Guest Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 I've been dating a guy for about 3 mths now. There are a few things that seem to be bothering me about him, and I'm wondering if they are red flags. He is very kind to me and we get along well. Then again the relationship is still in the early stages so things can change in the future. Ok so here are the things... Seems to have the need to tell me about how some customer at work looked at him and smiled. Or how an older lady keeps coming in 3 times a day to talk to him and that he thinks she has a crush on him. After telling me (which is every couple of days or so..different customers) he always tells me I'm the only one in his eyes and that he is not interested in them. When he tells me about these incidents..I just say "oh really..that's because you are so cute" and I smile. I never once have said anything different...meaning I don't act jealous or anything. Secretly in my mind though..I'm thinking does this guy have issues with needing attention from females?..What I want to know is why does he feel the need to tell me. Is it because he feels guilty or something? Does he want me to act jealous? I'm not a jealous person at all. Next thing is sexual relations with him...He is the best lover I've ever known. Absoulutly outstanding! The problem (it wasn't at first) was his need to focus on pleasing me. He gets off on this big time. He keeps saying he wants to drive me so crazy...to make me want him so bad. Through foreplay he talks non stop saying things like "oh yeah you like that don't you...I want you so bad...can you feel the heat of our bodies..etc.. He's a very good talker and it does turn me on..but I've come to realise that I think he needs to do this to get turned on. We have NEVER done it without saying all those things.He also talks about all the things he wants to do to me...it's always me..why not things I can do for him? I don't really mind all the talk..but I think if couples do it that way all the time, they probably can't do it just loving each other. Just a note...I respond very well to his foreplay and teasing..so I'm not a dud in bed:) When I try doing things to him..in other words *me being in control* he responds somewhat for a few minutes, but then flips me over and takes over with trying to please me instead. He once told me he doesn't like losing control it's been an issue all his life, but that I'm the first girl that he has been willing to let touch him with him not in control. He lets me do oral only for awhile. He also stops me after a few minutes if I'm masterbating him. He says he wants to save the cum for when we do it. I think he has a fear of me seeing him cum or his cum? The last thing is probably petty on my part but I've never been with a guy who has said this stuff. He once casually mentioned that I should wear tighter jeans. I'm 40 and well my jeans are tight..just not skin tight. I haven't got around to buying new stuff and clothes have never been my thing and other boyfriends didn't seem to care. Recently he mentioned that I should wear my hair in a ponytail. I know I'm being paranoid but this bugged me. My old loves always accepted how I looked..and loved me. He did say right after that "don't get me wrong..I love your hair the way it is now blah blah.. When I got home I reflected on what was said..and I remember awhile ago he mentioned how he is into looks and that he knows that's bad or should I say superficial. What irks me when people say this is that they are not the best looking themselves..plus he's not a good dresser either..very sloppy. He's not a player either. Maybe he is very visually stimulated? Any opinions out there on this fellow? Am I freaking out for nothing?
agnf666 Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 Sounds like a little bit of a control issue to me. With him taking "Control" in the sex area and him telling you what you should or shouldn't wear. If you don't have a problem with those things then the both of you should be fine, but the bit about trying to make you jealous. I don't get that one.
nicki Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Hmm, ask him. Next time he tells you about some customer hitting on him, ask him (nicely) why he is telling you that. You handled it well with the "he is cute" comment, so just follow that up with asking him why he wants you to know. Maybe he just wants you to think he is attractive. Or he could be trying to show you that he is the faithful, loyal type. It's still early in your relationship and he may be trying to prove himself. My boyfriend always wants me to wear tight jeans. I asked him why, and he said he loves the way my a## looks and wants to see its shape. Okay, thanks, but.... It can be a bother sometimes when I just want to wear cargo pants and a tank top....he will make a comment about not being able to see my a## very well....so, I know what you mean about the looks thing....It's a compliment, but still vaguely controlling. About the sex thing, he could think YOU also like that kind of talk. I would respond to it when you like it, and not respond to it other times....maybe even saying "shhhh" in a sexy, smiling way, "I don't feel much like talking today, baby. I just want to feel you. MMMMM." That kind of thing. If it works for them once, (some) guys seem to do the same thing over and over, so he may think that it's a good idea to talk dirty every time. Just let him know that you like to change things up. He will most likely remember that and incorporate a little variety. It sounds like he is really trying to please you. And that he is better at giving than receiving. Tell him that by him receiving he lets you give. And that you need to be able to do that. It's too early to know about the looks thing. Check to see if he is always looking at other women. That's not cool. If he eyes are mostly on you, then he is just into YOUR looks.
Guest Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Seems to have the need to tell me about how some customer at work looked at him and smiled...Secretly in my mind though..I'm thinking does this guy have issues with needing attention from females?..What I want to know is why does he feel the need to tell me. Is it because he feels guilty or something? Does he want me to act jealous? I'm not a jealous person at all. This is a red-flag for me. I don't consider myself jealous, but I don't appreciate having someone I care about throwing this rubbish in my face. It's disrespectful and juvenile. It's also a sign of mental illness. But that's just my opinion. Next thing is sexual relations with him...He is the best lover I've ever known. Absoulutly outstanding! The problem (it wasn't at first) was his need to focus on pleasing me. He gets off on this big time. He keeps saying he wants to drive me so crazy...to make me want him so bad. Through foreplay he talks non stop saying things like "oh yeah you like that don't you...I want you so bad...can you feel the heat of our bodies..etc.. He's a very good talker and it does turn me on..but I've come to realise that I think he needs to do this to get turned on. We have NEVER done it without saying all those things.He also talks about all the things he wants to do to me...it's always me..why not things I can do for him? I don't really mind all the talk..but I think if couples do it that way all the time, they probably can't do it just loving each other. Just a note...I respond very well to his foreplay and teasing..so I'm not a dud in bed:) But is this something you can suffer? For an extended period of time? I mean, do you think there is a distinct possibility where you might suddenly blurt out: "Dude, STFU!!" When I try doing things to him..in other words *me being in control* he responds somewhat for a few minutes, but then flips me over and takes over with trying to please me instead. He once told me he doesn't like losing control it's been an issue all his life, but that I'm the first girl that he has been willing to let touch him with him not in control. He lets me do oral only for awhile. He also stops me after a few minutes if I'm masterbating him. He says he wants to save the cum for when we do it. I think he has a fear of me seeing him cum or his cum? Here I think he's trying to establish equality. Sounds like he is trying to make sure that you're getting as much out of coitus as he is. As for his having "control" throughout his whole life... The last thing is probably petty on my part but I've never been with a guy who has said this stuff. He once casually mentioned that I should wear tighter jeans.... What irks me when people say this is that they are not the best looking themselves..plus he's not a good dresser either..very sloppy. He's not a player either. Maybe he is very visually stimulated? Any opinions out there on this fellow? Am I freaking out for nothing? Another red flag right there and it ties in with his apparent control issues. It's funny how someone who looks like ass, expects different from you. And the "men are visual" argument is crap. It's there as a means to expound on how women ought to be vigilant in the looks department. What, are women blind all of a sudden? We get visually turned off too.
Lostgurl Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Hello, My boyfriend always tells me about girls hitting on him also. He told me that it gives him a rush. I think that he likes the attention, It makes him feel confident and boosts his self esteem, which judging by how he is constantly telling you about these incedents says that he doesn't have much of it. It really bothered me also, being that i am of the jealous type.
Hitman10000 Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 You're freaking out, He adores you. He doesn't sound abusive nor controlling to me. If you seriously have a problem, speak up. I like to pleasure my b*tch and wrap my hand around her throat as I lick her thighs, legs, breasts, arms, everywhere, I also say nasty things to her to make her feel like a perverted porn star. I only do this to hot girls that I consider hot, average/ugly girls get the heave-ho. If she wants to take command, that is fine but she must let me know.
Recommended Posts