

-Transferring Energy to other friends of the opposite sex - one of the reasons this friend and I talk so much is the relief it provides, there is no spark between us, but just having another woman to talk to helps me tremendously. I also got back in touch with an ex-girlfriend because talking with her briefly takes my OW out of my mind.

 

Not looking for advice about what to do about our affairs, plenty of that elsewhere on this board, just wondering if others experience the same emotions

 

 

I can relate to the day after sadness. This always happens to me I think beacuse I never truely know when we will have the chance to be alone again, sometimes it's not for weeks and that drives me crazy. I have also felt the depression part and it is the worst feeling in the world.

[PoshPrincess]

I am currently NC with my MM so every day hurts but here are my thoughts.....

 

Day After Sadness

Big time if they are going back to the W although as Green Eyed said, it's slightly easier when they're off to work. My MM sometimes spent the night (well, when he finished work in the early hours) and I always felt much worse when he was going home, especially as I knew he wouldn't be able to call me for a while, whereas if he was at work I would hear from him all day.

 

Unshakeable Infatuation

Totally, and still after over two weeks of NC (longest we've managed to stick to it - well, I have he's tried calling a couple of times but I've managed to have enough willpower to ignore him). I still get goose bumps everytime I think of him and the feelings I have for him have never changed at all. No one as ever made me feel the way he did. No one ever made me feel so special and so loved. Stupid maybe considering the circumstances.

 

Deepest Depression I've Ever Known

As I told him once, no one has ever made me feel so good about myself, but then again no one as ever made me feel as s**t either. He said that was because no one had ever loved me like he loves me. I am currently having therapy and considered anti-d's but don't want to go down that route just yet. Think I'm in a black hole that I am never going to come out of.

 

Transferring Energy to other friends of the opposite sex

I have only done this really since things got bad between me and MM (on and off NC). I have a very good male friend who I have slept with on several occasions now (including last night) and everytime I do it I feel like s**t after, especially last night as it happened at my place, in my bed where I used to sleep with MM. The first time it 'almost happened' but then I couldn't go through with it and got really upset. Don't know why I do it but it feels ok at the time, although I can't lie, I always wish it was MM instead. Trouble is, it's making life more complicated as this other guy is a very good friend who I know feels more for me than I do for him so I really shouldn't do it! Good for me sometimes as can't talk about MM with him (he doesn't know) like I do incessantly with others!

[KrisMuseumGirl]

yep! All of the above, plus some others. Jealousy of the spouse (which in reality should be aburd). Fantasies of our "future" together which I know in real life will never happen. Anxiety of when am I going to hear from him again. Some days are full of my just waiting and waiting which leaves me very preoccupied unable to enjoy the things I'm doing with my friends and family. Holidays can be disappointing because the MM can't always do anything to commemorate - so the thrill I feel in looking forward to celebrating with him can be extinguished by no-access to him during the season and severe disappointment.This is great and horrible at the same time. When I want to end it, I can't imagine my life without him. I would be bored with the mundane routine. Not that my life is boring - far from it. But I wouldn't have that thrill of seeing the MM. But yet, I can't stand the roller coaster ride of ups and downs. It's exhausting sometimes.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

And for KHLF.........when i was with my H and my MM, i did not want to have sex with my H at all. He disgusted me. I'd actually gag when he kissed me.

 

When i finally gave in to his constant begging for sex, i'd lay on my side away from him (so i wouldn't have to kiss him), prop my head on my hand, and ask him if he was done yet.

 

Well, I couldn't kiss or let my H touch me when I was with my MM and the 3 months after he left (also start of our NC.) After that - boy was I just horney!

[Guest917]

Jealousy.

 

 

my OW actually has a boyfriend, kills me to think of them having sex together, never ever felt anywhere near this jealous before