What do you think? I'll find out Friday

[fishtaco]

So I met this girl two weeks ago at a friend's party. She seems to like me, and I like her too, except there was this guy that was hovering the whole time. I thought he was cutting in, but it turned out I was the one cutting in, since he's been after her for awhile now. Based on my observation, I was winning, but all guys have egos, so who know, maybe it's just my ego talking.

 

So I got her number by the end of the night. He was hovering so I just did it right in front of him. He looked hurt and she turned around and offered her number to him, right in front of me. So maybe she's too nice and didn't want him to feel bad, or maybe she's playing mind games, I don't know.

 

I tried to make plans last Friday, she was busy so suggested this weekend instead (good sign). So we decided on this Friday. But she stopped responding to my txt msgs. I only txted her a few hello how are you type stuff over the last week and a half (so like one txt every 3 days or something), not like I was in stalker mode and kept bugging. And today I txted her some logistics of where we're going to go Friday and such. No response.

 

So the possibilities are:

1) We go out Friday, hopefully have a good time

2) She flakes

3) Somehow that other dude gets magically invited

 

Taking polls, what do you think will happen? I'll find out Friday. Winner gets... a pat on the back from me.

 

Oh and I txted her because it's less intrusive, and it lets her know I'm thinking about her. If the date this Friday turn out well then I'll start calling her, but I'm sticking with txt for now since this is way early - pre first date stage. If this is bad etiquette, let me know. Always up for doing things correctly.

[superconductor]

I'm not a fan of texting, personally, but that's just me.

 

Based on your outline, if I were a betting man I'd say that you go out on Friday and enjoy yourselves. And make sure, before the evening is over, that you make a move. Not one that necessarily leads to sex, but something that tells her that you're interested in being more than "just friends," which is, of course, the kiss of death.

 

Good luck! Keep us posted!

[gfto]

she turned around and offered her number to him, right in front of me.

 

If she was interested in you, she wouldn't have done this. Plus, she's not responding to your text messages. I don't mean to sound negative, but I'm guessing sometime in the next few days, she's going to tell you "something came up, and I can't make it Friday night."

[monkey00]

not responding to text/phone is a bad sign. Sounds like a flake.

 

personally im not a fan of the whole text thing because it's just too easy for someone to blow you off/ignore you. next time you get a girl's #, call her up..and when you do, talk for a few mins and set the date, hangup.

 

if you're really determined to get that date with her, call her up to confirm. if not/or she doesnt respond, cut your losses and move on.

[fishtaco]

Interesting. I txted her based on advice from a female friend. But you guys have good points too. Next time I'll stick to calling.

 

Yeah, so I'm just going to move ahead as if we are still going out for now, but I won't hold my breath. And I'll make plan B for my Friday night.

 

Thanks.

 

I'll post more as things happen.

[alphamale]

Interesting. I txted her based on advice from a female friend.

Why are you taking advice from a female? ARE YOU NUTS?!? Why did you text her? Once you get the digits and set up a date you never contact her until the day of the date to get directions.

 

She's blowing you off totally because you came off too desperate. Next time, don't let them know you're "thinnking about them".

 

jeez man!

[fishtaco]

Why are you taking advice from a female?

 

Hahahah! Doh!

 

Good one alphamale. The sad thing is, I knew that too, it just hit me like a ton of bricks as soon as I read your post... now I feel extra stupid.

 

I guess my excuse is that she came off as a "nice girl" type. But I have made horrible judgemental mistakes before (and paid for it dearly)...

 

Heh, oops. I guess I better take down that "Mission Accomplished" banner.

[alphamale]

I guess my excuse is that she came off as a "nice girl" type.

don't be fooled by the "nice girl" disguise.

[fishtaco]

Yes alphamale, as you can see, I have much to learn. But I swear, one day I will finally be good at this game. I wish things were different, that people could just be honest and say I like you, you like me, great, let's go out. But we all know things have never worked that way, otherwise LS forums would be unpopulated. Really I have no choice but to learn the game and play it, otherwise I might as well just chop my balls off and go play video games.

 

So I left another message with her, at this point I already don't care what she thinks, desperate, stalker, whatever, I already made alternate plans for tomorrow night. But since I hang with her sister's boyfriend all the time, there's high probability that I'll see her again. I don't want her to come back and turn this around and accuse me of flaking on her. I specifically asked her to call me back to confirm. So she can't wiggle out of this one.

 

Ok, so good idea or no:

I'm going to plan the specifics with my "alternate plan" friends tonight. If she doesn't contact me before I talk to my friends, then my friends will become my "primary" plan. Off chance that she calls me later (say tomorrow), I plan on telling her I didn't get a call back so I already made other plans, but she can join my friends and I if she likes. Is that cool or did I somehow break some sort of etiquette? My friends are the trustworthy and dependable ones, I want to avoid dropping them and switching back to the girl as soon as she flinches, my friends deserve better than that.

[alphamale]

So I left another message with her,

you obviously have not learned anything...

 

If she doesn't contact me before I talk to my friends,

trust me, she won' be contacting you. your "alternate" plans are safe.

[fishtaco]

Why is that bad? I already don't care what she thinks, I'm just trying not to break etiquette. I don't like to break promises, I don't like to flake on people. I did that for me, not for her, because that shows without questions that I wasn't the one that flaked.

[gfto]

fish,

 

This girl is simply not interested in you. Don't leave messages. It's weak. You have to get a real live woman on the other end of the line and say, "hey, let's go bowling Wednesday night." If she wants to go, she'll accept the invitation without hesitating. If you get anything less than a definite "yes," or a definite counteroffer, then she isn't interested. You've already sent a few thousand text messages to this girl. She's getting them. She isn't answering, because she doesn't want to go out with you. Flush her number and move on to a girl who likes you!

[fishtaco]

LOL! I sent her like 3 hello msgs over 2 weeks, and 1 message about where we're going to go this Friday. Then today I was like, okay, so do you want to go or not? (paraphrasing of course). I won't get offended if she tells me no, like you said, I can always go get another girl, but if she doesn't give me an answer, I can't plan my Friday night.

 

I broke alphamale's rule of never contact, but it's not like I was in stalker mode.

 

Anyway, my last couple of posts here I was more worried about etiquette, I didn't want to get into a situation where I jumped the gun and made other plans, and then get stuck in a situation where I have to choose between her or my friends. Finishing up planning with my friends tonight would be the point of no return where I would have double booked my friday night. I was just trying to figure out how I can manage this without breaking etiquette or losing my friday night. I think I wasn't clear in my post and people think I was still trying to get a date. It was already out of my control, I just wanted to make sure I do something fun Friday.

 

Anyway, it's a moot point now anyway, she just confirmed.

[fishtaco]

And just want to clarify, I'm not writing off all of your advice, I did screw up with the hello messages, but I think the message about the logistics of where to go was necessary. But I didn't think I was in stalker mode.

 

The message today was more to set thing up so I can "legally" bail on Friday and go hang with my friends, it was obviously not conducive for helping me get the date.

 

But I guess these things didn't bother her enough to the point to flat out ignore me.

 

Thanks. Next time I get a date I'll see if I can do a better job.

[sloane]

i don't think you "screwed up" with the messages...i just think that this isn't a girl who is truly interested. giving you her number, then turning around to give it to another guy? hmm. save your sweet messages for someone who is interested in only you. that's my advice.

[fishtaco]

That's a good point.

 

I was mostly asking for "did I do the right thing" or "what's the etiquette" as opposed to "Help! I want her! what do I do?!". I have had my share of successes and failures in the past (heh, more failures than successes I can tell you), enough to know that for me, as some one that lacks the game, I have to go with the quantity method. So I'm trying to get as many dates with as many women as possible (in fact I met someone last night that I plan on hitting up in the near future). But with every failure I'd like to know what went wrong so I can get better next time. I think LS is the best thing next to actually having someone there to coach me through it all.

 

With her I already don't expect much, like you said, the fact that she handed out her number to someone else is a bad sign. Plus there are things about her that makes her not a very good choice for a girlfriend anyway (for me, I'm sure she's a great catch for some other people). I'm just going to go have fun tonight, and try to evaluate my performance afterwards; see what I did right and what I did wrong.

[tanbark813]

heh, more failures than successes I can tell you

 

That's true for every guy, man.

 

As for the future:

1. Definitely don't use text messages to set up a date. Always call.

2. As has already been said, don't call/text just to say hi. Save that sort of thing for when you're actually in a relationship.

3. Frame things differently in your mind. It worked out for you this time, but you shouldn't get into the habit of waiting around for her (or for whomever) to respond before finalizing your weekend plans. Make your plans and give her the chance to join you, but if she doesn't get back to you in a timely manner, plan something else.

[fishtaco]

Wow good advice, thanks!

 

So let's rewind to last week. What I should have done was to call her to setup the date time & place, and just leave it at that. In case she didn't answer, then I will leave her the same message about time & place, and ask her to call me back before say wednesday to let me know, instead of leaving it open ended to wait for confirmation. Then by Wed, no call, I make plans with my friends. If she calls later... sorry already made plans, let's do this next week at this time.

[tanbark813]

That's better but it can be simpler than that. When you called her last week, if you got her voicemail just leave a general message about calling to set things up for next Friday. But don't give details. Just tell her to call you back so you can figure out directions and when to meet up.

 

"Hey somegirl, this is fishtaco. I was calling to set things up for next Friday. Give me a call when you get a chance."

 

Then if you don't hear from her within a day or so, make other plans. If she's interested she'll call back. If she doesn't, don't call a second time.

[fishtaco]

Cool, thanks for the advice!

[alphamale]

Cool, thanks for the advice!

so what happened on the date?

[fishtaco]

Well, it was pleasant, had a fun time, but it's not going to work. Surprise surprise right? The fact that she would give her number out to someone else right in front of me says a lot.

 

Performance wise I did well overall, but I'm going to mark it down to okay because I was playing in my arena - I took her salsa dancing, so it was easy. Tore up the dance floor, but conversation-wise could use some more work.

 

The most she'll be is my salsa partner from time to time, that's about it.

[alphamale]

Surprise surprise right? The fact that she would give her number out to someone else right in front of me says a lot.

oh well...

 

- I took her salsa dancing, so it was easy. Tore up the dance floor,

Next time, FISHTACO, don't take the ladies out dancing on your first date to impress them with your superb dancing skills. Women may say they are impressed by a dude who's a great dancer but in reality they think of them as effeminate. All the men I know what are wonderful dance partners have a lot of female friends to dance with but never get laid.

 

Good dancer = nice guy = very bad.

[fishtaco]

Interesting point. I have attracted women with my "dancing skills" before though. I got this date (although it didn't go anywhere) with it. I danced with her briefly at the party two weeks ago, and it sparked her interest in going salsa dancing with me. I planned it, but the type of activity was at her request. Which may explain why things didn't work, she just wanted to dance... I guess that kind of proves your point.

 

Also I know it's kind of effeminate. But here's my theory, feel free to disagree: salsa is actually more macheesmo than other types of social dancing, say ballroom, a lot of people hook up at salsa clubs as opposed to say swing (where mostly couples go). Plus I'm not an excellent dancer, I know my moves, but I don't know how to shake my hips and all that; I don't have the form. Basically I know enough to have fun on the dance floor. I do goofy stuff to make them laugh in between my moves, that's just as important as nailing a complicated move to impress, when you are on a date.

 

And I counter this "dance" thing by going hard at the gym for a muscular build (still in progress), and I've been doing muay thai for 4 years, right now I'm getting involved in submission fighting (think UFC). I'm not going to do a cage fight or anything, but I'm training with guys that want to make a career out of fighting, with goals to fight in UFC or PRIDE.

 

Dancer can be straight, cage fighter can be gay, it really doesn't mean much, but that's how my interest happened to land so I think it's somewhat of a balance. Plus I play guitar too, chicks like guys with guitar skillz. My goal is to put together a bar band and play at this fetish bar I go to from time to time. Man, if I can take the stage there... oh the possibilities!!

[alphamale]

Also I know it's kind of effeminate. But here's my theory, feel free to disagree: salsa is actually more macheesmo than other types of social dancing, say ballroom,

No....not dancing at all is the most machismo.