perihelion Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 I dont know how to start all this to be honest, excuse me if it comes out garbled, but i just need to get it all out. I have recently split up with my fiance. Our relationship was going downhill fir a while, i felt i couldnt talk to her, or that when things were rough it was always me that had to say something to her to get it out in the open. we had a huge row just before we went on holiday a few weeks back and she swore things would change, two weeks back into it and it was the same old story. She has alot to contend with, she has a 7 year old girl who takes priority in her life all the time and rightly so. every night after work we come home, do the chores, by the time the kid, dog and whatever else is sorted out its about 9.30, she has a bath and goes to bed. I feel like we were just passing eachother in the hallway. She has never been one to approach me for any sex, which adds to my frustration as again i felt like i was in the relationship alone. i raised this point many times, reassured her that it was ok and take her time to work on it, she just never did. I was no angel, as i wasnt getting any i watched porn on the laptp which really upset her, sometimes i couldnt help it, after all im a human and have needs to, though its pretty insensitive i agree. she has always been insecure about me being with other women behind her back. Admittedly because of the nature of our relationship there were times i had considered it, and indeed had offers, but i never did, i was always at home so she had no reason to believe that something foul was aplay. I used to have alot of female friends which gradually petered out because she used to hate it, again i can see why, but they were still my friends and i needed them at times. Finally when i left for work and she found some text messages on my phone, from another girl - a friend who id met and talked to. The texts were not incriminating at all, but she got it into her head that i am carrying on behind her back and that it was all over. It really upset me because i hadnt been carrying on at all, i was so frustrated that she didnt believe me. Yesterday i had to move back to my mums place and take everything with me, she refuses to speak to me and it feels like she has convinced herself that im a cheating bastard so she doesnt have to deal with the fact that our relationship was in decline. Last night i got really drunk and got back on the coke, something i have struggled with in the past. I dont know what to do, she was my best friend as well as my fiance, and im sat here alone, hungover and not knowing if i really wanted it to end, whether it could ever carry on like it was. Im hurting really bad, and am worried that as my mind is all over the place i could end up going on a bender and getting back to how i used to be. I wish id never even thought about splitting up, i knew it would be bad, but not like this. Can anyone help, or provide any thoughts?
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