Just Stop

[soooomestup]

Yes very true!!! I'm not sending it yet im gonna post my email and get some feedback.... OK PEOPLE this is my NO CONTACT email to the OM.. Im giving too much detail arent I??? Am I being too girly?? Should I keep it short and sweet? Or my favourite... give cold turkey another go and give it my all... because he doesnt deserve an explanation.... im so glad you mentioned ego's because he ripped my ego to shreds when he broke up with me... i think thats why it has taken me so long to get over it!! And yes I am fine now... fully recovered from med condition thanks for askin

 

 

Names and medical conditions have been changed lol and Tracy is the girl he is seeing at the moment... he doesnt want her anymore and tels me alllll about it!!! he makes me so mad damn him!!

 

 

[sIZE=2]Been thinkin pretty much non stop about what happened. I'm always so scared to tell you what I really think because I dont want you to hate me or stop talking to me. Things are obviously different now yea!! **** ive been crazy about you for as long as I can remember. Ive prayed so many times to forget you... and i dont even know if i believe in god!!

I feel really bad for tracy cos ive been there. I know what it's like to love you more than anything... and have you not give me the time of day. When I was at your place the other day you put tracy on speaker phone, it didnt click to me how cruel that was until afew days later, poor girl if she only knew i was listening in!! It makes me think man... u must have had a laugh n a half at me when I made pathetic attemps to get you back all those years ago.

The funny thing is that after everything I still care for you, not as much as I used to because ever since Feb wen we started talking it has been more of a sexual thing. I really felt like I needed to sleep with you. I just needed to get it outa my system, it was all i could think about and you built it up to this multiple orgasm thing. Im not trying to be cruel... but the truth is that i didnt feel much of a connection with you that night. You were very much into pleasing me first and that was nice... but you just didnt make me feel that great and i really wasnt expecting that. I expected bliss and fireworks and I just didnt get it. For some reason I dont really remember much of that night, it feels like it didnt happen and that I drempt that i slept with you last week... Its bizarre!!!

I'm married and I truelly do love Peter he is my bestfriend. I have confided in you all the bad things from my relationship. Unfortunatly you dont know the good which I must say there is alot of!! Do you know what Peter did when i told him that my ex boyfriend broke up with me because I had (medical condition)??? That was a tough tough day because I wanted to be honest with him. I thought damn my ex broke up with me because of it so Peter might too... Anyways he wiped my tears, kissed me, and hugged me for ages while I balled my eyes out in his arms about how difficult it was for me. Man that whole situation was so bad, my eyes are welling up with tears as I remember that time in my life.

I blamed myself about us for so long, I always got angry with you cos you just never cared about me enough to give me the attention that I need. Thats the reason i get along so well with Peter. Because I am his life, I never have to ask him to spend time with me or ask him for love. He just gives it to me. I dont deserve him... I think we both know that. I feel so bad because I have always felt so much for you and I realy think that you dont give 2 ****s about me. I dont even think youll be bothered reading this, youll probly get half way and think *** ya. The other night when you said you hated all chicks except me it ***in hurt because I know I fit perfectly into that catagorie, especially after we slept together I know u were just tryin to be nice. I can imagine how much respect you have lost for me for cheating on my husband cos I feel it too. and that ***in hurts.

The reason for this email is to ask you to block n delete me from ur msn and get rid of my phone number. Me blocking and deleating you isnt enough, you need to block n delete me 2. Plz understand that it is soooo hard for me to give you up. Ive realised that you have become an addiction to me. I know your gonna think im a freak but im being compleatly honest with you, like all addictions it is very hard to give up your drug.. you go through withdrawel and regret... for a while all im gonna want to do is speak to you. I dont know if I can control myself from sleeping with you again if i keep talking to you. I cant have an ongoing affair. I know i'm **** for doing what I did but I truelly feel that it needed to happen. I can forgive myself for sleeping with you once but I dont think I could if it happened again. I think in the end we both got what we wanted, u got ur head and i got afew more reasons to help me forget you and especially appreciate my sex life with Peter. I swear im not trying to make you feel bad about the whole sex thing. Everything I have written is the honest truth. I feel like I have to tell you about it to help me forget you once and for all. Please keep what happened between us to yourself no matter what, I cant lose Peter i dont know what I would do.

[/sIZE]

[LakesideDream]

Don't send that email ! If you do you will hand over your personal power and self respect to him. Just go "no contact" if that's what you want. You don't need a reason.

[BenThereDunThat]

I agree with Lakeside, don't send it. You're giving away too much. All you'll really accomplish is charging his ego.

[Sup]

Yea Thats one thing I try not to do, I try not to convince myself i'm over it. For some reason it just sorta numbs it if u know what I mean. Then i;m right back where I started. But thanks I will keep trying

 

 

So you cheated on your husband already?

[Sup]

I havent said anything about my husband because as bad as it sounds, I dont feel that guilty. It's so wierd because it doesnt feel like it happened, It truelly feels like i had a dream afew nights ago that I slept with my ex. Possibly because I was expecting multiple orgasms and didnt even have one. I dont plan to ever tell him anything i did. I truelly dont see how it would help.

I cant go cold turkey i try but i just keep adding him, Im gona try do it slowly. I understand everything ur saying but its one of those easier said than done things. Thanks so much for ur input though, everything helps.

 

Let your husband move then, you have no right in my opinion to force you husbad to stay in this marriage with you. What if you husband did this with you? Let your husband decide what he want to do with his life, and STOP making selfish decisions for him.

[LakesideDream]

I agree with SUP, you need to let your husband know that your marrige isn't as valuable as potential "multiple orgasms", and allow him to find someone he can trust and love.

 

By far this is the most arrogant and fatious thread I have read on LS. Pretending something didn't happen because it did not live up to your fantasies is ridictulous.

 

Additionally, the reality that you feel no guilt or remorse speaks volumes about your character. Better you cut ties now, with your husband, and maybe even with your wannabe boyfriend and begin your quest for multiple orgasms.

 

BTW, there are numerous threads in the Sex and Reproductive catagory dealing with sex toys and vibrators, you might want to drop in over there for some pointers.

 

This thread is a waste of time and effort.

[Rooster_DAR]

I have to say I agrree with the last two posts....

[bunset]

I have to say I agrree with the last two posts....

And I completely DISAGREE with the last 3 posts!

For heaven's sake.. SMU is having a difficult time. Your/our judgements DO NOT help!

 

SMU, all I can offer to you is, "just do it".

You've come here, knowing full well what is right and you are seeking some support.

Well, here it is. Do this for yourself. You know what's good. You know you deserve better than the crap the OM has to dish out for you.

Maybe you do need some marriage counseling, also.

Oh, G-d, I don't mean to lecture, but it is my belief that your H should be your best support. Please take my word for it.

The mere fact that my H has NOT been mine has driven me down a hellish road, including an A w/MM.

I had to expose my ended A to my H to force myself into action to do what's right for me. This has led to an ugly separation, acts demonstarting severe mental illnes/anguish and counseling to help understand our problems.

Now we are working very hard at reconciliation and are learning how to be friends and support each other, moreso than worrying about legal papers.

We're both growing and learning, and so far, I think we're both better people through it.

So, if you don't feel you can do what's right on your own, ask for help... and I'd start with the H.

[InaPanic]

SMU, do not send the email yet. First of all, i'm afraid it does make you look too in love with him. If you want to send a NC email & cut it off then I would be short & sweet & make sure you keep your dignity & self respect. I totally lost all of my dignity, back bone & self respect & it kills me to this day! I was completely in control of the A in the beginning & had him totally chasing after me. But once i lost my mind (I think i've explained that time to everyone, lol) but that's when he started backing off. And honestly when i think about it now, i can't blame him for backing off. I looked & acted like a pathetic, wimpy, no self esteem doormat. Why would anyone want me like that? But i was so desperate to win him back, so he could continue chasing after me like he had, that i did pathetic things. I am telling you this because we seem so much alike. And if you send a NC email & he actually sticks to it you may freak out & start wanting him more. So be prepared for this!!

 

I wish i could give you more advice but as i type this i am fighting an urge to call OM. Not because i want to strike something up with him again but because i hate for him to think i am the person i portayed during the last few weeks of our relationship. I feel ill at that thought. I feel like his ego has been so blown up over me & this. But i know i need him out of my life.

 

As far as telling your husband, well, i'm not going to tell anyone what to do as far as that goes. I did it & it did help me feel better but it sure as hell didnt' help him feel any better. If you think/want your marriage to end then maybe you should fess up so he'll know why but if you trust yourself to not do this ever again & you want to save your marriage then i'm not sure i can advocate fessing up. I think it depends on the individual.

 

I wish we could talk SMU.

[soooomestup]

Thanks bunsat and in a panic.. you have helped me more than you will ever know... and your right bunset I did come here for support Im not going to send the email... as soon as i woke up this morning i thought thank god I didnt send it what was i thinking!! im going to keep trying the cold turkeyness. Thanks again guys!!

[Sup]

I agree with SUP, you need to let your husband know that your marrige isn't as valuable as potential "multiple orgasms", and allow him to find someone he can trust and love.

 

By far this is the most arrogant and fatious thread I have read on LS. Pretending something didn't happen because it did not live up to your fantasies is ridictulous.

 

Additionally, the reality that you feel no guilt or remorse speaks volumes about your character. Better you cut ties now, with your husband, and maybe even with your wannabe boyfriend and begin your quest for multiple orgasms.

 

BTW, there are numerous threads in the Sex and Reproductive catagory dealing with sex toys and vibrators, you might want to drop in over there for some pointers.

 

This thread is a waste of time and effort.

 

It's a waste of time, IMO she's soooo selfish that she doesn't even consider what pain she is causing her husband, he will find out somehow. I really do hope her husband find out, he needs to dump her hard!

[soooomestup]

Panic ive tried to email ya 2ce and it got sent back to me... its [sIZE=2]

DBowen1072 at hotmail.com right? What country and state are you in by the way?

[/sIZE]

[soooomestup]

And I completely DISAGREE with the last 3 posts!

For heaven's sake.. SMU is having a difficult time. Your/our judgements DO NOT help!

 

SMU, all I can offer to you is, "just do it".

You've come here, knowing full well what is right and you are seeking some support.

Well, here it is. Do this for yourself. You know what's good. You know you deserve better than the crap the OM has to dish out for you.

Maybe you do need some marriage counseling, also.

Oh, G-d, I don't mean to lecture, but it is my belief that your H should be your best support. Please take my word for it.

The mere fact that my H has NOT been mine has driven me down a hellish road, including an A w/MM.

I had to expose my ended A to my H to force myself into action to do what's right for me. This has led to an ugly separation, acts demonstarting severe mental illnes/anguish and counseling to help understand our problems.

Now we are working very hard at reconciliation and are learning how to be friends and support each other, moreso than worrying about legal papers.

We're both growing and learning, and so far, I think we're both better people through it.

So, if you don't feel you can do what's right on your own, ask for help... and I'd start with the H.

 

 

Hummm i dont know... I dont feel like I need to tell my H about it to force me into action though. I'm pretty sure I can do it on my own. Today for the first time im starting to feel the guilt and regret and im considering telling my H. Ive always thought if anyone ever cheated on anyone... they should at least let them make there mind up on there own on wheather they want a divorce or work on the marriage. The thing is that im 100% positive he will want to put it behind us and move on. If I tell him yea i'll free myself from guilt a little but I will kill him. I really want this behind me, I made a horrible mistake and I just want to spend the rest of my life making it up to him. I slept with the OM once. In my eyes I can forgive myself one day for doing it once. If it happened again i dont think I could. If I tell him i will truelly ruin both our lives because I know he will never leave me. He has even told me in the past that if i ever cheated on him and he found out we would work on making us good.

[soooomestup]

ok so getting back to my original question on how to stop talking to this guy... he was just on my msn and I wrote.... Cant do this can u block,delete n erase my numba from ur phone... my finger was on send and my heart was beating so hard, I could just feel it bang bang bang. ever since i was young i have done this 2 out of 3 game to help me make confusing decisions. ill flip whatever is in site 3 times and say ok 2 times up i send it.. 2 sides down i dont send it. it told me not to send it. i clicked the box off and my heart slowed down... maybe it was a lil too dramatic.

[soooomestup]

SMU, do not send the email yet. First of all, i'm afraid it does make you look too in love with him. If you want to send a NC email & cut it off then I would be short & sweet & make sure you keep your dignity & self respect. I totally lost all of my dignity, back bone & self respect & it kills me to this day! I was completely in control of the A in the beginning & had him totally chasing after me. But once i lost my mind (I think i've explained that time to everyone, lol) but that's when he started backing off. And honestly when i think about it now, i can't blame him for backing off. I looked & acted like a pathetic, wimpy, no self esteem doormat. Why would anyone want me like that? But i was so desperate to win him back, so he could continue chasing after me like he had, that i did pathetic things. I am telling you this because we seem so much alike. And if you send a NC email & he actually sticks to it you may freak out & start wanting him more. So be prepared for this!!

 

I wish i could give you more advice but as i type this i am fighting an urge to call OM. Not because i want to strike something up with him again but because i hate for him to think i am the person i portayed during the last few weeks of our relationship. I feel ill at that thought. I feel like his ego has been so blown up over me & this. But i know i need him out of my life.

 

As far as telling your husband, well, i'm not going to tell anyone what to do as far as that goes. I did it & it did help me feel better but it sure as hell didnt' help him feel any better. If you think/want your marriage to end then maybe you should fess up so he'll know why but if you trust yourself to not do this ever again & you want to save your marriage then i'm not sure i can advocate fessing up. I think it depends on the individual.

 

I wish we could talk SMU.

 

yea you are so very right... it totally made me look pathetic and whiny. I TOTALLY understand what u mean if i send a NC email and he doesnt respond... u must be my twin!!! its a bit of an attention thing isnt?? i find it interesting that you want to contact OM... do you mean u want to prove that ur not all of the above (whiny pathetic low self esteem)? That must come from somewhere.. i think its denial.. u want to prove something because really u just wanna talk to him.. thats the way i work... i just lie to myself. You know what im kinda learning from you panic cos u are afew steps ahead of me.. I swear I want my marriage, I want my husband and I know that i will never do this again.. first and last time ive cheated on anyone. I never even cheated on childhood boyfriends. Its the ex I tell you he must be a witch!!! But you know what I did.. if u read my post i was trying to send the OM a short n sweet NC speech then i backed out cos of my lil flip thingy... 2 minutes later i went against it and sent it on msn i said.... dont mean 2 b dramatic but there is no other way of sayin this... can u blok n delete me n erase my number. if i ever try callin u or msgin u ignore me thanks. I wish wish wish it works... if i ever feel the need to contact him im comin to you and you have to remind me of this moment hehehe... I wish we could talk too.. what country and state are you in?

[InaPanic]

SMU, i'm in the US, where are you? I dont' want to get too specific on state 'cause for some reason i always fear OM may drift upon one of these sites & i'd hate for him to read how messed up i was/possibly still am over him.

My email is correct except it is at aol.com, not hotmail. So please try again!

 

I am proud you sent the message to him after all. One thing about you that i do admire is that you do seem devoted to making your marriage work. I can't say that i am 100% devoted & commited to that. That is my biggest struggle right now. My husband, i feel, is also commited to making my marriage work like you say yours would be. This is one reason why i wish i hadn't told him. Now that i have, he is very different, which is understandable. But i really just want him to be like he was & treat me like he did. I know some might argue that there was something wrong in the relationship or i wouldnt' have strayed & that is true i guess. But it seems the clingier he becomes the more i am pulling away.

 

This addiction we are both going thru over OM is not helping. I do feel so much better than i did just a few weeks ago but i do know the addiction is still there or i wouldn't think about him so much.

[Sup]

Hummm i dont know... I dont feel like I need to tell my H about it to force me into action though. I'm pretty sure I can do it on my own. Today for the first time im starting to feel the guilt and regret and im considering telling my H. Ive always thought if anyone ever cheated on anyone... they should at least let them make there mind up on there own on wheather they want a divorce or work on the marriage. The thing is that im 100% positive he will want to put it behind us and move on. If I tell him yea i'll free myself from guilt a little but I will kill him. I really want this behind me, I made a horrible mistake and I just want to spend the rest of my life making it up to him. I slept with the OM once. In my eyes I can forgive myself one day for doing it once. If it happened again i dont think I could. If I tell him i will truelly ruin both our lives because I know he will never leave me. He has even told me in the past that if i ever cheated on him and he found out we would work on making us good.

 

You already ruined his life, he just don't know it yet. You both need testing for STDs. Although he pulled out, he still got a little sperm in you. Have you ever considered that he was just saying this, never thinking that it would ever happen? Just tell him you don't want to be married to him, it was a huge mistake, and let him move on.

[soooomestup]

SMU, i'm in the US, where are you? I dont' want to get too specific on state 'cause for some reason i always fear OM may drift upon one of these sites & i'd hate for him to read how messed up i was/possibly still am over him.

My email is correct except it is at aol.com, not hotmail. So please try again!

 

I am proud you sent the message to him after all. One thing about you that i do admire is that you do seem devoted to making your marriage work. I can't say that i am 100% devoted & commited to that. That is my biggest struggle right now. My husband, i feel, is also commited to making my marriage work like you say yours would be. This is one reason why i wish i hadn't told him. Now that i have, he is very different, which is understandable. But i really just want him to be like he was & treat me like he did. I know some might argue that there was something wrong in the relationship or i wouldnt' have strayed & that is true i guess. But it seems the clingier he becomes the more i am pulling away.

 

This addiction we are both going thru over OM is not helping. I do feel so much better than i did just a few weeks ago but i do know the addiction is still there or i wouldn't think about him so much.

 

 

Wow Panic so you dont even know if you want your marriage to work?? I cant imagine how confused you must be. How is you husband different, and what do you mean you want him to be the way he was, and treat you as he did. Do you mean it feels like he has lost respect for you? Your husband must adore you if he is even becoming clingy. Oh my Gosh something happened to me yesterday. I had convinced myself that I was never going to tell my H and I had thought that up until i was lying in bed last night and I was looking at my husband. He has been incredibly sweet the last few days which of course has made it very difficult. I started asking him a whole bunch of hypertheticals, I tried to stop myself but i just kept talking. he started to get upset and asked me why I was talking like this. I dont know why but I have a feeling that he has known for a few days but he just buried it deep inside himself. He started begging me to be honest with him and I just couldnt say it. It took me so long. I finally told him, he was quite calm and started asking me a million questions... what we did... where we did it... so many things I cant remember. All the while he held me tight. We both were crying especially me but it was that moment when I realised I had done the right thing, and how wrong I was for wanting to keep it a secret. He thanked me for telling him and assured me it would take time for us to regain the trust we once had and for him to recover.

It is the next day and he came home from work to have lunch with me he told me he missed me and that he feels stupid for not being angry. I'm so scared that he will slowly realise he has made a mistake and change his mind in a few weeks... but i truelly understand if he did. I will just do anything to make this work panic.. I know you said that your husband hugged you and loved you the night you told him and then things slowly started changing.. what did you mean by that. What do you think panic?? Do you still regret telling your H or are you undecided?

[Sup]

Wow Panic so you dont even know if you want your marriage to work?? I cant imagine how confused you must be. How is you husband different, and what do you mean you want him to be the way he was, and treat you as he did. Do you mean it feels like he has lost respect for you? Your husband must adore you if he is even becoming clingy. Oh my Gosh something happened to me yesterday. I had convinced myself that I was never going to tell my H and I had thought that up until i was lying in bed last night and I was looking at my husband. He has been incredibly sweet the last few days which of course has made it very difficult. I started asking him a whole bunch of hypertheticals, I tried to stop myself but i just kept talking. he started to get upset and asked me why I was talking like this. I dont know why but I have a feeling that he has known for a few days but he just buried it deep inside himself. He started begging me to be honest with him and I just couldnt say it. It took me so long. I finally told him, he was quite calm and started asking me a million questions... what we did... where we did it... so many things I cant remember. All the while he held me tight. We both were crying especially me but it was that moment when I realised I had done the right thing, and how wrong I was for wanting to keep it a secret. He thanked me for telling him and assured me it would take time for us to regain the trust we once had and for him to recover.

It is the next day and he came home from work to have lunch with me he told me he missed me and that he feels stupid for not being angry. I'm so scared that he will slowly realise he has made a mistake and change his mind in a few weeks... but i truelly understand if he did. I will just do anything to make this work panic.. I know you said that your husband hugged you and loved you the night you told him and then things slowly started changing.. what did you mean by that. What do you think panic?? Do you still regret telling your H or are you undecided?

 

At least you did the right thing in telling him, Maybe OM told him, or he saw something, or someone else saw you two and told your husband. Anyway, I don't have to tell that we tried to tell you NOT to sleep with OM, unfortunately, you didn't listen. The anger that you refer to IS coming, but NOT at your timing, at his. I really wish you would have considered your husband, and HIS feelings, instead of doing this to him. YOU have a long HARD road ahead of you. But YOU made that road, NOT your husband.

[InaPanic]

SMU, i hope you are ok with your decision to tell your H. What you went thru that night i was going thru day after day, sometimes 3 & 4 times a day. The desire & the opportunity to tell him but then backing out. I told him on a horrible day & in a horrible location. I will regret that forever. Do i regret telling him? At least once almost every day. Would i go back & not tell him if i could? I dont' know. I think i might have seen if i could have held out a little longer but I do think it would have come out eventually and a month after the fact to me is better than 3 years after the fact. I have asked him point blank if he wished i hadn't told him & his response has been that it would have made the here & now easier but not in the long run, that we would have had a wedge between us & it would have eventually caused us problems anyway. I believe that too. I actually thought i was the type of person who could keep it a secret & have an affair & lead my double life. And i did until it became sexual & there were meetings in person, not just phone & internet. Then it became all too real & i fell apart.

I think people can handle things differently. It's been a few weeks since i told my H & other than one bad day he really hasn't acted overly angry. We've been able to talk rather calmly about most of it, even when it comes to the topic of divorce which has shocked even me. He still may hit the anger stage & I realize that. But overall my H is a very calm natured man who doesn't get angry often.

I don't feel like he's lost respect for me at all. Maybe he has & just isnt' showing it. When i say he's changed, he has become very clingy & has lost all self confidence. YES, i am to blame for this because of what i did. But i have never been a woman who wanted/craved someone to be touching & feeling & loving on her all the time. So the more he does that the more i pull away. Which is wrong on my part & I know that. By the changing i refered to i guess the first few days after telling him i was so scared & hurting for him intensly that i was being very affectionate to him. Then after a few days the confusion set back in on me & i started backing off.

I am still confused as to my feelings but I hope that i soon see that without a doubt this is the man that i am meant to be with & that i do deserve to still have him.

Email me SMU, i think we can possibly aid each other some.

[jmargel]

SMU-

 

I don't see anything at all in here about your H. Is he aware of the affair? Have you told him what you're feeling/dealing with?

 

My wife went through exactly the same thing at the end of HER affair. And I actually 'nursed' her through the withdrawl from the end of it.

 

You need a PLAN to deal with this. And the best way to get there is with your H's help.

 

Last thing. You CANNOT end an addiction (and that is what this is) by weaning off it. You HAVE TO do cold turkey...or you'll just end up prolonging the addiction.

 

START NOW. Remove MSN from your computer. Delete YOUR MSN account, so OM can't contact you. Ask your H to put a keylogger on your computer to keep you from contacting OM. Change your cell #, whatever else you have to do to MAKE THIS WORK NOW.

 

And get counseling...marriage counseling with someone who understands the whole process of infidelity, and it's impacts on the individuals and the marriage.

 

Trust me, I know of what I speak (ok...type! ).

 

Owl, read my post about 'unconditional love'. This is the love that I am talking about. You had enough strength & love in your wife that it was enough to pull you both through hard times. This is what is needed to make a true love last.

[soooomestup]

No.. no one would have told him.. There is no possible way he could have found it. If I had the ability to take it to the grave he would never have known. The OM would never say anything to anyone and he wouldnt have contact with anyoe I know anyway. My H and your H panic must be very similar because surprisingly my H has been more clingy than ever the last few days. I knew he would forgive me but i didnt think it would be like this.. I expected a small amount of hatred... maybe its still to come. Im gonna email you now... i cant really come on the internt much anymore because I dont want to make him paranoid... Ive also realised I spend too much time on here and I have lost sight of everything I need to be doing... I had so many plans and hobbies before the OM and when it became more intence with him I lost myself.