loveinlife Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Hi everyone, Recently been having contact with my ex on the phone every night. We seem to be getting along so well, just like we used to when we were first friends before going out as partners. It is very strange to me. She knows that I still love her and care about her. I tell her that but she has a shield on and tells me to be strong. So I know she is not trying to string me along or anything like that. Yesterday she told me that I still mean a lot to her. She means a lot to me also. This is all new to me. Having an ex gf becoming friends. I guess it works out. She's happy to talk to me and I am too. We care about each other a lot. Anyone having this kind of experience as I do?
bella_girl Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 I think its all time place and circumstance. I'm now good friends with one of my ex's - we were together 4 years ago. We irregularly kept in touch during those 4 years. Now we're geographically closer so I see him more. In fact I'm helping him get together in a new relationship! Eek - that's a bit weird even for me, but ultimately I'd like to see him happy so its fine. My recent ex though no - I still need a lot of space to get over that and I can't be friends right now.
silentcharon Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Nope. I couldn't remain friends with my ex. He didn't know what he wanted, and acted like we were a couple minus the commitment after we broke up. It drove me crazy- I'm not talking about marriage or anything like that, I only wanted him to continue loving me and being with me. I didn't ask for anything more, and made it clear to him after we broke up. I tried being friends, but he kept crossing lines that are clearly only there for couples. For example, he'd do things like ask me if I was coming to bed whenever I visited his house, and I'd tell him, no that's okay, I'll sleep on the couch. Or he'd come up and cuddle with me, on his couch or at a friend's house. This confused me, as well as everyone else- no one, myself included were unsure if we even broke up in the first place. I couldn't do it anymore, and essentially forced NC on my ex one night a couple of months ago. He didn't want to do it, I reminded him that it hurt me so much that he was acting like this, and yet wouldn't commit. I didn't want to be the "in between" friend, it was either friends only or couple only. None of that gray bs, it's black or white. He told me he still loves me, still in love with me, blah blah, while I believed him, I told him I have to go NC to move on. I was tired of being confused, wondering whether that hug meant something more, why he was cuddling with me if we were supposed to be broken up, and all that. So I left, and haven't talked to him since. We are GREAT together, friends or couples- I'm sure if he stuck to either friends or couples boundaries, I would still be talking to him. But I'm not, I loved him enough to let him go for good, knowing that he's still in love with me. Hell, he tried to break Nc by sending me a huge ass bonquet to my house a few weeks ago, with a card, "Loving you and missing you." I didn't respond. He was the one who broke up with me... this whole thing makes me bitter, knowing that he loves me still, but can't tell me exactly why he doesn't want to be with me "right now". I told him I wasn't going to wait for him any longer and that I had to go. It was an awful night for me, I cried my eyes out all night. I'm doing all right though. I think it depends entirely on the circumstances of the break up itself- and how much both parties have healed to the point where they can resume being friends. I can be friends with him, but not when he doesn't know what he wants. No facking way!
burning 4 revenge Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 No! And she just called me wanting to know if I want to hang out sometime! "Hey, you never take me out to tha beer garden we used to go" What a c*nt!
Buttaflyy Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Yes! Very good friends with an ex. We realized that we were better as friends and have been for over 6 years. We consider one another to be life long friends, although we don't speak every day. We used to spend lots of time together after we broke up, hanging out often. He was well liked by my family and also has a relationship with my family as well. We were able to do this, because we mutually agreed that it wasn't working romantically. At first, he did try and get back with me, but I was alot like your girl. Eventually everything worked itself out.
Mollyanna Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 yeah we are very good friends - but we are also still having sex. I can't seem to let that part go...
Author loveinlife Posted September 15, 2006 Author Posted September 15, 2006 Ahh... I see... its absolutely normal. I still want sex from my ex too.
db75 Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 I've never been able to be friends with any of my exes. My most recent ex and I are still on speaking terms and I know she wants to be friends and I kinda do too. However, given that part of the reason we broke up was because she was so emotionally unavailable and consumed with her own interests I question whether it's a good idea or not. I look at it like this ultimately, she didn't have time to be my girlfriend, so how would she really have the time to be my friend either. I can just see us hurting one another further. Sadly, I'm probably just gonna let her fade into obscurity.
Mollyanna Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 It's difficult to remain friends with someone who you still love. I read into EVERYTHING. my recent obsession is the fact that when I left his house last night, he watched me walk down the driveway, get into my car, and drive down the street. He hasn't looked at me like that for a long while. With something that small, my hopes are up again...
Author loveinlife Posted September 17, 2006 Author Posted September 17, 2006 Mollyanna, I could see why you have your hopes a little higher. That was very sweet what he did. Its a possibility that his feelings might emerge. When someone spends a lot of time together, people bond. I don't know much about what is going on between you two at this moment. But hope everything goes well for the both of you.
Mollyanna Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 yeah but today reality hit. i called him 6 hours ago and he has yet to return my call. With "just a friend" I would not sit here and dwell on that and be upset.
Author loveinlife Posted September 17, 2006 Author Posted September 17, 2006 Yeah, I feel you. Just like my ex. We are friends and then wth sometimes. When I call her she doesn't pick up the phone. That gets me mad too. Just can't count on them. Friends are suppose to be there for you when you are sad, down, or whatever. I feel your hurt.
Mollyanna Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 I think they purposely try to put distance between us so we don't get the wrong idea. They don't want to feel the guilt of leading us on. I notice this with him everytime I start to feel we are getting really close. The next day he vanishes. Do you feel you are the one putting forth the majority of the effort in your relationship?
Teacher's Pet Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 yeah but today reality hit. i called him 6 hours ago and he has yet to return my call. With "just a friend" I would not sit here and dwell on that and be upset. Well, my dear, in about 17 hours you will be with people who love you to pieces, so let not your heart be troubled. -tp
amaysngrace Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 I think it's good to be friends with your ex. I am with my first one, and am actually working on a cordial relationship with my exH whom I positively use to loathe. I think it's shows that when the emotions fade, you are prone to remember the good, rather than the bad. It's full circle.
Author loveinlife Posted September 17, 2006 Author Posted September 17, 2006 Sometimes I think its hard not to feel that your ex might come back. For me, esp reading the articles on Second Chances, I tend to see a few people going back with their exes many years later. In a sense it kinda gives me hope, but a unhealthy one because who knows if that might happen or not.
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