amaysngrace Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 I've been seeing this guy since Easter and I think he's pretty cool. But the thing is, I just know he's not right for me. He drinks way too much and I'm equating this to being self-destructive. So...I don't want to like him too much because I know he won't value me, if he can't even value himself. But, with that being said, sex with him is amazing. I totally love him in that way. I get all horned up just thinking about him. WTF? I don't know what got into me...well, I do, but holy crap, it's like it's all I can think about. He is a human aphrodisiac. And I'm addicted. I know it's not smart to get attached, but couldn't I just use him until someone more suitable comes along? Or is that very wrong to do?
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 You will get more addicted to him and it will be MORE difficult (not less) to dump him later. If you just want to go the FWB route, I'd predict the same outcome for you.
MsArtful Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 You have to let him know that this is the type of relationship you want with him. Otherwise it is wrong. And things like this can often get messy, but its up to you to decide.
Arianna72 Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 I would be clear with him that you don't see a future together. I think as long as you are very honest it could work out. Course the danger in this is that the longer you spend time with someone the more attached you are likely to become. You may start out with the intention of not getting attached and end up finding yourself in love with a potential alcoholic. Along with all the others concerns I have about the guy I am seeing I also recognize he drinks way too much and I know in the end that is not something I will be happy with long term but it is tough to just walk away when you like someone. I would say be very careful with this one.
Author amaysngrace Posted September 17, 2006 Author Posted September 17, 2006 I would say be very careful with this one. This is funny because this is what his friends say about ME! I really don't want to tell him what I like most about him because it may hurt his feelings. And he has many good qualities besides the power to please me. He knows the drinking is a problem for me. He knows I like him as much when he's sober as when he's been drinking. In fact probably moreso when he's sober, because he's better in bed then. I'm typing this and I know it sounds completely awful...I am using this guy. But if it's mutual, is that such a bad thing?
Arianna72 Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Well.. maybe you should both be careful eheh It actually doesn't sound awful at all and if it is mutual I wouldn't think it was a bad thing at all. Just check in to make sure it is mutual.
jerbear Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 I'm typing this and I know it sounds completely awful...I am using this guy. But if it's mutual, is that such a bad thing? If it is mutual then there are no secrets. I'm the sort of guy that if it is mutual and no one is getting hurt (now) then everything should be ok. You two are consenting sober adults. it is another when he is drunk and good in bed. You two need to get on the same page and do note that a FWB can actually distract your time from culitvating another truer relationship.
Author amaysngrace Posted September 17, 2006 Author Posted September 17, 2006 Just check in to make sure it is mutual. That's what I'm afraid of...I don't think it is on his end. But he's had FWB before, so I guess it won't be a problem for him to be one with me. The only thing is, I don't wanna share him with anyone. Can you request that of your FWB to not see others? Or is that not good to do?
whichwayisup Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Which is worse, leaving things as they are and still having sex with him? Or being honest and still having sex with him? I don't think its' fair to exclude him to 'what' the relationship is. You know how you feel now, so it's time to tell him the truth. You don;t have to go into lots of details, just say you'd prefer not having a serious relationship, but still want to have sex. You can't have it both ways...It's just not fair. HE has to know the truth.
magichands Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 That's what I'm afraid of...I don't think it is on his end. But he's had FWB before, so I guess it won't be a problem for him to be one with me. Do you think he is not right for you, or do you know he is not right for you? Is this a non-relationship?? The only thing is, I don't wanna share him with anyone. Can you request that of your FWB to not see others? Or is that not good to do? Is that not good to do?! Are you looking for "definitive" advice?? I'm sorry, but I can't relate to this at all. Maybe I'm just too simple, or too much of a romantic - but I see no evidence of respect here. So what the hell am I doing in this thread?! Am I being judgmental? Probably. Arsehole? Moi? But just to show that I think there is a point to my post...try this. You said "until someone more suitable comes along" - would they respect you right now??
Author amaysngrace Posted September 17, 2006 Author Posted September 17, 2006 You can't have it both ways...It's just not fair. HE has to know the truth. Yes I know. I do have feelings for him. And it's not good. I am seeing a counselor this Wednesday to help me through this actually. She recommended I go to a Al-Anon meeting, and I've looked up some in my area. In a way I think I'm trying to convince myself I won't fall for him, but deep down I think I maybe already have. Just tonight on the phone he was wasted AGAIN, and I had to help talk him through walking his dog and not passing out in the woods. I made sure to stay on the line until he got back into his house, got some water, and made it to bed. He asked me not to give up on him. I asked him "tonight?" and he said "forever". I don't really know how to feel about him. I think maybe I'm taking the easy way out by suggesting being his FWB in the first place. I may sound heartless, but I do care for the man. He's basically a pretty good guy, except for this one thing. But in a way, he kind of reminds me of having another child. And that's probably what's freakin me the most.
Author amaysngrace Posted September 17, 2006 Author Posted September 17, 2006 You said "until someone more suitable comes along" - would they respect you right now?? What makes you think I'd ever in a million share this with them, MH?? Um...no. I wouldn't. But they'd probably appreciate my newfound knowledge. Seriously, I like him. I think I'm just trying to get off easy with him, rather than be responsible in a relationship where one partner has fallen on hard times. And you're right, it isn't respectable even a little bit. I guess I'm just trying to figure out what to do. Commit or bail, but knowing me, I'll probably give the commitment a shot. But it's a real tall order, even for someone as strong as myself.
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