I want to die

[tears_n_rain]

i had the same feeling when my gf left me, she was everything, my world evolved around hers and she loved me too, but then she left me with another guy straight after when we broke up and i never even knew that that person existed, alll my friends knew about him except me, i felt like a fool, a few of my frends betrayed and they were the ones introducing new guys to her, which i totally have no idea why, so basically i lost my friends and gf. At that time i couldnt eat, sleep, work, or do anything, everytime when i walked on the street i hoped for a car to crash me, but i realised that, you got to stand strong, this is not the end of your life, this is jus an experience to allow us to grow into something even more stronger and wiser. It hurts alot, and its been 8 months since the breakup, but time does heal, maybe slowly but it does help, it is certainly not the end of your world. Do not give up, there is so much more out there for you, relationship is not everything, my frend told me that i was gonna be lonely for the rest of my life, at first i wasnt happy, but now, i dont even care anymore, cos there is alot more other things that is important to me. Dont Give Up!!!!!

[SUMMER 1969]

Yeah, I know what you mean by saying relationships are not everything.. I am so scared I will be alone forever.. I want to have kids, get married and have the whole fairy tale ending..

 

I am so scared I will be alone forever.. I am good with people, but I am so picky about dating men.. If you can tell, I always go for the wrong guys..

 

To be honest with you, I don't even want to date anyone right now.. My ex was a great guy in a lot of ways, but I know he was not the One for me, and that is hard for me to say.. I love him and care very much for him, but he did not talk to me a lot, or he never got me a card or flowers.. It was pretty much all about him.. Rub his head, rub his back, make him dinner, clean his house, watch his dog.. You know, all that kind of crap.. Sex was ONLY when he wanted it, but it was pretty much all about sex and after he fell alseep.. I don't know why or how I fell for this man, but I did.. I can not change that..

 

But to be 100% honest with you, he was just the icing on the cake.. He is the One that put me over the edge.. Its my life in general I am having a problem with.. It seems like I fight to always stay ahead of the game, and then I always fall.. It just gets old after a while..

 

Do you ever feel like you try and try and it gets you no where? Thats just how my life is..

 

I have always had bad luck, and its just getting to be too much for me.

 

Summer

[Guest]

Do you ever feel like you try and try and it gets you no where? Thats just how my life is..

 

I have always had bad luck, and its just getting to be too much for me.

 

You don't always have bad luck. If you go over your life, you will find a lot of good luck incidents. However if you are depressed, you only look at the bad stuff. You have to get yourself treated, Summer.

[Buttaflyy]

Hey Summer...

 

You're doing better than you think. I commend you for not trying to contact him or get him back. You're stepping in the right direction...away from the lame guy!

 

It's still the beginning of the breakup. IT TAKES TIME. You will be ok.

[SUMMER 1969]

Well today he sent me a e-mail telling me that he is sad for hurting me and how he feels bad, he said he is not skipping around the house either..

 

So.. I sent him this e-mail.... What do you think???

 

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080]I wish things were handled different as well.. I wish you would not have lead me on to believe that you actually wanted a serious relationship, but you did, and we can not change the past.. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080]You said that you are not skipping around your house either, but I can tell you that you are handling this a lot better then me.. I am getting the impression that you just thought I would be okay with all of this.. Do you understand that I allowed myself to fall for you? That is a scary thing.. You are not a dumb person, you knew I was, and you allowed it to happen.. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080]You tell me you feel bad, yeah, I bet you do.. You hurt me to the point I will never trust a man again.. I took a HUGE chance with you, and you let me down.. You should have told me after dating me a few months that you don't see a future with us! After you cheated on me, you asked me to move in with you, do you remember that? Damn it, I feel like the biggest fool ever here! [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080]This will be the last you will hear from me, as I can't even handle hearing your voice knowing that you are okay with all of this! You may feel bad for hurting me, but you are not the one sitting at home day after day thinking about what you did wrong and why I am not falling in love with you!!! You tell me that its not me, well, I am sorry, but I find that hard to believe.. Every damn time I love something it always leaves me, I am done! I am done loving people, I am done trying to do the right thing in life and taking chances! All's I ever get in return is my heart broken,.. It all started when I was just a little girl.. I have always been left to fend for myself.. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080]I feel I have to tell you these things.. I do not want to make you feel bad, I want you to learn from this, I want you to know that you can not do this to people Jamie, you played with my heart and my emotions and then just got bored and threw me to the crub.. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080]I hope you take what I am saying to heart and use it towards your next relationship... That is all I ask of you.. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080]You will not hear from me anymore...and I am dead serious this time.. I am done talking about this with you, I don't feel you deserve to know anything else about me. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080]I hope that you know in your heart that you did loose something good, someone that would care about you no matter what, and would have done anything for you.. I am not like a lot of other girls.. I truly would have done just about anything for you. I never would have hurt you intentional, I would have been there for you no matter what the case was.. I am fun, and a loving person and you lost it! [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080]I am done giving you a ego now, I hope you don't ever have to know what it feels to have cared and loved someone after a years time for that person to just say they are sorry.. [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080]Just don't ever tell anyone that you can't find the right girl for you, because I feel you had her and you cut her loose..[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[D-Lish]

Glad you had a laugh from my last post.

 

I feel the same way you do about my ex. He was great in many ways, but not great in the way I needed him to be. He never communicated with me. Never told me how he felt, just acted like everything was fine all the time- and at the end when he broke up with me, all his past resentment came out. Things I never knew about that he didn't like about me. But he never addressed issues as they came up. He wasn't right for me...but I still love him.

 

I sometimes get focused on only my bad luck. I think I run into red lights more often than anyone else- I feel like I am a failure with my lovelife. All my friends are married, having kids....and here I am once divorced and now dealing with another failed relationship. However, there are other good things in my life that I sometimes forget about. I am trying to focus on those good things right now. If all you ever take notice of is the crappy things that happen- then you tend to let the positive things pass you by. You have to start taking notice of the good things that happen to you.

 

I couldn't imagine dating anyone right now. I just want to focus on me and make myself feel better. There is lots of time for you to meet the right guy. Your ex wasn't the right man for you- he sounds like a jackass.

 

You will feel better- it's going to get easier every day.

:-)

Dee

[SUMMER 1969]

I hope I feel better, what do you think of the e-mail I sent him?

[Buttaflyy]

OMG! Excellent letter Summer! Way to go! I don't think it coulda been said better

[D-Lish]

Now stick to the not contacting him....

Let him feel what he has lost.

He sounds like a committment-phobic guy.

 

Good for you!

D

[D-Lish]

Sorry, forgot to tell you. Yes, I do like the e-mail you sent him.

Maybe this is the beginning of closure for you?

 

But everything you've said about him... The cheating, then asking you to move in, then pulling away... Well, sounds like he has a problem with committment. You deserve someone who gives you 100%.

 

He'll regret his choice.

He's a fool for hurting you the way he did.

 

My ex still keeps No Contact with me- haven't heard from him in days. I know I will never hear from him again. It's better that way. I miss him though. I am having a hard time with the fact that he hates me so much. He's messed up though- and I don't need a messed up guy in my life.

 

I haven't scared my dogs away from me today.

But hell, putting up with farting once in a while is the least they can do for me... afterall, I feed them and walk them and give them treats all the time! Silly dogs. I'd be so lonley without them. They try and sleep on my head at night... and I don't have the heart to move them. I make up stupid little songs about them and sing to them when I'm alone, my neighbour below me told me the other day that she can hear me singing... haha.

 

I don't want to be that crazy old lady someday with no husband and a house full of dogs- singing away, scaring my neighbours.

 

Sleep well!

D

[Marielle]

d-Lish

You're too funny, in these horrible time I m too am going on, just like Summer, You made me laugh soo much (the eyes, the farting , the dogs) please MORE!

[D-Lish]

M:

 

It's my pleasure to make someone laugh... I guess it's my way of coping- making light of things. I know laughing makes me feel better! And getting those digs in with my ex with people who don't know him is a great way of getting back at him without actually saying those awful things to him!

 

I'm full of stories. Fart stories seem to be the ones that make me laugh the most... so I like to share them with others to cheer them up!

haha. My poor little dogs though... loud noises scare them!

 

What's your story? What are you going through?

Have you posted a new thread about your situation?

 

My ex wasn't really cross-eyed... but sometimes when he looked at me from a certain angle...

heehee.

 

Dee

[Marielle]

d lish, my story is very different, I don t know if you will understand, but that's another forum (mm: married man)

I just broke off 2day after so many promises...so I think I qualify for this forum still.

On that note, I can tell you about him, even though I m crazy in love...there is something about the shape of his head: not very round to my taste...(not enough space for brains??), his eyes though are electrifying, but he has this "retracted chin", that makes his nose look bigger....lolll, I m feeling a bit better now.

Also:when he drinks tea..he makes this awful noise , you know when it 's too hot?

[D-Lish]

haha.

 

I get the chin reference!

 

MM eh? They always make promises! My best friend dated a MM for a time- it was nothing but trouble for her!

 

I had two beers at my neighbours house tonight and I feel loaded! I have lost 15 lbs since my break up- and I can't hold my liqour!

 

Get rid of the "hot tea sucker"!

I don't go for the married guys- I go for the emotionally unavailable ones. That's my thing... not sure why.

 

Remind me to tell you the story about the old lady that "tooted" on my leg while I was fitting her for a bra one day last Fall. I'm a bra fitter for a living- own my own bra shop... I am full of stories that would make you laugh!

 

haha.

Dee

[Marielle]

hahahaha, "hot tea sucker" I imagine him reading all of this !!!!

I hope he is suffering, he deserves it!

I'm not after MM, d lish, I m always, like you, with the unavailable ones, this time it took the shape of a MM with a retracted chin....hahahahahahahahaha

 

I feel a lot better today, and humor is the best therapy, also working out (I m a fitness instructor) ...This goes for Summer: I know you have No energy, but try soem work out : it will make you more optimist, happy, and I guarantee it will open your appetite

 

D-lish, honey....haha, i hope you wake up well today after the load of beers (me it was wine last nite) and you tell me the lady - bra story

[SUMMER 1969]

You guys are too funny!

 

Well I went out of town this weekend, with a friend, it was a good time and it helped me alot.. I really needed to just get out of my house..

 

I am still very sad about my ex, but I can't change on how he feels.. I know he is not crying about me, so why should I cry over someone that does not want me..

 

He does not deserve that kind of treatment.. I will One day find the right man, and if I don't... well then it was not in my cards to have a man in my life..

 

I am scared that my ex will just have a new piece of as_ at his house very soon, but I know that he will treat her the sameway as he treated me..

 

I have also bought a book called " why men like bitc_s" its a really good book and it explains how to not let a man walk on you..

 

Thank you all for all of your help.. I am sure with in a few hours I will feel like crap again, but I guess it goes away with time..

[D-Lish]

You sound better today Summer! Glad you went away this weekend. It helps to remove yourself from the situation, to take you away from the scenery that reminds you of things.

 

Hmmm... I think I did a dumb thing yesterday. I sent him the super long e-mail about what was wrong with the relationship and that if he ever wants to reconsider.... now I feel a bit weak for doing that.

We had NO communication in our relationship- well HE had no communication skills. I communicate just fine! I ended my e-mail by saying that I was willing to work on the issues I need to work on, but only if he would be willing to work on communicating his needs to me.

I don't know if I should have sent it- although I do feel better for venting my issues to him. I don't think I'll ever hear from him again. Maybe I'll post the letter sometime today and see what you guys think.

 

Marielle:

 

I'll post that story today too!

As a Fitness Trainer... I bet you have some funny stories too!

 

Sundays are the hardest... I miss him today.

:-)

Dee

[SUMMER 1969]

Oh sweetie, you will be okay, we all send e-mails and call, and pretty much beg for him to take us back... Your not the first and you will not be the last to do that..

 

Next time you want to send him a e-mail or call him, post something on this website, Try with all of your strength not to contact him, as by you doing that you will be at square One all over again..

 

I know Sundays are hard, trust me.. But you will make it through this, just as I will..

 

Just know that I am sitting home alone too and I miss my ex, but it was just not the right realtionship for either you or myself.. You are not alone, I promise.. I wish we could exchange phone numbers and we could cry on the phone to one another...

 

If there was a drought I would be so damn rich with all of the crying I have been doing!!! Ha-Ha

 

Don't feel bad, you are not weak, you are very strong! Don't ever tell yourself that you are weak.. You are a trooper and you will pull through this.. I promise..

 

In a year from now you and I will be laughing about how we sat there and cried about some looser boys! They are not even men, they are kids! We don't need them!

[D-Lish]

haha. Yep, sent it in a moment of weakness. I guess I always sort of new as I was composing it over the past few weeks that I would eventually send it! I posted the letter on the thread "Should I ignore her? under the break up forum...

 

I went to Chapter's bookstore today and started looming around the "Self-help" section. Everytime I do that I have something comical happen to me! Everyone in the self help section looked scared to be there- Eyes darting around to see who is watching them, trying to hide behind the stacks of books under the big sign that say 'SELF HELP'. Haha. Anyway, some strange guy was following me around and standing beside me everywhere I moved. Then he started hitting on me! I wanted to say "Buddy, can't you see I'm fu$%^d up? As I'm holding my copies of "The anxiety Cure" and "Woman who love too much.... Haha.

 

He was a little smelly too.... Why do I get the smelly ones?

 

You sound better Summer. And it does get better every day. I still miss him and have a small (very small) hope that he will turn around and come back. However, I concur that he is, like your ex, not right for me.

No sex, no communication, very little affection, kinda dull. I just keep telling myself that over and over.

 

I also agree about getting involved with cops. My girlfriend is a cop, and she says the guys she works with are mostly jackasses and pigs.

 

Also too bad I live in Canada and you in the US! We could go out and burn up the town and exchange stories!

 

Dee

[SUMMER 1969]

Yeah, I wish you lived here! We would party our butts off! Ha-Ha

 

Did you get the book " woman who love to much " it is such a great book! I think you will find yourself having a hard time putting the book down!!! I also just got done reading " why men love bitc_s" that is a GREAT book as well.. Read that as well if you get a chance..

 

You and I will both make it through this ruff time.. We are stong willed and this will just make us stronger..

 

You and I both made mistakes in our last realtionship and now we know what NOT to do for our future one..

 

I know how you feel about missing your ex, hell, I miss mine too, but you seem like a really great person and your ex lost out.. Just remember that.. My ex lost out as well..

 

Just remember I am going through almost the same thing as you, and I am almost your age.. So you are not alone here.. When you are bored or feel sad, just come on line and I will more then likely be on the other end of the computer.. You are not alone. I promise..

 

Hey, just remember now you can sit home and fart all you want! I do it to and my dog always runs away from me.. .Ha-Ha

[SUMMER 1969]

Hey Dee, is that a picture of you with blond hair???

 

Oh my god girl, you need to come to WI!!! You and I could totally rock the town!

 

You seem so much like me, and we are so pretty! Why are we sitting at home in our pj's crying about some as_holes that don't give 2 craps about us!

[D-Lish]

yep, that's my pic. It's the same pic I posted on lavalife when I met my ex. That's the pic that hooked him.

I actually meant to post a picture of my dog- which I will do!

 

You really do seem to be doing better!

It feels great to have the upper hand doesn't it? It's good you told him he'll never have you in your letter... it just makes you feel better!

 

Yeah, I am really going to make an effort to make some changes in my life with regards to the issues that hurt my relationships. I know he misses my humour- but probably not my bitchiness! I'm not bitchy all the time- but I had been going through a hard time for the past couple months with my business, and I was stressed out. So I was pretty irritable and hard to be around the last little while.

 

Sitting at home cryin' and fartin' in my pj's... haha.

Our poor animals!!!! My little boy dog actually scares himself when he farts... he swings his head around to see where the noise came from and then takes off into another room and hides with his ears back!!!

 

Where did you go this weekend? You are in Wisconsin? Did I spell that right?

 

.