Guest Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 My first time here and I've got something I need to get off my chest and at the same time hopefully get some advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation. I was in a relationship with a girl about 3 years ago. I was really crazy about her. She kept a secret from me though. Her "boyfriend" who is from out of town has lived in a house which she and her sister and brother-inlaw share. She told me they live in seperate rooms (I have reason to believe this is true) and that they haven't been dating for quite sometime and that he's only hanging around because of his job. Anyway, after 6 months or so, she wanted to break our relationship off claiming that even though she wasn't involved with this other guy anymore, she couldn't face being a "two-timer" of sorts. It felt rough at first. A year later we often voiced our friendship only status despite at the time I wished for us to get back together. This repeated a few times over the last 2 years or so. We've always been really great friends. We have so much in common and hang out a lot. We pretty much always have a great time together. This year though I decided enough was enough. I gave up on us being an item again and actively sought to date other women for the first time in over a year. My ex/friend caught wind of a plan to meet a girl one day and went berzerk at me. Later she calmed down and admitted that she shouldn't try to stop me nor should she commit to anyone just now. We agreed. A few months ago though something happened and it brought us closer together. On a few occassions now we've hooked up and ended up sleeping together. At first I thought we could get back together again but she told me we shouldn't do this again. However since then we've had these "intimate incidents" with each other again but we haven't discussed it at all. She goes on as if nothing happened and doesn't act close to me at all and I've tried to get on with my life but in a very confused state. I feel extremely bad about my situation now because about a month ago another girl started showing interest in me. I didn't really lead her on at first because I thought I could get back together with my ex. However, about a month ago, after my ex and I had hooked up and then it seemed to be leading to nothing, the other girl started mailing me and asking for a date. I agreed to this after deciding that these stupid moments with my ex seemed to be nothing more than just that. As I said, I feel bad though. My ex and I have had these incidents lately, but nothing seems to develop from them. I would like to get on with my life, date other women, maybe find someone who can make a definite commitment to me (even if it's only short term) instead of someone who is happy to sleep with me one day but then try to blow it off the next day. Of course, I'm dissappointed in myself. I've been guilty of giving in to temptation. My history with this woman has been a roller coaster ride to say the least. Recently I've learned how weak I can be in the face of temptation. On the one hand I feel justified in the pursuit of someone else. On the other hand I feel as if I'm cheating my ex gf. I'm due to have a date with the other girl who has been interested in me for a while. The closer the date gets the guiltier I feel sometimes. Am I a cheat? How can I toughen up and resist my ex gf? Has anyome else experienced something similar. I'd appreciate any advice.
Hitman10000 Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Let it flow, if your ex wants to hook up then cool. But it doesn't mean you drop everything for her. You already know how she's like and she already knows how you are. Personally I believe it's much better to start fresh with a new girl who don't know you. Until she has proven herself total 100% loyal to you, you owe your ex nothing. Keep dating other women though and keep busy with your life.
Arianna72 Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 I don’t think you are cheating at all. But……………. Please.... if you are going to start dating another person be honest with her and let her know you still occasionally sleep with your ex (or stop sleeping with the ex). It really sucks to find out that someone you are “dating” is still having a “thing” with his ex. I have been on the other side of this (as the girl someone was dating) and if you are unsure where things stand with the ex be very honest about it.
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