Zankon Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 To trust or not to trust? That is the question... my gf and I have been together for over a year. Truth is, things between us happened at the speed of light. But we both knew that we would make a good couple. We talked about past experiences and all and it appeared that she had messed up relationships where she had trust issues and her exs cheated on her at every occasion. Months later we were closer than body and soul and she moved in. We do everything together. She s very affectionate and needs a kiss every 5 min (annoying sometimes specially during a hockey game but it's ok). She never missed a chance to tell me that I m the most amazing person she s ever met yadiyada... Until 2 weeks ago, she left her email account open... (and I know I am a sucker...) but as I was heading to close it, I see an email subject from a boy saying "Hi love". So u guessed it, I couldn't restist not reading it. It was from an ex (that she never told me about) and i don't wanna go through the details of the many other emails she got from him that she was saving in a special folder. U get things like "I couldn't be so far from you... maybe one day we ll be together again... u r the greatest person and I ll never forget you... my heart aches when I think about you). So I confronted her with it and she said she was mad I looked into her private stuff. She added that it's old story and it meant nothing that he was the crazy guy who couldn't get over her and she told him millions of times to stop. Anyways, we settled but the thing is I can't trust a word she says anymore. So I started thinking back about all the excessive affection and love she used to demonstrate? was it all a play? 1 week ago I asked to leave because of ongoing arguments that we never used to have pre-email-spying and I gave her time to find a place. And yes you guessed it, we re back and she s still living with me (It just seemed harder than I thought it'd be). Then 2 days ago she said she needed time to herself to figure things out and she didn't come home till 4am 2 nights in a row. When I asked whereabout she was at late hours, she said she was at the lake thinking alone... Ok now I m all confused... I have more details to say but let me get some of your responses to make this more interactive. Thanks for reading!
Heart66 Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 When You don't have trust in a relationship, you really don't have ANYTHING. It sounds that you DON'T trust her, and things are only going to slide further down hill. You mentioned that she has ruined past relationships, and it seems that she is doing it yet again. If you can't get past the trust issue, than there really isnt any reason to continue. Why waste your time on a dead end? It sucks if you really care about her. Good luck
Author Zankon Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 Heart66, so do you think that all the excessive affection, physical contacts, "I lvoe you" every 10 mn and all was just a camouflage? I am sorry if I sound weird but it;s just that now I m thinking that everything is possible and when I look at her I am not sure if I m looking at the person I think I m looking at... kinda freaky
D-Lish Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Um, being even more sneaky here... you said you checked incoming mail from this other person... but did you check to see if there was outgoing mail from her back to him? Or did his mail indicate that he was responding to to things she had said that might be incriminating? The biggest problem with your situation is that you could open up a whole can of worms if you start checking into this. Look at the heartache this has already caused you. You have to decide if the digging is worth it. That would cause me to have trust issues- that is for sure. It certainly sounds suspicious. But, I have an ex that sends me nice e-mails saying he misses me- and it means nothing to me and it certainly didn't mean I wanted to leave my last boyfriend because of it. Maybe it was just an ego boost to read she was missed? That may be the case. You have a choice to make. Choose to believe her and let it go- or chose not to believe her and let her go. Or.... to forgive her and begin to work on the relationship. I have been decieved and it hurts like hell. Only you know her well enough to say if you believe her- or if you think she is capable of being so deceptive that her affection is staged. I don't know- it sort of sounds like she really craves attention- and that could be a red flag.... Good luck. Dee
Guest Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Dee, why do you say it's a red flag if she craves attention
Author Zankon Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 Dee, why do you say it's a red flag if she craves attention?
Author Zankon Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 You asked "Um, being even more sneaky here... you said you checked incoming mail from this other person... but did you check to see if there was outgoing mail from her back to him?" Yeah, in his emails her original ones were attached... so I could see the whole conversation and it wasn't pretty
2sunny Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 You asked "Um, being even more sneaky here... you said you checked incoming mail from this other person... but did you check to see if there was outgoing mail from her back to him?" Yeah, in his emails her original ones were attached... so I could see the whole conversation and it wasn't pretty Just lay low until you gather more info to work off of...
mike440 Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 The craving attention is a red flag because you will likely get burned out and emotioally drained over time by her needing the constant reassurance. Once you are drained and no longer able to give the constant reassurance, she will become unhappy and feel unloved and look for someone else to give this to her. This happened to me with a woman who needed constant attention.
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