Guest Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Does anyone on this forum have any information about how to see your love without getting caught? I see all kinds of sites telling the jilted spouse on how to catch the rat, but see nothing about hints for successful trysts. I see alot of people on this site that understand. I'm not saying it is right, but you really can't control who you fall in love with. I'm married 20 years, 2 kids. My H is ill and hasn't worked in years so he is now a Mr. Mom. He is also very demanding and selfish. I work to feed all of us, keep a roof over our heads and buy his new set of golf clubs (or whatever) whenever he starts desiring a new material object. We were young when we got married. I feel too young. About 10 years ago I met MM and we fell in love. True love. He is my best friend and always wants what best for me. A few years ago we were caught by an outsider and we almost lost everything. It was very scary. But we stayed in touch and have told each other on many occasions that we need each other, will love each other forever and even if we could never see each other we still need to talk. We've been 'just talking" everyday ever since. We are both too afraid to see each other in person. I especially because there is so much information about catching your spouse and technological advances making it easy (IE: GPS on the cell phone to track your movements) That I am extremely terrified to see him. But we miss each other terribly and just want to meet for coffee and be reminded or each other's beautiful smile. As a matter of explanation, we both agreed not to leave our home lives because of the children and our families. Neither of us can stand the devastation that would be left behind. We both agreed that if we got caught or if even one of us got caught, we would get an apt together, but since we're both the sole support for our households, expect to be punished severely financially for leaving. Both our homelives are extremely happy when things are good. The kids have a nice home, we don't fight with our spouses, holidays and everything is nice, but we also have our outside relationship which complicates things as it is a truly deep bond. So please don't anyone say "dump him!" or "get out now!" as that is truly easier said than done and I think you all know I wouldn't take that advice anyway.
quankanne Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 not sure what the attraction of staying in such an obviously crappy marriage, but hey, that's YOUR cup of tea ... as for sustaining your affair, think like the politicos do: Lie and cover your *ss.
BUTAFLY Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Distract you husband with a really hot nanny for the kids. Then you and lover boy can have at it while your husbands in the bathroom yanking off . All the gps bullcrap is for women .....we are the ones who will dig to no end looking for more and more evidence just to say 'SEE, I knew you were cheating!' Men are affectionatley lazy and unaware of others feelings..as long as they have beer, a big screen tv,golf,or whatever there vise may be and your not complaining, then i'm sure he won't notice a thing (he hasn't so far).
justice Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 My only advice is if you don't want to get caught, then don't cheat, it's that simple.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I'm not even going to comment on this thread.
crazy_grl Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 First of all, I think it's disgusting and cowardly to pursue and affair as a "solution" to marriage problems. I also think that it's never best for the kids to have a cheating parent, and despite what the cheater says, they're always hiding the affair for selfish means (and I've heard a lot of excuses to justify the hiding, none of which sounded anything but selfish -- including yours). Now on to you question, which was about to how to not get caught: I'm not going to put the effort into thinking about specifics because I don't approve of your actions, but I will tell you that all you have to do take those lists of how to catch a person and take measures to prevent those things from happening. For example, the GPS situation you mentioned is easily solved by not taking your cell phone with you when you two meet up. Leave it at home and pretend you just forgot it if your partner asks. Getting caught depends on whether or not you have the brain power to come up with effective ways of thwarting the common methods of catching a cheater.
Guest Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Does anyone on this forum have any information about how to see your love without getting caught? I see all kinds of sites telling the jilted spouse on how to catch the rat, but see nothing about hints for successful trysts. I see alot of people on this site that understand. I'm not saying it is right, but you really can't control who you fall in love with. I'm married 20 years, 2 kids. My H is ill and hasn't worked in years so he is now a Mr. Mom. He is also very demanding and selfish. I work to feed all of us, keep a roof over our heads and buy his new set of golf clubs (or whatever) whenever he starts desiring a new material object. We were young when we got married. I feel too young. About 10 years ago I met MM and we fell in love. True love. He is my best friend and always wants what best for me. A few years ago we were caught by an outsider and we almost lost everything. It was very scary. But we stayed in touch and have told each other on many occasions that we need each other, will love each other forever and even if we could never see each other we still need to talk. We've been 'just talking" everyday ever since. We are both too afraid to see each other in person. I especially because there is so much information about catching your spouse and technological advances making it easy (IE: GPS on the cell phone to track your movements) That I am extremely terrified to see him. But we miss each other terribly and just want to meet for coffee and be reminded or each other's beautiful smile. As a matter of explanation, we both agreed not to leave our home lives because of the children and our families. Neither of us can stand the devastation that would be left behind. We both agreed that if we got caught or if even one of us got caught, we would get an apt together, but since we're both the sole support for our households, expect to be punished severely financially for leaving. Both our homelives are extremely happy when things are good. The kids have a nice home, we don't fight with our spouses, holidays and everything is nice, but we also have our outside relationship which complicates things as it is a truly deep bond. So please don't anyone say "dump him!" or "get out now!" as that is truly easier said than done and I think you all know I wouldn't take that advice anyway. I don't think you need much advice, but to only continue what you are doing it seems to have worked out, you are obviously good at cheating and lying. I would have been caught a long time ago, I am not good at hiding things, therefore, I would be a lousy cheat! People have there reasons for being unfaithful, I have not been in your shoes, so I'm not going to judge you. However, I do get crushes and goosebumps whenever a good looking guy catches my fancy, but I would not go as far as being unfaithful to my hubby. I respect him too much.
Moose Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 If I were you, I'd listen to, "Justice" from "Hell", sounds like this person may know what they're talking about......given the screen name, and their location I mean.....
Guest Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Since I recently got "caught" with my MM by his wife..I have nothing of value to offer you on the subject. We were as careful as anyone could be and still got caught after a year.
GreenEyedLady Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 It sounds like you are looking for a guarantee not to get caught. When in an affair there are NO guarantees about anything, except hurt.
JamesM Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 Do a google on how to have an affair. Then do a google on the effects of an affair and what happens when reality strikes.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 hmmmm I get the impression that there are some kids playing their computers and intiating posts like this to see how people react to it.
Michael86 Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 First of all, I think it's disgusting and cowardly to pursue and affair as a "solution" to marriage problems. I also think that it's never best for the kids to have a cheating parent. So true. Not many people realize how damaging a cheating parent can be to a kid. Take it from someone who knows.
lofranco Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 hmmmm I get the impression that there are some kids playing their computers and intiating posts like this to see how people react to it. I beg to differ. I believe this person really wants to find a fool proof way on how to get away with infidelity. I have a feeling you will get caught in just a matter of time. Your wife probably suspects. Women more so than men have good intuition, unfortunately they don't always follow through until the damage has already been done. When your walls come crumbling down, come back and get the proper help, that is if you want it!
stoopid_guy Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I have a feeling you will get caught in just a matter of time. Your wife probably suspects. Women more so than men have good intuition, unfortunately they don't always follow through until the damage has already been done. Search "infidelity statistics." One set said 70% of wives and 54% of husbands were unaware. I suspect the odds of getting caught are low if: The OW/OM and spouse are in different towns and move in different social circles. The cheater travels much and/or works an odd schedule. The BS is content and has no reason to suspect. The BS thinks "it can't happen to me" for whatever reason(s). The cheater is discreet, and feels little remorse. Note: Not encouraging anything here, just approaching as an intellectual exercise.
Adunaphel Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 What stoopid_guy said. It's also easier to get away with an affair if you don't alter your lifestyle or schedule in any way, if you are very careful about not leaving any evidence and if the person you are having an affair with is as careful as you. The longer the affair goes on, the more time you spend together, the higher the chances of getting caught. Do you like thrillers? Find some good ones where the bad guy is a very professional hitman and pick hints about how not get caught from there. Not judging, but I agree with whomever said that a long affair is not the solution..you'd probably be happier in the long run if you either got a divorce or did not cheat. So many years spent sneaking, feeling anxious, keeping track of lies and excuses you made up, worrying to get caught, not even fully enjoying the moments with your lover - is it really worth it?
FallenPetals Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 First of all make sure you do what the others have said. Show no changes. Make sure you're still having sex with your husband. About the GPS thing, if you must leave your mobile phone at home then I suggest taking the battery out of it or the sim chip, that way if he tries to power it up, voila nothing happens. Secondly, make sure that you're careful to throw all cards away that have been given to you or keep gifts elsewhere in a safety deposit box. Do not let any friends in on what you're doing unless you're absolutely sure they can be trusted, even the best of friends have thoughts and guilt, so you should probably just keep it to yourself. Affairs are awful things, you must hide everything and worry everyday about being caught. My last suggestion is to either end your marriage and be with this guy the proper way or to kill the affair and get back in touch with your marriage and spend all the energy you're putting into the affair on the marriage to make it a "affair" you love living in again. Best of luck to you.
outofdarkness Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 eeek...that's creepy! How to get away with it? I have some advice...find a good, honest, loving and trusting spouse...do whatever the hell you want to do and the rest seems to follow suit...You ALWAYS get caught in a lie!!
RealityCheck Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 My only advice is if you don't want to get caught, then don't cheat, it's that simple. This is the best sound advice given on this thread! I know how complex an affair can be, because I've been there! Truth is, even if you don't get caught by the spouses, living the lie will eat you up inside. So, no matter how you look at it, you will be "caught" in the emotional highs and lows within yourself.
FlyingHigh Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 My only advice is if you don't want to get caught, then don't cheat, it's that simple. DITTO DITTO DITTO!! But hey, if want to stoop that low and then look at yourself in the mirror with pride because you don't have equal the balls your lazy husband could have, then you two have the "purrrrfect" marriage. You bring home the bacon, fry it in the pan, your H eats it (never mind that he's "Mr. Mom") and then go off and pork someone else.....very nice.....
stoopid_guy Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 find a good, honest, loving and trusting spouse... Great idea! Another married person will also want to be descreet and will understand your situation. (Assume you were talking about someone elses spouse?)
outofdarkness Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 Great idea! Another married person will also want to be descreet and will understand your situation. (Assume you were talking about someone elses spouse?) nope....just being sarcastic...in other words...in my situation...I trusted my H 100 percent, has always been honest and upfront and considered myself to be a good W...Seems like it happens this way alot, although I know from reading posts that there are many affairs that go on between two m people too...I can't even imagine, so prob. should not have even posted...The part about always being caught in a lie...I do find to be true...with most anyway...eventually.
stoopid_guy Posted September 23, 2006 Posted September 23, 2006 nope....just being sarcastic...in other words...in my situation...I trusted my H 100 percent, has always been honest and upfront and considered myself to be a good W...Seems like it happens this way alot, although I know from reading posts that there are many affairs that go on between two m people too...I can't even imagine, so prob. should not have even posted...The part about always being caught in a lie...I do find to be true...with most anyway...eventually. I was being silly too. (Though many a truth were spoken in jest. )
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