ataloss Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I've been reading the forum for a while now, but haven't ever posted. I've found strength and wisdom from reading about others experiences. I have a situation that I haven't seen on here before, my MM moved out a few months ago, but won't file for a divorce and when I question why, he basically refuses to talk about it. What should I do now?
Guest Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I've been reading the forum for a while now, but haven't ever posted. I've found strength and wisdom from reading about others experiences. I have a situation that I haven't seen on here before, my MM moved out a few months ago, but won't file for a divorce and when I question why, he basically refuses to talk about it. What should I do now? I think rather than asking him about his divorce, you should ask him where he sees the two of you. What are his plans? If he doesn't talk about that either, then you shouldn't keep him around. Depending on the answer, i.e. he wants you in his life and wants a future with you, ask him to include you in the high level discussions of the D (like timeline, how visitation with kids are to work, anticipated time that you will meet them, etc.). You do not need the nitty gritty details but you do need some information to form where you want to go in this relationship. Also, read the book, "how to survive your boyfriend's divorce". It will be really helpful
IngenueMisnomer Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 If his leaving had anythign to do with your relationship then I think you have the right to ask and know why he refuses to file. And you should let him know how you feel. Tell him what your limits are. If however, you two never had any plans or discussions about him leaving in order to be with you then I think he's entitled to his privacy. In that case you shouldn't push the subject. He'll talk to you if/when he feels ready.
reneet Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I don't know if you've read any of my posts, but my mm & I live together. He says he cannot afford a divorce. He says his wife can't afford it either. There's alot to lose in his situation. A boat, marital home & a house at the shore. So I feel like men don't file for divorce for the financial benefits??? We've been together for 6 years & living together for a little over 4 yrs.
whichwayisup Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 my MM moved out a few months ago, but won't file for a divorce and when I question why, he basically refuses to talk about it. What should I do now? Nothing. Let him do this his way...There's still a chance that he'll go back home to his wife, so you gotta let him go. Give him space to think about what HE wants and what he NEEDS to do. He can't do that if you're pressuring him, asking him questions. Detach yourself, go and live your life without him. Painful as that may be for you, you just have to do this.
Author ataloss Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 Guest - Thanks for the input. I have asked about his plans for the future and he only says I'm in it. No timeline, no indication of when I could expect to be in a normal relationship, nothing. There are no children and I've asked many times about parents, but he only says soon. I will get the book you mentioned. IngenueMisnomer - While we have been seeing each other for a while, he says his leaving has nothing to do with me or our relationship. He says he has been unhappy in his marriage for a very long time. He says they have nothing in common. At the same time, he assured me during the earlier stages of our relationship that the divorce would be soon (almost 2 years ago). Reneet - He has assured me on MANY occasions it's not a financial issue and I think if we were living together or at least out in the open about our relationship I would feel better about it. Did your MM move in with you immediately after moving out of the marital home? Whichwayisup - I agree if that's the right thing to do. I'm torn between feeling like I'm only in the way of them getting back together and letting him down by not trusting and believing in him. I want to trust and believe in him because I do love him very much, but he has broken so many promises and told so many lies, I really have a hard time.
Guest Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 I don't know if you've read any of my posts, but my mm & I live together. He says he cannot afford a divorce. He says his wife can't afford it either. There's alot to lose in his situation. A boat, marital home & a house at the shore. So I feel like men don't file for divorce for the financial benefits??? We've been together for 6 years & living together for a little over 4 yrs. He can afford it if he really wanted to. It is not his wife that wants the divorce. He is the one that appraently wants to end it all. He should be the one to file the papers. I guess he doesn't love you much after all. Sure he has no money but he has a boat, house at the shore, and the marital home. What! can he not sell the boat to pay for the papers for the divorce? He sounds selfish to me and only has you along for the ride. What this man is telling you is a line of B.S. (what a gem you have)
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