MonkeyMan01 Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I've got a serious problem. I'm 22 years old and have never really had a girlfriend. I'm still in college, but I need to get this fixed. I cannot seem to start a conversation with a girl, or if I do, my mind just goes blank after a couple of sentences and I cant think of even ONE topic to talk about. I know I've had girls in high school who've liked me, but I've blew all my chances by not being able to say anything. Right now there's a girl who works in the same store (different department) as me, and she's given me her phone number and SN and smiles/says hi to me whenever I walk by, so I'm pretty sure she likes me. I'm just afraid to call her because I know that after about a minute, there'll be dead silence and it'll be really awkward. I try to think of myself as fairly active. I'd rather be out doing something rather than inside at my PC (although sometimes my major requires it). I've asked her if she'd like to do some coed intramurals and she says she'll do it, so we'll see how that goes. I'm just wondering if anyone can offer any advise on how to start a good conversation or how to keep one going, or maybe just a good date idea. I really like her and just don't want to blow this just because I can't think of anything to say. I'd really appreciate any help people can give.
Hitman10000 Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 Growing a backbone will help you communicate your thoughts.
insomnie Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I really like her and just don't want to blow this just because I can't think of anything to say. I'd really appreciate any help people can give. Well, you can't "really like her" if you've never had a real conversation with her. I think the trick to finding a girlfriend is not trying to find one. Work instead on your communication problem, try to be a better friend. I think it would help if you could think of women as potential friends and "real people" instead of this whole other species whom you are interested in capturing. I am also very bad at small talk, but I will tell you, people who are good listeners put me at ease. So, work on being a better listener...ask questions (about her day, about her opinions on the news, about her classes, whatever...) and act like you are care about what she has to say. This ties in to treating women as people, too... when they realize you are interested in them not only as women but also as unique individuals you will get far better results...
IWalkAlone Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I think the trick to finding a girlfriend is not trying to find one. People always say "you find them when you're not looking," but that's ridiculous. When I'm not looking for a girlfriend, I'm usually at home watching rented DVDs by myself. Or if I am out, I'm with the same group of friends: single guys, couples, women with boyfriends, or women I'll never be romantic with for one reason or another. When I'm not looking, I'm not going out of my way to meet new people. I'm not approaching new women and asking for their phone numbers. Unless a guy is one of those fortunate guys who is good looing enough that women approach HIM, guys don't get girlfriends by not looking.
Guest Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 You're so cute. Ok...all you have to do is call her. That's it. Stop thinking about what to say too much and just let it happen naturally. Maybe she's a talker. I know I am. You're letting that fear thing get in the way. If you and she have anything in common, and are going to be good together, you'll be able to talk to her as easily as you'll be able to talk to your best guy friend. You two will feel right at home within the first 5 min. If not, then she's not good for you and no big loss in the first place. Afterall, you're not in love with her anyway...you hardly know her. It's all just the anticipation & illusion of her that's freaking you out. If you're still worried...just don't do the pick a topic thing like "movies and music." That's dorky (no offense). Think up a cool story that happened to you...and tell it to her like it just happened, just before you were about to call her. Good Luck.
JackEverett25 Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Unfortunately, our thoughts are our worst enemies at times. What you're going through is 100% natural, man. You just need to learn that you are not trying to impress this person, and adopt the attitude that you don't care if it doesn't work out (oh well, there are more fish in the sea). The problem you are having is the same problem I had a few years ago...being consumed by the fear of saying the wrong thing (or nothing at all!) and looking like a complete jackass. Women are VERY intuitive about this and can spot weakness very quickly (they have to be selective, women are generally hit on every day of their lives). One thing that helped me was the 3 second rule. This means once you see an attractive girl and she flirts with you (this is the key part, mind you), you must go up to her within 3 seconds and say 'hi'. Just do this to see what she's like...if you like her then get her phone number, if you find she's not for you, then just walk away. This works so well bc it doesn't give your mind time to think of crazy ideas on why NOT to talk to her...those thoughts can easily psyche yourself out. Of course, you're beyond this stage with this girl and have her phone number. Call her! Seriously, if there is compatibility, the conversation will flow on its own. Just say, 'hi, how are you?' and take it from there. Keep it short and direct...have a plan in mind before you call, like if you want to take her out for a drink or a cup of coffee. Coffee is great bc it is very casual, inexpensive and there is no pressure. Then tell her what day you are free, and see what she says. If she is unsure about her plans, tell her okay, "this is the time I'm free, if you want to meet, then give me a call" and leave it at that. Above all else, do not say "I dunno, what do you want to do?" Women hate that! That is acting like a wuss and being indecisive, women like guys that can take charge and who know what they want. Keep the call SHORT! Do not start getting into a long conversation unless she is the one talking to you (good sign she likes you). At any rate, this gives you less time to potentially mess up and more anticipation for your date. You'll be fine, man. The trick to it is developing that inner backbone that projects, "I like women, and I don't give a crap if I meet an attractive girl and we are not compatible".
Recommended Posts