maine2 Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 i've been attached for almost 11 months now, and things between us have been very stressed lately (in the recent 2 months). well, its a long story, and i guess the entire problem stems from our tempers. The thing is, both me and my boyfriend are very very similar in character, and it makes dealing with problems so tough because we both argue along the same lines, and sometimes I guess neither of us are willing to back down. The entire thing started when my boyfriend got upset over some family problems.. Knowing he was upset, I tried to walk with him out of school on his way home, even though I wasn't feeling well.. At first, I tried to talk to him, but he just responded with a bland stone face that just screamed out his disinterest. And to me, that hurt, because it felt like he was treating me like rubbish, like I wasn't worth anything to him at all. But knowing he was upset, I tolerated it, and I tried not to show my irritation. [Especially since I know I tend to be reaaaaaaally grumpy when I get upset too.] So both of us just walked in silence all the way out, and I guess I was just waiting for him to get comfortable enough to talk to me, and just offering silent support. Well, just before we parted ways to go home, I asked if he was alright, and he said yes, he was. Obviously that didn't mean anything, because he's been upset many times before this, and each time he'll always pretend to be alright. So on the way home, I messaged him, and told him that if he needed a listening ear, I'd be there for him. And when I reached home, I refused to take a nap even though I was tired cos I was worried he'd call. But he didn't. Fine, I accepted that maybe some things just took time, and he can't always be comfortable telling me everything, especially since family problems are sensitive. At night, he logs onto msn. I try to talk to him, and again I receive the same disinterest, the same blowing off, and he claims he was just stoning online. So, nearly at the end of my patience (and I have NEVER been a patient person to begin with), I told him "fine, i'll leave you alone to your stoning then". And THEN he takes offence with that, and accuses me of leaving him alone when he needs me most. That was when I got really really upset, because hello, I've been trying to be there for him the entire day, and I just keep getting pushed away, and now he's getting upset at me for something I just said? And then he goes on to say how I never seem to care when he's upset, and how I can never cheer him up. So I got defensive, and I guess I sounded kinda confrontational, because I was extremely annoyed by then. And I asked him what else he expected me to do, and he said that I never even tried to cheer him up. [?!?!!] Okay, so I realised that he didn't want someone to sit with him and be there, he wanted someone to act like a clown, even when he was just looking back at me with a stoned face. And just because I sounded irritated when talking to him, he just exploded and accused me of never bothering to be there for him when he was upset, walking away when he needed to talk. I tried to tell him that I wasn't good at comforting people, never was, and the way he always treats me (like i'm this worthless piece of ****) when he's upset really disturbs me, to the point that I don't even know if he even wants me around anymore. And then he starts twisting my words and getting madder and tells me i'm messing this entire thing up even more, and how all he wanted was someone to be there for him when he was upset, and I was never ever there. So I was at a loss, because honestly, as pissed as I was at his accusation that I never bothered about him and I didn't care, I could see why he was so mad. Because I wasn't good enough I guess, and when he needed me most, somehow, I failed him. But this other good friend of mine, who knows everything that happened, told me that sometimes I shouldn't give in too much, and perhaps I should find out why his other relationships failed, because maybe his exes left him because of his temper. But anyway, what basically happened after was that he just logged off msn abruptly, and when he came back online half an hour later, he just started apologising. Because he was too stretched by everything that was happening, and that he had no right to rant at me like that. The problem is, this isn't the first time it has happened, and each time, he just apologises for his temper because "he was too upset and everything else happened at once, but he was wrong to vent his anger on me". And I don't know if in this case, I'm in the wrong because I can't be there for him, or I'm too accomodating, and he's the one acting like a tyrant. I've always been a very short-tempered person, always quick to rail out at anyone i'm pissed at. And this is the first time, he's the first person, whom I'm actually being submissive to, and whom I really gave in to willingly. But somehow I'm still falling short. If this continues and happens still, I have a feeling I might really lose it and give up on him and walk out of this relationship. But I don't know if I should, or whether that would just be me being too demanding and brattish and leaving him when he really needs me. How can I make him see how this is affecting me? I mean, after this huge quarrel, every single time he goes back to being nice and sweet and just thinks that a "sorry" can somehow make me forget everything. Am I the one that's holding grudges, and should I forget it too? And I can I tell when I just should draw the line and stop giving in, and just tell him that's he's being too demanding? Sorry for this uber long post! =X For those of you that managed to read til here, please please please help! =X I'm really at a loss at what to do, and I feel like this thing's affecting me so much, sometimes I don't even remember why I was happy with him at all in the first place..
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