Dobbs Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Here's the situation: My husband and I were engaged while he was serving in the military overseas. After a few months of being at his duty station, he came home to marry me, I then moved to the new duty station with him. We have now been married 2 1/2 years. Until a couple of nights ago, everything was perfect. I found out that while we were engaged, he cheated on me twice. I had no idea about this until 3 1/2 years after the fact. I love my husband very much, we are building a life together, bought a house, planning on children in the next year, and so on. I feel disgusted, angry, confused, sad, then I feel nothing. I want to get past this, and he wants to too....but I don't know how? Is there hope?
scaredinlove Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Here's the situation: My husband and I were engaged while he was serving in the military overseas. After a few months of being at his duty station, he came home to marry me, I then moved to the new duty station with him. We have now been married 2 1/2 years. Until a couple of nights ago, everything was perfect. I found out that while we were engaged, he cheated on me twice. I had no idea about this until 3 1/2 years after the fact. I love my husband very much, we are building a life together, bought a house, planning on children in the next year, and so on. I feel disgusted, angry, confused, sad, then I feel nothing. I want to get past this, and he wants to too....but I don't know how? Is there hope? I haven't been in a situation like that but if you both love each other than there is hope.What he did is not right, but maybe he was just alone or scared.He come back and married you.Maybe you guys should go counceling.Good luck.
Adunaphel Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 I'm sorry to hear this. Did you find out on your own, or did your H come clean about it? Are you sure he cheated only on those single occasions? Cheating is always bad, but I guess that situations are different, and sometimes the circumstances can partly explain (not justify, just explain) why someone has cheated. As scaredinlove said, perhaps he was feeling very alone in those moments. I guess that what is most important is whether he could cheat again on you - and whether you can really, or want really get past this.
Author Dobbs Posted September 17, 2006 Author Posted September 17, 2006 Actually, no, he didn't come clean. He was talking to a friend about it outside on the front porch, and I heard him say something about it. When our friend left, I ask my husband if he was talking about something he did before we met, or after. He confessed that it was when we were engaged, 20,000 miles apart. He said he was lonely, he thought we were fighting too much when we spoke on the phone, and I'm assuming a little scared about getting married. This may explain the first time, but what about the second time?
Adunaphel Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 I'm sorry about how you found out. I am not married and I am not the most appropriate person to give you advice about what to do, but I suggest that you decide - whether you want to investigate deeper into this, whether you'd prefer to know or not to know about the second time, whether there have been or there might be other times. I really hope they were the only ones!!! - if you want to try to figure out whether you can trust your H (the alternatives are just trusting him or decide that you can't). If you decide to give him a chance to gain back your trust, he obviously has to cooperate.
Author Dobbs Posted September 17, 2006 Author Posted September 17, 2006 I did ask him if there were any other times, he said absolutely not. I asked him how was I supposed to believe that, and he responded by saying that hopefully in time, I would be able to trust him again. I really dont know if I want the details of the second time. I really wish I never overheard him talking to our friend in the first place. I know that our marriage is strong, and we've always worked out our problems (there are TONS of problems when your married to the military). I DO want to trust him again. He said he is willing to go to see the priest with me, or a marriage councelor here on base, so I guess it's a start. But I want these images to stop running thru my mind. I keep visualizing some woman with my husband (finacee then), while I was so far away, sad and lonely myself. I want him to hurt as much as I'm hurting right now. I'm physically sick to my stomach, I'm not sleeping well, and I keep having all these thoughts and words jummbled in my brain.
Recommended Posts