GRRR I am fustrated!!!

[jgaz3124]

GRRRR I am so fustrated!!! Its been about a month and half since we broke up and I thought I was starting to finally move on ok, and then for the last week I have been waking up crying every morning and he will not leave my thoughts. And I will just be out somewhere and out of nowhere I will start to cry about it. I also got past the point of always wanting to pick up the phone and call him, but now again it seems I am battling myself everyday not to pick up that damn phone. I haven't yet at least but it is so hard. I just hope these feelings go away soon they are driving me crazy. Its just so bad because I really thought I was moving on.

[swirly27]

I'm sorry jgaz, did something new happen to trigger these emotions again?? How long were you and your ex dating? So its been a month and a half of NC or just since you've been broken up? How long have you had No Contact with him? Here is how I feel with the breakups and NC - depending on your situation and why the breakup happened, those urges to want to call and plead and reconcile need to be squashed and it sounds like you did good....then as more time goes on, you usually will have hard times again, even when you thought things were getting better - its almost phases of acceptance. You realize its probably over and you start to move in, cause you have to.....then more time goes by and you can't believe that they haven't tried to contact you either, so as more time goes by, sometimes it gets harder for awhile. Has he tried contacting you? Maybe more of your story will help us better understand the scenario better....

[jgaz3124]

Its been a month and half since we have been broken up. I went out with him for about a year. We were deeply in love but then I got to needy and gave up my life to be apart of his all the time( stupid I know) He broke up with me one when we were having a bad fight over the phone. I refused to talk to me for about a half of a week. I wrote him a letter and sent it to him and thats when he decided he would talk to me. Well everytime we would talk I got way to emotional and I think I scared him off and he didn't take my calls or anything so I decided to just give up and not contact him. The last time that he wrote me a text message was last Tuesday to tell me that he had my stuff in his car and to come and get it. I went and got my stuff but didn't write him a text back. I think he was expecting me to make a big deal like I always seem to do because after I got my stuff he wrote me and asked me if I was going to go and get it. I just responded with I quick I got it already and that is the last time that I talked to him. I am ready to move on. I still love him very deeply and I know he needs his space and to be honest so do I, but I don't know these feelings just started coming on again and I want him back but as a friend for now then see what happens. I don't want to contact him again because I always feel worse after I do and I feel like if he really wants to talk to me then he will write, after all it was him who broke up with me because he felt trapped well I love him so I will leave him alone and let him work his own life out and I need to work on my own life again. And honestly I have no clue if we will get back together I mean we both made the classic mistakes that people make who are in love. We hooked up then fell in love like a week later ( way to soon ) we were inseperable right from the start and I mean he always wanted to spend time with me also, I became jealous and insecure and he soon just wanted his space and I never gave it to him because I felt threatened by it somehow and it was just crazy like that. Now I want my own life and to do all the things that l love to do and I want to just keep moving forward but these damn feelings just keep getting in my way. LOL. So thats the story for that LOL sorry for rambling on.

[swirly27]

This happens alot and its always a shame because you both sound like very nice people. Giving him his space is the best thing you can do for him, but also for YOURSELF. Like you said, everytime you contacted him, you felt worse.....remember that feeling cause it can help you from not doing it again. It will be friggin hard at times and frustrating and it won't make sense.....but you need the time too and space and one day, it will consistently not bother you and not upset you. If there is a chance for you two ever again, its got to be after space and time - friendship could be possibly, but don't cling to that hoping it turns into something more. You need to get to the girl you were before you met him, where your life was not all about becoming a part of his - it needs to be about YOU again and what makes YOU happy. It is very easy to get wrapped up in the other person and what to cling to being with them all the time, but thats not healthy either - we all have done it a time or two though, so learn from it and you will be a stronger person because of this experience, I swear it!!

[jgaz3124]

Thanks Swirly27 I know you are right and when I am calm I can honestly look at the relationship and know what went wrong and why, not only that but I remember being really lonely when I was with him, not because he didn't give me attention but because I have let all of my other friends and stuff I liked go. Now I am working on building new friendships with people who are better for me and building up my life again. And you are right my ex was a really nice and loyal guy things just went really wrong and I guess we both got to caught up in stuff. We both have our issues that we need to work out alone now. I do hope that someday me and him can talk again and at least be friends but at this point who knows. I just want us both to be happy.

[Ruinous79]

Hey jgaz....honey I FEEL you. I really do. Less than a year ago I was in the midst of a train wreck breakup that dragged on and on for around 4 months. I, too, had fallen into that insecure needy female role in a very dysfunctional relationship with a man for nearly a year. I am an intelligent woman with a few years of experience under my belt and a healthy dose of cynicism about the opposite sex but despite signs of his growing disinterest I went against every instinct and every bit of logic just to hang onto him. I don't know this forum's regulations on recommending self help books and I don't want to seem like I'm advertising or anything but from my personal experience there were two books that really helped me come out feeling more of a whole person instead of so darn dependent. Let me know if you're interested and I'll tell you what they are.

Now...I may be off base here but it sounds to me you are caught in a very similar dysfunctional codependent dance with this dude. Of COURSE you're still thinking of him. Of COURSE you still want to talk to him. You're not even sure that it's over. There was no "it's over"....there was no closure. Just angry words followed by: "Come get your stuff". You are NOT going to be able to move on until you convince yourself there is no hope for reconciliation. I know I couldn't!!! As long as there was one iota of hope (and I mean...I was REALLY reaching for that iota toward the end) I could not give up on the disaster that was our relationship. You need to give yourself some time girl and don't be down on yourself for behaving irrationally. To quote one of my favorite writers, John Dufresne: "Love warps the mind a little." Let me know if you'd like me to suggest a couple books to get you through this mess. I hate to see someone where I once was and will do anything I can to help you through.

[jgaz3124]

Thanks for understanding, and yes I would love a recommandation on the books. : )

[Ruinous79]

I would SERIOUSLY buy, borrow, or get from the library Greg Behrendt's book "It's Called a Break Up, Because It's Broken". I know it sounds oh so corny but I'm going to tell you: If I had read it four months earlier, I'd have saved myself loads of unneccessary drama. I quit my job, even moved far away from my ex and I still couldn't get his claws out of me. My biggest problem was that he wouldn't really let me let go. The second he thought he'd lost all of my attention, he's pop back into my life and jerk me around some more. I read this book all in one night and the next day I emailed him and told me I'd had more than enough, to not contact me anymore and I haven't had contact with him since. (8 months ago) I'm not saying this book will magically make the pain stop, or make you stop caring for him but it will slap you in the face and make you say: "Gee, if this guy was really still interested, he would make the effort to let me know it. He really does NOT want to talk to me." And as harsh as it sounds, this is what you NEED right now. It will make you laugh too, which is also what you need right now. Read it and see if it helps. The other book I mentioned may not apply to your situation. Good luck!

[jgaz3124]

LOL I know what book you mean. I actually have looked it over one time at Barnes and Noble. Yeah reading those breakup books do help and they always make me feel alittle better after I read them but the pain still manages to come when I least expect it to but oh well I have been through enough breakups and had my heart broken enough times to know that it takes alot of time to really heal and move on. And I guess it is better for me to feel the pain now then stuff it away and have it come back to haunt me later on. Thanks for the recommandation I think I will go and look over that book again.