wookinpanub Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 This is so hard to put into words that can accurately convey the meaning I am trying to deliver. Please bear with me, as I have a feeling this is going to end up a rather lengthy post. My girlfriend and I have been dating since the end of our Senior year in HS. As of now, we have been together for a little over a year and a half. We go to different schools, and through our freshman year, we were able to cope and get through it (minus a 2 week break we both needed due to sheer stress and adjustment). Toward the end of the year, she and this guy started messaging each other back and forth on facebook (kinda like a myspace type thing). She had mentioned him in the past, that when she was out with friends, his name would come up, nothing major. But the way they messaged each other caused me some worry. They were very "giggly" in their posts and she invited him to stay with her, should he come to town (we come from a kind of touristy town). Also, she never posted messages like this to her other friends or anything. I said something casually, trying not to make a big deal. To make a long story short, it ended up that he did have a huge crush on her (he told me himself). She eventually told him that she doesn't like him, that she is with me, etc. They didn't speak much over the summer. At the beginning of this school year (our Sophomore year), they started speaking again. Only this time, when I said something out of concern, she basically flipped out on me. She later told me that, she had considered him a GOOD friend, that she had confided in him when we had arguments, and that she felt bad that she had, as she put it "broken his heart". Well I asked him again and he admitted that he does still like her, and I told her that, and she basically said that she doesn't care. I'm not trying to stop them from being friends, merely just asking that she use some caution with him. I later found out (a few days ago) from a mutual friend that this guy had told all of my g/f's school friends that she had broken his heart, and had done so in a way that he was sure it would get back to her. She wants me to meet him, to prove that he isn't "such a bad guy" but I don't want to. I'm not a person to resort to physical confrontation, but I'm worried i would want to punch him. Basically I feel like from the start she has kept it from me. They were such good friends, but she never mentioned beyond in passing. She told me she hadn't talked to him since she had been back to school, but I later found out from him that they had talked on atleast two occasions (atleast he is honest). She said she didn't want to tell me until "the time was right". She has never done that before. I just don't know. She says I have trust issues and crap. I have been majorly d*cked over in past relationships (ie, a girl i liked started dating me just so she could have pretense of meeting my best friend and get with him. ask if you want the complete list). I should trust her more, and I am aware of it. It's something I have been trying to work on, but it's hard with no idea of how to go about it. Despite this trust thing, which i do struggle with, I don't try to dictate her friends to her. I;m not controlling, oppresive or domineering. I didn't ask that they not be friends, just that she be cautious. I don't trust him or his motives, plain and simple. I don't know. Am I being ridiculous? Sorry this was so long. I just needed to rant/ask for some advice. Thanks!
fatty Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 Hey wook, I completely understand what you are going through and can completely relate. My ex-girlfriend and I went through a similar situation during our first 2 years of university. I had made it clear to her, that if another guy has an interest in her and she does not be cautious then do not waste my time. There is nothing wrong with you feeling the way you are. You are not bieng super jealous and constraining her from seeing her freind. You are simply stating the obvious fact. If she doesn't believe you it is because she has alot of trust in that guy and would never doubt his inocence. At the same time she could be blind by the malice of that guy. so don't worry too much ... if you trust her then leave it be and let her learn on her own. If you feel that something is fishy going on, leave her.
Cecelius Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 This is a magic part of dating a young girl. Basically, at her age, her ego is such that she requires both attention and approval from men/boys, etc. This guy is not a huge threat because he is a chump. She sucks in the ego attention he pays (him going around talking about how bad she hurt him) AND she gets to feed off of your reactions too. Basically, she has two dudes who are VERY much thinking about her -- heaven to a young lady. Now to me, girls who stick their hands into the lion's cage are not g/f material, frankly. Anyone in a real relationship knows that you need to keep non-b/f personnel in their place, and hanging around with a dude who is in love with her is surely tempting the odds that something will happen. perhaps this guy is a chump with no abilities, but as she meets older boys (whose approval she WILL seek) one of them is likely to get somewhere -- and she's opening the door. If you keep her, get yourself out of this goofy girl-talk. Act like you don't give a damn what she has to say about the other dude, encourage her to have contact with him, joke about him getting some special treatment. But act like you don't care -- she will cut this stupid girl-test stuff out. Or dump her.
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