Sand&Water Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I think this is the right place to post. My Questions: (1) Would you adopt a child? [Yes/No] (2) Why or why not? (3) Which nationality? (4) How much does it cost to adopt? I've been thinking about adoption, as of lately. Well actually, since my teens. I might consider adopting a child in the future. The thing is I'm not sure if I'll be capable of providing them with unconditional love. All thoughts/ideas would be appreciated. Thanks.
serial muse Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 i would. i've thought about this a lot recently, as i'm nearing an age where i'm seriously considering my options. i've wondered about the unconditional love question - but, you know, i've also wondered how i'd feel about that if i had my own children through natural childbirth. and i think i could do it. it's not cheap, though. tens of thousands of dollars. and from what i understand, there are some countries that are now making it more expensive and difficult for some westerners to come in and adopt - for example, same-sex and single-parent families. i'm not sure, but i think it's china that has placed a restriction on the number of adoptable babies, for this reason. i have several cousins who have adopted babies, from places like china and afghanistan, as well as the u.s. it's a pretty grueling process, from what i've observed, aside from the expense. so i'd need to be in a pretty financially stable position, and willing to take the ups and downs of the adoption process before i could begin. which i'm not, at the moment. and not sure i'll ever be. for example, if i choose to be a single parent - i don't know how i feel about going through that process on my own. it's tough enough when you have a partner. all things being equal, i admit i'm considering freezing my eggs instead.
Blackfrost Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I would love to adobt a little girl from China, where they are being left out in the fields to die on a regular basis, because they are consider to have no value in a one child per family country - and that sickens me. I would love to give her a chance at a good life, and would love see her grow into a world where she was loved and had a real future. Unfortunately, I can't afford to pay some ****ty agency the thousands and thousands of dollars it takes to save one of those children. It's horrible, that we have a system that works this way :mad:
serial muse Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I would love to adobt a little girl from China, where they are being left out in the fields to die on a regular basis, because they are consider to have no value in a one child per family country - and that sickens me. I would love to give her a chance at a good life, and would love see her grow into a world where she was loved and had a real future. Unfortunately, I can't afford to pay some ****ty agency the thousands and thousands of dollars it takes to save one of those children. It's horrible, that we have a system that works this way :mad: i hear you, blackfrost. when i see what some of my relatives (and other friends) have gone through - it's infuriating!! and they're paying for the privilege, on top of all that. but their kids are lovely and adorable and, best of all, happy. on the other hand - it's good that there is regulation for what becomes of these kids. because there are so many horrible and unscrupulous people in the world. although of course, you're right - abandoning little girls to the fields is horrible too. :( and one wonders where all that money goes...
agnf666 Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I think it would all have to do with my situation in the near future. I mean, I love children and since my childhood was not the greatest I would love to give one of those children a life of a happiness for the most part.
blind_otter Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I would love to adobt a little girl from China, where they are being left out in the fields to die on a regular basis, because they are consider to have no value in a one child per family country - and that sickens me. I would love to give her a chance at a good life, and would love see her grow into a world where she was loved and had a real future. Unfortunately, I can't afford to pay some ****ty agency the thousands and thousands of dollars it takes to save one of those children. It's horrible, that we have a system that works this way :mad: well, er, el, uh - it's a weed out system to try to protect children from being placed through error or omission into exploitative situations. God knows it happens too much as it is. The easier and cheaper they make the adoption process, the more likely that someone will take advantage of that fact to victimize children.
Blackfrost Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 well, er, el, uh - it's a weed out system to try to protect children from being placed through error or omission into exploitative situations. God knows it happens too much as it is. The easier and cheaper they make the adoption process, the more likely that someone will take advantage of that fact to victimize children. I agree with the watchdog investigation approach, but the cost is simply out of control. Sadly, infantcide will be allot of these childrens futures, because of it. I wonder if I can get one of these multibillionaire humanitarians like Bill Gates, to give me the cash to adopt one of those children.
norajane Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I wonder if I can get one of these multibillionaire humanitarians like Bill Gates, to give me the cash to adopt one of those children. Write to Oprah. This kind of help would be right up her alley from an emotional perspective, I think. How could she refuse a plea to help you adopt a child? She might even start a special foundation for that. Or maybe even Angelina Jolie, since she herself has adopted children. Can't hurt to ask.
RecordProducer Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 I always thought that if I couldn't have children of my own, I would adopt one. I however strongly recommend that you have it naturally if you're able to. Only if there are medical reasons for you to NOT have one of your own, I think you should think of abortion. I am talking as a mother of two. Also if you're younger than age 35, I don't think you're mature enough to adopt one. A good friend of mine from Canada told me that it costs around $10,000 to adopt a baby. If you want a Caucasian child, you might want to adopt a baby from Russia or Ukraine or some of the ex-USSR countries. Someone from his family adopted two kids from the Ukraine and they are very happy with their choice. In the US, depending on your income and life conditions, you might not be eligible to adopt a baby of your own race. If I were to adopt a baby, I would adopt one that is closer to my appearance and nationality.
mishy Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 My sister is adopted although she is not from overseas- she is australian like me. The unconditional love thing - i don't know. But i do think that my parents expect more of me (i am their natural child) and are harder on me than they are her. She was stuck in the hospital for the first six months of her life because no one wanted her because they though she was intellectually disabled in some way because she had water on the brain when she was born. My parents adopted her anyway and it turned out that the doctors were were wrong and she was perfectly normal. They don't rock the boat with her (that is confront her about issues) its like they are afraid they'll chase her away. I think because they had this fear for the first year that they would lose her because it took over a year for the adoption to me finalised and they felt like she could be taken away at any time. She does get treated differently to me. we are now both in our thirties and she is now an alcoholic and my mum won't do anything about it because she's afraid of how she'll react - and i said to mum hey - you would never let me get away with this behaviour - and she agreed.
RecordProducer Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 she is now an alcoholic and my mum won't do anything about it because she's afraid of how she'll react - and i said to mum hey - you would never let me get away with this behaviour - and she agreed.Does this really mean that she loves HER more? If my husband had a child that's not mine, I would be more concerned about MY kids being alcoholics than HIS child. I love my kids enough to NOT tolerate them smoking, doing drugs or drinking. Who came first, you or your sister?
seven Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Only if there are medical reasons for you to NOT have one of your own, I think you should think of abortion. Well now there's a freudian slip if ever I heard one.
mishy Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Does this really mean that she loves HER more? Who came first, you or your sister? No i don't think its about loving her more, i don't think this is about love - i think that because I am her natural child she sees me as more a reflection of her than my sister is. I think Mum sees herself and my dad in me - so if i screw up they've screwed up. The expectation of me is different. She has always got away with crap.I came first - i am four years older.
RecordProducer Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Only if there are medical reasons for you to NOT have one of your own, I think you should think of abortion.Well now there's a freudian slip if ever I heard one.Nice try, 7. Are you implying that I am against abortion unless there are medical reasons for it? Freudian errors are being made when another truth is hidden behind the error. Otherwise, it's just an error. No i don't think its about loving her more, i don't think this is about love - i think that because I am her natural child she sees me as more a reflection of her than my sister is. I think Mum sees herself and my dad in me - so if i screw up they've screwed up. The expectation of me is different. She has always got away with crap.I came first - i am four years older.I see. Very interesting and analytical explanation. Also, helpful for the original poster and her question, I think.
MsArtful Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 I would adopt. The world is overpopulated as it is, better to take on a child with out a home.
littlekitty Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 (1) Would you adopt a child? [Yes/No] Yes. Although I would prefer to have a child naturally if possible. (2) Why or why not? Again, mainly if I wasn't able to conceive naturally. Although if I won the lotto and could afford more children, I may be more inclined to help another needy child. (3) Which nationality? Depends on the situation. I have to admit I would probably opt for a Caucasian child if I couldn't have my own. Otherwise, it wouldn't bother me at all. (4) How much does it cost to adopt? No idea!
ddw5195 Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 I think this is the right place to post. My Questions: (1) Would you adopt a child? [Yes/No] (2) Why or why not? (3) Which nationality? (4) How much does it cost to adopt? I've been thinking about adoption, as of lately. Well actually, since my teens. I might consider adopting a child in the future. The thing is I'm not sure if I'll be capable of providing them with unconditional love. All thoughts/ideas would be appreciated. Thanks. Hi, I adopted a child!! I was in labor and delivery through the hole thing. here is my story. even when I was very young I knew I would not be able to have children!! Just a felling I had. I have wanted to be a mother even when I was very youg. I day dreamed about the day when that would come and truly tried for years to have children. I went through alot of infertility doctors and the thing that came up was I have a blood disorder that my blood is to thick to flow through my body correctly and when I get pregnant it cause me to miscarry. I was pregnant in 92, then in 96 and again in 2000. I almosted died in 2000 of a tubal and I then decided it was best for me not to get preg. any more. we then decided to adopt. after the tubal I was very, very devestated. I had longed to be a mother and I lost my baby. not only did I see the heart beat of my unborn baby I so longed for I had to make the decision of termanting the pregancy. it was either die or die. I had 8ounces of blood on my pelvic and the insides were swollen to the point all the doc could do was take the baby and just let me heel. but GOD never gives you more thatn you can bare and never takes away without giving something better back. I was introduced to my daughter that is now 5 to her birth mother in november and we were instantly parents in jan. HOWEVER, I would not adopt in the states unless it was thru and agency. why... because the birth mother was 21 and said her parents knew and I know the mother knew but the father did not which did not matter she was of age and knew this is what she wanted to do because before she was introduced to me she came to members of my congeration' neice when she was about 3 mths and tey said to her come back in the last part of the pregancy and tell me if you are for sure this is what you want and she did. but when my daughter turned two her birth grandfather found out and was calling and wanting to see her. I am a christian and the more people to love her is all the best but I will tell you I felt like I was being pushed into something that was over the boundries!!!!! in this I mean she will be told that she is adopted and never lied too and when she is 18 and wants to meet them then I will suck it up and go but till then it is my decision on when where and how long it take to tell her!!! I want her to focus on being a loved child and spoled and just enjoying life not why she was not loved or if she was loved and why she keep her brother and not her etc. I did alot of research on adoption and if you adopt in the states it is about 13,000.00 no more than 15,000.00 and if you go over seas the cheepest I found was 35,000.00 yes I said 35,000.00 and then you are not gaurantieed a baby. the 35000. was in china I think russia was the most expense. yes I would adopt again and my daughter is mine!!!! you love them no different and you will really be more protective really over the adoptive child becuse you longed to be mom and it look alot to get the child. adoption is wonderful and I would do it again just a little different. in fact my baby says mommy I really would love to have a brother or sister and she prays every night to have another!! I long to have that little boy(or even another girl, but would love to have a boy) but you know I asked GOD a long time ago that if he would just allow me to have one then I would be most happy and if any more come then that is just iceing on the cake!!! hope I helped!!
silentcharon Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Yes, definitely, I would adopt. Even though I don't like kids right now- I'd probably have children some day when I'm ready to. I'm an advocate of adoption. It wouldn't matter if I could or couldn't concieve, I would still like to adopt a kid. God knows there are so many kids who need a home and someone to love them- they all deserve it. No one deserves to suffer, everyone deserves to have a home where they can be safe and have a family. It's too bad how some people don't see it as a viable option when they can't concieve their own kids.
grateful Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 I would love to adobt a little girl from China, where they are being left out in the fields to die on a regular basis, because they are consider to have no value in a one child per family country - and that sickens me. I would love to give her a chance at a good life, and would love see her grow into a world where she was loved and had a real future. Unfortunately, I can't afford to pay some ****ty agency the thousands and thousands of dollars it takes to save one of those children. It's horrible, that we have a system that works this way :mad: Well... there is another way - - domestic adoption. The US also has many, many children who need homes due to neglect, poverty, parental drug use, etc. They may not be left in fields to die (something that is happening far less in China than people in the US imagine) but they are a product of our own domestic, internal systems of neglect. They have as much of a right to be saved as any baby girl in China. Many of these children are in the foster care sytem from which it is estimated the costs will run between $0 - 2500 (cited from a domestic adoption website, compared to intercountry adoptions which range from $7,000 - $30,000). Because not every American choosing to adopt a child from China is of Asian descent, the issue of same ethnicity seems irrelevant. So... the fact that many kids in foster care in the US are non-white shouldn't be an issue. * * * * * * * (1) I am thinking about it. (2) Because I've witnessed an amazing family with adopted children (from US foster care). (3) US minority. (4) We'll see. I also want to be pregnant and have a child. My decision to adopt will be based on research that I do concerning issues between adopted vs. non-adopted siblings. That seems tricky, as demonstrated by mishy's posts in this thread.
Great Gazoo Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Hi, I adopted a child!! I was in labor and delivery through the hole thing. here is my story. even when I was very young I knew I would not be able to have children!! Just a felling I had. I have wanted to be a mother even when I was very youg. I day dreamed about the day when that would come and truly tried for years to have children. I went through alot of infertility doctors and the thing that came up was I have a blood disorder that my blood is to thick to flow through my body correctly and when I get pregnant it cause me to miscarry. I was pregnant in 92, then in 96 and again in 2000. I almosted died in 2000 of a tubal and I then decided it was best for me not to get preg. any more. we then decided to adopt. after the tubal I was very, very devestated. I had longed to be a mother and I lost my baby. not only did I see the heart beat of my unborn baby I so longed for I had to make the decision of termanting the pregancy. it was either die or die. I had 8ounces of blood on my pelvic and the insides were swollen to the point all the doc could do was take the baby and just let me heel. but GOD never gives you more thatn you can bare and never takes away without giving something better back. I was introduced to my daughter that is now 5 to her birth mother in november and we were instantly parents in jan. HOWEVER, I would not adopt in the states unless it was thru and agency. why... because the birth mother was 21 and said her parents knew and I know the mother knew but the father did not which did not matter she was of age and knew this is what she wanted to do because before she was introduced to me she came to members of my congeration' neice when she was about 3 mths and tey said to her come back in the last part of the pregancy and tell me if you are for sure this is what you want and she did. but when my daughter turned two her birth grandfather found out and was calling and wanting to see her. I am a christian and the more people to love her is all the best but I will tell you I felt like I was being pushed into something that was over the boundries!!!!! in this I mean she will be told that she is adopted and never lied too and when she is 18 and wants to meet them then I will suck it up and go but till then it is my decision on when where and how long it take to tell her!!! I want her to focus on being a loved child and spoled and just enjoying life not why she was not loved or if she was loved and why she keep her brother and not her etc. I did alot of research on adoption and if you adopt in the states it is about 13,000.00 no more than 15,000.00 and if you go over seas the cheepest I found was 35,000.00 yes I said 35,000.00 and then you are not gaurantieed a baby. the 35000. was in china I think russia was the most expense. yes I would adopt again and my daughter is mine!!!! you love them no different and you will really be more protective really over the adoptive child becuse you longed to be mom and it look alot to get the child. adoption is wonderful and I would do it again just a little different. in fact my baby says mommy I really would love to have a brother or sister and she prays every night to have another!! I long to have that little boy(or even another girl, but would love to have a boy) but you know I asked GOD a long time ago that if he would just allow me to have one then I would be most happy and if any more come then that is just iceing on the cake!!! hope I helped!! Wow, me and my wife have been through almost the same thing, our last pregnancy ended with a tubular / etopic preganancy. Before that we also lost a baby to a infection that had to be delievered too early because it was very dangerous to her health and before that we had a miscarriage. We had fertility issues before that and my wife was also born to be a mother, its just in her. They also thought my she had a blood problem but all the test came back ok. We looked into adopting but for a local adoption there is a 5 to 6 year waiting list, its not the case here of local unwanted babies needing parents. We looked into overseas adoption and its expensive and you really need to think about things. The 10 000 to 20 000 dollars could go along way in helping many children in their countries or even the poor and homeless here. All adoptions here are controled by the government, overseas and local, there is no private adoptions. It sounds easier in the US from what others have posted. We could adopt a child within 6 months but it would have some medical issues, probably FAS and could be 4 to 5 years old. Again you really have to think hard if you can take in a child with medical problems. The child could be a blessing or a night mare, it takes special people to do this. Adoption is a good thing but you have to think about what you can handle.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 I would most definitly adopt. I for the most part don't want kid. 75% of the reason is I dont actually want to carry the child go through labor. So if i ever did decide to haev chilren, I would adopt No ethnicity matters to me. I think that is a god deed to adopt an underprivelaged child.
Blackfrost Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 If I were to adopt a baby, I would adopt one that is closer to my appearance and nationality. RP You open up an interesting area of discussion by saying this, and many people feel the same way. Race plays very interesting roles in adoption. Granted there are some people who would not care one iota what race their adopted child was, but from reading alot on this subject recently, it seems like alot more people really do care what race their adopted child is. For me, I care way more about gender then race when it comes to adoption. If I was going to adopt, it would never be a boy. I feel i've done a great job so far raising my natural daughter (and practically raising my daughters best friend - as she doesn't rank almost at all in her families household, because she isn't one of the 3 boys there), and feel far more confident in raising another girl then I would a boy. Plus, i've discovered that I seem to have a knack for teaching girls to have an inner strength and personal pride for who they are and what they bring to the table. I've toughened up (not the right phrase but it will do) alot of women over the years, and many of them have remained very good friends because they can always speak very honest and openly with me, and I've always tried my best to present them with real answers that don't fall into hidden agendas.
TheDiva Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 (1) Would you adopt a child? [Yes/No] Yes, in fact I plan to adopt some day. (despite the fact that I have 4 of my own already) (2) Why or why not? There are plenty of children out there that need a good home. I don't really want a baby though. I would prefer a child of 4 and up. I have done the sleepless nights, diapering and all that already. If I didn't have children at all then I might be more inclined to babies. But as it stands, I have done that. Also I would be really inclined to take on a child that has autism as I have an autistic child. Or a special needs child. I guess it would be likenend to bringing home a sick animal and nursing it? They need families and love too but alot of people don't want (or have the resources they need) to adopt the "less than perfect" children. (3) Which nationality? Doesn't matter to me. See above. (4) How much does it cost to adopt? I don't know the figures, but I would guess it would be in a wide $$$ range. I really don't think you have to worry about providing them with love. If you want to be a parent it ultimately will not matter how you got the child. I wouldn't think it would be too awful hard to forge a parent/child bond with an adopted child. How many people get to pick their kid? My H's Aparents didn't seem to have a hard time with that anyway.
ddw5195 Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 well, er, el, uh - it's a weed out system to try to protect children from being placed through error or omission into exploitative situations. God knows it happens too much as it is. The easier and cheaper they make the adoption process, the more likely that someone will take advantage of that fact to victimize children. You are so right....but I am one of those parents that would love to adopt another child. the first was here in the states and it was an open adoption not through an agency. however I would love to adopt another child but cannot afford the expense. it is so true in the statement of the cost but also we need to take in consideration those of us who can meet the means of unconditional love, food,warm bed and the means of careing for the child but cant afford the means of 35,000.00 of adoption fees. I think that instead of costing so much that it sould instead say you will be checked in hystory, family and married and check for any bad things on the records stuff like that and charge a one price fee. that would include the counceling for the birth mother and for bills that incure and a place to stay before the baby and after the baby is born till like 6 mths. so I checked out the site called agapy(it is here in the states and it is funded for the birth mother to get all hte medical help prenatle care. it runs roughly 13000.00 and is also based on your income. they mean by this they see if you can take care of a child and also do an extensive check on you so check it out.
Author Sand&Water Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply to the thread. Thank you! I would love to adopt a child in the future. I care for these unfortunate children very much, as I have experienced the many struggles they face on a daily basis. I'll just have to see about the expenses, my income and whether or not I will be able to afford the fees. Whether or not I have a child through natural birth, I would still want to adopt. The only obstacle is the adoptive child vs. non-adoptive child under one roof. I know unconditional love is in me to give. I'll definately look more into it, in the near future. I just wanted to gather a general consensus. Thank you all. Sand&Water
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