a4a Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 :lmao: I just noticed something new in my M...... size does matter. :lmao: (btw things are going better here) I found another piece of the puzzle tho. My H is jealous of me. Not of me and other people with sex or something like that but in this weird silent competition with me. I just transported my horse here, he is now pastured with his. My H is actually upset because my horse is so much bigger than his..... :lmao: He says he will feel stupid to be on his horse if I am on mine riding in public. (his is 14.3 mine is 16.3 last I measured him while still growing probably 17 or more now) wtf? :lmao: He now says he wants a horse bigger than mine...... wtf? :lmao: Is this a man/ little boy thing..... I am thinking I am starting to see that he is in competition with me on certain things besides the horse thing... I am just me. I don't feel competitive towards anyone, except myself. I go into competition to challenge myself to do better.....not beat others. But is this a man thing? Men explain why he cares about this and keeps bringing it up (the horse size thing) to me.
blind_otter Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 My sister and bro-in-law were both in the same engineering program. My sister actually did better, academically, than my bro-in-law and it was the source of much contention and fighting, but he would always project onto someone else, or transfer his personal frustration and find something else to be upset about. Basically, though, I think it was this competition thing you mentioned. My sister was offered a job at NASA while she was still finishing her master's degree in electrical engineering, but she didn't take the job and got knocked up instead. I personally think this was an unspoken thing between the two of them. He could not tolerate her having a more prestigious job than he did....
Author a4a Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 My sister and bro-in-law were both in the same engineering program. My sister actually did better, academically, than my bro-in-law and it was the source of much contention and fighting, but he would always project onto someone else, or transfer his personal frustration and find something else to be upset about. Basically, though, I think it was this competition thing you mentioned. My sister was offered a job at NASA while she was still finishing her master's degree in electrical engineering, but she didn't take the job and got knocked up instead. I personally think this was an unspoken thing between the two of them. He could not tolerate her having a more prestigious job than he did.... That is insane. But if it worked for them, good. You would think that he could have been proud of her instead of jealous. Hell come to think of it some parents even get jealous of their kids success.
DeeBrod83 Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Actually, I just realized that this was an issue in my last relationship. I think some people have an ALPHA personality, and some people are born followers. But when you get two ALPHA's together, you end up with constant competition. My last BF and I had this problem. We both wanted to be the ALPHA in the relationship and that just doesn't work. I'm not really a competitive person, but I do have a lot of pride. Men, I think, are just trained to be competitive creatures, especially if they played sports, and it just comes out in every aspect of their lives.
Adunaphel Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I wonder if his main concern is whether he'll look less worthy than you in other people's eyes, or if he's just worried of looking not enough worthy in your eyes. In cases such as yours, where one partner gets competitive, it's sometimes (not always...but still,sometimes) because he is worried that his gf/wife will lose interest if she keeps being better at him in everything.
hotgurl Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 my last LTR was like this. But he had so many issues. He hated my success. But it all stemed from his crushing insecurity.
blind_otter Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 HG got it on the button, crushing insecurity. It didn't really work for my sis and BIL....she's sorta beat down, now, and very passive, and he's just become a jumbo size jerk instead of his original kiddie size.
DeeBrod83 Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 HG got it on the button, crushing insecurity. It didn't really work for my sis and BIL....she's sorta beat down, now, and very passive, and he's just become a jumbo size jerk instead of his original kiddie size. sounds like a recipe for eventual disaster.... I hope that's not the case, obviously, but it seems that when that's the case, eventually the one who's 'beat down' will eventually get tired of that and break out.
Author a4a Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 eh in my case he tells everyone about my giant horse...... so I guess in a way he is not as bad as BOs bil. But a little boy thing kinda makes me laugh..... my dog is bigger than your dog and my dad could beat your dad up kinda thing. :lmao: Yeah well my mom could whip your daddies ass........ blindfolded and with her arms and legs tied......... :lmao: so child like. But I make him feel better by telling how everyone wants his horse cuz she is pretty........ but poor H over heard another guy making an offer on my horse yesterday..... so I felt friggin guilty. Which I should not but I did.
luvstarved Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I can't figure out my H on this one. I have the higher paying more prestigious job (Bonus, he seems to think), and higher IQ (he actually brags about this to other people, to my chagrin), and I am generally much more efficient at problem solving stuff - fixing things at home, deciphering instructions, diagnosing car problems, organizing. Happy day for him. But - I am low-end tall (5'8") and when I put on a pair of heels, I match or exceed his 5'10" - now THAT he doesn't like. WTF indeed! Seems he is more than ok with the things that he ends up benefitting from (and yeah there is some feigned helplessness afoot here and there) but that public view of me standing taller than him is just...not...right...
StayClose Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 My wife used to have a job as an apartment manager, and as a result, she is more experienced at home-improvement projects like painting, laying tile, drywall, simple plumbing etc. Because my dad used to do all this stuff in the house when I was growing up, I feel like this is "man stuff" and I feel a little emasculated when she takes the lead or ttells me how to do these things. Intellectually, I know it's silly, but the feelings are still there.
Author a4a Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 My wife used to have a job as an apartment manager, and as a result, she is more experienced at home-improvement projects like painting, laying tile, drywall, simple plumbing etc. Because my dad used to do all this stuff in the house when I was growing up, I feel like this is "man stuff" and I feel a little emasculated when she takes the lead or ttells me how to do these things. Intellectually, I know it's silly, but the feelings are still there. If it was a brother or male friend would you still have a "feeling" that you were some how lesser than they were? Or is this based purely on the vagina vs penis factor?
StayClose Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 My upbringing taught me that men are supposed to take the lead at fixing things around the house. When my wife tells me how to apply caulk to a window, I feel emotionally undermined, even when intellectually I understand she's more expereinced at this than I. If the advice comes from a man, it doesn't bother me. A few weeks ago I helped put a new roof on the house of a married couple who are friends of ours. The male half of this couple used to install roofs for a living, so he knew what he was doing. I had no problem taking direction from him.
Author a4a Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 My upbringing taught me that men are supposed to take the lead at fixing things around the house. When my wife tells me how to apply caulk to a window, I feel emotionally undermined, even when intellectually I understand she's more expereinced at this than I. If the advice comes from a man, it doesn't bother me. A few weeks ago I helped put a new roof on the house of a married couple who are friends of ours. The male half of this couple used to install roofs for a living, so he knew what he was doing. I had no problem taking direction from him. I am not picking on you just trying to understand.... I find this very interesting and it may help for me how to understand how to better deal with men at work and the one I keep at home. Is there some way to give direction to a man like yourself without offending or upsetting you? Would a balance feel better like perhaps if your W said she did not know how to do something else? ( cook a certain food, or ask you to take over a project)....... came off as needing you in some other capacity?
Moai Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Wow. This thread makes me feel so "together". Then again, I probably have my insecurities, too, but they just haven't been touched on. I have never dated a woman taller than me, whether in heels or not--but I am 6'5" so the odds are against that ever happening. I am not sure why the size of the horse should matter, as that is an issue with the horse, not the owner, right? If I own a Shetlandf pony I am not less manly than a guy who has a draft horse or whatever, I just like smaller horses. Or the horse that I happened to dig wasn't huge. I wouldn't feel weird if my girlfriend had a bigger car than I do. I am not the handiest guy, and it doesn't bother me if my girlfriend can fix things I can't. I could learn, but why? She already knows how to fix whatever so I can concentrate on more important things.
2sunny Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 maybe it's not the "height" of the horse that makes him jealous... maybe it's how hung he is.... :lmao:
Craig Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 a4a do you have a Belgian? Hubby have a Percheron? I love Belgians, they have a great personality.
Author a4a Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 I am not the handiest guy, and it doesn't bother me if my girlfriend can fix things I can't. I could learn, but why? She already knows how to fix whatever so I can concentrate on more important things. Hell I agree with what you said...... I adopted a new saying with my H and others when they try to teach me or tell me how to do something I do not want to do: "I am trying not to know anything about that"
Author a4a Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 a4a do you have a Belgian? Hubby have a Percheron? I love Belgians, they have a great personality. No H has a lil tri color paint mare that he thought would be big as she is 1/4 clyde. I have a beauty of a Perch x TB. Sporthorse for H/J work. (The hottie in my avie) :love: (and it is pouring rain here so I cannot play with him today ) I often deal with Belgies..... they are sweet..... well most are Had a few pissers here and there. I just put a purebred perchie into a home.... he was a tad hot for a draft. Bad breeding IMHO. Conformation perfect but very odd high flight instinct for a draft. Sunny the H is hung like a horse.. .... that is one of the reasons I married him! :bunny: Gitty Up!!!! Yee haw!!!
StayClose Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I am not picking on you just trying to understand.... I find this very interesting and it may help for me how to understand how to better deal with men at work and the one I keep at home. Is there some way to give direction to a man like yourself without offending or upsetting you? Would a balance feel better like perhaps if your W said she did not know how to do something else? ( cook a certain food, or ask you to take over a project)....... came off as needing you in some other capacity? I would suggest offering direction in a way that does not sound condencending. Beyond that, I don't think we should be required to bend and accomadate every insecurity in our mates and people around us. I know from experience that you can drive yourself crazy trying to make a spouse feel good and secure about everything in their lives. We can be supportive, but their issues are ultimately their's to deal with, as our own issues are ours to deal with. If he is really bothered by the size of his horse, he can sell it and buy a bigger one, or if he's emotionally attached to his horse, discuss it with him intellectually to help him not worry about it any more.
Author a4a Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 I would suggest offering direction in a way that does not sound condencending. Beyond that, I don't think we should be required to bend and accomadate every insecurity in our mates and people around us. I know from experience that you can drive yourself crazy trying to make a spouse feel good and secure about everything in their lives. We can be supportive, but their issues are ultimately their's to deal with, as our own issues are ours to deal with. If he is really bothered by the size of his horse, he can sell it and buy a bigger one, or if he's emotionally attached to his horse, discuss it with him intellectually to help him not worry about it any more. He would never part with her. I so wish he would as she is not a good mount for him. What is your gut reation (initial one) when you are being told how to do something..... what feeling do you get.... anger, upset, ..... trying to get a handle on how maybe other feel when I am showing or explaining to them how to do something.
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