Spinderella Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 I have a problem. Every relationship I have with a man, I start out liking them alot, and then I begin to think they have things wrong with them, and sometimes really not based on anything they say or do. If they are really nice, I begin to wonder why they are pretending to be nice, if they aren't really nice, I begin to analyse everything they do, to the point that my feelings just go. It has recently happened again. A lovely guy, being really nice to me, and I tried everything I could to stop getting obsessed about these things, and then suddenly, it has taken me over to the extent I want to have no contact with him, and hide, I can't even bring myself to tell him that I want to end it. For a little while I had a relationship with a guy who had a girlfriend (yes I know), and I was fine with him. Is this the definition of a commitment phobic? Is there anyone else who has these problems, is there anyone who has overcome this?
Biscuit Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I can totally understand. I have been in numerous relationships with men who were unavailable and I went along and dated them until they obliterated my heart. Then, when a really nice, honest guy comes along looking for a commitment I just can't do it. I start picking at anything and everything just so I can leave the relationship. I think that there is some problem with them being nice...they must want something right. Or once they find out how I really am they'll leave right. I think you do have issues with commitment and it may be from some childhood issues with your father. Or perhaps you don't feel as if you deserve good treatment. If this is a pattern you should seek professional help. I am and currently I am attempting to date a very nice man who treats me like a queen. I have to get used to it. Good luck:)
Cliche23 Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I can totally understand how you feel; I am the same way; My reason for being this way is because of fear of getting hurt. Seems like the ones I really care about, love whatever, they always seem to break my precious little heart:lmao:. Then when a good guy comes along, in which I have only had one I was skeptical, very afraid of allowing myself to feel because of fear of getting hurt again since it's so ongoing. The weird part about me is I always seem to stay with the ones who treat me badly and walk away from those who treat me good; I know it's confusing. But realize you are not the only one, and I don't think it's commitment phobia it could just be that you are fearful to feel ending up with a broken heart. Well I wish the best. Take Care!
Guest Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I don't think you're a commitment-phobe, or suffer from some pathological childhood-related issue. I just think you don't know what you want. And instead of suffering through a relationship, wherein your attraction to this person is waning, you cut loose. That's what dating is about. I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. Perhaps if you stop getting into 'relationships', and just focus on dating, then maybe you will be able to see more people without fear and pinpoint what it is you want in somebody for a relationship.
Spinderella Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Thankyou all for your replies. You were all right in ways. I dont fear getting hurt in a relationship, but I do fear getting lost in a relationship, and losing sight of my goals. So in many ways you were correct guest, its not knowing what I want, but thats not the same as not knowing who I want. Cliche and Biscuit, you were also right, in that it is fear, and I am not quite sure where it stems from. I dont know if it is the definition of a commitment phobe, but since it is a fear of commitment, I suppose that is what it is.
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