Ezydriver Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I've made a lot of realisations about my ex girlfriend. After a year together she turned from being my ideal magical person, to one of the most unbelievably deceitful people I've ever met. At times she could be just plain nasty. Things like swearing on her sons life that certain things didn't happen without knowing I had the evidence, that sort of thing. I felt if she could lie like that to save her own reputation and to try to keep me (for whatever reason) then she could lie about anything. I was just starting to discover her true character. There is simply too much to write here and I've come to terms with what she has done anyway. Even though I still get jealous, hurt and upset, I've accepted what she has done to me. She was seeing an old ex who I NEVER saw as a threat based on how she'd always talked about him. It was such a shock. I broke it off with her and maintained a STRICT no contact, for my own sanity. For 3 weeks she kept texting. Only about 1 text every other day. First saying "I miss you" and "I love you". Then it turned more to silly things like "Had a good day today, did this and that, your friend R " putting a heavy emphasis on 'friends'. I broke no contact to say "Stop this texting please, you have to stop now" She reacted very angrily and called my text hostile and immature. WTF? Anyway a week went by and she started texting me stuff to make me jealous. She even sent me a text 'accidently' as it was addressed to somebody else. It was obviously staged. Anyway, the purpose of this thread is to ask a few questions. 1) Why can I not get over sentimental thinking? It serves no purpose and holds me back. I cant get certain memories, songs and romantic moments out of my head. 2) Does the intense missing them both mentally and sexually ever go away? I mean she was terrible in bed, she was terrible in all aspects of life, motherhood, partner, money, emotional matters, communication, sex etc.. everything yet I was POWERFULLY sexually attracted to her and could orgasm multiply. Something I have never done with anybody. This was one aspect of the relationship where I was hooked. The other aspect was her character. It was so quirky, so independant yet sometimes dependant, so guarded yet vulrable. It was the music she liked, the places she went to, the city she lived in. I loved that city and miss it so much. (Manchester UK if anybody reading this is from there). I realise I miss the relationship a lot, probably more than her, although I do miss her. The her I fell for, not thr real her. I miss particular moments especially when we first met. I miss her sparkling eyes, her voice, the conversations. She used to travel with me at night (I drive trucks on the nightshift) that was always intimate and cosy, all alone in our bubble. I couldn't imagine it to be anybody else, ever yet I DONT want her. The pain of being with her was driving me insane as she blow extreme hot and colds as consistency meant nothing to her. I was a wreck. This is strange for me as I've NEVER been a wreck before and always been secure in relationships. I know this post is long but somebody please give me an insight or help me. Its the last stumbling block for me yet the hardest and most profound stumbling block. I've accepted she was seeing him and can accept that she probably still is. Although being ignorant of whether she is or not is bliss. I just cant seem to be attracted to anybody at all and I'm worried I will never fall for somebody so heavily again. It was an amazing high and if it was just reciprocated it wolud have been incredible. Coming down off that high is remarkably hard. Thank you for reading, please help somebody. I discovered her lying and cheating nearly 8 weeks ago and finished it by letter 5 weeks ago. Last heard from her Saturday just gone, 5 days ago. I changed my number moments after getting that last hurtful text and cut the SIM card up.
sapphire0903 Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 Hi, I read your thread, coping with a break up myself, I often ask myself "Did I fall in love with the person I wanted him to be? or did I really fall for the real person?" Just from what I read, that was my first impression/reaction. Hope it helps some, and good luck!
Ruinous79 Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I think it's perfectly natural and normal when you've been dumped to romantasize a relationship even if it was terribly ****ed up. I know I did. I too was in a VERY dysfunctional relationship with a pathological liar. He was also an alcoholic and sometimes physically abusive. He had MAJOR sexual issues (was addicted to porn and would rather masturbate than engage in an intimate act with the woman he was supposed to love) I guess because of the challenge or rejection, this made me ever MORE sexually attracted to him. It was hell!!! When we broke up, it really screwed up the way I viewed my sexuality. I felt unattractive and slutty for having wanted sex so much in our relationship. Yet somehow, I could remember the times we did make love as these special events!! I will once again quote one of my favorite writers, John Dufresne: Love warps the mind a little! It does get better. Don't feel bad for having these irrational "rose colored glasses" memories because I personally think it's our own defense mechanism. We're trying to justify to ourselves why we hung on to someone for so long who was so obviously poison to us. As long as you know logically being apart is the best thing, you are on the path to healing. Every time you have one of these glowing moments of reverie about her, quickly bring to mind a moment where she was disgusting to you. (caught in a lie, being a psycho, etc..) Good luck to you. It really does get easier.
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