CantCutitOff Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 A very close male friend of mine asked me for advice on this situation, and I gave him mine & he balked. I wanted to run this buy some of you guys to see what you thought.<br><Br> His best friend of the past 4 years has been dating a female for 2 years. His friend has recently moved out of state, converting his two year relationship with the female into a long distance one. My friend and the female still live in the same area & have spent considerable time together in the past few weeks -- so much so that the out-of-state friend called my friend out on it. My friend's response was "dude, i'll ditch her in a second if that's what you want." However, inevitably, they both got VERY drunk and messed around. He is now unsure what to do & feels horrible about doing that to his friend. But - he says he's not sure why it happened.<br><br> IMPORTANT NOTE: He has always been my one friend telling me "you know better" and taking the moral high ground when I've told him about some less-than-ideal situations I've recently been involved in (though not with any best friend's current or ex-significant others).<br><Br> I initially told him this: 1) If you guys are going to continue spending time together & neither of you know why it happened, you're probably going to continue hooking up. 2) If you are okay with that - you need to fess up to your friend. 3) If you are not okay with that - you need to create some distance. <br><br> He said he was not OK with this & that he wanted to create the distance. He decided to talk to her -- took her to his "thinking spot" in the woods - had a conversation -- and then they went out to dinner. They've hung out & talked several time since, although he insists nothing further physical has happened.<br><br> Upon learning this, I pointed out to him "Hey, that doesn't sound a whole lot like creating distance." He blew up; I told him that a "mistake" doesn't appear to be a "mistake" if the same behavior that led up to it continues... he says he wants to maintain a friendship with her. And since she doesn't want to tell her significant other, he's not going to say anything either out of respect for her. My response to that? What about your friend?!?!<br><Br> What do you guys think of this? I'm beyond the point of discussing this with him any longer but his reaction to this situation is very unsettling to me...
mental_traveller Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 It's clearly out of line, and he knows it. He's just putting getting action ahead of loyalty to his friend. If I were you, I would just tell the other guy that you know for a fact his gf has cheated. He'll ask you more but just say you don't wanna get involved, and are just letting him know because you think he ought to be aware. Then let the situation take care of itself.
Cecelius Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I don't think you should get involved. You can tell him you think this is uncool unless there's something legit under it all, in which case he risks ruining it by handling it this way. What you do owe him is some cold water though -- she cheats on her b/f and is apparently easy. Is he ever going to be comfortable with her being a g/f?
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