Guest Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 MM and I had a huge fight this week over this same situation! He was not there for me, for the first time in two years and I just flipped out. I am ready to call it NC, but am not sure if I am strong enough. I know what I have to do, I know what is right for BOTH of us. I have finally realized that I need and I want more than I have with him. And it is not that I want him to be mine and leave his wife. To be honest if we were together 100% I am not sure it would ever work out. I love him, but am not ready for a LTR. BUT I do want someone who will be there when and if I NEED HIM! Yes I want my cake too!
kymberann Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Yep this is hard to deal with. My mother passed away not even a week ago. MM is on family trip as his oldest son is getting married. I have family and friends to lean on and help out my family, but he is the first one I wanted to get comfort from to run to and help me be strong. But it wasn't possible. Yep, I realized, he can't be there for me the way I want him to be there. Don't know if he ever will be. I didn't even talk to him until two days after my mother died. It's been an awful week for me. It does put the relationship into perspective. How in the hell can I be strong enough for NC?
TheDiva Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Sadly if you want to keep him, this is what you have to accept. He calls the shots. You are with him on his time. You're his last priority. I am not trying to be harsh. Just honest. Quite honestly, I don't see a problem with getting your own SG boyfriend on the side. If you are not ready for NC, then keep both of them. It might even help the transistion to MM NC. This is of course not the best tactic to employ. Just be sure if you do that be completely honest with SG that you are not ready for an exclusive relationship. Whats good for the goose right?
IngenueMisnomer Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Yep this is hard to deal with. My mother passed away not even a week ago. MM is on family trip as his oldest son is getting married. I have family and friends to lean on and help out my family, but he is the first one I wanted to get comfort from to run to and help me be strong. But it wasn't possible. Yep, I realized, he can't be there for me the way I want him to be there. Don't know if he ever will be. I didn't even talk to him until two days after my mother died. It's been an awful week for me. It does put the relationship into perspective. How in the hell can I be strong enough for NC? I'm terribly sorry for your loss kymberann. How are you guys dealing with that? How does he feel about his inability to be there for you at a time like this?
kymberann Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Thanks Ingenue, He still isn't back in town. I'm ok, I have friends and co workers helping. The feelings come and go in waves. It will be one week tomorrow. It's just so sad to realize the one person I want there for me can't be. When I told him over the phone, I told him I didn't want to get in to it just yet because I felt like I might lose it telling him. He just apologized and kept asking me if I was ok. I think if he could "be there" for me he would and I am sure when I see him again he'll be a support. But that's not the point though. How do you others deal when MM isn't around enough? Actually how do you know when enough is enough and end the R? Best!
Guest Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 How do you others deal when MM isn't around enough? Actually how do you know when enough is enough and end the R? Best! It's good that you have a strong support system despite his absence. I wonder if he feels any guilt? I'm not even sure how I've dealt with it myself. Sometimes I tend to be a little unintentionally bitter towards him, but I try not to allow myself to feel that way because it doesn't help me any. It's at times like these when we realize just how much we have to lose in this kind of R. My R has proven to be much too difficult for me to continue indefinitely. I've known for a long time now that enough's enough. I had tried to break up with him twice within the last 6 months but he wouldn't give up so easily. So I've come up with a kind of compromise, at the end of the year our relationship will be over. A transition period I call it. The time is supposed to make it easier on us when it's time for NC. But instead of us unraveling our R we've only become closer. So I have no idea how it'll wil be when we reach the end. I think he's silently hoping that I'll change my mind but I'm steadfast in my resolve to have NC. What better way to start the new year?
Guest Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 This whole thread actually cracks me up, but I understand you feel pain and I do not mean to demean or dismiss that. But, when you went into this thing did you not realize you were pursuing a less-than whole person? You cannot have him all the way so you must resign yourself to that fact. Sorry, but you got what you went after - a person whom perceives you as less than worthy of all of their attention. If this was not so, you would be his one and only.
reneet Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 This whole thread actually cracks me up, but I understand you feel pain and I do not mean to demean or dismiss that. But, when you went into this thing did you not realize you were pursuing a less-than whole person? You cannot have him all the way so you must resign yourself to that fact. Sorry, but you got what you went after - a person whom perceives you as less than worthy of all of their attention. If this was not so, you would be his one and only. Let me guess. This is "GUEST". Again.
tanbark813 Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Man, if you can't count on a guy who cheats on his wife, who can you count on?
reneet Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Man, if you can't count on a guy who cheats on his wife, who can you count on? tanbark813 & "GUEST" PERFECT!!
kymberann Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Man aain't that the truth! I need to get over this ****!!
Guest Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Yep this is hard to deal with. My mother passed away not even a week ago. MM is on family trip as his oldest son is getting married. I have family and friends to lean on and help out my family, but he is the first one I wanted to get comfort from to run to and help me be strong. But it wasn't possible. Yep, I realized, he can't be there for me the way I want him to be there. Don't know if he ever will be. I didn't even talk to him until two days after my mother died. It's been an awful week for me. It does put the relationship into perspective. How in the hell can I be strong enough for NC? Kymberann - I am the original poster of this thread, I am very sorry to hear about your loss! Keep strong, one thing I have learned from this affair is I have to be strong for me, and no one else. N/C is a whole other affair.
Guest Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Man, if you can't count on a guy who cheats on his wife, who can you count on? The only person you can count on is yourself!
Guest Posted September 16, 2006 Posted September 16, 2006 What's wrong? Do you belittle me and others because we have no sympathy for your situation? Geezus, there are billions of available males walking the planet and you choose this and then bitch because he doesn't have as much time for you as you'd like? My heart goes out to you.
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