Moose206 Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 First post so bear with me. I think I need to get things off my chest and vent a little. No one else to talk to, so why not the "anoymous internet" Hope I don't ramble too much. I am married (year and half--6 years dating before) and have a young son--whom I really adore. My wife is very, very nice. Treats me nice (well mostly--some nagging and harping does occour), cooks great and is a wonderful mom. More and more, lately I have bee noticing big differrences between my wife and I. Differences of opinions, she gets tired of my immature commnets, she is less into cars then I thought ect. I would say were not growing together....barely staying paralle or just drifting a bit. Plus there is the stress of a new baby. Totally changed our lives. Sex has gone down hill. She complains about....ahem... giving me a bj now. At its peak, sex was between okay but less then good. I am far more experinced in bed and more liberal. Now I have a certain ex GF from 9 years ago---then we hooked up 4.5 years ago---who I cannot get out of my head. Incidentally, I cheated on my wife--when she was my gf---with her. This ex gf--we had so much passion, the sex was like nothing I have ever had--it is something I really miss and I have a hard time accepting that I wil never have her again. And it was not just one sided--she freely admits I am the best and have made her do some really wild stuff There was more then just the great sex though. We really connected on an emotional level. I have never felt so good about myself--as when I was with her. We did have some rocky times though and there were mostly my fault. There is way too much history to get into detail here. Bottom line, choices were made and we ended up with different people. I always thought of her as my soul -mate---just that soul mates didn't always end up togther:( Overtime I put her to the back of my mind as best I could. I still thought about her once in awhile---dreamnt of her and for some reason--I still remember her phone number from over 9 years ago! I recently contacted her--on a whim she still had her old e-mail address. When I would wake from dreaming of her--I would always be upset---cause I could not talk to her. She has answered the e-mail and we have sent a few back and fourth. I asked her to meet me for dessert one night. She accepted and showed up with her 3 year old in tow. She is single. As soon as she walked in the door--my heart raced. She looked as bueatiful as I remember (I have no pics) and then some. I looked into her eyes and was immeresed and entranced---love struck:love: She was very stand-offish and suspiocious of my motives. With her daughter with us--it was a fairly short dessert. Surpringly she asked if I wanted to go for a ride and see her new condo--still under construction. Of course I said yes and we got to spend another 45 min talking. She opened up some and I learned things that were shocking to me. At the end she droped me off at my car and asked if I had anyting else to say---"You look very bueatiful", I stammered as I got out and she then left. 4.5 years ago was the last time I saw here---30 minutes and then poof--she was gone once more. I was shooken up and confused. A few more e-mail were exchanged after that--pretaining to our encounter. Finally, I saw the real girl. Admiting she was keeping my at emotional arms length she let me know her true thoughts. She feels the exact same as me! She even wanted to kiss me quite badly when we were out on our drive! That just floored me. If I was not attracted to her, I could let her go. If she had no feelings for me, I could let her go. Now I am doing alot of soul searching. She has so much power over me---I would do whatever she wants--yes that means cheating on my wife. Yes, I know that sounds terrible. I think I could change my whole life for the ex gf. I don't regret getting married to the wife or my son at all---I am glad I made her a mommy. But some things do not last. Now I think of a future date where I may take leave, have a trial seperation---then pursue the ex gf. Its not something I ever wanted to happen in my marriage. Its not how I planned my life but the older I get the more I find I do not always know myself. Until your in a situation you cannot 100% always predict how you will act. Anyone else married but want the ex back? Am I nuts?
Ladyjane14 Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 I don't regret getting married to the wife or my son at all---I am glad I made her a mommy. I doubt you wife can say the same. Has it not occurred to you that you have changed your wife's life in a permanent way? If she's like most moms, I doubt that she'd be willing to change even one hair on her child's head. But once she understands the depths of your betrayal and selfishness... I can't imagine she'll be too happy at the prospect of being stuck with you for the rest of her natural life. How can you be glad that you've interfered in the course of another person's life and impeded her ability to be happy with someone else who might actually have given a rat's ass about her? I think the fact that you've said your are "glad" tells us all we need to know about how self-centered you are. Just another voice in the "it's-all-about-ME" generation. Is this the best that young men can do these days? Worry about if they're getting BLOW JOBS often enough, or if their wife is putting enough energy into sharing their "car" hobby? And if they feel the answer in 'no'.... Is that a good enough excuse to abandon the responsibilities that they signed on for? Honestly, I think you're too immature to be married to anyone. My advice to you is to share your post with your wife, and let her move on with her life. Hopefully, she'll find someone who can treat her decently and be a more devoted husband and father than you have been. p.s. It's better to leave than to cheat. If you don't believe it... spend a little time reading some other threads.
Gunny376 Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 Do your wife a favor, and show her this, and then leave. She deserves better than you! Marriage is one of those "in for a penny ~ in for a pound" type deals. Come Hell or High Water, come what may. Taking care of another person that can't care for themselves, be they an infant or an elderly person ismentally, emotionally, and phyiscally exhausting. And gets that way quick, fast, and in a hurry like.
PWSX3 Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 I think I could change my whole life for the ex gf. I don't regret getting married to the wife or my son at all---I am glad I made her a mommy. But some things do not last. Now I think of a future date where I may take leave, have a trial seperation---then pursue the ex gf. Its not something I ever wanted to happen in my marriage. Its not how I planned my life but the older I get the more I find I do not always know myself. Until your in a situation you cannot 100% always predict how you will act. If you don't regret getting married then why are you so quick to want to get out of it? I feel you know there is a problem and that is you aren't sure who you are and just doing a trial separation and jumping the fence to see if it's better over there won't fix anything. I am a person that has looked out for me and didn't worry about hurting others feelings in the meantime but I know that now and I am trying to change. If you really want to get back with the "X" and not work on your relationship then I feel what you said about being happy you got married is not telling the real truth. Sure when you have a child things change, there are more responsibilites. How about helping the wife with your child so she has some time to relax, maybe find a babysitter and go out to a movie or a play. Trust me I am a "BIG TIME" gear head and my wife used to go all the time to monster truck shows etc. but I also took her to dinner theaters or other things that were interesting to her. Try putting some of that emotions you have towards the xgf towards your wife and maybe you will be surprised at what will happen. I have learned a mariage is 100% work on both sides not just 50-50 so it sounds like you need to step it up a little. Hopefully you will get some good advice such as I have from this board and you will learn that everything doesn't have to be for you. GOOD LUCK!
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