scaredinlove Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Today I decided to talk to my MM because I am weak, I just want to know how he is doing and to my surprise he told his wife we had an affair and that he loved me or was in love with me .He is not leaving her, but I feel better to know I didn't waste couple of years with a liar.She is a little better and maybe there is a chance for them to reconcile.I am happy for him being brave and honest.Now in my end I tried to talk to my husband about our situation and I started saying I was unhapppy and that I would like to separet(at least foe a while) because I could not give him the love he wanted or feel loved by him.He got pretty pissed and I didn't even got to the affair yet.Anyway ,now he says he will quit his job and disapear and act like a b***h*** he always pretends he is dying and bla, bla,bla(He is in perfect health he just like to blackmail me) all night finally at 2:00 I told him"so is that what you want me to deal for the rest of my life?" them he calmed down and went to sleep. If m H is gay or not I don't know? I know he likes to manipulate me.The only good thing about all this affair is that we are all learning how to be more honest to each other.I know I haven't told my H yet,I am trying to get there , it is not easy to talk to him.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Today I decided to talk to my MM because I am weak, I just want to know how he is doing and to my surprise he told his wife we had an affair and that he loved me or was in love with me .He is not leaving her, SIL, I am confused. Why is your MM telling this to his W but with no intention of leaving her? Is he trying to torture her?? Now in my end I tried to talk to my husband about our situation and I started saying I was unhapppy and that I would like to separet(at least foe a while) because I could not give him the love he wanted or feel loved by him.He got pretty pissed and I didn't even got to the affair yet.Anyway ,now he says he will quit his job and disapear and act like a b***h*** he always pretends he is dying and bla, bla,bla(He is in perfect health he just like to blackmail me) all night finally at 2:00 I told him"so is that what you want me to deal for the rest of my life?" them he calmed down and went to sleep. What is a b***h***??? Anyway, the way I see it, he is a grand manipulator. You'd be better off without him - even if it means peanutbutter and jelly for lunch and dinner for the next 10 years. If m H is gay or not I don't know? I know he likes to manipulate me.The only good thing about all this affair is that we are all learning how to be more honest to each other.I know I haven't told my H yet,I am trying to get there , it is not easy to talk to him. Is the man whom you posted about (who jerked off to transvestite/gay porn) your H??? If it is, you should know the answer to your dilemma. I know it is not easy to make lifestyle changes after 14 years. But would it be easier after 20 years? 30 years? How much longer are you going to tolerate this? What is the worst that can happen if he is out of your life?? (Remember, he's going to quit his job and live off you... )
Author scaredinlove Posted September 17, 2006 Author Posted September 17, 2006 NHLF I am confused too of why the tol my wife he was in love with me, but I guess it was so obvious that he couldn't lie anymore.I can't understand him either. As for my H I agree with you I want to leave but is seems a lot more difficult them anybody can image.He won't go easly, I don't know what I been doing with my life, but it seems that I am finally waking up.
bunset Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Hi scared, It tugs at my heart to hear your story. I can empathize. NHLF I am confused too of why the tol my wife he was in love with me, but I guess it was so obvious that he couldn't lie anymore.I can't understand him either. It's a good sign, in my opinion. MM is tired of living lies. It can mean a whole new life for him, where he can feel free to pursue his happiness, without pretending to be who he's not. His happiness could be remaining in an established marriage, with a transformed wife, or a whole new world with a renewed relationship with you. I'm hoping for minimal heartache for you in the process. As for my H I agree with you I want to leave but is seems a lot more difficult them anybody can image.He won't go easly, I don't know what I been doing with my life, but it seems that I am finally waking up. Again, you and your MM have similar choices, it seems. Ending a marriage, even a bad one can be hell. I've been on the most unpleasant roller coaster in the same situation. I've been in a bad marriage for nearly 16 years, had an A and revealed it after the MM was discovered by his W and they went into Reconcilliation. I wanted an end to my unhappiness, with or without the MM. My H went ballistic and threatened the disappearing act, quitting job, abandoning kid, etc. He's now getting treatment for long term depression and working very hard at reconciliation, when I was the one who had the A! We're seeing ourselves and each other more clearly. It is a rough road, but one that really must be travelled in order to grow. May you find all that you need in this process!
GreenEyedLady Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 SIL: I know how hard it is to live in your situation. I was in a similar situation. My exH is gay. He brought his OM to our house, to our family gatherings, for Holidays etc. under the guise that it was his "best friend." I thought he was cheating on me with OW. They spent every minute of everyday together. They drove to work together, worked together and then after work, they had dinner, smoked pot and eventually my ex would finally come home. I had two babies an infant and a toddler. I had no job, but was in grad school. I was miserable and wished I would die. I finally finished grad school and got hired. Then I was like OK: i do all the cooking, cleaning, child rearing, laundry, I make more money than him now and he doesn't even have sex with me. So I walked out. I took my kids and our clothes and never looked back. I left because I knew that my H loved someone else and not me. I knew that I couldn't let my kids grow up with that as the example of what marriage is. He was a jerk in the D. I have to pay a minimal amount of Alimony and child support sucks, but you know what? I would have paid any amount of $$ to be D from him. It killed me to know that my exH didn't care that I was hurting during our marriage. I told him many times to stay with us, the family. He would walk out the door with me crying, the kids crying. He didn't care. He was going to do what he was going to do. And he was SHOCKED when I walked out. He's still w/OM. So it does happen. It's been 3 years this week that I left. I was so scared to be on my own. I didn't want to ruin my kids lives or mine. You know what, they are fine. My exh and I are on pretty good terms now. It's scary to enter the unknown and being a single mom is tough sometimes. But, I'm a survivor and so are you.
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