melodymatters Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Hello all, haven't posted in a few weeks, but have been reading your posts, keeping up, it's been comforting !!! Well, after a year of a totally committed relationship ( he says he couldn't be more committed if we we're married and plans to grow old with me) and starting a business togther, it's finally come down to this : He likes where he lives, in a shack on a biker compound that his brother owns, and will " never get married again". I sit alone in my house 5 to 6 nights a week, sleep alone, eat alone, while everyone else has partners. ( he only lives 15 minutes away, but works alot and is always tired. Basically I said something a long the lines of " I feel like I'm selling myself short, I'm lonely, either we're working towrds a future togther in which we live together and if that works out, get married" or you really have nothing to offer me accept empty words" He freaked out, got drunk and was all over the place, but still insisted that " he liked where he lives, needs a lot of alone time and won't get married, ever" He even had the balls to say " your 40 ( a very young looking, good looking., get hit on every time I leave the house 40, mind you) why do you want to LIVE with somone or get married, thats stupid" Like we're both 80 and should just visit each other in our nursing homes once a week ! So, I ended it. Firmly. Said I know I can do better, I'm not mad, I'm not going to try and change you, I just accept that the parameters of this relationship are severly curtailed and I'm not happy, so I'm out. What do you all think ?
johan Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Actions matter more than words. Fortunately for you there wasn't much contradiction between his actions and his words. I think you did what you needed to do.
Tormented Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Were you right, you ask? Answer: Absolutely! Why? I refer you to this: He likes where he lives, in a shack on a biker compound that his brother owns, and will " never get married again". If you choose to stay with this man, you can look forward to a future such as this: I sit alone in my house 5 to 6 nights a week, sleep alone, eat alone, while everyone else has partners. ( he only lives 15 minutes away, but works alot and is always tired. And more of this: Basically I said something a long the lines of " I feel like I'm selling myself short, I'm lonely, either we're working towrds a future togther in which we live together and if that works out, get married" or you really have nothing to offer me accept empty words" And because he likes it the way it is, despite your unhappiness, he will offer lame excuses such as this to keep the deck stacked in his favor: He even had the balls to say " your 40 ( a very young looking, good looking., get hit on every time I leave the house 40, mind you) why do you want to LIVE with somone or get married, thats stupid" Like we're both 80 and should just visit each other in our nursing homes once a week ! And, as a result because there is nothing else you can do, unless, of course, you accept his selfish and fruitless terms, you chose to: So, I ended it. Firmly. Said I know I can do better, I'm not mad, I'm not going to try and change you, I just accept that the parameters of this relationship are severly curtailed and I'm not happy, so I'm out. Smart girl! I know you care about this man and it's disappointing that he didn't return those feelings back to you. But the bottom line is....he can not, nor will ever, meet you needs. And from the sounds of it, he's not willing to meet you half way. To insinuate that your wishes to settle and marry is "stupid," demonstrates his total disregard for your wishes, for your needs, for your happiness. If he truly cared, he would take the steps necessary to keep you, to keep the flames burning, per se. Nope...cut this one loose. Hate to say it, but he sounds like a loser, not much going for him and you can do much, much better. Keep yer chin up, girl! We're here for ya! ~T~
Author melodymatters Posted September 17, 2006 Author Posted September 17, 2006 That was very kind of you to take the time to set it out like that !!! THANK YOU !!! and Thank God I'm old enough to listen to my gut and get out before it's too late : one upside of getting older is having more than a few bad experiences behind you to learn from ! Obviously the reason we are all here is " objective" advice, and i didn't slant anything, for what would be the point ? But, I needed to hear it from "strangers" to help me work through the sadness that always accompanies a break up ! thankyouthankyouthankyou !!! Melody
Tormented Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 thankyouthankyouthankyou !!! You're...welcomewelcomewelcome!!! I do know it's painful, Mary. No matter how bad or dysfunctional a relationship is, we are going to suffer the pain of a breakup because with the death of it so goes our dreams and hopes of what could have been with this person...if only in our own minds. Please know, Mary, that all of us here on this board feel the same pain you do and are here to help each other where we can. So please, keep posting if you need to. We're here! ~T~
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