mycatluvsme Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 I don't know if I can do this. But I need help to understand what is going on with me and MM.. This will probably be long. Sorry in advance. I worked with MM. We were friends. But my feeling for him have always been so much more. For over a year I have been in love with him. I would tell him that I loved him. He acted like he didn't hear me. One time, I asked him if he would cheat on his W He told me NO, that he loved her very much. I've read so many different stories since I have been going through this. I read OW/OM talk about the things that their MM had/would say. Things about their W, the M, kids, their feelings for OW. I never got any of that. NONE!!! He wouldn't talke about his W, M, we talked about work. THings like that. He would never open up about his life. Even after he went to a new job. I would still go see him. WHenever I could. He never talked, hinted or implied that he wanted anything more than a friendship.. But, he never told me no, he never told me to go away. So, that's a green light. Right? I mean, if he wasn't interested he would say so. I finally got him alone. Got him to my place. We finally had sex. I read all the OW here talking about the sex they had with MM. Mine was nothing like that. I was feeling like , It was finally happening, he was finally mine. When he finished, he left. He didn't say anything thing other than he had to go. I didn't understand. HE just left. A couple of weeks later, I tried again. He did come over. We did start to have sex. And HE STOPPED. He just stopped. Just a few minutes in he quit, and all he said was, I GOTTA GO.. WHAT THE **** IS THAT? Who the hell does that.. He just stopped. He just pulled up his pants and walked out. I went to see him a couple of weeks later. He looked right at me and said that it was over. That he couldn't lie to his W anymore. He said that he told his W everything. EVERYTHING!! Why would he tell her everything. He said that his W was willing to give him a second chance. That they wanted to work things out. I asked what he wanted. He told me that he loved his wife, and that yes, he wanted to work everything out. ' He told me good-bye and walked away. HE JUST WALKED AWAY.. How did he do that. HOw could he just walk away from me. I haven't seen or heard from him since that day. I'M DYING!!! I need to see him. I want to see him. He needs to know how much I love him. I need to know if he really is trying to work things out with the W.. I love him. I want him.. He should be mine. How do I prove to him that we should be together? How do I get him back? How do I make him see that love and happiness is with me? Help me understand why he isn't with me. I just ****ing hurts.. It shouldn't hurt like this, because we should be happy together.
whichwayisup Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 For over a year I have been in love with him. I would tell him that I loved him. He acted like he didn't hear me. One time, I asked him if he would cheat on his W He told me NO Why on earth would you keep on pursing a married man, who ignored you when you told him you loved him and he said NO when you asked him to cheat on his wife??? Re-read your post...I NEED, I WANT... ME ME ME ... He doesn't love you, he had sex with you THAT is all. He realized it was wrong, and yes, he probably led you on abit, but my dear, you've brought ALL this on yourself because you're nearly OBSESSED with this MM. He made a huge error in judgement by having sex with you, as now you're chasing a man who doesn't want you. Do yourself a huge favour, leave him alone. You'll hurt less and respect yourself more. Would you consider some one on one therapy? You sound like you need it because you're getting very emotional and desparate over him. Over a man who isn't inlove with you, who you more or less CHASED until he gave in. That is just so wrong, it's selfish and it seems you couldn't care less about his feelings, or shall I say NON- feelings for you, or his wifes feelings either.
Guest Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 After reading this it was very clear to me from the information that you gave that you pushed him into this. Yes, he did comply, but he told you in the first place that he didn't want to cheat on his wife and he felt guilty after he did. Why do you need an answer for why he "just left"? He felt bad and he knew he had made a mistake. You should leave him alone and let him fix things with his wife. Open your eyes...if he wanted to be with you, he would be. Plain and simple.
lighthouse Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I haven't seen or heard from him since that day. I'M DYING!!! I need to see him. I want to see him. He needs to know how much I love him. I need to know if he really is trying to work things out with the W.. I love him. I want him.. He should be mine. How do I prove to him that we should be together? How do I get him back? How do I make him see that love and happiness is with me? Help me understand why he isn't with me. I just ****ing hurts.. It shouldn't hurt like this, because we should be happy together. Are you kidding? On what planet should he be yours? Planet Mycatluvsme? He is not yours. He belongs with his wife. He is hers and he wants to be hers. What right do you have to screw up his life? You need professional help - NOW. LH
Guest Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I don't understand all this shock and betrayal you're feeling when the man gave every indication that he was not interested in you (short of writing it on your forehead in magic marker.) Then you managed to get him to have sex with you. He saw the opportunity and took it - but obviously IS NOT INTERESTED. Sex will not make a man fall in love with you. I can't imagine why you would pursue a man who has rejected your AGGRESSIVE advances again and again. He doesn't want you. HE IS NOT INTERESTED. Where's my Magic Marker...
Rooster_DAR Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I agree with the other posts, you are engaging in very destructive activites and aiding in the destruction of a comitted relationship. Stop it!
completelyconfused Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Did he ever act like he cared about? Was he ever sweet? Why did you keep persuing him even though he would hurt you at the end, do you feel he ever gave you any false hope? I know that what you're doing and thinking sounds a bit off, I'm not going to lie about that. It sounds like you're obsessed, yes it does. But I also understand and feel your pain because when you're so in love with someone all you want is them. You feel that you can cry at any moment and everything makes you sad and you don't understand why they can't love you the same way you love them. True, it is selfish for you not to think of his wifes feelings but unfortunately sometimes when you're in that state you don't think of those things. You only think of how much pain you're feeling and how you just want it to go away or you just want him to love you and be with you. I'm sorry that you're feeling such horrible pain, trust me I've been there. My heart goes out to you, if you would like to speak to someone please let me know ..::HUGS::..
UnknowingOW Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 First I am sorry you are hurt, but did you really expect for me to stay just because you pushed him into having sex with you? He told you from the beginning he loved his wife. Did you think his feelings his wife would change after the sex? Having sex with you only re-affirmed his love for his wife and his guilt for cheating on her. You need to walk away and never contact him again. This is not said to hurt you, I know you are in pain. I know you heart is broken. But he was never yours. You do not want the pain of being an OW; it is not worth it.
pricillia Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Hi Mycat... Ok you pursued him... after a year you got him to your place... He had sex with you and just left... Then you got him alone again and he stopped and said that he can not do this... Listen you went after him, you ask How can he do this how can he just walk away... Listen I would not take it personally as he is married. You have to commend the man for stoping, that must have been tough for him to stop. But he is telling you that he loves his wife... sooo You have to let it go and leave this man alone! You are just asking for pain, if this were a single man that just walked out after the first time then you should be a little upset but he is not yours for you to play with... You said that he has said NO to you just take it for face value and move on... You don't want to become one of those "crazy women" who can't take no for an answer... Do everyone involved a favor and leave him alone. You will get hurt!
TheDiva Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 First I am sorry you are hurt, but did you really expect for me to stay just because you pushed him into having sex with you? He told you from the beginning he loved his wife. Did you think his feelings his wife would change after the sex? Having sex with you only re-affirmed his love for his wife and his guilt for cheating on her. You need to walk away and never contact him again. This is not said to hurt you, I know you are in pain. I know you heart is broken. But he was never yours. You do not want the pain of being an OW; it is not worth it.[/QUOTE] ....most especially the last part. mycatluvsme, he is just not into you. Why would you chase someone that couldn't be more obvious about not wanting you? You want to understand what is going with you and MM. Forget MM, he stated his peace. Work on you! Understanding yourself and why you were chasing someone that told you he didn't want an affair. Please quit seeking him out. Work toward a relationship that is not one-sided.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 OMG. I'm sorry, but you seriously need help. You are delusional! Please go seek a therapist. Who ever told you that you can make just any body fall in love with you is just as crazy and self-centered as you are. I am sorry to be so harsh. But you are despicable. Do you have no sense of self-worth? You are actually actively trying to steal him away from his Wife all the while he has given you no indication that he wants out???????!
Guest Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Let's see, he never talked about his personal life, never acted as though he wanted anything to do with you, and finally gave in and had sex with you after you persued him for the longest time and now says it's over... let him go. He does not want you and never did. This is pretty obvious from the things you told us. He slept with you but honestly, men sleep with women they could give a crap less about all the time. Please seek out professional help. You sound like you are seriously obsessed with this guy (to the point where it is creepy) and are miles away from being able to see the reality of your situation.
trippinme Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Mycat, First I want to let u know that I am sorry for the pain you are obviously feeling right now. The truth is you fell for SOMEONE ELSES husband very hard. He does not owe you anything, his commitment is to his wife and family. It appears from what you said that he enjoyed your friendship and was not seeking to have anything sexual between the two of you. Apparently he did fall prey and became weak and he let it happen. I am not saying that you should take all the blame, but clearly you did all the pursuing and you made the advances at him. You need to accept the fact that "He's just not that into you." Pick yourself up and know that you deserve to be with someone who can give you the love and commitment that you need. You would only be in for more heartache if he continued to keep having sex with you. He did you a favor so be greatful. You shouldn't look at yourself as a failure or someone who is not worthy, he probably cared enough about you to not let it continue. It will get better for you but please next time at least pursue a single guy!!!!
Author mycatluvsme Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 I didn't want it to seem like I did a post a run. Man, Gee, am I the only woman that has ever chased a man. Maybe I just more honest about it. Did he lead me on. I don't know. Let's see. Did we ever go on a "date"? NO Did he ever hold my hand, hug me? NO Never even a kiss. NOT until he came to my place. He never bought me presents, never called me. So, if that means that he wasn't leading me on, then I quess he wasn't. BUT, if he hadn't of wanted ME he wouldn't have had sex with ME. And no, I really don't carre about his wife. As far as I'm concerned, she doesn't exist. What goes on between me and MM is none of her buisness. So, NO, I don't care about her. I'm not even that concerned about his daughter. I'm too young, and I have NO desire to play mommy. I want HIM. That's it. HIM. And some here may think that is wrong. But how is that any different than anyone else carrying on with a MM. I've read soo many stories here where MM told their OW that they wanted to be with W for whatever reasons. BUT, they kept coming back.. What's to say mine won't. Just because of what he said. How is what he said to me any different than what so many others here have been told?
stillhere Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 How did he just stop during sex, how could he just say good bye and walk away? Easy........He never felt a thing for you. He told you that, but you pursued him anyways. Did you think you could make him fall in love with you? He is already in love with someone else. Not sure as to why he slept with you, but he realized he made a huge mistake. He wants nothing more to do with you. He made that clear as day. All of his signs and signals made that clear. If you continue with your obsession, i can see him slapping you with a restraining order. You need to get a grip on reality and leave this poor man alone.
stillhere Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I didn't want it to seem like I did a post a run. Man, Gee, am I the only woman that has ever chased a man. Maybe I just more honest about it. Did he lead me on. I don't know. Let's see. Did we ever go on a "date"? NO Did he ever hold my hand, hug me? NO Never even a kiss. NOT until he came to my place. He never bought me presents, never called me. So, if that means that he wasn't leading me on, then I quess he wasn't. BUT, if he hadn't of wanted ME he wouldn't have had sex with ME. And no, I really don't carre about his wife. As far as I'm concerned, she doesn't exist. What goes on between me and MM is none of her buisness. So, NO, I don't care about her. I'm not even that concerned about his daughter. I'm too young, and I have NO desire to play mommy. I want HIM. That's it. HIM. And some here may think that is wrong. But how is that any different than anyone else carrying on with a MM. I've read soo many stories here where MM told their OW that they wanted to be with W for whatever reasons. BUT, they kept coming back.. What's to say mine won't. Just because of what he said. How is what he said to me any different than what so many others here have been told? What are you, 15? Do you not realize that if you ended up with him YOU WOULD BE PLAYING MOMMY!!!!! The difference between many of our MM's and yours.....they want to be with us, yours doesn't! Never did. You are very immature and sick. You need some help ASAP!
UnknowingOW Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 That's just it, many of the MM never did what this man did. He walked ASAP. He did come back and could not go through with it...it wasn't in him to behave in this manner. If you ask me, that's a decent guy who realized he's made a serious mistake by being with you. He never told you he loved you. Many of the OW's have had real relationships with their MM's. But they were not founded on one person admissions of want/needs. Not that I am saying affairs are right...they aren't. You are different because this man has given you no indication of wanting a relationship with you. He walked. Which STRONGLY indicated he wants nothing from you. He knew it wasn't right. You should respect him for his love and respect for his wife.
TheDiva Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I didn't want it to seem like I did a post a run. Man, Gee, am I the only woman that has ever chased a man. Maybe I just more honest about it. Did he lead me on. I don't know. Let's see. Did we ever go on a "date"? NO Did he ever hold my hand, hug me? NO Never even a kiss. NOT until he came to my place. He never bought me presents, never called me. So, if that means that he wasn't leading me on, then I quess he wasn't. BUT, if he hadn't of wanted ME he wouldn't have had sex with ME. And no, I really don't carre about his wife. As far as I'm concerned, she doesn't exist. What goes on between me and MM is none of her buisness. So, NO, I don't care about her. I'm not even that concerned about his daughter. I'm too young, and I have NO desire to play mommy. I want HIM. That's it. HIM. And some here may think that is wrong. But how is that any different than anyone else carrying on with a MM. I've read soo many stories here where MM told their OW that they wanted to be with W for whatever reasons. BUT, they kept coming back.. What's to say mine won't. Just because of what he said. How is what he said to me any different than what so many others here have been told? Hun you are young. It really shows in your posts. Guess what if you go for any man that has a child, You can't just have HIM, its HIM+1. No your not the first woman to chase a man (MM/SG) nor are you going to be the last. Grow up a little bit, and I say that with respect really. So what he had sex with you? Women seem to have a hard time wrapping their brains around the fact that men CAN and FREQUENTLY have sex without emotional attachments. Women aren't typically wired to do that. Though they can. I am no saint. I have done it before. From what you have posted that is exactly what he did. And I will be bold and say that he probably did it because of your pressuring him. I have a set of different values so the wife does come into play for me. But I can accept that you don't consider her, Fair enough. But for you to not take his daughter into consideration is just terrible, no matter which way I look at it. What your MM said to you IS very different. Most OW here are being chased, not doing the chasing. MM is telling them for the most part whatever will keep her, at that moment. THAT is the difference. And most MM here do not say they want to stay with wife without following it with *for the kids sake* Like they are doing a J.L. Marathon or something Can you answer me one question? Aside from answering I love him, Why do you want him so bad?
Joelle Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 OMG. I suggest you see a therapist. A professional will help you through this situation.
Guest Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I have chased a man, sure. A man who someone else hadn't already caught. A man who WANTED to be caught by me. A man who didn't reject me again and again. I have this thing called "pride." I had it even when I was young. It prevents me from making a complete ass out of myself. Pretty useful thing, pride. You are going to push this man to measures that go beyond "I'm married. I'm not interested. I don't want to cheat on my wife. LEAVE ME ALONE." This will intensify if you keep it up. Do you want him to outline the reasons why he doesn't find you appealing? Men can f*** mud if they're horny enough. Don't flatter yourself by thinking that because he wet his willy with you, he adores you. Obviously that's not the case. He will either insult you, press charges against you, file a restraining order against you or worse. This man does not want you to destroy his family. It doesn't matter how little you care about his family. I have a feeling this is not a quality he finds endearing about you. The only quality he found slightly of interest was between your legs, and that was only temporary insanity on his part. Before you suffer a destroyed ego and/or a criminal record, leave this guy alone and get help.
stillhere Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 And I will be bold and say that he probably did it because of your pressuring him. I have a set of different values so the wife does come into play for me. But I can accept that you don't consider her, Fair enough. But for you to not take his daughter into consideration is just terrible, no matter which way I look at it. What your MM said to you IS very different. Most OW here are being chased, not doing the chasing. MM is telling them for the most part whatever will keep her, at that moment. THAT is the difference. I agree 100%! My MM's W is important to him, as much as i don't like it. She is a part of his life, so i do think of her often. I love him, so i must accept everything, even the parts i'm not too thrilled about. As for his children..........they are the most important people in his life. If someone can't accept their partners children, then things will never work out. Getting him means there is also a package deal that goes along with him! MY MM is different than yours, he wants to be with me, he loves me, and he doesn't stop during sex, pull up his pants and walk away. He holds me close and tells me he loves me. That is a huge difference!!!!!!
Author mycatluvsme Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 First off. I'm 24, not that young. MM is 31 or 33. Why do so many commend him for getting up and walking out. Maybe his feelings for me were so strong he just couldn't handle it. So, he stopped having sex. BIG DEAL! If I wasn't what he wanted he never would have started. NO, he never told me he loved me. Was he sweet to me? We were friends, he would listen to me when I would talk. Why do I want him? Because he makes me feel good when we talk. It makes me feel good when he looks at me, listens to me.. I asked him once (before he ever had sex with me) if I could meet and get to know his daughter better. He told me NO. Therefore, I see it as no matter what happens with us, she is not my concern. As far as the W. I tried to talk about her once, I was told to shut the **** up. So again, she's not my problem or concern.
UnknowingOW Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 No one is trying to condemn you. Many of us have been or are still OWs. BUT, and this is the big BUT, he walked. He never said he loved you. He wanted you to know nothing of his personal life. It's very difficult to see this when you are sitting in the middle of it. His getting up and leaving had nothing to do with his feelings fo you. His getting up and leaving had to do with his own self-respect and love for hiw wife and marriage. I know it's hard to believe right now. Just because someone listens to you and make you feel good doesn't mean they love you. They are showing you compassion...nothing else. Any OW would tell you if their MM got up and walked before the sex was finished it is a BIG DEAL. It means they want nothing to do with you. It means they know they have done something terribly wrong in their world. It is a big deal for them to walk...it means it's over. There is nothing to keep the mm with you. It means you mean nothing to the MM. I'm sorry this is harsh, but it is the truth.
stillhere Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 First off. I'm 24, not that young. MM is 31 or 33. Why do so many commend him for getting up and walking out. Maybe his feelings for me were so strong he just couldn't handle it. So, he stopped having sex. BIG DEAL! If I wasn't what he wanted he never would have started. NO, he never told me he loved me. Was he sweet to me? We were friends, he would listen to me when I would talk. Why do I want him? Because he makes me feel good when we talk. It makes me feel good when he looks at me, listens to me.. I asked him once (before he ever had sex with me) if I could meet and get to know his daughter better. He told me NO. Therefore, I see it as no matter what happens with us, she is not my concern. As far as the W. I tried to talk about her once, I was told to shut the **** up. So again, she's not my problem or concern. He doesn't want you involved in his life!!! End of story. Any man who had such powerful feelings for you would not get up and walk away during sex. Just not going to happen! You need to accept the fact that he doesn't want you, never did, and he just slept with you to shut you up. Which was his mistake because he drove you into a psycotic, obsessive state.
stillhere Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I have a question........how much do you really know about him? You don't even know how old he is. I always told myself, you can't truely love someone if you don't even know his middle name. Do you know his middle name? Do you know where he grew up, what sports he did or didn't play in highschool? Anything about him? I'm not trying to be a b*tch, i want you to understand that this is not love that you are feeling. He is an obsession, plain and simple.
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