NC but.....

[Stamford]

I have only split up with my girlfriend since Monday. We were together for just under 4 years. We had our problems and have been on and off for about 1 year now. In the past I have always made massive efforts and we always got back together.

 

This break up seems to be different that previous times. The stuff she said was complete different. This time she said she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't care anymore.

I must admit that I am very very dawn and the I have thought about why we're on this planet.

 

Now, I want to try the nc methode but I am so scared that she will meet some one else, as she is very attractive, and forget all about me.

I keep seeing her with other guys and it makes me feeling sick!!

Like tonight I know that she is out and getting drunk with her friends. It drives me up the wall as I know there is a very good chance she will meet some guy.

 

1) What should I do not to worry?

2) Do you think the nc could destroy everything as I always made massive efforts in the past and got back with her? maybe that will give her the impression that I don't care

 

Please give me some good advise as I just can't anymore

[Josalina]

only u can answer that u know her, does she know u care? if not tell her u still love her deeply but find talking to her as a friend to hurtful, that is a good route 4 nc as she will know u still care but won't know what u r doing.

[Josalina]

oh and as for not worrying i can't help as im in the same situation, all i can tell u is one thing is for sure she will never love this new person she may meet in the same way she loves u, or dare i say loved, she will remember the good times, and he may do somthing or not and it will reminder her of u.

if she goes off with someone else as much as it will hurt there is nothing you can do unless you dont mind making a possible fool of yourself, ask yourself is she really worth it? if so fight.

u will know what the right thing is at the time. take care of yourself in the mean time.

[Stamford]

I know she is the one for me. I am just an emotional wreck at the moment. All I see is her with an other guy. This makes my brain explode

[db75]

To me it sounds like you both have some self-esteem and insecurity issues. On again off again over the last year. Obviously this relationship probably isn't meant to be for either of you.

 

You've been broken up for less than a week. It's unlikely she's going to be all that interested in meeting some other guy right away. That sort of thing usually takes some time.

 

Ultimately you just can't really worry about it because you have no control over it. Even if she were to meet someone else, it's probably in the long run for the best. It would probably put to and end what sounds like a pretty unhealthy relationship for the both of you.

 

You'll be all right man.

[Stamford]

the funny thing is that we are both crazy about each other. But the only thing I am worried about is that I don't want to lose her

[funkify]

You sound a lot like me! I broke up with my bf of 4yrs and we too were on and off for about 2 of those years. I broke it off, we would fight a lot, and things just weren't the same as the 'happy times' no matter how much we tried. Now, I keep dreaming about him with other girls and it makes me sick to think that he would kiss someone else.

 

Like others have said though, that is something you have no control over. Perhaps this breakup means you will meet someone who is 100x better than her, life's a mystery. Good luck, I know it's hard

[D-Lish]

Believe me, you have to go the NC route with this. Remaining in contact with her will only cause you pain. You DON'T WANT TO KNOW what she is doing. The only way to ensure that is to cut her out of your life. You won't be able to move on if you know things like the fact that she is out getting drunk with her friends.... it will only drive you mad.

 

My ex told me he didn't love me anymore and I held on to the notion that he didn't really mean it.... but that belief has only inhibited me from moving on. I've been sitting here waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for an e-mail or for him to show up at my door with flowers and an apology. Now I have found out that he has moved on- and I am devastated all over again.

 

It's so much better not knowing what the hell they are up to.

treat this as the end - let yourself grieve, then begin to move on. Go out with your friends, avoid places you'd run into her. Fall off the face of the earth as far as she is concerned.

 

Most of all, take care of yourself.

D

[Stamford]

Thank you for your comments. I wish I could move on, I wish I could go out with my friends and all this type of things.

 

But there are a couple of things you maybe should know. I'm Belgian from nationality and as soon as I moved to the UK I met my ex.

I have not got any friends beside her friends. I life on my own in a different town where I don't know a living soul. All my family is in Belgium so this makes everything double hard.

And the worst? Even if I wanted to move on I still have a little problem.

During the time we were absolute the perfect couple I had put her name on my arm. So now every morning when I wake up I see her name on my arm etc.

[Stamford]

I must also mention that during our relationship she very rarely got in contact with me. While we were not living together it was always me who needed to text or call her. So this is an other risk, I think that she will not contact me if I don't. Her moto is that if a guy wants her he needs to work on it. So would nc still be good?

[MagnoliaJane]

Stamford,

 

I know it must feel like the ceiling just came down on your head. It's hard to be in another country alone. I'm a Belgian living in NYC and three days after I came here I met my ex. He's been my whole world for the past one and a half years and now it's over and I'm all alone. It sucks!

 

But think about this. Was she the reason why you moved to UK? If not, hang on to why you went there in the first place.

 

If you have always been the one to invest all your energy in the relationship then that's a red flag. Love is two-sided, not a one-way street.

 

It's true that picturing her with another guy can only drive you mad. Try to stop this pattern of thinking by thinking about yourself and the reasons why you would like to continue a relationship that is clearly making you very unhappy.

 

There IS life after a break-up. But you must allow yourself to want to accept something is over and grieve. Just try... A small step everyday. Left foot, right foot, breathe. Try to do something that distracts you. What is it that you like to do on your own?

 

Concentrate on yourself. For now. Reconnect with friends and family in Belgium. Read www.vrtnieuws.net or Humo or... Plan a trip back to Belgium. Do something for yourself, be nice to yourself.

 

I just talked to my mother over the phone for two hours (the first time since the break-up with my ex a month ago) and just hearing her voice and speaking Flemish helped. it's silly but it helped. It made me go back to who I was before, before I met him.

 

Keep your head up, and remember: someone who has rejected your heart is not worth your thoughts (at least not every desperate minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) - that's a quote I read somewhere here on LS.

 

Magnolia