marriedwithtwo Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Depending on how things progress between now and Xmas, I may ask my wife to talk with her doctor to be certain there is nothing medical negatively affecting her sex drive. So I have this info: She is early 30's, 16 months after childbirth (2nd). NO medication other than occasional Tylenol or Advil. Her blood pressure and general health is excellent. Exercises regularly and gets about 7hrs of sleep a night. I know that Thyroid is one to have checked. What else?
portableversion Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 There is probably nothing wrong with your wife. Some people like sex once a month. Some people like it once a day everyday. Your wife has a lower libido that yours. Big deal. Don't take it so personally. Your choices are 1) have an affair 2)wank off 3) deal with it or 4)leave her.
JamesM Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Premenopause. Low hormone levels. Autoimmune disorders. High stress, whether real or imagined. Yes, thyroid...high or low. Here is a couple I copied off a website. * Addison’s disease * Chronic renal failure * Depression * Estrogen-producing tumors * Head trauma * Hepatitis * Hypothyroidism * Parkinson’s disease * Stroke Do a google on low libido. It is incredible how many possible reasons there are. You may want to narrow it down by putting in disease, women, and more clarifiers. That is what I did, and that is how I found this Board along with other resources. Good luck. She is worth it....you may be surprised at the results.
portableversion Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 marriedwithtwo wrote in an earlier post that he and his wife have sex twice a week and he is still complaining. Feel sorry for his wife.
basscatcher Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 My best guess---stress.. Lack of freedom--she is tied with the children. Even when she is not with the kids they are ALWAYS on her mind. Mothers always worry about their children even when they are trying really hard to enjoy themselves out on the town, on vacation, on a date. Her hormones might be still out of wack also. It's not uncommon for womens bodies to be messed up for about 2 years after delivery of a child.--even with exericise. I best guess is still with stress..
Guest Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 You're gonna have a hard time finding a woman this far into marriage who will want it more than twice a week. Twice a week would be a blessing for many, so count your blessings. If you want frequent sex, date them and dump them when it starts disappearing. It's the only way I've ever seen it work. Marriage kills the libido because it ends the chase.
Author marriedwithtwo Posted September 14, 2006 Author Posted September 14, 2006 There is probably nothing wrong with your wife. Some people like sex once a month. Some people like it once a day everyday. Your wife has a lower libido that yours. Big deal. Don't take it so personally. Your choices are 1) have an affair 2)wank off 3) deal with it or 4)leave her. Not exactly constructive, but I'll reply anyhow.... You are right I have thos 4 choices. But I would rather work with my wife to determine IF there is something limiting her libido. How great would it be if we walked this walk together, she found an issue, and things improved for both of us? If there is nothing wrong medically and things continue as they are, I will certainly have to work with my wife for a fair compromise. I refuse to have an affair, and I will not leave (certainly not with 2 young children). Therefore my best call is to research all the angles. Got it? Good. When you say don't take it personally....that's tough. I, like many men, feel (correctly or not, that is why it is an emotion) that the amount of intimacy my wife and I share, and how much sexual affection she shows to me defines how much she loves and likes me. If she shows none or little, I feel unloved and unwanted. This of course leads to lack of confidence, lack of productivity, and resentment, and eventual decline of the relationship (unless I can deal with it, and not feel these things). Perfect example is this reply...do I sound irritable and edgy? That's because I'm horny, haven't had sex in about a week, and feel pretty unloved right about now.
Author marriedwithtwo Posted September 14, 2006 Author Posted September 14, 2006 marriedwithtwo wrote in an earlier post that he and his wife have sex twice a week and he is still complaining. Feel sorry for his wife. You know, I'm really not appreciating your jabbing, dumb-ass replies. Go away, you have nothing constructive for me to read.
SoCalCatman72 Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 There is probably nothing wrong with your wife. Some people like sex once a month. Some people like it once a day everyday. Apparently, I want it once every five years j/k
Author marriedwithtwo Posted September 14, 2006 Author Posted September 14, 2006 You're gonna have a hard time finding a woman this far into marriage who will want it more than twice a week. Twice a week would be a blessing for many, so count your blessings. If you want frequent sex, date them and dump them when it starts disappearing. It's the only way I've ever seen it work. Marriage kills the libido because it ends the chase. What's wrong with wanting the most sexually fufilling relationship for both of us? The same way she tries to get me to do more laundry folding, and cook dinner more, I want more sex. There is nothing wrong with working hand in hand with your spouse so that you are both fufilled, no matter what it is. Why is it a bad thing to want more sex? Why is it always seen as so evil? Sheesh! I'm off for tonight, maybe I'll read something productive tomorrow. portableversions replies pissed me off, what can I say.
JamesM Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 Perfect example is this reply...do I sound irritable and edgy? That's because I'm horny, haven't had sex in about a week, and feel pretty unloved right about now. Okay, you know where I come from. You know I understand, but really...one WEEK without sex? Go for most of a year without sex, and then just "sex because you want it" sex. Then be told...no more...and have her follow through with it. I have to agree with others on this one...why are you looking for a medical reason? Does she not have any interest when you do have it? Can she have an orgasm? My guess is that if you have it once a week and she is feeling into having sex at those times and can have orgasms, it isn't medical. I do appreciate the fact that you are researching all angles, but I am quite doubtful that a medical reason would have her still enjoying sex once a week. I wqould be more inclined to go with the stress factor. Pressure from you can also make her less interested..especially if she feels that there is a certain amount of times that makes her "normal." (And yes, I know how that sounds coming from me, but it is from experience that I say it). I give you my support...hang in there. However, one week isn't long. Of course that is easy for me to say, because I finally "got some" this morning. That was after about three weeks.
superconductor Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 Sounds like that old joke about packages for condoms. When you're in college, they come in a six-pack, two for Friday night, one for Saturday morning, two for Saturday night, one for Sunday morning. After college, they're in three packs: Two for Saturday night and one for Sunday morning. After marriage, they come in boxes of 12: 1 for January, 1 for February... *ahem* But seriously folks... Women are generally pretty smart creatures, but for some reason they just can't seem to get their head around the fact that multiple rejections of their partner equates to rejection of them personally, as a man, as a husband/SO, as a lover, as a human being. It's about as clear a rejection as one can suffer the misfortune of getting, especially with the litany of excuses like, "I'm too tired/I've got a headache/You're not fulfilling my emotional needs (whatever the hell that is)..." etc. etc.
burning 4 revenge Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 You know, I'm really not appreciating your jabbing, dumb-ass replies. Go away, you have nothing constructive for me to read. You must be a real sweetheart to live with
whichwayisup Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 Her B12 levels should be checked, as well as a full blood routine, just to make sure she's OK. She may be just tired, having little kids is tiring... haven't had sex in about a week, and feel pretty unloved right about now. Hey, try not to equate her love for you about sex. I think that may be one of the problems here, the only way you're "feeling" connected to your wife is through sex. That's okay when it's happening, but those days/weeks when it's not, try not to feel unloved. You know she loves ya, silly! It also depends where she is in her cycle. Some days will make her hornier than others, and afew days she won't want you touching her. I know you're frustrated, but give her credit, she's opened up more, trying new things...Don't push your luck too much or she'll clam up and shut you out.
HeyYouGuys Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 Iron deficiency anemia is fairly common among women (those in the teen years, early twenties and throughout child bearing years) Even a moderate deficiency can contribute to tiredness, apathy, lack of enthusiasm, feeling 'blah' etc. However, I think once or twice a week (sex) is perfectly reasonable, given the demands of running a household with two young children in it. Women are very MENTAL in terms of sex. Meaning, they don't just physically turn on unless they are in the right state of mind (whereas I think it is more common for men to want sex, no matter what their mood is) Your wife may need help with the kids, the house, stress, etc. If you two are not communicating well, that can explain a dropoff in sex. Take her out for a nice, unexpected romantic dinner and discuss what you can do to help put the 'spark' back in your marriage.
Mz. Pixie Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 Take her away for the weekend. Are you affectionate with her otherwise?? Or does she feel like every time you touch her it's about sex??
stoopid_guy Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 Women are generally pretty smart creatures, but for some reason they just can't seem to get their head around the fact that multiple rejections of their partner equates to rejection of them personally, as a man, as a husband/SO, as a lover, as a human being. It's about as clear a rejection as one can suffer the misfortune of getting, especially with the litany of excuses like, "I'm too tired/I've got a headache/You're not fulfilling my emotional needs (whatever the hell that is)..." etc. etc.Or they get their heads around it, but don't give a rat's a$$ untill it potentially impacts their needs.
Guest Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 What's wrong with wanting the most sexually fufilling relationship for both of us? The same way she tries to get me to do more laundry folding, and cook dinner more, I want more sex. There is nothing wrong with working hand in hand with your spouse so that you are both fufilled, no matter what it is. Why is it a bad thing to want more sex? Why is it always seen as so evil? Sheesh! I'm off for tonight, maybe I'll read something productive tomorrow. portableversions replies pissed me off, what can I say. Oh, there's nothing wrong with it at all. Drive on soldier! I wish you the best of luck. I just don't want you getting your hopes up that it's anything physical. IMHO, 80% of the time it has to do with a simple lack of motivation and incentives. I'd also hate to see you get in a huge fight about this with your wife.
grateful Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 What's wrong with wanting the most sexually fufilling relationship for both of us? The same way she tries to get me to do more laundry folding, and cook dinner more, I want more sex. There is nothing wrong with working hand in hand with your spouse so that you are both fufilled, no matter what it is. Why is it a bad thing to want more sex? Why is it always seen as so evil? Sheesh! I'm off for tonight, maybe I'll read something productive tomorrow. portableversions replies pissed me off, what can I say. There's your answer. You want more sex? Fold more laundry, cook dinner more often, and don't stop there, do the dishes, clean the bathroom. The less tired she is from doing household chores the more she'll have time and energy for sex. You'll also be meeting an emotional need of hers; she's asked you to do your share around the house and you do it. Feeling heard and appreciated will make her more connected to you and because, as someone said above, women need to be mentally ready for sex, she'll be in the mood more often. Finally, I agree that having sex twice a week is an unlikely candidate for a medically low libido. It sounds like a more typical too busy with two kids and a house situation. Your answer was right there in your own comparison.
portableversion Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 secretly drop testosterone into her morning coffee, then she'll have the sex drive JUST LIKE YOU. In fact she'll be just like any guy, complete with the chest hair and shrunken tits. I can't believe marriedwithtwo is crying about sex only TWICE A WEEK!! It's a CRISIS! Call the NATIONAL GUARD! Marriedwithtwo seems to think his wife SHOULD HAVE HIS SEX DRIVE. If that's what he wants...then he really shouldn't be dealing with women-a man would suit him better. And he has the selfish nerve to ask her to submit to invasive medical procedures just to satisfy HIM. Yeah, echoing another poster, i bet you are a joy to live with. NOT.
quankanne Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I, like many men, feel (correctly or not, that is why it is an emotion) that the amount of intimacy my wife and I share, and how much sexual affection she shows to me defines how much she loves and likes me … Perfect example is this reply...do I sound irritable and edgy? That's because I'm horny, haven't had sex in about a week, and feel pretty unloved right about now. versus What's wrong with wanting the most sexually fufilling relationship for both of us? sounds like HER idea of "the most sexually fulfilling relationship" of once a week sex doesn't jibe with YOURS, even though you say all the right words about wanting a happy balance. Married sex is a whole other ball of wax, and you've got to learn to be amenable enough to roll with it as it comes, otherwise you're going to be in a perpetual state of unhappiness about the dearth of sex you feel you're getting. It's less about her love for you or your self-worth, and more about attitude. If someone is constantly hit up for sex, that person is going to see it as another stress they've got to deal with, rather than something they look forward to, and that can kill the joy of the whole act. change your outlook, and you'll both be happier because the stress attached to those expectations won't be there.
a4a Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 hey here is an idea... why don't you go to the doctor and get something to supress your sexual appetite?
Mz. Pixie Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 hey here is an idea... why don't you go to the doctor and get something to supress your sexual appetite? Yeah, ever hear of Salt Peter? They used to give that to prisoners back in the day to supress their sexual appetite.
quankanne Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 now, now ladies ... his needs are important! :bunny:
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