Miss1984 Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 I have been broken up with my ex now for almost six weeks. I am fine with this, the relationship was all wrong and I should have gotten out sooner. I don't want him back and I'm better off on my own than in a situation that made me miserable. Right now I'm okay. I have times when I feel sad, but I am not a crying emotional wreck, actually I have probably cried a total of three short times in the past few weeks- although I have been going over why he treated me so badly and searching for explanations. This whole episode has brought back sad feelings about my ex before him- my first real relationship and the love of my life so far. It was a really traumatic break up, and if I'm honest the reason I ended up with my last ex was a conscious effort to move on and start having fun again- although I did end up falling for him. It backfired on me because I ended up with someone who wouldn't commit and treated me badly, which is the reason it is now over. I have never stopped thinking about my first ex, pushed him to the back of my mind, yes, but he's always been there. I haven't seen him in a long time and have no intentions of contacting him- I don't even want him back because it wouldn't be the same and we ended for a reason. And now I can't stop thinking about what happened with my latest ex- more all the bad things that happened and why. I'd just like to know if anyone else has had trouble forgetting an ex, or any tips on how to do this. I'd just like to not think about either of them on a daily basis and I'm a bit concerned that I am! I'm sure most people don't think about their exes or the bad things that happened in relationships constantly! It's not like I want either of them back or anything and I'm not even upset and crying over them, it's just thoughts that I'd like to get rid of. I don't feel like I would be completely over them and be able to totally move on until I get them out of my head. I don't want these negative experiences to impact on any future relationships I may have. Thanks.
swirly27 Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 Missy, Yes I think it is normal to still think about exes (plural) and still wonder what happened and what caused this to happen. I do the same thing, not daily, except with my current ex, but it brought me back to my 2 exes before him - one I broke up with and the other broke it off with me. I think what you maybe need to really look at is the reasons you are thinking of these exes, especially if you don't want them back - maybe it is more of wondering why failed relationships keep happening or maybe it is because you are wondering why this keeps happening to you?? I feel that way, so it is just a suggestion. All I can keep telling myself is relationships are hard enough with good honest people trying to be mature and go thru them and then you throw in the cheaters, cowards and players and it really screws everything up. But MILLIONS of people meet, love and end every day so we are all the same in that aspect. Maybe you are just sad because your 1st ex was a really traumatic one and it lead you to this last guy, who ended up treating you badly - so think now that at least you are in a better place, not being with this last jerk and now take time to just focus on yourself. Become happy with yourself again. That is what I am trying to do - breakups are hard on people and the more you can learn from them, the better. Sounds good in theory anyway! haha
amaysngrace Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 I think you need to pick up a pen and a tablet and start writing it down. I think you are searching for answers on why your relationships failed, and you are scared of repeating the mistakes you have made in the past. This is completely normal. You have work to do. Use this time now to get yourself together. Gather your thoughts and figure out who you are and what you want. See what you bring to the relationships, good and bad, and work on fixing whatever issues you may have. I really think your mind keeps going back to your exes because your attention is needed there for future relationships. Be objective and be honest with yourself. This is a transitional time in your life. Use it wisely.
Author Miss1984 Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 Thank you for your comments, they have been useful. The thing is I feel I do know what went wrong in these relationships, and I know I would never go back to them. I just don't see how I could fully enjoy and wholeheartedly be in a relationship with someone if I am still dwelling on the past. I don't want to, and when I think of these exes it's not in an 'I want them back' sort of a way at all, which is why it's so annoying. I guess I need tips on getting these thoughts out of my head. The moment I meet someone I am even vaguely interested in, or even so much as contemplate being with someone else, I think of how traumatic the first break up was and it's all I can think about: I am imagining the end of the relationship before it really begins so I can't really enjoy it at the time. As it is I have no intentions on looking for another relationship for now. I guess last time I moved on physically hoping that my head would catch me up. It didn't! Not to go into too much detail I became very ill after my first break up (the break up lasted a LONG time)- I was depressed, lost weight, couldn't sleep, cried every single day for a year, saw doctors and a councillor. It was so dark, and truthfully the most horrible time of my life. I sort of think 'however great this thing is, it'll end one day and I'll feel like I did then, so what's the point?' It's not an attitude I enjoy! I'm not even that sad now and I don't want to think about them anymore, I understand what went wrong and I don't need to think about it anymore- but for some reason they still plague me.
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