Is she cheating

[Brkn_Hrt_Bermuda]

Here's the story. I worked in Bermuda and a new employee arrived on the scene. I've never felt love at first sight before, but this was it. She too was quite taken with me at our introduction. She later said "Your eyes lit up when you entered the room and I said 'Oohh'". We started slowly. I tested the waters to see how she felt. We ended up dating within 2 weeks. No sex for more than a month (which is fine with me), we did not rush into things. The relationship blossomed into something magical. Now, I am back in the U.S. waiting for a new work permit. It has been 5 weeks. I flew her up for Labor Day weekend and had an excellent time. She has said that she loves me, but I said it first. We have talked every night since I left and she always sent me loving emails.

Now, she doesn't want to call because she says that she does not have anything positive to say or anything to say at all. She now turns her cell phone off. She says that she will call lagter, but doesn't. She went out with a guy named Mark tonight whom she met a a Bar-B-Que. She said that he is married and a freind of her sister and that she did tell him about me and that she would call me later. Well, it's now 1 A.M. local time and no phone call. I am so distraught that I am shaking.

WTF do I do???

 

Broken Hearted Bermuda:(

[Brkn_Hrt_Bermuda]

I can't believe no one has a response.

[Cheshire Cat]

Now, she doesn't want to call because she says that she does not have anything positive to say or anything to say at all. She now turns her cell phone off.

 

How long has she been doing this? How did she tell you she didn't want to call you? did you speak briefly, did she text you, did she send you an email?

 

If this has been going on for no longer than a couple of days, perhaps she is just distressed, tired or distraught - and does not feel like talking.

 

She might be questioning the relationship, or it could have nothing to do with you.

 

She went out with a guy named Mark tonight whom she met a a Bar-B-Que. She said that he is married and a freind of her sister and that she did tell him about me and that she would call me later.

 

I don't think that if she wanted to cheat on you with that person would tell you about him at all. I am not familiar with cheaters mindset, but it would not make sense to me.

 

All you can do is probably to wait and see how things go. If she is not back to her normal self soon, you have probably something to worry about.

[Lisa32]

Long distance sucks to be honest. I've done it twice...and it doesn't work. I'm going to be honest, being a female and all...but yes, her interests have gone elsewhere...and yes, I think it's with the married guy. It doesn't mean that you and she won't be together again...but you can't push it. You can't become desperate and chase too much...or she'll be completely turned off, especially when she's feeling something for someone else. If she's involved with this married man, she's a fool. She's only going to get hurt and come running back to you to help her lick the wounds.

 

Anyway, you have 2 choices. You can

 

1. Get over to where she is ASAP and see it all for yourself to be sure. Talk to her, let her see you and see if the feelings can be rekindled. Or you can..

 

2. Break it off with her immediately, she'll feel the sting of it...and all of a sudden the guy she's with currently, won't seem so great. She'll then start pining for you, you'll gain brownie points and become the unobtainable one...she'll realize that she was just had a momentary lapse of reason with this married guy.

 

In all honesty...I'd ask her straight out and find out if it's true or not, before you even head over to see her in person. Even if she doesn't confess, I'd say to her "I don't like the games you're playing...this doesn't seem to be working. I think we need to end things." That will give her a bit of a blow and a shock, because she wouldn't be expecting it.

 

I'm telling you right now, it won't matter if you end things with her. If you and she are meant to be and she loves you, you'll have her back in no time. If you two aren't meant to be...it was going to end anyway, and there's no need to walk away feeling like the sucker...or drag it on even longer so it becomes even more painful. Stand up for yourself and don't let this girl play you, if that is in fact what she's doing. A person that sticks up for themself is the most attractive quality in a person.

[Brkn_Hrt_Bermuda]

How long has she been doing this? How did she tell you she didn't want to call you? did you speak briefly, did she text you, did she send you an email?

She would tell me at the end of the work day (I am working via internet for) or she would text me later at night that she doesn't feel like talking.

 

If this has been going on for no longer than a couple of days, perhaps she is just distressed, tired or distraught - and does not feel like talking.

It has happened repeatedly, the longest being 4 days.

 

She might be questioning the relationship, or it could have nothing to do with you.

 

 

 

I don't think that if she wanted to cheat on you with that person would tell you about him at all. I am not familiar with cheaters mindset, but it would not make sense to me.

 

All you can do is probably to wait and see how things go. If she is not back to her normal self soon, you have probably something to worry about.

 

She will not tell me about these 'dates' until a few hours before or the next day.

[Brkn_Hrt_Bermuda]

Long distance sucks to be honest. I've done it twice...and it doesn't work. I'm going to be honest, being a female and all...but yes, her interests have gone elsewhere...and yes, I think it's with the married guy. It doesn't mean that you and she won't be together again...but you can't push it. You can't become desperate and chase too much...or she'll be completely turned off, especially when she's feeling something for someone else. If she's involved with this married man, she's a fool. She's only going to get hurt and come running back to you to help her lick the wounds.

Well, he is not married. None of them are married.

Anyway, you have 2 choices. You can

 

1. Get over to where she is ASAP and see it all for yourself to be sure. Talk to her, let her see you and see if the feelings can be rekindled. Or you can..

Unfortunatley I cannot set foot in bermuda while my work permit is being processed

 

2. Break it off with her immediately, she'll feel the sting of it...and all of a sudden the guy she's with currently, won't seem so great. She'll then start pining for you, you'll gain brownie points and become the unobtainable one...she'll realize that she was just had a momentary lapse of reason with this married guy.

Sometimes I feel that she wants ME to break it off so she won't feel guilty.

 

In all honesty...I'd ask her straight out and find out if it's true or not, before you even head over to see her in person. Even if she doesn't confess, I'd say to her "I don't like the games you're playing...this doesn't seem to be working. I think we need to end things." That will give her a bit of a blow and a shock, because she wouldn't be expecting it.

 

I'm telling you right now, it won't matter if you end things with her. If you and she are meant to be and she loves you, you'll have her back in no time. If you two aren't meant to be...it was going to end anyway, and there's no need to walk away feeling like the sucker...or drag it on even longer so it becomes even more painful. Stand up for yourself and don't let this girl play you, if that is in fact what she's doing. A person that sticks up for themself is the most attractive quality in a person.

See following post.

[Brkn_Hrt_Bermuda]

Okay, here is an update. She still will not talk to me for more than a couple of minutes unless I get persistant. She has a hard time talking to me but will spend hours over dinner and drinks talking to these guys that she only just met.

 

She has gone out with three different guys so far. She stays out much later than she would with me, even on a work night. She also has a slight medical condition right now which will improve if she gets rest but she won't. She even tells me at the end of work that she is completely wiped out, but then she stays to til midnight or later. She also leaves her cellphone at home. She always made sure she had her cell phone before.

 

She says that they are just freinds. And that she gets along with men better than women. She tells me that I have nothing to worry about, but it just doesn't add up. She lost the desire to talk to me the same time she started going out with these other guys.

 

It used to be that she couldn't go for more than several hours without contact. Now she doesn't even return my text messages.

 

She tells me that I make her feel like she hasn't felt in a very long time. She tells me that she feels safe with me. She says she can't wait to have my arms wrapped around her again. She misses my kisses and that no one has ever made her feel (in the pit of her stomach) like I do when we kiss. She misses my touch and the way I smell.

 

It all sounds great, but I asked her if she could at least make a promise to be faithful to me as long as we are going out. She said that she can't because she cannot predict the future. At first she said that these dates would stopmonce I got back, now they won't. She says that pressuring her just drives her the other direction.

 

I know that I can make that promise. A promise is not a gamble it's a commitment to your word.

 

She also keeps changing our plans. At fisrt it was that she would move back to the States with me or I could move back to the UK with her. It used to be that she wanted me to come to the UK for a weekend while she is there for the next two weeks. It used to be that she wanted me to come for Christmas. No it's "That wouldn't be a good idea. Christmas is a funny time for families, you know."

 

I really can't take it anymore. It took me a long time to find someone whom ignited my flame again, someone with whom I want to share my life and be a part of theirs. I don't feel that I am pressuring her, I just want her to either respect our relationship or come clean and cut me loose. And I really don't want her to do that.

 

Lost, confused, and utterly crushed,

Brkn_Hrt_Bermuda:(

[Brkn_Hrt_Bermuda]

Sorry to go ramble.

 

And thank you Chesire Cat and Lisa32 for your replies.

 

Just a little more information:

 

She admitted that she has not told these guys about me.

 

She has said that she loves me. Even one time she said "I know I don't say this often enough, but I really do love you lots." Of course this was after having made passionate love in the shower.

 

Again, any comments, advice, support, or words of ecouragment will be greatly appreciated.

[scobro]

Bro you won't like this but I gotta give it to you straight..she just isn't that into you anymore.If she was she would be acting completely opposite to how she is acting towards you now.It sucks and it has happened to me b4 and you have to move on.My problem is i am friends with the girl that did it to me so ot's even harder talking to her.You need to not contact her and move on with things

[Rooster_DAR]

She wants wants you and her freedom too. Lose her or risk having issues man.

 

Sorry!

[Flicker]

I'm afraid I agree with Rooster. It doesn't look good.

It seems to me that she is cheating on you and not disguising it very well.

It is odd that she is still insistent that she loves you and wants to be with you though.

I think you should make the break now, before it gets any worse.

Good luck

[Guest]

The hard thing, Bermuda, is what if she is telling the truth. What if she does get along with men better than women. Some women can be quite catty and she my have some insecurities about how she looks. Maybe these men make her feel attractive. Do you tell her that she is pretty? Do you tell her how she make you feel?

 

I'm sorry Bermuda but it is a tough call. If she really means that much to you I would hate to see you throw it all away. See how she act towards you once you do get back. Does she still want to spend time with these guys? Will she invite you along if they are just freinds?

 

I'd hate to be in your shoes. I feel for ya man.

[Brkn_Hrt_Bermuda]

Well that's what I am hoping. She is self concious about her looks, but she is absolutely stunning and I tell her this in many different ways on an almost daily basis. I don't know why she thinks that shen is unattractive, she has even done modeling and been on a billboard.

 

I also tell her how she makes me feel and how I feel about her. Just this morning on the phone from work she was telling me how much she misses me and wishes I was there. Then I get an email sending me her love and X's & O's and how she is looking forward to me being at the airport to pick her up when she gets back.

 

I'm totally confused. Is it possible that she is bi-polar or has a psychological conditon?

 

[rina_r]

Her condition is - playa!

[Rooster_DAR]

At this point I would stop with the compliments, she is just going to keep absorbing them without reciprocation.