OW in need long

[spinningwheels]

Does anyone but me smell a troll in the house?

[spinningwheels]

Does anyone but me smell a troll in the house????

[BenThereDunThat]

No matter what happens between you, his daughter is not your concern?

 

Firstly - you must not want a real relationship with him. His daughter is a part of him. Always will be. Forever and ever.

 

Secondly - you clearly have some self-esteem, self-respect issues. Forget the fact that he's even married. He showed marginal interest in you, at best. No self-respecting person would still imagine themselves to be in love with someone after they not only WALKED OUT but showed the decency to tell you face-to-face that he does not want to be with you.

 

You really need to listen to these posters and take what they have to say to heart. These are some intelligent people who have been through many things and know what they're talking about.

 

I think professional help would do you a lot of good. You have issues that didn't start with the MM.

[TheDiva]

Does anyone but me smell a troll in the house????

 

Methinks you may be right.....

[mycatluvsme]

What all do I know about him?

Well, we did talk about his childhood,

and mine. But if you're asking if we

would sit and talk for hours. NO, we

never did. But do you really have to

spend time like that to know that

you love someone? I keep reading here

that you can't help who you fall in love with,

Well, I COULDN"T HELP WHO I FELL IN LOVE WITH,

end of story.

 

I came here looking for help, help in

understanding what is going on. ADVICE,

on how to talk to him again.

 

I had no idea that there was a gauge

that let you know if the MM you're involved

with is more sincere than another. All I know

is how I feel. And right now, I feel like my world

is ending. I hurt. But obviously my hurt, my pain

isn't as legitimate as others.

[BenThereDunThat]

No one is saying your pain isn't legitimate. And you ARE getting good advice - it's just not what you want to hear.

 

And yes, there is a guage on sincerity. And he has sincerely told you he doesn't want to be with you.

 

You'll get over him.

[UnknowingOW]

What all do I know about him?

Well, we did talk about his childhood,

and mine. But if you're asking if we

would sit and talk for hours. NO, we

never did. But do you really have to

spend time like that to know that

you love someone? I keep reading here

that you can't help who you fall in love with,

Well, I COULDN"T HELP WHO I FELL IN LOVE WITH,

end of story.

 

I came here looking for help, help in

understanding what is going on. ADVICE,

on how to talk to him again.

 

I had no idea that there was a gauge

that let you know if the MM you're involved

with is more sincere than another. All I know

is how I feel. And right now, I feel like my world

is ending. I hurt. But obviously my hurt, my pain

isn't as legitimate as others.

 

 

No one's pain is less legitimate then the next persons. However, yours is self-imposed. You have allowed yourself to love a man who does not love you.

 

It's just it, many of the OW have had significant time involved with the MM. The feelings were mutual between the MM and the OW. And love is always spoken between the MM and the OW even though that love is not right and probably has on future. (no condemning ladies) Most OW's want a future with the MM, but it generally never happens.

 

We, who have been and still are OW, are telling you and you aren't hearing us. No MM walks unless he loves his wife and believes in his marriage. His vows meant something to him...PERIOD.

 

We understand how you feel, what your wants and desires are. But, he doesn't feel the same way about you. No MM would walk unless he could not handle cheating on his wife. This man you love so much...he doesn't love you. He walked. He left. He loved his wife. You just don't want to hear us.

 

Do you really want to ruin a man's marriage that doesn't love you? Do you really want to make yourself into this person? Think about it.

[mycatluvsme]

How do you get over it

when you feel like this person was

meant for you and only you? That's how

I feel... I never thought that I could love

anyone the way I love MM.

 

I know my previous post about his W

and daughter came out really harsh.

But, if he didn't want to talk to me

about them, then how am I supposed

to be concerned about them.

 

The reason I'm not sure about the age is

because his birthday is next month. And I

can't remember if he is turning 32 or 33.

[UnknowingOW]

I hate to say this, but you set yourself up and now you have to look at the reality of it.

 

The reality is, it's only a feeling and he wasn't meant for you. You have to keep saying to yourself. He has someone. He loves his wife. He loves his daughter. He wants nothing to do with me.

 

The other thing is, love takes time to grow. As I stated earlier, many of the OW have significant time involved with the A. No one starts off in love. I would suggest seriously thinking about why you think this is love when it was rejection.

 

His wife and child are of no concern to you. However, what should concern you is pushing someone over the edge to get what you wanted. But you didn't really get what you wanted...he walked.

 

His age does not matter. What matter is you now. He is gone. Keep saying that to yourself.

 

I take it your are in college....yes? I would check out student counseling services and start talking to a counselor. They can really help you. Just do yourself the favor and get some help. This wasn't meant to offend you. Trust me, you got off easy having the OW's responds instead of a BS that is pissed...you really don't want that arguement.

[BenThereDunThat]

Just because you feel he was meant for you only doesn't make it so.

 

Have you been in any significant relationships?

 

I can't tell you how to get over him. I just know you will. And sooner than you think.

 

I know it doesn't seem like it to you, but 24 is pretty young. You have lots of experiences ahead of you. Including falling in love with a guy who loves you back. You deserve that.

[TheDiva]

Just because you feel he was meant for you only doesn't make it so.

 

Have you been in any significant relationships?

 

I can't tell you how to get over him. I just know you will. And sooner than you think.

 

I know it doesn't seem like it to you, but 24 is pretty young. You have lots of experiences ahead of you. Including falling in love with a guy who loves you back. You deserve that.

 

 

Print that and attach it to your screen!

[Joelle]

mycatluvsme,

 

Can you differentiate between what you want and the objective reality of the situation? I think you're seeing what you want to see, and not being objective about the situation. Maybe right now, you're unable to be objective.

 

In my opinion, once you can objectively perceive the situation, you will realize that the MM is not interested in you. You won't be able to have him the way you want. It takes two to have a R, and the MM is not interested.

 

I regret to tell you, but you're not the OW. You don't have a R. You were a one-night-stand that the MM sorely regretted.

[mycatluvsme]

Yes, I do attend college

part-time. And I have been

considering counseling.

 

When I think back. He had NO

problem talking to me at work. Or after work.

He didn't tell me to go away when I started

going to his new job to see him. If he didn't

want me. Then why would he allow people to

see us together. Yes, we were only talking,

but the people that would see us knew he

was married. If I wasn't special to him, then why

would he have no problem talking to me

in public.

 

I know that I just sound like a confused

kid. And I am confused.. And For the record,

he told me he loved me ONE TIME.. He told

me he loved me when he told me it was

over and that he wanted to be with his wife.

WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT?? Isn't that just

leaving the door open. Isn't that telling me

that I do mean something to him?

[UnknowingOW]

First thing tomorrow, check out the counseling services offered at your school.

 

You will always interact with MP for the rest of your life. But you have to distinguish friendship from thoughts of love. I work in a male dominated field. I am the only single person and woman in my department...yes, all men. I have really great working relationship with these guys, but that is it...it's a working relationship.

 

He probably took you under his wing and that's why he didn't care when you visited him at work. Outsiders can tell if a MP and a OW/OM are more then just friends...it's read in the body language.

 

And the reason he told you he loved you when he left...because he knew you would be hurt. He knew how you felt. He knew he steped over the line with you. He knew you were fragile. It's not leaving the door open. It's not telling you that you mean something. It was his way of saying "I'm sorry for hurting you."

[whichwayisup]

Definately get counselling and then in a month, when therapy has really started opening your eyes, come back and re-read ALL your posts and all the replies. Maybe it will be clear to you, you'll see how messed up your thinking is. It's unrealistic and very one sided...

 

You're young, 24 years old and I'm telling you this incase you don't know, MEN CAN EASILY HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN and NOT LOVE THEM. Most women cannot do that, but most men can! SO, whatever feelings you have, love, crush, obsessive thoughts about this MM is completely one sided, it's all in your head.

 

He had "sex" with you, that is all. Don't fool yourself into thinking it meant something to him and he ended it because he felt strongly for you...I'm telling you, that's not true. He had sex with you because you offered yourself up to him for so long, until he couldn't refuse. Big mistake on his behalf, I hope he's seen the movie Fatal Attraction...To be honest, maybe that is why he left, he has seen how obsessive you are and got scared.

 

Maybe his feelings for me were so

strong he just couldn't handle it.

So, he stopped having sex. BIG DEAL!

If I wasn't what he wanted he never

would have started.

 

It was just sex to him. You "think" you love him, because you're allowing yourself to fantasize about him, you want him to "be" something he's not.

This is all in your head...

 

Please, take that step back, go to therapy and then you'll see we're all giving you sound advice. Harsh, yes, maybe some very harsh! It's because you're about to make a BIGGER mistake, and it's going to cause you pain like you wouldn't believe, or you'll end up in jail.

 

He should not have caved, he should have kept telling you no...But, seeing as he slept with you, knowing how you felt, he is at fault for leading you on, feeding your obsession about him.

[Guest]

I have chased a man, sure. A man who someone else hadn't already caught. A man who WANTED to be caught by me. A man who didn't reject me again and again. I have this thing called "pride." I had it even when I was young. It prevents me from making a complete ass out of myself. Pretty useful thing, pride.

 

You are going to push this man to measures that go beyond "I'm married. I'm not interested. I don't want to cheat on my wife. LEAVE ME ALONE." This will intensify if you keep it up. Do you want him to outline the reasons why he doesn't find you appealing? Men can f*** mud if they're horny enough. Don't flatter yourself by thinking that because he wet his willy with you, he adores you. Obviously that's not the case.

 

He will either insult you, press charges against you, file a restraining order against you or worse. This man does not want you to destroy his family. It doesn't matter how little you care about his family. I have a feeling this is not a quality he finds endearing about you. The only quality he found slightly of interest was between your legs, and that was only temporary insanity on his part.

 

Before you suffer a destroyed ego and/or a criminal record, leave this guy alone and get help.

[scarletletter]

Told myself that I would not be back to post on this forum and yet I find myself having to comment on this post....I guess if I keep my personal life out of it, it won't hurt to comment on other's situations..so here it goes..

Clearly, you are not seeing what is so obviously there. Love has totally blinded you and I hope that you print these posts, save them and read them later in life when you are happy with someone else.

First of all, not all of them, but many extramarital affairs in this forum are mature, adult relationships where two people who trust each other have talked about the pros and cons of having an affair, discussed the options, talked about everything BEFORE they get involved. Your situation is clearly not a relationship. It is very one-sided. If a man is tempted enough, he will have sex..period. Can you not see that he was very upset after it happened? he walked out for God's sakes. He loves his wife, does not want you involved or to even meet his daughter, and he has told you time and again NO. He does not want to be involved with you. You are so out of touch with reality that you cannot see that. You came here for advice and people are giving it to you. It's good advice and you need to take it. Everyone here agrees that it is a shame you are hurting but you did bring it on yourself. Just because you want someone badly for yourself does not mean they can be yours. I worry that you are going to proceed in a very unhealthy way (Fatal Attraction comes to mind) and get yourself into more trouble than you bargained for. If you have been told to shut the *&%$ up when you tried to talk to his wife, my LORD, how much more of a clue do you need. You have manipulated this man into having sex with you and he obviously didn't want to. Men are men, after all. If the opportunity and temptation is there, it is hard for them to resist. Doesn't mean that he loves you or cares about you. He just saw an opportunity and took it. His walking out the second time should have absolutely been like a brick to the head. It is such a shame that you are so in "love" with this man that you cannot walk away with some amount of dignity that you have left. I hate it that it hurts, because pain is not fun, but you WILL get over him and that is simply what you must do.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I'm pretty sure that OP is not real. There are some statements in there that just don't add up. If I were to have a guess I would say that this is a BS, who by making this thread wants to imply that all/most A start with OW madly persuing MM without him giving her any encogourment whatsoever.

[justice]

And no, I really don't carre about his wife.

As far as I'm concerned, she doesn't exist.

What goes on between me and MM is none

of her buisness.

 

 

I'm not bashing you here but this statement is clearly wrong. It is the W's business as she is married to this man that you pursued. What you did may have seemed right but in reality it was and is very wrong. You have no right to this man, the wife does as she is married to him. Why not just let it go? Write it off as a horrible mistake and never look back, find someone who is single and willing to return your feelings. This MM clearly doesn't want anything you are offering at all.

[BenThereDunThat]

I'm pretty sure that OP is not real. There are some statements in there that just don't add up. If I were to have a guess I would say that this is a BS, who by making this thread wants to imply that all/most A start with OW madly persuing MM without him giving her any encogourment whatsoever.

 

LMAO - if that's true, it kinda backfired on her, didn't it?

[UnknowingOW]

My thoughts exactly.

[justice]

Hey you!! Long time no see! I've been busy. LOL this one just kinda makes me go grr!! Maybe she doesn't realize that the ow and former ow here are decent!! Many thanks for all your help in the past.

[Guest]

I worked with MM. We were friends.

But my feeling for him have always

been so much more. For over a year I

have been in love with him. I would tell him

that I loved him. He acted like he didn't hear me.

sign of a good man

One time, I asked him if he would cheat on his W

He told me NO, that he loved her very much.

another sign of a good man

I've read so many different stories since I have been going

through this. I read OW/OM talk about the things that

their MM had/would say. Things about their W, the M, kids,

their feelings for OW. I never got any of that. NONE!!! He wouldn't

talke about his W, M, we talked about work.

He didn't want things to get personal with you. He didn't want to engage you in his life in any way that is outside of work. He set boundaries. You were foolish to not back off.

 

Even after he went to a new job. I would still go see him. WHenever I could. He never talked, hinted or implied that he wanted anything more

than a friendship.. But, he never told me no, he never told me

to go away.

That was his first mistake.

 

So, that's a green light. Right? I mean, if he wasn't

interested he would say so.

no it was not a green light. You ran a red light.

 

I finally got him alone. Got him to my place.

We finally had sex.

That was his second mistake.

I read all the OW here talking about the sex they had with MM. Mine was nothing like that. I was feeling like , It was finally happening, he was finally mine.

I knew at in my teens that just because you have sex with someone doesn't mean that they belong to you. Ever heard of a hooker before?!?

When he finished, he left. He didn't say anything thing other than he had to go. I didn't understand. HE just left.

His conscience and guilt ate at him. That was why he left.

A couple of weeks later, I tried again. He did come over. We did start to have sex. And HE STOPPED. He just stopped. Just a few minutes in

he quit, and all he said was, I GOTTA GO.. WHAT THE ****

IS THAT? Who the hell does that.. He just stopped. He just pulled

up his pants and walked out.

a man with a conscience does that. He made a mistake and knew it.

 

I went to see him a couple of weeks later. He looked

right at me and said that it was over. That he couldn't

lie to his W anymore. He said that he told his W everything.

EVERYTHING!! Why would he tell her everything. He said

that his W was willing to give him a second chance. That

they wanted to work things out. I asked what he wanted.

He told me that he loved his wife, and that yes, he wanted

to work everything out.'

He told me good-bye and walked away. HE JUST

WALKED AWAY.. How did he do that. HOw could

he just walk away from me.

he can walk away from you because he never loved you. He can walk away from you because he loves his wife. He can walk away from you and he did something that he ultimately didn't want to do with you. He was able to tell his W everything because, ultimately, they have the makings of a great marriage. You, on the other hand wanted to build a relationship based on lies and deceit.

 

I haven't seen or heard from him since that day.

I'M DYING!!! I need to see him. I want to see him.

He needs to know how much I love him. I need

to know if he really is trying to work things out

with the W.. I love him. I want him.. He should be mine.

why should he be yours? If you love someone else's car, are you going to just go up to them, take their keys and drive off with it?

How do I prove to him that we should be together?

How do I get him back? How do I make him

see that love and happiness is with me?

Help me understand why he isn't with me.

I just ****ing hurts.. It shouldn't hurt like this,

because we should be happy together.

You should seek professional help for your delusional nature. Seriously.

 

I'm not bashing this woman or saying this as a BS. I was an OW with an MM. So I'm not flaming. You really need to go and get help. You seem to lack a sense of limit and boundaries. At least with my MM, our feelings with each other is mutual and we are now working together to be together in the right way, but you don't seem to know the concept of love and think that by giving your body, its love. It isn't. It cheapens a lot of what many of us go through or have been through.

 

You chose your path. You are lost. I get it. However, I cannot empathize with a situation where you clearly dug your own grave.

[lovernotafighter]

My thoughts exactly.

 

ditto..I read a bunch of stuff on SI boards and most BS's really believe this is exactly how the affairs are..even the ones that have went on for say 2+ years...all this time it was sex and the OP forced it on the WS..he or she hated doing it blah blah blah.

 

it's easier for BS to believe this junk if they are going to maintain a relationship with the WS...hey what ever helps them sleep at night,right?

[mycatluvsme]

I'm so tired this morning.

I was up all night.

My SIL saw my postings

last night. She YELLED at me.

She said things to me that I

honestly didn't even know she

knew how to say. My SIL is very

straight laced.

 

She was so angry with me.

She told me I was disgusting and

that she was disappointed in me.

I've always been very close to my

SIL. I don't understand her reaction.

I really don't. But she did stay up with

me all night.

 

She thinks that I should talk

to MM's W. I of course am not

going to do this. I know that she

is just being emotional about her

own M. She's staying with me while

my brother is away on biz.

 

I'm still very confused. He just had

to love me. Someway, somehow.

Why would it hurt so much if he

didn't..