Dying Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 I've lost the love of my life. My soulmate. And it's my fault too. I didn't treat him right. It's been suspected that I have Borderline Personality Disorder (causes major problems in relationships) and eventhough I love this boy to bits it has causd me to not treat him as well a I should have. I've broke his heart and mine too. Everybody go on how time helps you to move on and get over it, but I will never get over this guilt and this pain. I really do not believe that I will. He will always be the one that got away. The one whom I ****ed it up with, the one whom was SO SO special and treated me like a princess to have me basicaly throw it back in his face because I'm ... unstable and unwell.I just don't see how I will move on from this one. I am so deeply hurt and so deeply guilty, and so deeply in love with him OMG, please help me! I will never ever be whole again. I don't want anyone else, ever. I just ... couldn't. They aren't him!
blind_otter Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 Then use this tragedy as motivation to get the help that you need.
swirly27 Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 Dying, is it soooo completely done and over that you can't talk with him and maybe try to work things out - after you maybe get some help if you think you have this disorder? Is that a possibility?
Buttaflyy Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 Are you positive that it is over? What have you done that you feel so strongly that it is? You must get over the guilt. Work on yourself for awhile. If you know that you aren't able to treat him as he deserves, maybe it is time to let go. You can't change that until you change you. You won't find happiness for yourself until you do. You won't find true happiness with anyone until you are pleased with living in your own skin. I know you are tired of hearing it but, things WILL get better. I've been in a place where I didn't think so myself. One day the sun will shine again and you will recover, but you've gotta make that happen.
Spiderman Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 I've lost the love of my life. My soulmate. And it's my fault too. I didn't treat him right. It's been suspected that I have Borderline Personality Disorder (causes major problems in relationships) and eventhough I love this boy to bits it has causd me to not treat him as well a I should have. I've broke his heart and mine too. Everybody go on how time helps you to move on and get over it, but I will never get over this guilt and this pain. I really do not believe that I will. He will always be the one that got away. The one whom I ****ed it up with, the one whom was SO SO special and treated me like a princess to have me basicaly throw it back in his face because I'm ... unstable and unwell.I just don't see how I will move on from this one. I am so deeply hurt and so deeply guilty, and so deeply in love with him OMG, please help me! I will never ever be whole again. I don't want anyone else, ever. I just ... couldn't. They aren't him! Sorry to hear your distress. Unfortunately you can't undo what is now done. No one ever thinks they will get over a difficult situation, the fact of the matter is, in time, you will! My advice would be to live and learn, deal with your problems before getting involved again and pushing another would be soul-mate away!
Values Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 Dying, you sound like my ex-girlfriend who ripped my heart into shreds. Your behavior sounds like hers. I have visited legitimate websites on BPD and the symptoms screamed her name, it was patterned after her behavior. Did you cheat on him? Did you lie to him? My beautiful, amazing, and cheerful ex was dark as a pit on the inside and she has left a long line of destroyed men in her wake. If this sounds like you, please work on yourself and don't try to find happiness in another man. I don't know if you experienced some real trauma or abuse in your past, but it's never fair to bring others down.
shortnsassy Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 I've lost the love of my life. My soulmate. And it's my fault too. I didn't treat him right. It's been suspected that I have Borderline Personality Disorder (causes major problems in relationships) and eventhough I love this boy to bits it has causd me to not treat him as well a I should have. I've broke his heart and mine too. Everybody go on how time helps you to move on and get over it, but I will never get over this guilt and this pain. I really do not believe that I will. He will always be the one that got away. The one whom I ****ed it up with, the one whom was SO SO special and treated me like a princess to have me basicaly throw it back in his face because I'm ... unstable and unwell.I just don't see how I will move on from this one. I am so deeply hurt and so deeply guilty, and so deeply in love with him OMG, please help me! I will never ever be whole again. I don't want anyone else, ever. I just ... couldn't. They aren't him! i no how you feel. hang an there. time heals all wounds. i miss my baby too.it hurts so bad. sleepness nights i have seens like it never goes way. you just move on fine someone else to take her place.
Mollyanna Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Dying, you sound like my ex-girlfriend who ripped my heart into shreds. Your behavior sounds like hers. I have visited legitimate websites on BPD and the symptoms screamed her name, it was patterned after her behavior. Did you cheat on him? Did you lie to him? My beautiful, amazing, and cheerful ex was dark as a pit on the inside and she has left a long line of destroyed men in her wake. If this sounds like you, please work on yourself and don't try to find happiness in another man. I don't know if you experienced some real trauma or abuse in your past, but it's never fair to bring others down. not everyone with BPD leaves a path of destruction behind them. Many of us with BPD are the ones who were left behind time and time again.
Vanquish Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Strangely this sounds exactly like my situation. Only my ex doesn't feel like this and won't even acknowledge me anymore. She was sick too, after 6 concussions, and some hopsital visits. The meds she was on really changed her.
burning 4 revenge Posted September 17, 2006 Posted September 17, 2006 Well if you have borderline he's probably better off without you, so if you love him that's your silver lining.
Mollyanna Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Well if you have borderline he's probably better off without you, so if you love him that's your silver lining. wow that is the most insensitive thing I have ever heard. Do you KNOW me? Are you a mental health professional? Are you one without any faults of your own?
Loserdude Posted September 27, 2006 Posted September 27, 2006 I've lost the love of my life. My soulmate. And it's my fault too. I didn't treat him right. It's been suspected that I have Borderline Personality Disorder There is no question that you will get over this and improve your life. Your message - what you wrote - indicates that you have potential and hope. Look at it this way - with your BPD you probably should not have been in any kind of relationship so it wasn't meant to be - not now anyway. Get some help. Get therapy. Make it your goal and resolve that you are going to fix yourself and be able to be in a healthy, loving relationship. You've seen the worst and now you know where you don't want to be. Maybe, just maybe (but do not count on this), someday you can proudly see him and he'll see that you're well and improved and who knows. But if not, so what. Like my father once said to me, "It's not like your looking for a thousand women, it only takes one." But don't even think right now about another relationship. It's not an option for you right now so be glad no one else will do it for you. Get yourself healthy and happy and focused on that. The rest will fall into place. Good luck!
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