hurtin'bad Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 My ex and I have been broken up for about 5 weeks now. I admit it still hurts just as bad as the day he broke up with me. It didn't end nasty, he needed space and didn't want a relationship at the moment. He wanted to stay friends. The night we broke up I of course cried and begged, but then I didn't call him until 7 days later.....and had a fun, casual chat....no mention of the break up. Then a week after that I had to pick something up at his house, again we just chatted casually for a short time. I ran into him by accident a few days later, and we only exchanged a few words and then I said I had to go. I want him back badly, but have never expressed this since our break up. I have always seemed indifferent. The last couple times I spoke to him, he seemed almost "cold", not the warm funny person he normally is. I thought maybe he was annoyed I had made contact and I told him that I would stop if it bothered him, but he keeps telling me he doesn't mind. However, 14 days later I totally cracked. I had heard from a friend he had cheated on me and I called him about it. He was offended and said he would never lie or cheat......and it turned out to be a big misunderstanding on my part. I felt sooooo guilty. He seemed annoyed, and cut the conversation short. I said I wouldn't call anymore if it was awkward but he said he doesn't mind if I call. I said I call b/c I miss you, and he just said "alright". Then we said goodnight. I haven't talked to him since...that was a week ago. I will be seeing him in 3 weeks at an unavoidable party (It is a family thing so no I can't avoid him!). Is he annoyed I am calling? Or do you think he is annoyed that I haven't told him that I still care.... We were trying to stay friends after the break up...(I know...everyone on here always says not too) but he is too special to cut out my life. Lots of people on here always say "no contact" or "don't ever tell them you still love them". I am worried that maybe he thinks I just got over the break up way too quick, and is hurt that I haven't shown any emotions about it. What could he be thinking? He is kinda shy and I could see it being hard for him to ever call me or bring up the break up. I was thinking of telling him my feelings at this party, if the right moment arises. It is super risky....but I worry that if I keep acting like I don't care, that he will move on. I know there are LOTS of girls that are waiting to pounce on him.....and I am afraid I will lose any chance to be with him..... What should I do?
AriaIncognito Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 NC doesn't ruin your shot at getting back with someone. It gives the other person a chance to reflect on what they had and see what life is like without you. If they prefer that life, well then there's no shot. If they don't, well then you never know. I was NC for 2 months with an ex and started talking to him again and we started seeing eachother again. So anything is possible in that respect. Good luck to you. Jennifer
Heart66 Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 I agree with the previous post! I too am on a recent split [his doing]. And while I am trying to move on, I must admit I still have a small bit of hope in my heart that it can still work out in time. As the previous post said...NC is all about them missing you and figuring out what they want [or don't want] in their life. He'll never miss what he had or see the positives you bring to the relationship if you don't allow some change. Trust me, I know its hard to NC and it sucks. But you've gotta do it! He will come back better and stronger...or he won't and you'll see that he wasn't as wonderful as you thought. You'll heal and move on to someone who will treat you better than he did! As for his being annoyed about you calling. Personally, I don't think he's annoyed. I think you're calling is feeding his ego! Calling is letting him know that you are miserable and can't make it without him! Instead, STOP calling and let him WONDER why! Have him consider the fact that you might actually be okay without him! Not only will this show him that you will be okay thru this, it gives you time to heal and get stronger. Meanwhile, by the time he comes back, you might not even want him anymore! I know its tough. I miss my guy too. But...We've got to treat them as though they aren't coming back. IF they do, we will cross that bridge when/if we get to it. If not...We are much closer to having healed, learned from this, and ready to love someone who WILL love us better than these guys did. GOOD LUCK. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP. It will get better!
hurtin'bad Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 That gives me so much hope. I miss him sooo much that my chest always literally hurts. I think about him 24 hours a day, I even dream aboout him every night. People say it gets easier...but my heart hurts just as bad as the first day. It is so hard to try get through everyday life......and I still cry every night. No one knows I still feel this way. They think I am moving on with my life....but truth is I can't. When someone IS YOUR LIFE, then how do you move on without them? NC drives me crazy. Tonight all I can wonder is where he is and what he's doing, and if he is with someone else......I feel like I need to staple my hands to the desk just to not pick up the phone and call. Not knowing is TORTURE. and I will think about it all evening until I cry myself asleep again tonight.
Josalina Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 it will either be the best or the worst thing you will ever do. everyone is different, you r the best person to ask in this situation as you know him better than anyone else and the way he will take it.
Moai Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 The only way you will get him back is if you act totally indifferent. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't, but IMHO that's your best option. When you tell him you want him back, or when you called him about the cheating thing, you are letting him know he can have you whenever he wants you. When you tell him you won't call him if it bothers him, you are eltting him know that he can do whatever he wants and you'll come running back. It is that fact right there that will push him away further. Hence him seeming "cold" to you. If he really loved you, he wouldn't want to break. It is just that simple. people don't want to be apart from those they want and love. So, something in the relationship is not right for him. Maybe it is because you weren't enough of a challenge, maybe not, but you'll never know unless you cut all contact completely (upcoming party aside). If he pulls back, pull back more. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it really does work. If he gets it into his head that he could lose you, he might come back. If the thought of losing you doesn't bother him, then that's the way things go and you'll stay apart. Anyway, I would tell him how you feel at all. Be nice, be confident, and try to avoid talking to him as much as possible. You can't blow it by not talking, but you can blow it by losing it and gushing at him.
Josalina Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 hurtin' bad, i know exactly what u r going through your last post is explaining my life and i cant move on without the one person who makes it. my heart aches my eyes hurt, (where i have cried so much) i will never get over this i know i wont, i love him and he is tearing me up bit by bit, the worst part is the unknown, will he still want me, won't he. going years with someone you class as you soul mate to nothing is the worst way to miss someone. i feel like my ex has died and he just haunts the streets i walk, i wish he could realise how he makes me feel. i never felt more alone in my life, i don't know if men think as mach as women, i think of him every minute of the day, i wake up in the morning and 4 a split second wonder if it has all been one big dream and really we r still in love and together. my mind, heart, soul and body feel lost i want love and need him but this wont make him come back. i am sorry i can't really help as i am in the exact possition and if i knew the answers i would do them and tell you but i dont so all i know is take care of number one and everything is done for a reason. in the end it will b alright if its not alright it is not the end.
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