Manny D Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 ok this is the story there is this girl at work, we´ve been working together for about a year and we always got along great but never had any "animal magnetism" going on. I´m early 30´s and she is late 20´s. From the start I somehow got the impression that she respects me in some way. we are both in steady realationships and myself i have three children, however lately my own relationship has been declining and its headed downhill tbh. (my wife respects me but she doesnt love me.. she even said to my face) recently I was having a hard time with suspected grave illness(eventually turned out to be less serious but still was a scare).. I felt really down and afraid and found myself with noone to talk to, so i opened up to her(the girl at work, henceforth known as she/her), she responded well and was really supportive.. and after the ordeal was resolved i thanked her sincearly in a personal written message. after this event I feel something has changed.. I am picking up signals from her, she laughs at everything I say, often compliments me on my wits and humor. Often "makes fun" of me in a friendly manner and always "defends" me when others joke around with me (we joke around a lot in the workplace in general). Also i find when we talk she tends to make eye contact and sometimes quickly averts her eyes.. seemingly embarassed. She also tends to twirl and run her fingers trough her hair when we talk (we talk a lot, both work related things and smalltalk) its not super obvious but she does it often when WE talk, also sometimes throws her hair back mid conversation. She also often calls me by name even when its not warranted by the conversation but im not sure about this one because she might be doing this to others as well. There are other things as well but these are the things im sure of. my question now is... does she like me? or am I reading her wrong..? maybe she just feels sorry for me (i have mentioned my realtionship problems and also i tend to come across as a "feel sorry for" guy) is it possible im imagining things..? I also like to add that she doent really seem to have any trouble with her boyfriend from what i picked up from various conversations. Thing is also that she is great looking(subjective I know) and myself.. well tbh im not a freak but objectively i´d place myself somewhat below average.. and her guy is ofc a looker.. really handsome tbh. and here it comes.. i know its stupid in every imaginable way but.. I´m falling for her.. I wish I wasnt but thats how I feel.. I rush off to work in the morning just to meet her. Am I heading down the path to destruction? I really really like and respect this person so wouldnt want to ruin anything between us but I cant deny my feelings. Also I know that she has great respect for me both professionally and personally, am i about to throw all that away? as for my own realtionship.. sure it might be headed for a fall but im scared to deat to lose my children.. my wife isnt that vindictive but she´d definately "claim" the children in a divorce. The whole thing is painful really.. it haunts me but at the same time i havent felt this alive in years, every little thing suddenly has meaning.. feel just like a teenager having a crush.. what to do? please help. I need advice about two things * how do I read her signals? are these attraction signals? what other typical signals should I look for? any "tests" that i can do with behaviour and/or body language? * How do I do the "right thing" here? help on this is needed, I´m at my wits end.
whichwayisup Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 Focus all this energy and concern into your wife...Talk to her. You say she isn't meeting your needs (I'm reading between the lines) and you're unhappy. You're not connecting with her, emotionally or physically...Which opens the door a crack for the OW at work...Hense your words: feel just like a teenager having a crush.. That is not love, it's a crush, a feeling you're getting from her that you don't feel for your wife anymore. Crushes are FUN but they can do alot of damage when you let them take over and make you want to cheat on your wife. Please, think of your children, think of the pain you'll cause your wife...Close the door, don't even think of having an affair. It doesn't matter what the OW feels, know why? Because NO good can come of this situation. You have so much to lose, and screwing around with a woman who makes you feel good (all based on fantasy, not "real" life with the good,bad and the ugly rolled up into one) and is an ego feed for you. It's not love, it's pure lust and THAT is what's making you 'feel' like you want this OW. Take a read at the recent threads by Thumbingmyway in the marriage section. Go read some threads in the infidelity section, so you can maybe 'see' the pain you're about to inflict on your wife, your children and your extended family. Then, read some threads in this section, by OW. Read about their pain, their hurts beacuse they fall for the MM big time, as he leads them to believe "one day" he'll leave his wife/family....Yet he never does, crushing her heart, then having to deal with and fix his marriage, crushing his wife's heart. Are you sure you wanna be the bad guy here??? You'll have noone to blame but yourself if you find yourself smack in an affair and your wife finds out. Cheating is a choice, remember that. So, if your marriage is falling apart, GO To marriage counselling and fix it! Talk to your wife, let her know how you feel right now! Or, divorce her, be a free man to have sex with this woman... I said this on someone else's thread, I'll say it on yours too. Don't go cheat on your wife with the OW, then realize you don't want the OW, then head back home to your wife. That's not fair to walk on the otherside of the fence, then walk back when you realize it's not greener over there.... Think...Really think this through with the head on your shoulders, not the one between your legs. Hope I've opened your eyes abit.
justice Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I'd say either rebuild it with your wife or be honest and end that before you even think about beginning another relationship. It isn't fair to this girl or to your wife if you even consider starting something before finishing a past/current relationship. Please don't do this before you've sorted out your marriage. You could hurt alot of people.
HennyPenny Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 She sounds a lot like a woman at my workplace. There are at least 3 guys that are convinced they have a shot with her. If any other women ask her if she "likes" this guy or that guy (because she flirts shamelessly with them) she acts like we're out of our minds and gets all indignant and grossed out. Then it's back to getting these guys all hot and bothered and playing innocent. One of these guys is married and is making a real ass out of himself. Everyone knows he'll never get anywhere with her, but him. I wish I could put it in more sensitive terms, but there it is.
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