ajonesman Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Hello everyone! I've posted on here before, but a long time ago about someone who, thankfully, is well behind me. But now I find myself in a new predicament and I don't have many people to tell or share it with, so I thought I share my story here. Let me start by telling a little about myself. I'm 30 years old and my main job is being a swim coach. I also do some other odds and ends and I'm back to school as well. I'm happy with life in general and I enjoy who I am and the things I do. While coaching, about two years ago a new family joined the team. They moved here because the husband got a new job and they had to relocate. At that time it was a welcome adventure for the family … and they thought a permanent situation. The mom was very much a go-getter and perfect for our swim team at the time. She understood the direction the coaches were trying to take the team and very unselfishly offered her time and talents to the team. As a result I had met with her often to work on various projects. We soon became fast friends. Over the next couple of year continuing to this day we find ourselves finding lots of things to work on ... together. Many trips to the coffee shop, but more then that we do friend things as well. I even found myself in her room when I was invited to a weekend bike riding trip in the mountains with her and her friend. That night due to a hotel mishap I found myself sharing her room. Even though we were alone in the room we never crossed that line. I stayed on the hide-a-bed and she stayed on the bed. The second night she actually asked me if it would be ok if I slept in my tent (I brought it along) because it was hitting too close to home and she has never cheated on her husband … later she mentioned to me it wasn’t that she didn’t trust me, more she didn’t trust herself. I thanked her for her honesty and told her it was a very admirable and adult thing to be up front with me. This is a good example of the relationship we do share … it’s one of the most honest and open relationships that I’ve ever had with anyone. In the time I've known her she has easily become one of my best friends, if not, my best friend. We often share intimate things with each other about each other and seek each other for support and advice. And to be honest, I like her very much and I think she has similar feeling as well. Which is inconvenient to say the least. She is 10 years older then I am and a mother of two ... and married as well. But I guess it does get complicated further because her relationship with her husband is rocky at best ... and a source for many conversations. She has found me to be someone to confide in, which I have been happy and honored to that she feels I'm someone she can talk freely to. The story is her husband is a high-powered executive type who makes well over 350K a year. He seems to be very motivated by money and the toys that the money can buy over his family. His relationship with his kids is not very healthy to the point that it is often damaging (no physical abuse or things like that). And company he works for has basically said that he needs to relocate again ... not something mom nor the kids want to do again. After voicing their opinion many times (both mom and the kids) he chooses to ignore their opinions and chooses to not look for work outside of this company. That is the really soar point for mom … and she is starting to put her foot down. She would like him to look for work here, also he can basically retire and they are set … especially if he gives up some of this toys (it sounds like he is getting ready to buy a new mustang … there isn’t too many reasons why one guy needs 3 cars). Unfortunately he is choosing his toys over his kids. As you can see, I probably know more then I should ... and have feeling I know I probably shouldn't have. I'm sure we have crossed some lines ... but we have never crossed the biblical one. For the record I have told her I wish nothing more then for her and her husband to be happy and rediscover what brought them together in the first place – I never bring up if she should leave him or not. I do feel fortunate to have her as a friend and I believe really caring for each other is a rare and beautiful thing … something I do feel I share with her. I often want to bring up "feelings" with her, maybe even tell her I love her - because it is how I feel. But I refrain because I think I would be selfish to do so. As a friend I don't/can't complicate the things she is going though because they are hard enough. I am happy to be someone who can listen to her when she needs someone to talk too and lean on. That is what friends do. That said, it is hard for me. I don't know how I/we got into this situation. It is not something I was seeking ... especially not from one of my swim moms from the team. She is older then I am, with kids, and married. And I think it is highly unlikely she was seeking this type of a friendship with her kids coach. But here I am. I remember telling her once for all the awkward moments/situations we've found ourselves ... I'm glad it's been with her. I guess I'm writing this here for a couple of reasons. One to just get this off my chest and tell someone. As you can imagine there is not a lot of people I can say these things to ... except to her. And I'm also interested to see some other people’s comments, thoughts and maybe a little advice as well. Thank you for reading my story.
Seen_It_All Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 It always amazes me that women will complain about their husbands being 'workaholics' and 'never spending time with their family' - yet they sure do love living that comfortable and privledged lifestyle he provides for them. Obviously this 'super' mom has the luxury of not working - thanks to that rotten ambitious husband of hers - and can spend her time flouncing around to swim meets instead of having a career of her own and actually being productive. Gosh, tough life she leads. My heart bleeds for her. Any man who knocks himself out working hard to provide an extremely comfortable lifestyle for his family is not evil. He may be misguided in that he doesn't take time to stop and smell the roses so to speak, and that's something he needs to work on - but it hardly makes him a monster. If he wants a new Mustang, what's the big freakin' deal? HE worked hard for it, not her. She's too busy being your 'best' friend and complaining about a man who provides her a very comfortable lifestyle. In fact, it's HIS hard work that allows her to stay home, spending all her time complaining to you about how rotten he is and what a terrible marriage she's suffering in. If the guy were a meter reader and she had to work to supplement their income in order to pay the bills, I'm sure she'd b*itch about that, too. Sorry, my give-a-damn's broken. Please don't tell me you're considering a future with this woman. She's quite used to a very comfortable lifestyle and not having to work for everything she's got - but wants to complain about. I can't imagine a career in being a swim coach is going to afford her the big house, the private schools, the soccer mom SUV and the trips to the spa and nail salons. You're setting yourself up for failure, bud.
NoIDidn't Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 What you are in is an EA. You both need to back off before it becomes sexual, unless that is what you want. I think you should ignore posts that comment on her lifestyle and her husband's income. That's not the point. If he is as high powered as he sounds, maybe she is aware of an A or two on his end and may be welcoming the possibility of something between the two of you. My point is, you have already crossed a line that you know so much about her marriage. She should refrain from telling you those things. If her H finds out, he may be the kind of executive that makes problems for others when they mess with him. And don't tell her you love her. That will definitely put you two into muddy waters. You could lose your job, and you sound like you really like it. This lady needs a friend as she is always relocating and you fit the bill for the time being. The rest is just trouble.
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