Guest Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 So here's what I am thinking. I would never go out with a guy one on one, or ask for his phone number or even pay him that much attention if I was only "kind of" into him. I'm just not into leading people on. Plus, there is only really one way I find myself with guys, and that is all or nothing. Either I want to be more than friends or I don't. Period. So I don't really understand all this "he's just not that into you" crap. How can you be half into someone? Can someone please explian this to me? And a question for the guys - would you ever go out with a girl, one on one, even casually, if you were not into her as more than a friend? Wouldn't you be afraid of giving her the wrong idea? I just can't see myself hanging out alone with a guy that I didn't totally like, because I wouldn't want to lead him on. God, I just don't get people. Someone please make sense of this for me.
norajane Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Well, how do you know if you can become totally into a guy unless you date him and get to know him better? Haven't you ever gone out with someone that seems intriguing only to discover after a few dates that he's dull as dirt or whatever? I think that's how it works for guys, too. They might be interested in getting to know you better, but after a few dates, realize they're just not that into you.
SoCalCatman72 Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Either I want to be more than friends or I don't. Period. So I don't really understand all this "he's just not that into you" crap. How can you be half into someone? Can someone please explian this to me? And a question for the guys - would you ever go out with a girl, one on one, even casually, if you were not into her as more than a friend? Well to put it bluntly, some guys may want to sleep with a woman, but not necessarily have a relationship with her. So they are into her physically, but not emotionally (there's your half into someone scenario). Men are emotional, whether they will admit it or not, and sometimes it's nice to have female companionship even if you're not into her as more than friends. Men want to be wanted, men want reassurances that they are attractive, funny, strong and desireable, we just go about it a different way.
kulyok Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 In other words, there are lots of jerks in this world who'd lead a girl on, possibly even have sex with her, and then say: "Sorry, I'm just not into you.", just to have sex or stroke their ego, using a living person to cover their insecurities. Frankly, if a guy goes out with me, one on one, I assume he wants a relationship with me and ain't dating anyone else, nor is going to - since he is with me. If it seems to me there might be a misunderstanding, I'd ask him bluntly, but so far there haven't been: I would never go out on a date unless I know a person relatively well, and have known for at least two months or so. And, really, I do not agree with "the only way to know your feelings is dating him/her a few times" at all. There are plenty of ways to get to know a person without asking her or him out.
norajane Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Frankly, if a guy goes out with me, one on one, I assume he wants a relationship with me and ain't dating anyone else, nor is going to - since he is with me. If it seems to me there might be a misunderstanding, I'd ask him bluntly, but so far there haven't been: I would never go out on a date unless I know a person relatively well, and have known for at least two months or so. And, really, I do not agree with "the only way to know your feelings is dating him/her a few times" at all. There are plenty of ways to get to know a person without asking her or him out. Like what? If you don't work together, or hang out with the same group of friends, or aren't involved in some club/group/activity, how do you get to know someone without dating?
kulyok Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 If you don't work together, or hang out with the same group of friends, or aren't involved in some club/group/activity, how do you get to know someone without dating? If we aren't working together, if we do not have common activities, or clubs, or groups, or university/corporate network, if we do not meet through a hobby, or a workshop, or a forum,if we have NOTHING IN COMMON - why should we date at all?
SoCalCatman72 Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 If we aren't working together, if we do not have common activities, or clubs, or groups, or university/corporate network, if we do not meet through a hobby, or a workshop, or a forum,if we have NOTHING IN COMMON - why should we date at all? *Putting on my alphamale hat* Because she has a smoking body and I just gotta tap dat. (sorry alpha, couldn't resist)
serial muse Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 If we aren't working together, if we do not have common activities, or clubs, or groups, or university/corporate network, if we do not meet through a hobby, or a workshop, or a forum,if we have NOTHING IN COMMON - why should we date at all? kulyok - so what you're saying is, if you met someone out somewhere - let's say a bookstore, so as to keep it not skeevy - and he was interested in you, talked to you for a few minutes, thought you seemed attractive and intelligent and therefore asked you out for coffee, you'd say no on the grounds that you just don't know him? that seems kind of roundabout, seeing as the whole point of going to have coffee would be to get to know him. how would you establish those two months or so of experience together without, you know, spending time together somehow? :confused:
kulyok Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 kulyok - so what you're saying is, if you met someone out somewhere - let's say a bookstore, so as to keep it not skeevy - and he was interested in you, talked to you for a few minutes, thought you seemed attractive and intelligent and therefore asked you out for coffee, you'd say no on the grounds that you just don't know him? Well, to tell you the truth, I've met quite a few pickupers(= alphamales, One-Night-Stand'ers, whatever) this way - dumped them before any harm was done, of course. I agree, though, it can be a really nice guy, too. I think I would walk away, since I am free in meeting guys from my environment(and I do), why would I go for a stranger? But if I did feel a real attraction - our eyes met across a crowded room and it was love at first sight, this sort of thing - I think I'd pay attention to which books he liked and talk to him about it. If it turns out we have something in common, like a fantasy group meetings, or he works in IT, or we both study psychology - my interests are quite diverse, I'd agree to meet again on neutral territory, if only just to explore another bookstore. Or meet in LiveJorunal community. Or visit the same training club, or Harry Potter fan club, or something else. I would definitely say something like: "I like you, but let's not be hasty, shall we?" But the probability of it is quite low, I fear: I would much rather go for a stable, loving partner among my friends, colleagues and mates, the one with whom I'll have lots and lots to share. Anyway, where I live asking a girl to join for a cup of coffee means "Would you go to bed with me?", so I would definitely say no.
serial muse Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 huh. well, i guess that might be a cultural difference then... but hey, if you've got plenty of potential dates among your various circles, more power to you! back to the OP's question, though - personally, i agree with norajane: Well, how do you know if you can become totally into a guy unless you date him and get to know him better? Haven't you ever gone out with someone that seems intriguing only to discover after a few dates that he's dull as dirt or whatever? I think that's how it works for guys, too. They might be interested in getting to know you better, but after a few dates, realize they're just not that into you. i think this is exactly right. you have to spend time with someone to know whether they're right for you. and if you haven't met this person through an existing social group, but through other means (including dating sites, for example) then that will mean going out on dates with them, to get to know each other a bit better. but dating is not a guarantee of true love. it's just a way to spend time with someone and figure out who they are really. things were a lot simpler in college, i'll say that. it's a lot easier to meet people when you have that environment already arranged for you. but i also didn't have much of an idea of who would be right for me. so i guess it all evens out.
norajane Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 If we aren't working together, if we do not have common activities, or clubs, or groups, or university/corporate network, if we do not meet through a hobby, or a workshop, or a forum,if we have NOTHING IN COMMON - why should we date at all? I meet people at work conferences and meetings - we work for a common company or company affiliates, subs, teaming partners, alliance partners, vendors, clients of affiliates, etc., but we do not work together. We have lots in common including education, job type, activities, etc, but we've just met and they might not be someone anyone I know knows. I also meet people at parties - friends of friends of friends. We don't hang out but it doesn't mean we have nothing in common outside of the group of friends. I meet people at political rallies, the grocery store and coffee shops in my neighborhood, hanging out at the botannical gardens - all over the place. And I don't know if we do or don't have anything in common unless we get to know each other better, one on one. I would definitely say something like: "I like you, but let's not be hasty, shall we?" Hasty? Going on one date for coffee isn't hasty. It's a date for pete's sake, not a proposition for sex or a marriage proposal! That's why people date - to get to know each other. Anyway, where I live asking a girl to join for a cup of coffee means "Would you go to bed with me?", so I would definitely say no. Where do you live - a brothel?
serial muse Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Where do you live - a brothel? okay, that was funny.
pricillia Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 So here's what I am thinking. I would never go out with a guy one on one, or ask for his phone number or even pay him that much attention if I was only "kind of" into him. I'm just not into leading people on. Plus, there is only really one way I find myself with guys, and that is all or nothing. Either I want to be more than friends or I don't. Period. So I don't really understand all this "he's just not that into you" crap. How can you be half into someone? Can someone please explian this to me? And a question for the guys - would you ever go out with a girl, one on one, even casually, if you were not into her as more than a friend? Wouldn't you be afraid of giving her the wrong idea? I just can't see myself hanging out alone with a guy that I didn't totally like, because I wouldn't want to lead him on. God, I just don't get people. Someone please make sense of this for me. women have what men want and some men, not all take it then move on... and some may hang out with you and decide that they are just not attracted to you...is it a crime to spend time with someone that you are attracted to and then decide that you just don't click... I think not But don't you have friends that are men... I am not saying they don't want more but you could learn alot from the opposite sex... As far as men giving women the wrong idea men love attention from a woman, but I have a male friend (yes just a friend) that tells me not to put all my eggs in one basket, so I am thinking he feels the same way as well. He often "crushes" on alot of different girls...
kulyok Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 Where do you live - a brothel? That was a xenofobic question: "going for a cup of coffee" it is an idiom in Russian. I've reported you to the moderators. Do not do this again.
Pink Amulet Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 That was a xenofobic question: "going for a cup of coffee" it is an idiom in Russian. I've reported you to the moderators. Do not do this again. Are you kidding me? Xenophobia is a fear of foreigners... Tell me exactly why her hilarious remark is xenophobic? I have been to Russia many times, and guess what? I DRANK COFFEE THERE- and I did it with Russian friends, yet we all managed to keep our pants on. Fancy that.
Moai Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 For the record, when a man says "hello" it generally means he wants to sleep with you.
norajane Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 For the record, when a man says "hello" it generally means he wants to sleep with you. So that's what "you had me at 'hello' " meant in Jerry McGuire!
Recommended Posts