The Rejection Cycle

[Almost]

So I went to see a psychiatrist a couple months ago, and he had an interesting take on my love life or lack thereof.

 

He said that I need to stop rejecting people.

 

I said I'm not rejecting anyone, they are the ones rejecting me! All these women I'm attracted to reject me as anything more than a friend.

 

Only the women I'm not attracted to as lovers are attracted to me, which most of the time are women who are older than me and/or significantly overwieght to the point of just about weighing as much as I do. Which is not easy since I'm 6'5" and 240 lbs.

 

To make a long story short, he basically made me realize that a lot of the time, I percieve or anticipate that someone is rejecting me and then I in turn do things to subtly reject them in order to avoid being hurt. And then since I'm doing that, I end up sending mixed signals to women. And then eventually they really reject me or put me in the friends zone.

 

So somehow I need to stop rejecting people unconsciously in advance in order to avoid being rejected myself. And just be able to be a man and deal with it and have more confidence.

 

Does this make any sense to anyone??? Anyone have a similar experience??

 

 

Thanks.

[konfuzd]

I can't argue with someone who has formal training, and having this same experience, I think he's right on the ball.

 

Think back to experiences where you were really attracted to someone vs. someone you were only mildly attracted to. You will find your responses to them are very different.

 

I found this about myself, my personality comes off as very hostile when I'm around someone I'm really into. It's completely subconcious and something I definately have to work on because I've always seen it after it's too late. I think in my head I'm really hostile towards myself because I'm a very hard headed, determined person. I keep telling myself, "I need to make him like me" and at the sligtest sign of disinterest, I lash out. When things don't go my way, and I can really do nothing to make things happen, I get frustrated and that's when my personality changes. People are very perceptive, and I think they pick up on it and run.

 

I'm still working my way through solving this problem of mine, so I'm not really sure I can give you any direction, but at the least can authenticate your psychiatrist's reasoning.

[Yamaha]

To stay out of the friends zone just be confident and ask a women out that you have a romantic interest in.

 

It is really that simple. If she says no then you have not spent months trying to get her to see you romantically and find out she has no other interest in you than friendship.

[Jane Doe]

Yes, it makes perfect sense to me. It's very hard to realize your own actions when you're the one performing them. Being an outsider (which is what your Dr. is) allows him to see things from an objective standpoint.

 

What you're doing is a very simple coping/survival mechanism. You put yourself on the offense to avoid having to be on the defense (the "defense" being a place of pain/rejection). You're in "I'll hurt you before you hurt me" zone. Been there, done that a hundred times.

 

A few questions: How old are you and what exactly are you looking for in a woman?

[monkey00]

 

To make a long story short, he basically made me realize that a lot of the time, I percieve or anticipate that someone is rejecting me and then I in turn do things to subtly reject them in order to avoid being hurt. And then since I'm doing that, I end up sending mixed signals to women. And then eventually they really reject me or put me in the friends zone.

 

 

That is true, especially with women moreso than men. Women generally have a higher fear of rejection than men.

 

Everyone's guilty of this. Think of those past times when you saw a hot lady/hot guy and were interested...but iddnt have the balls to talk/ask them out because of fear of rejection. So in turn, you never gave them a chance.

 

wo/men have reasons for putting a someone into a friends zone, even if s/he makes it clear s/he's interested. guy/girl may well be interested however would rather be a friend than risk taking a shot and getting rejected down the line.

You know the whole "s/he is too good for me, we're on different planes of existence, there's no way in hell s/he'd date me"...which is a very bad mindset to have.

In the end it all falls on low self-esteem/ lack of confidence. Everyone has standards, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with going after what you want.

 

Personally im not one for mixed messages. Either im interested in a girl or im not, if im not we can still be good acquantances. If I am, I make it a point to ask her out or rarely if i cant conjure up the confidence then i wont.

But yea nobody likes rejection, another blow to our ego, but just dont take it personally. you are the prize, it's their loss not yours. if they arent interested, you know you gave it your all and move on.

 

Almost, do you reject people or just women? if people, you should work on that aspect first before women.

[Almost]

A few questions: How old are you and what exactly are you looking for in a woman?

 

I'm 39. I don't feel like I have really high standards, but maybe I do. I have dated before but just about every time, the woman has made as much or more of an effort to get me as I've made to get her. I've never dated the kind of woman who hangs back and doesn't make any kind of move at all.

 

Basically I'm looking for someone who likes outdoor activities such as biking, volleyball, camping, hiking, traveling around, weekend getaways. Someone who is active and not too much of a couch potato. I've dated overweight women and I'm about average to slightly overweight myself. However I'm much more attracted to women with slim figures. I'm also a sucker for nice big smiles and sweet personalities. But I'm also looking for someone smart and intellectual to a certain extent, ideally with a college degree.

 

That is true, especially with women moreso than men. Women generally have a higher fear of rejection than men.

 

Yeah, in this respect I'm more like a woman.

 

I don't usually really conciously feel like I have a lot of fear or anything, in fact a lot of the time I feel like I'm being confident. But that's only as long as I'm acting like a friend. As soon as I think about how to take it to the next level of actually asking a girl out or something, I don't really know what to do and I get very hesitant. So usually I don't do anything and just keep women in my friends zone even though I really want to do something about it and be more than friends.

 

Everyone's guilty of this. Think of those past times when you saw a hot lady/hot guy and were interested...but didnt have the balls to talk/ask them out because of fear of rejection. So in turn, you never gave them a chance.

 

This is the story of my life. But it's so familiar to me that it's not like I'm standing there with a deer in the headlights look and actually feeling a lot of fear. It's much more subtle. It's like it's just so much easier to just be friends and that's what I'm used to. I feel like I don't really know what to do to turn a woman I am attracted to into a girlfriend.

 

I can ask girls out, but then a lot of times I'm thinking it's a date, and they are not sure if we are on a real date or if we are just hanging out as friends. I'm thinking, "I asked you out on a date, we're on a date, and you still think we are just hanging out as friends??? What the hell do I need to do that I'm not doing?!?!?"

 

Almost, do you reject people or just women? if people, you should work on that aspect first before women.

 

I'm not super outgoing with people I don't know, even guys. But I don't think I reject guys nearly as much. I'm fine with being friends with people, both guys and girls. When I say "rejection," I'm talking about rejecting women as girlfriends rather than just as friends. I don't think I reject anyone as friends much.

 

I just end up treating everyone as a friend, even women I'm really attracted to and want to have intimate relationships with, and then because of that women put me in the friends zone and then I can never get out of it later on.

[Jane Doe]

I'm interested to know what the root of your fear of rejection is. Without sounding like a shrink here, what's your relationship with your parents like? Was there some sort of rejection or abandonment in your past (or childhood) that cause you such trepidation in relationships? From what I'm reading here, this is a bit more deep-rooted than having trouble quantifying what's a date and what's just hanging out.

 

And yes, I would say your standards are high, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

[norajane]

I can ask girls out, but then a lot of times I'm thinking it's a date, and they are not sure if we are on a real date or if we are just hanging out as friends. I'm thinking, "I asked you out on a date, we're on a date, and you still think we are just hanging out as friends??? What the hell do I need to do that I'm not doing?!?!?"

 

If you behave the same way to all women - as a friend - the women don't get the message that you're interested, so they put you in the friends category too.

 

When you ask a woman out, say something like: I'd love to take you out on a date - are you free for dinner next Friday? There's a new Italian restaurant I'd like to try.

 

Then, there is no confusion as to what kind of interest you have in them, and they can respond accordingly.

 

You also have to let your body language do a little talking in the form of lots of eye contact. If you're gazing into her eyes as she's talking, she'll get the message that you're interested. When you meet her for the first time and shake hands, hold her hand - and her eyes - a little longer than you would if you're just interested in friends. It's a subtle move - just a few extra shakes, slow ones, while you look into her eyes and say "it's a pleasure to meet you, Mary." And smile at her, smile into her eyes!

 

Face her, don't hold your body away from her or stand to the side. She's the only woman in the place, as far as you're concerned.

 

I have a feeling that you try to play it so cool, that you just give off not-interested signals. It's ok to put yourself out there if you're attracted! Women love to be admired and to feel like you can't take your eyes off them.

[Almost]

I'm interested to know what the root of your fear of rejection is. Without sounding like a shrink here, what's your relationship with your parents like? Was there some sort of rejection or abandonment in your past (or childhood) that cause you such trepidation in relationships? From what I'm reading here, this is a bit more deep-rooted than having trouble quantifying what's a date and what's just hanging out.

 

Well, my teenage years pretty much sucked. I had a hard time dealing with my parents and also with other kids in school. My father was obsessive compulsive, and my mother was kind of depressed and secretly drank and smoked cigarettes. At one point I really confronted them and lashed out at them, when I was in my early 20's. After that we pretty much repaired our relationship and things are better now. They are still together and doing much better now, and have mellowed out a lot and I've done a lot of growing up also. They are both retired now and I have a much better relationship with them now.

 

I had a hard time making friends in my teenage years and didn't have any girlfriends in high school. I played sports and studied and that was about it, didn't do hardly any social activities because I felt like an outcast. I was picked on and made fun of a lot. In college I opened up more and had more friends and slowly became more socially outgoing. I didn't have my first girlfriend until towards the end of college. But it's always been kind of a struggle as I've explained.

[Almost]

If you behave the same way to all women - as a friend - the women don't get the message that you're interested, so they put you in the friends category too.

 

Yeah, I think this is pretty much what is happening. I'm basically treating even women that I am really attracted to as friends. So they are end up doing the same to me, unless they are more aggressive than the average woman.

 

I guess I've felt like I was doing enough in terms of flirting, but in reality I suppose I haven't been. I've been thinking that being a friend is enough, but I guess it's not. I've kind of been waiting for the woman to take the lead and make a move on me, rather than me taking charge and taking the lead and making a move if I'm really attracted to a woman. I guess I'm afraid of being turned down, or thought of as a pervert, or making some kind of move that turns out to be lame or silly.

 

When you ask a woman out, say something like: I'd love to take you out on a date - are you free for dinner next Friday? There's a new Italian restaurant I'd like to try.

 

Then, there is no confusion as to what kind of interest you have in them, and they can respond accordingly.

 

You also have to let your body language do a little talking in the form of lots of eye contact. If you're gazing into her eyes as she's talking, she'll get the message that you're interested. When you meet her for the first time and shake hands, hold her hand - and her eyes - a little longer than you would if you're just interested in friends. It's a subtle move - just a few extra shakes, slow ones, while you look into her eyes and say "it's a pleasure to meet you, Mary." And smile at her, smile into her eyes!

 

Face her, don't hold your body away from her or stand to the side. She's the only woman in the place, as far as you're concerned.

 

I have a feeling that you try to play it so cool, that you just give off not-interested signals. It's ok to put yourself out there if you're attracted! Women love to be admired and to feel like you can't take your eyes off them.

 

This all sounds good and I guess I haven't really been doing enough of it.

 

I kind of do most of those things if I'm sure I really like a girl, but if I'm not totally sure then I don't really go for it or do all of them.

 

Or if I do these flirty things, I kind of do it in a joking way so I can back off and say I was just joking if my flirtations are not accepted by the woman.

 

I kind of feel like I'm not really being myself if I do all that, like I'm trying to be Rico Suave or something and I'll just come across as being dumb and ridiculous.

 

I've also kind of felt like the last thing I want to do is lay all my cards on the table before we really get to know each other. Like we should go out on a date or two as friends to see if we are compatible, before really making a move on a woman. But I guess that's more of a recipe to end up in the friends zone.

 

On the other hand, it always seems like women want you to basically commit to being in love and being long term relationship and marriage material in order to start or continue a relationship. It's like women don't want to date a guy unless they know in advance that his intentions are marriage. But then other girls will say that's lame, you're being the nice guy and a lot of women go for guys who are kind of bad boys. How do bad boy type guys get women without making a big commitment to being in love and intending to get married before the relationship even starts?

 

All this kind of stuff just really confuses me when I try to figure out what I should be doing, what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong, etc. It's like you have to walk a really fine line and always say and do the perfect thing, depending on the woman, in order to successfully woo her. And every woman is different so you can't just have one formula for success and expect it to work all the time.

 

I'm just not that good. Sometimes I don't see how anyone ever gets together. There are so many variables and things to consider, how does anyone ever get it right?

[Jane Doe]

I guess I'm afraid of being turned down, or thought of as a pervert, or making some kind of move that turns out to be lame or silly.

You and every other human being out there. I've been out of the dating realm for a long time now but I listen to a lot of single people and your worries and fears and completely normal.

 

I've also kind of felt like the last thing I want to do is lay all my cards on the table before we really get to know each other. Like we should go out on a date or two as friends to see if we are compatible, before really making a move on a woman.

That's a very healthy and reasonable outlook, not to mention respectful. I see you beating yourself up a lot over actions and feelings that are very honorable and sensible. It's like you're berating yourself for not being a player/user/jerk. Don't do that! Be proud of the fact that you're a decent, intelligent, sensitive man. You're unique and extremely rare! Many women are drawn to the bad boy type because they're wanting to re-live rejection in their childhood as a way of trying to make it right somehow. All they end up accomplishing, however, is lowering their self-esteem even further. You don't need that kind of baggage from someone.

 

How do bad boy type guys get women without making a big commitment to being in love and intending to get married before the relationship even starts?

See my above paragraph. It's a behavior called "repetition compulsion." Google it. It's very interesting.

 

There are so many variables and things to consider, how does anyone ever get it right?

Well, judging from the divorce rate, not many people are.

 

I can tell from your threads that you're very articulate and intelligent. You need to be who you are and don't try to change for anyone or create a persona that you think will be acceptable to others. You are enough. I've felt like a complete outcast my entire life, mainly because I've never been into partying, drinking, getting tattoos, and all the other "cool" things. I've used being a geek to my advantage because no one sees me as a follower. I'm an individual with my own mind and if someone doesn't like that, it's their problem, not mine. When you meet that special someone, you'll know it. Believe me. She'll accept you for exactly who and what you are and you won't have to do anything but exist.

[Almost]

I see you beating yourself up a lot over actions and feelings that are very honorable and sensible. It's like you're berating yourself for not being a player/user/jerk. Don't do that! Be proud of the fact that you're a decent, intelligent, sensitive man. You're unique and extremely rare!

 

I can tell from your threads that you're very articulate and intelligent. You need to be who you are and don't try to change for anyone or create a persona that you think will be acceptable to others. You are enough.

 

When you meet that special someone, you'll know it. Believe me. She'll accept you for exactly who and what you are and you won't have to do anything but exist.

 

Thanks for the compliments and the vote of confidence Jane.

 

However, if I'm so great, how come I still have such a tough time getting women to see me as more than just a friend?

 

Admittedly, I'm not as hot as I used to be. I'm about 10 years older and about 30 pounds heavier than I was when more women would look at me like they thought I was hot. Now that doesn't happen anymore, and since apparently I'm not aggressive enough with women or something, I can no longer hang back and wait for women to make moves on me while I give them mixed signals that most women end up percieving as rejection.

 

I guess I kind of know generally what I need to do, but I just don't really know exactly how to go about doing it in terms of changing my behavior.

[Jane Doe]

However, if I'm so great, how come I still have such a tough time getting women to see me as more than just a friend?

 

Well, from what you've said in your posts, the only women you're asking out are women you've been introduced to in a "friendly" situation. I really think you need to put yourself out there more and widen your circles. What do you have to lose? If you get turned down you've really lost nothing, but if you don't get turned down, you have everything to gain.

 

Again, you don't have to play a certain role or be something you're not. Being who you are is enough. If a woman doesn't respond, then she's not the right woman for you. Anyone can pretend for a finite amount of time but eventually they just want to be themself.

[monkey00]

Yeah, I think this is pretty much what is happening. I'm basically treating even women that I am really attracted to as friends. So they are end up doing the same to me, unless they are more aggressive than the average woman.

 

You've got a pretty good start, you know where the problem is. Ever attempted treating them less like a friend?

if you treat someone like a friend, they'll do the same. if you treat someone like a stranger, they'll do the same. if you treat someone like a lover, generally they will do the same if feelings are mutual.

 

 

I've kind of been waiting for the woman to take the lead and make a move on me, rather than me taking charge and taking the lead and making a move if I'm really attracted to a woman. I guess I'm afraid of being turned down, or thought of as a pervert, or making some kind of move that turns out to be lame or silly.

 

take the lead, women likes a guy who has control of himself and the situation, especially knowing what he wants.

 

 

 

I kind of do most of those things if I'm sure I really like a girl, but if I'm not totally sure then I don't really go for it or do all of them.

nothing wrong with that, no reason to make a move if you're uninterested.

 

 

Or if I do these flirty things, I kind of do it in a joking way so I can back off and say I was just joking if my flirtations are not accepted by the woman.

 

I kind of feel like I'm not really being myself if I do all that, like I'm trying to be Rico Suave or something and I'll just come across as being dumb and ridiculous.

 

I've also kind of felt like the last thing I want to do is lay all my cards on the table before we really get to know each other. Like we should go out on a date or two as friends to see if we are compatible, before really making a move on a woman. But I guess that's more of a recipe to end up in the friends zone.

 

Your way of thinking of not laying your cards out is right. no one does, only over time does it unravel. But it doesnt imply you cant make you intentions and interest clear. if you think a woman is sexy or stunning, tell 'em. if you want to kiss them, then take the plunge.

There's a difference between making your intentions known vs. confessing to a woman that you like/love her on the first couple dates.

compliments are good as long, you aren't saying it for the purpose of validation and hoping to get something in return. Say what you mean, dont say it in hopes for a reward, they can sense it.

 

as long as it's you, there's nothing dumb about being suave. a woman can sense a guy who doesnt believe in himself and his actions, its a turnoff.

 

On the other hand, it always seems like women want you to basically commit to being in love and being long term relationship and marriage material in order to start or continue a relationship. It's like women don't want to date a guy unless they know in advance that his intentions are marriage. But then other girls will say that's lame, you're being the nice guy and a lot of women go for guys who are kind of bad boys. How do bad boy type guys get women without making a big commitment to being in love and intending to get married before the relationship even starts?

dont make assumptions. just go on dates and see where it goes from there.

 

 

All this kind of stuff just really confuses me when I try to figure out what I should be doing, what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong, etc. It's like you have to walk a really fine line and always say and do the perfect thing, depending on the woman, in order to successfully woo her. And every woman is different so you can't just have one formula for success and expect it to work all the time.

 

I'm just not that good. Sometimes I don't see how anyone ever gets together. There are so many variables and things to consider, how does anyone ever get it right?

 

no there is no one formula. no one is perfect, that's why arguments exist in every relationship. you're human, no one expects you to be perfect. women can be fickle/fantasy-minded at times, but dont take it too seriously from that point of view. Women run on an emotion engine, which is illogical for the most part.

 

I guess I kind of know generally what I need to do, but I just don't really know exactly how to go about doing it in terms of changing my behavior.

 

a good way to start of is to observe/hang-out with someone that knows what he's doing with women. learn how he speaks and his body language...in due time it'll come together. Movies with the guy getting the girl at the end is mostly unrealistic/fantasy...however keep an eye on the character and how he 'defines' himself.

 

Again as someone stated earlier, dating is a numbers game. you have to build a tolerance for rejection, if you cant this isnt for you

[RecordProducer]

Does this make any sense to anyone???

Sorry, but it doesn't make any sense to me when it comes to women. If a woman finds you attractive (not talking physically only, but overall) and you make advances, no matter what signals you send, she will not reject you.

 

But most importantly, if you connect with someone, you will send good vibrations no matter what your initial fears of rejection are.

 

In my experience, I often try to be nice to people and they reject me. Eventually I realize that these people who reject me are never the type pf people that I would genuinely wish to associate with. I think they are not right for me but still try to be their friend and act friendly with them. In return they are mean to me most of the time or simply avoid me.

 

I think you can't run away from what your inner self radiates. Our auras speak louder than any words or smiles. Think about the people you click with right away. They don't reject you, right? Think about this: who are the people who reject you? Do you really like them? Do you think they are on the same intellectual level as you or do you think you're better than them?

 

And after they reject you, what do you really think of them? They show their true colors when they reject you. They want you to think that you're not good enough for their company, but the truth is - they feel threatened by you in some way.

 

Your shrink has to give you some answer for the money he is getting to sit on his ass and listen to people (most of the time).

[Fun2BMe]

To make a long story short, he basically made me realize that a lot of the time, I percieve or anticipate that someone is rejecting me and then I in turn do things to subtly reject them in order to avoid being hurt. And then since I'm doing that, I end up sending mixed signals to women. And then eventually they really reject me or put me in the friends zone.

 

So somehow I need to stop rejecting people unconsciously in advance in order to avoid being rejected myself. And just be able to be a man and deal with it and have more confidence.

That's some great insight your psychiatrist has. You could substitute try being friends with rejection. You say that you always develop a friendship type relationship with the women you want to date, so they become friends. Or you reject them romantically by acting like a friend, so they reject you romantically too. It reminds one that you should treat others the way you want to be treated by them. So if you want to be in a romatic relationship with them, act differently than you would if you were to only be friends and see what happens.

[lone she-wolf]

It reminds one that you should treat others the way you want to be treated by them. So if you want to be in a romatic relationship with them, act differently than you would if you were to only be friends and see what happens.

This advice makes the most sense. It is so simple really. I need to try this my damn self.

[Sand&Water]

Almost,

 

This thread is great. There is a lot of good advice about rejection, friendship, women, and men as a whole.

 

I was, and still am caught up in a vicious cycle of rejection. So, it is helpful. I'm glad you created this thread, Almost.

[i might come by sometime, and drop a few comments here and there]

 

Sand&Water

[bananainsanity]

What about for a girl? how does a girl indicate that she is interested?

[Almost]

Ever attempted treating them less like a friend?

if you treat someone like a friend, they'll do the same. if you treat someone like a stranger, they'll do the same. if you treat someone like a lover, generally they will do the same if feelings are mutual.

 

I think my problem is that I don't really know how to treat someone as a lover instead of just as a friend. I don't know the difference.

I mean, I've been in relationships before so I know how to treat a woman as a lover after we are already together in a relationship.

 

The problem with me is I have a hard time starting relationships, with women who aren't aggressive. So the question is, how do you treat a woman as a lover instead of as a friend at the very beginning when you are first meeting or going out on the first date or two? While still being respectful?

 

 

compliments are good as long, you aren't saying it for the purpose of validation and hoping to get something in return. Say what you mean, dont say it in hopes for a reward, they can sense it.

 

as long as it's you, there's nothing dumb about being suave. a woman can sense a guy who doesnt believe in himself and his actions, its a turnoff.

 

 

women can be fickle/fantasy-minded at times, but dont take it too seriously from that point of view. Women run on an emotion engine, which is illogical for the most part.

 

That all rings true, I think I have plenty of experience with these situations. I need to stop doing the above and be more confident somehow.

 

 

Again as someone stated earlier, dating is a numbers game. you have to build a tolerance for rejection, if you cant this isnt for you

 

Ha! That would suck if all this "just isn't for me."

 

Building tolerance for rejection is easier said than done. Maybe it's easier for some people than others.

[Almost]

If a woman finds you attractive (not talking physically only, but overall) and you make advances, no matter what signals you send, she will not reject you.

 

This just isn't true in my experience. If a guy makes the wrong advances and sends the wrong signals, a woman will reject the guy even if she finds him attractive. Or, if the guy treats her as a friend, she will think he's not interested and will end up putting the guy in the friends zone.

 

But most importantly, if you connect with someone, you will send good vibrations no matter what your initial fears of rejection are.

 

Maybe. It's a lot harder to "connect" with someone if you have fear of rejection.

 

Your shrink has to give you some answer for the money he is getting to sit on his ass and listen to people (most of the time).

 

Ha! Wouldn't that be nice? Shrinks usually want you to figure it out for yourself rather than just try to give you all the answers. Besides, if you just give someone the answer, usually they don't really get it or understand it. You only really understand something if you figure it out for yourself. People can help to point you in the right direction and give advice, but ultimately you have to walk down the path on your own.

[Almost]

So if you want to be in a romatic relationship with them, act differently than you would if you were to only be friends and see what happens.

 

Yeah, I just need to figure out how to act differently.

 

I'm so used to acting like a friend, it's hard to "act differently."

 

I know how to flirt kind of, but when I do I always feel weird or like I'm just joking around and not really serious.

[Almost]

Almost,

 

This thread is great. There is a lot of good advice about rejection, friendship, women, and men as a whole.

 

I was, and still am caught up in a vicious cycle of rejection. So, it is helpful. I'm glad you created this thread, Almost.

[i might come by sometime, and drop a few comments here and there]

 

Sand&Water

 

Thanks! I'm glad you find it helpful.

[Almost]

What about for a girl? how does a girl indicate that she is interested?

 

Women have it easy. All you have to do is sit there and look pretty and cute, smile, flip your hair, batt your eyes, be sweet, etc.

 

If you touch a guy on the arm while you're talking to him, look in his eyes and smile, etc, he will get the message.

 

Whether or not he does anything about it is another story.

[norajane]

Yeah, I just need to figure out how to act differently.

 

I'm so used to acting like a friend, it's hard to "act differently."

 

I know how to flirt kind of, but when I do I always feel weird or like I'm just joking around and not really serious.

 

Go back and re-read my post - I told you what to do to let women know you're interested without proclaiming undying love right away.

 

You have to do those things with women you're attracted to - do them often enough and they will feel natural not wierd. Practice!